Lies in Blood

Page 60

“Where are we going?”
“To seek the answer.”
“What was the question?”
“When you see the answer, you may remember the question.”
I followed her, walking slowly through this sacred land, both of us greeting the birds and the bugs as we passed. When we came to the border where I left my clothes, the butterfly perched itself on a tree branch.
“Why are we here, Mother?”
“Look beyond the answer to find the question, Auress. You ask yourself this many times a day, and every visit to this forest has had the one question in mind, beneath all others.”
“How will I know if I’m asking the right question to the answer you give? And what is the answer?”
“Look up, Auress. The answer is staring at you.”
“Why do you do that?” Jase asked, leaning on a tree nearby with his arms folded.
“Oh, shit.” I covered my breasts with my hands, squatting down on the spot to hide the other bits I didn’t want him to see.
Jase laughed and appeared behind me, wrapping his over-shirt around my back. “Seriously? Why do you walk naked?”
“It’s. . .” I stood up, closing the shirt across my front. “Clothes are a distraction, sort of. When I’m naked, the, I guess, “voice of Nature” comes through so clearly. It’s almost like I can hear the whispers of the universe.”
“Kind of like why the Walk of Faith was always done naked?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, folding over a bit so the shirt covered any hair I wouldn’t normally show. “It’s out of respect, really, as if to hide your true form is to be ashamed of it.”
He bit his lips together, trying not to laugh. “And now you’ve lost your clothes?”
“Shut up, Jase.” I slapped his chest.
“Relax.” He laughed, jumping back a few steps. “I’ve already seen you naked.”
We stood there then, just looking at each other, and the longer we looked, the less naked I felt. I stood a little bit taller, letting my arms fall loosely to my sides.
Jase took a jagged breath as the shirt parted slightly and showed my milky white skin in places he didn’t usually see—just a thin line down the centre of my body, revealing the bone between my breasts, my belly button, and the apex of my thighs. And he wasn’t strong and noble and wise to me then; he looked scared and young, and so adorably timid I almost laughed.
“It doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it does to you,” I said.
“What?”
“Nakedness,” I said. “It’s not sexual for me. Not out here.”
He looked around the forest, nodding. “Can’t say I feel the same way.”
I smiled. “I’m sorry. No one was supposed to be around.”
He kept the nod going, clearly suffering under his external cool. “You’re right. I am suffering.” He took a few steps away and started digging under leaves and branches. “Let’s just find your clothes.”
“Jase?”
He looked up, a little shocked that I was suddenly behind him, and closed the shirt as he stood up right in front of me.
“Don’t be nervous around me.”
“Ara, I am in love you. It might not mean anything to you to be naked right in front of my eyes,” he said with a small laugh. “But it just makes me wanna hold you, and I can’t. I know that. I know it’s not right. I—”
“You don’t have to explain, Jase.” I lay my hand over his where it tightly capped the shirt closed. “I know how you feel about me. I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
He nodded, turning away. “Like I said, let’s just find your clothes, because I’m not really sure how much longer I can control myself, Ara.”
I wet my lips, shaking my head. “You don’t need control. You have honour.”
“Honour means nothing when I just wanna slide my hand inside that shirt, all the way along your soft, naked hips, and pull you in close—hold you until all that pain I know you’re feeling goes away or, at least, doesn’t hurt so bad.”
My skin practically left my body then and jumped into his arms. I wanted that so badly, too. But more than I wanted Jase, for once, I just wanted him to be David.
“I see.” He nodded, his whole face shadowed with a frown. “I. . .”
“Jase. I’m sorry.”
“It’s never changed, Ara.” He held both hands up when I went reached for him. “And I’m okay. I’m not mad at you, or anything. I just . . . it’s never gonna change, is it? Not even now you’re free to be mine?”
I slowly moved my head from side to side.
“Yeah,” he whispered so low I almost didn’t hear. “Guess I should’ve accepted that a long time ago.”
“Jase, wait,” I called, but he turned and walked away at human pace, without looking back.
The kitchen was quiet. All the staff were having lunch below the manor, my knights were all at training, and all my friends were off doing something of value. I sat at the table in the centre of the room, tapping my fingernails against the ceramic mug to make some noise and maybe blend out the loneliness I felt today, but it didn’t work. Mike’s brownies, however, did. Well, maybe not with the loneliness—I took another bite and closed my eyes to savour the flavour—but they at least gave me a second of joy. Eating something Mike made, I guess, was like going home to visit your parents after growing up and moving out.
“So you’re going to eat your problems,” David said, leaning in the doorway.
I threw the brownie down and wiped my mouth. “I didn’t know anyone was there.”
“Clearly.” He walked in. “That’s the fourth one you’ve eaten.”
I looked at the plate. Sure enough, I’d gobbled up pretty much the whole batch. “Guess I was hungry.”
“No, you weren’t.” He moved over and stood beside me, closer than he’d been to me in days. “You’re eating your problems, and it’s showing.”
“Showing?” I looked down, following his smug stare.
“Do think I’m the only one that’s noticed how fat you’ve gotten?”
My blood ran cold. I sucked my gut in. “It’s just a little. . .”
“Disgusting.”
“I was gonna say pot.” I patted my belly. “And, can you blame me?”
His brows moved up his forehead and he scratched just beside his nose. “No, I suppose not. You never really did have any self-control.”
“I have plenty.” I stood up. “So what if I’m putting on a little weight? It’s not like I’m fat.”
The smugness swathed his face then. He folded his arms and looked me up and down. “You’re the fattest I’ve ever seen you, and I gotta say, Ara, it really doesn’t suit you.”
“That’s it,” I said through my teeth, the rage moving through my chest, taking control of my arm. He caught me before my hand impacted his face, though, and held my wrist tight, his eyes locked to mine like stony caverns.
“You ever try something like again,” he said, gliding into me. “And I will do more than just catch your hand. Do you understand me?”
“You don’t frighten me,” I said, but my voice quivered. I came to rest with my spine against the wall, my gaze gridlocked with his—hiding nothing of the fear he created in me. Once, I knew him well, knew he’d never hurt me. But now, I wasn’t really so sure.
He looked down at my hand, his eyes fixing on the lone gold band around my ring finger. “Why are you still wearing that?”
I jerked downward, trying to pull out of his grasp, but he held my hand in an iron grip and capped his fingertips around the ring, forcing it from my finger. “David, don’t.”
“You have no right to wear this.” He held it up, taking a few long strides away from me. “You lost that right the day you bedded my brother.”
“We’re still married,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “And Lilithians don’t believe in divorce. So, like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”
“Let me get one thing monumentally straight—” He stepped closer, his shoulders rounding to lower his face to mine. “I am stuck with nothing. Our bond may be by that of the law, Ara, but you are in no way my wife. You mean nothing to me nor do the promises this ring symbolises.” He held it up in a circle between his fingers. “We may not be allowed to divorce, but make no mistake, we are not, nor shall we ever be again, husband and wife. And if I see this on your finger again, I will cut it off with the blade in my scabbard.” He placed a hand to his knife for good measure. “Do I make myself clear?”
I nodded, squeaking instead of speaking.
“Right.” He rolled to stand tall again, ditching the gold band at my feet. “Now pull yourself together. We have Court in ten minutes, and unless you want to be mutilated before my eyes, on this very day, we’d better convey a united front.”
“Didn’t know you cared.”
He stopped walking, but didn’t turn around. “I don’t.”
“Since when?” I said. “Can you really just fall out of love with me that quickly?”
“Yes.”
“What about the boy I met at school?” I went to walk forward, deciding to stay put instead. “What would he think to know you felt this way? Go back, David. Remember us. Remember what we felt then. Do you really hate me so much you can’t ever forgive me—forgive that girl you fell in love with?”
Both of us stood silently then. I could see his memories flashing and fighting against reality and perception—see him picture me in my yellow dress on the driveway of my dad’s house that first day I arrived. He’d never seen anything so uniquely and perfectly matched to him and all his desires in his hundred years on this earth. He loved me then, and I felt the love surround that thought, but he cast it away quickly, smothering it with images he’d clearly stolen from Jason of the night he and I slept together, making me draw a breath.
“Yes, Ara,” he said to the floor, still not turning around.
“Yes to what?”
“Yes, love can die in an instant,” he muttered coldly, walking away. I stood motionless, horrified over what he’d seen in Jason’s thoughts. It wasn’t much, just a few stilled images, clearly stolen when Jason wasn’t in control. But it was enough to haunt David. And to haunt me.
I toed the ring then, seeing the distance from here to floor as much greater than it actually was. And for that moment, I didn’t even feel as if I had the right to pick the damn thing up. He took it from me—threw it to the ground like it was nothing. Because it was nothing, I guess. He was right. All the promises we made gave that ring life, and without them, it was just a plain gold band. It meant nothing.