Lies My Girlfriend Told Me
Page 12
Did Swanee ever really love me, or was it all just a sham?
I text Liana:
I found your ring. Maybe you can return it for a refund
She doesn’t text back, so I curl into a ball on my bed and cover my head with my pillow. I wish I could stop thinking, stop feeling, just… stop. My phone rings and it’s a text from Liana:
Thanks! Sorry, I didn’t get your message earlier. We were in the semis for girls’ basketball so we went to cheer at their game. And yeah, I do want it back
I text:
Do you want me to mail it?
NO!!! I didn’t tell my mom and dad we were engaged
Engaged. I still can’t believe it was real, even with the ring as proof. Does Liana believe it was? Why would Swanee hook up with me if she loved Liana enough to marry her?
Liana texts:
She probably planned to pawn the ring and keep the money
To add to the fortune under her mattress, I think.
Liana texts:
You okay?
Me? No. I hurt. My heart aches. I want to hate Swanee for duping me and Liana, but I can’t seem to get there. My love for Swanee was real, and still is.
Liana texts again:
Alix, you there?
I text back:
Yeah, just working through some things
She texts:
Me too. I can’t stop crying. One minute I’m sad, then mad, then confused and empty. I could go on
She doesn’t have to.
She texts:
We won our game, yay, so I’ll be cheering on Wed at the Denver Coliseum. Is Arvada playing?
I text:
Doubtful. We suck at everything but track
She texts:
Do you want to meet after the game? Maybe talking it out will help
My heart does a little flutter, even though I know she’s probably just interested in getting her ring back.
Sure
She texts:
Since you don’t have a car, why don’t I just come to your house to pick you up? Unless you’re not out to your parents and they might ask questions
I text:
No, they know I’m a lesbian. That’s not a problem. What time?
It’s a late game so it won’t end until 10 or 10:30
Breaking curfew is a problem. If only my parents were more lenient, like… forget that.
I text:
See you then
Dad and Mom are both up, dressed for work, hustling to eat breakfast and feed Ethan before he goes off to day care.
“Can I help?” I ask.
They both gawk at me.
Mom says, “You can feed Ethan so I can finish my breakfast and get dressed.”
I don’t quite have the hang of scooping food into Ethan’s mouth without losing most of it down his front, but eventually we get this rhythm going where he opens, I shovel, and then I wait for him to swallow before offering the next bite. The whole time he whimpers, like he can barely endure the torture of me doing this.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say to Mom and Dad.
“Uh-oh,” Dad says. “I knew there was a catch. How much?”
I mock sneer at him. “I’d like to go out tomorrow night. Kind of late. After the girls’ basketball finals downtown.”
Dad arches his eyebrows. “Arvada’s in the finals?”
“That’d be a miracle,” I say. “The game won’t end until around ten, so I might miss my curfew. Unless it’s extended? Please, please, pretty please?”
Dad removes his waffle from the toaster. “Who are you going with if Arvada isn’t playing?”
Well, it can’t be Betheny, can it? “Someone,” I say.
“Clears that up,” Dad goes. “Do we know him?”
I just look at Dad. My pause in our feeding rhythm makes Ethan spit at me. I swear he did it on purpose.
Dad corrects himself. “Her, I mean.”
I shake my head.
Dad eyes Mom across the table, and she says, “We’d like to meet her.”
“We’re not dating,” I tell them. “She’s just a friend.”
Mom takes her plate to the dishwasher. “We still like to know your friends.”
A fast hi and bye, I think. “So can I go?”
They don’t answer. They’re going to say no. Why did I decide to go the noble route? I could’ve just snuck out and they never would’ve known.
Mom says, “It’s a school night.”
“I know that.”
Ethan’s getting squirmy and his face is turning red, like he’s ready to explode.
Dad asks, “Where are you going?”
For God’s sake. “I don’t know. We’re taking a private jet to the Bahamas.”
“Nice,” Dad says. “Can I come?”
Could this be more lame? I open my mouth to tell them to just forget it, but Ethan lets out a shriek. He smashes his tray, propelling his dish into the air, where it flips and lands right on top of my head. A beat passes, and then Mom and Dad burst into laughter.
Oh, yeah. It’s so funny.
Now I’ll have to shower again and change clothes. I scoot back my chair and stand.
“Just for that,” Dad says, “I think we should let her go.”
What? I search out Mom. She’s holding her stomach at the sink, gasping for air while she laughs.
Dad says to me, “The bell tolls at midnight. After that you turn into a pumpkin.”
I almost say “pauper,” but now’s not the time to quibble about fairy tales.
Chapter 14
I feel giddy. Alive. I can’t wait for ten o’clock. It’s crazy, really. Liana is—was—my rival. I should despise her. But all I feel is excited to see her again, and now I’m wondering if Mom was right about me needing to get professional help.
After dinner, I lay out every conceivable outfit I own. No one’s bought me a new wardrobe since the last time I tried on clothes. I look frumpy in jeans and a long sweater, nerdy in the button-down cardigan Mom got me for Christmas. I try on the merry widow and stand in front of my mirror. A little black eye shadow and I could pass for a hooker on the prowl. This is seriously demented. I shimmy into my skinny jeans and a long-sleeved top. The jeans are looser than they used to be. I don’t have to suck in my gut to button them.
My cell rings.
“I can’t come,” Liana says.
My spirits sink.
“Can we make it another time?” she asks.
A small air bubble of hope rises. “Sure.”
“It’s just that all the games are starting late, and Dad wants me to follow the team bus back home.”
“You don’t have to explain,” I say. But I’m glad it’s not because she made plans with someone else. Which is none of my business anyway.
“I’m really sorry.”
She sounds sincere.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
Seriously?
She pauses. “Do you like the ring?”
“I…” almost say I haven’t looked at it. But of course I have. It’s gorgeous. I’d die if anyone ever gave me something so beautiful and meaningful. “I haven’t put it on,” I tell her.
“Just testing,” she says with a smile in her voice.
I think I passed. I hope I did.
She adds, “I’m free after Mass on Sunday. Is that good for you?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. All I’m doing here is wasting away, physically and emotionally.
“Around eleven?”
It can’t be soon enough.
On Sunday morning, I keep peeking out the living room curtains, waiting for her to arrive. Dad says, “Expecting someone?”
I don’t want to tell him because he and Mom weren’t too happy about her standing me up the other night. Not that she did. Like I told them, we’re not dating.
The Jetta comes into view and, as she pulls to the curb, I sprint out the door.
She rolls down her window and I hand her the ring box. She tosses it into her glove compartment.
“Don’t you want to make sure it’s in there?” I say.
“I never want to see that f**king ring again. Sorry, God.” She makes the sign of the cross. “Anyway, I trust you.”
A pang of guilt stabs me where it hurts. She has no reason to trust me—especially if she knew about the texts.
She asks, “Do you want to go somewhere to eat? I saw a Chipotle on the way here, and I’m starving.”
I’m suddenly starving, too. From the doorway, I hear, “Alix?”
It’s Dad. “Would you mind meeting my dad?” I ask Liana. “Tell him we’re taking your private jet to lunch in Paris.”
She furrows her brow.
“Just say hi.”
She gets out and accompanies me up the sidewalk.
On the porch I say in a rush, “ThisisLiana. Liana, Dad.”
She extends her hand to shake. “Hi,” she says.
Dad asks, “How do you know Alix?”
Oh, God, no. Liana looks at me and I save her. “It’s a long story. We’re going out. Be back in a while.”
I could kick myself. “Going out” sounds a whole lot like a date.
Liana smiles at Dad. “Nice to meet you.”
I sense Dad wants to say more, but I hurry Liana away.
We order two humongous burritos and find a table near the window without nearby neighbors who can hear every word we say. Not that we’re speaking. We’re both slamming down food like there’s no tomorrow. Which, in our world, seems imminently possible.
I like that she’s not self-conscious about pigging out. Swanee was a picky eater. She had to disassemble everything and remove what she didn’t like.
Liana and I sip from our straws in unison, and swallow. I wonder who’ll break the ice. Although it feels perfectly natural to sit here in silence and chow down.
“Where’d you find the ring?” she finally asks.
“In her room. In one of her trophies.”
Liana rips off another bite of burrito between her teeth.
“You know how I told you Jewell and Asher were cool parents? I take it back. They’re psycho.” I tell Liana about what Jewell said to me, and how she encouraged Swan to basically sleep around.
Liana’s eyes shoot flames and she shakes her head. “It doesn’t excuse her behavior.”
“No, I know. But maybe it explains it a little. Poor Joss.” I take a bite of my burrito.
“What about Joss? She’s going down with her for texting me.”
Now would be the perfect time to tell Liana the truth, and I open my mouth to do it, but the words stick in my throat. Still, it isn’t fair for her to hate Joss. “I think Joss is the most normal one of the bunch.”
Liana scrunches up her nose. “How do you figure?”
“She’s just trying to get attention,” I say. “Plus, she did anything Swan told her to. Did you know about the porn?”
Liana’s eyes grow wide. “The what?”
I tell Liana the story.
“The only thing I heard about was the na**d text. Swan dared her to do that, too.”
My jaw drops. That photo went viral and totally ruined Joss’s rep.
“She didn’t have to do any of those things, though,” Liana says. “It was her decision. The same way it was to let me keep believing Swan was alive. That really was unconscionable.”
I fill my mouth with burrito.
Liana’s gaze drifts out the window. “Swan could be romantic, and sweet. Like, on my birthday I got out of school to find my car stuffed full of balloons. She’d soaped my windows with ‘I heart you.’ ” Liana’s lips curl up slightly.
I remember the time, about a week after Swanee and I met, that I found my locker covered with glittery heart stickers. The principal wasn’t so happy about her defacing school property. Swanee did help me scrape them all off, though. Then, a few days later, my locker was covered with rainbow stickers.
Liana says, “She’d call late at night and we’d talk for hours and hours. She made me feel like I was the only person in the world. I’d keep trying to hang up, but she’d say, ‘Just one more minute.’ Which turned into an hour. It was fun, but I was so wasted the next day.” Liana stops and lowers her head. “Sorry.”
She’d do that with me, too. Tell me how much she loved me and how lucky she was that coincidence had brought us together.
Liana sighs. “We lost our last game Friday. In OT.”
That jolts me back to the present. “Do you like being a cheerleader?”
“Yeah, I do. I’m already planning to try out for the squad at CU. Swan and I were going to get an apartment together in Boulder.”
I choke.
“What?”
Now is not the time to tell Liana that Swan signed a letter of intent to go to Arizona State. “I’d like to see you cheer sometime.”
“Why?”
“Because I bet you’re really good.”
She shrugs. “We placed third in Spirit Squad competition this year.”
“Wow.”
“It’s not first.”
She’s driven, the way Swanee was about her running. “My friend Betheny is a cheerleader. Well, ex-friend.”
She picks up on that. “What happened?”
“Guess.”
Liana’s eyes fix on me. “Swan was definitely the jealous type.”
To the point of me sacrificing all my relationships.
“Were you and Betheny…?”
“No. Just friends.” Good friends. Best friends.
“Swan was always suspicious of my friends, too.” Liana dabs at a smear of sour cream on her mouth with a napkin. “She hated how much time I had to spend with the squad. Like it was one big orgy.” She rolls her eyes.
I text Liana:
I found your ring. Maybe you can return it for a refund
She doesn’t text back, so I curl into a ball on my bed and cover my head with my pillow. I wish I could stop thinking, stop feeling, just… stop. My phone rings and it’s a text from Liana:
Thanks! Sorry, I didn’t get your message earlier. We were in the semis for girls’ basketball so we went to cheer at their game. And yeah, I do want it back
I text:
Do you want me to mail it?
NO!!! I didn’t tell my mom and dad we were engaged
Engaged. I still can’t believe it was real, even with the ring as proof. Does Liana believe it was? Why would Swanee hook up with me if she loved Liana enough to marry her?
Liana texts:
She probably planned to pawn the ring and keep the money
To add to the fortune under her mattress, I think.
Liana texts:
You okay?
Me? No. I hurt. My heart aches. I want to hate Swanee for duping me and Liana, but I can’t seem to get there. My love for Swanee was real, and still is.
Liana texts again:
Alix, you there?
I text back:
Yeah, just working through some things
She texts:
Me too. I can’t stop crying. One minute I’m sad, then mad, then confused and empty. I could go on
She doesn’t have to.
She texts:
We won our game, yay, so I’ll be cheering on Wed at the Denver Coliseum. Is Arvada playing?
I text:
Doubtful. We suck at everything but track
She texts:
Do you want to meet after the game? Maybe talking it out will help
My heart does a little flutter, even though I know she’s probably just interested in getting her ring back.
Sure
She texts:
Since you don’t have a car, why don’t I just come to your house to pick you up? Unless you’re not out to your parents and they might ask questions
I text:
No, they know I’m a lesbian. That’s not a problem. What time?
It’s a late game so it won’t end until 10 or 10:30
Breaking curfew is a problem. If only my parents were more lenient, like… forget that.
I text:
See you then
Dad and Mom are both up, dressed for work, hustling to eat breakfast and feed Ethan before he goes off to day care.
“Can I help?” I ask.
They both gawk at me.
Mom says, “You can feed Ethan so I can finish my breakfast and get dressed.”
I don’t quite have the hang of scooping food into Ethan’s mouth without losing most of it down his front, but eventually we get this rhythm going where he opens, I shovel, and then I wait for him to swallow before offering the next bite. The whole time he whimpers, like he can barely endure the torture of me doing this.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say to Mom and Dad.
“Uh-oh,” Dad says. “I knew there was a catch. How much?”
I mock sneer at him. “I’d like to go out tomorrow night. Kind of late. After the girls’ basketball finals downtown.”
Dad arches his eyebrows. “Arvada’s in the finals?”
“That’d be a miracle,” I say. “The game won’t end until around ten, so I might miss my curfew. Unless it’s extended? Please, please, pretty please?”
Dad removes his waffle from the toaster. “Who are you going with if Arvada isn’t playing?”
Well, it can’t be Betheny, can it? “Someone,” I say.
“Clears that up,” Dad goes. “Do we know him?”
I just look at Dad. My pause in our feeding rhythm makes Ethan spit at me. I swear he did it on purpose.
Dad corrects himself. “Her, I mean.”
I shake my head.
Dad eyes Mom across the table, and she says, “We’d like to meet her.”
“We’re not dating,” I tell them. “She’s just a friend.”
Mom takes her plate to the dishwasher. “We still like to know your friends.”
A fast hi and bye, I think. “So can I go?”
They don’t answer. They’re going to say no. Why did I decide to go the noble route? I could’ve just snuck out and they never would’ve known.
Mom says, “It’s a school night.”
“I know that.”
Ethan’s getting squirmy and his face is turning red, like he’s ready to explode.
Dad asks, “Where are you going?”
For God’s sake. “I don’t know. We’re taking a private jet to the Bahamas.”
“Nice,” Dad says. “Can I come?”
Could this be more lame? I open my mouth to tell them to just forget it, but Ethan lets out a shriek. He smashes his tray, propelling his dish into the air, where it flips and lands right on top of my head. A beat passes, and then Mom and Dad burst into laughter.
Oh, yeah. It’s so funny.
Now I’ll have to shower again and change clothes. I scoot back my chair and stand.
“Just for that,” Dad says, “I think we should let her go.”
What? I search out Mom. She’s holding her stomach at the sink, gasping for air while she laughs.
Dad says to me, “The bell tolls at midnight. After that you turn into a pumpkin.”
I almost say “pauper,” but now’s not the time to quibble about fairy tales.
Chapter 14
I feel giddy. Alive. I can’t wait for ten o’clock. It’s crazy, really. Liana is—was—my rival. I should despise her. But all I feel is excited to see her again, and now I’m wondering if Mom was right about me needing to get professional help.
After dinner, I lay out every conceivable outfit I own. No one’s bought me a new wardrobe since the last time I tried on clothes. I look frumpy in jeans and a long sweater, nerdy in the button-down cardigan Mom got me for Christmas. I try on the merry widow and stand in front of my mirror. A little black eye shadow and I could pass for a hooker on the prowl. This is seriously demented. I shimmy into my skinny jeans and a long-sleeved top. The jeans are looser than they used to be. I don’t have to suck in my gut to button them.
My cell rings.
“I can’t come,” Liana says.
My spirits sink.
“Can we make it another time?” she asks.
A small air bubble of hope rises. “Sure.”
“It’s just that all the games are starting late, and Dad wants me to follow the team bus back home.”
“You don’t have to explain,” I say. But I’m glad it’s not because she made plans with someone else. Which is none of my business anyway.
“I’m really sorry.”
She sounds sincere.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
Seriously?
She pauses. “Do you like the ring?”
“I…” almost say I haven’t looked at it. But of course I have. It’s gorgeous. I’d die if anyone ever gave me something so beautiful and meaningful. “I haven’t put it on,” I tell her.
“Just testing,” she says with a smile in her voice.
I think I passed. I hope I did.
She adds, “I’m free after Mass on Sunday. Is that good for you?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. All I’m doing here is wasting away, physically and emotionally.
“Around eleven?”
It can’t be soon enough.
On Sunday morning, I keep peeking out the living room curtains, waiting for her to arrive. Dad says, “Expecting someone?”
I don’t want to tell him because he and Mom weren’t too happy about her standing me up the other night. Not that she did. Like I told them, we’re not dating.
The Jetta comes into view and, as she pulls to the curb, I sprint out the door.
She rolls down her window and I hand her the ring box. She tosses it into her glove compartment.
“Don’t you want to make sure it’s in there?” I say.
“I never want to see that f**king ring again. Sorry, God.” She makes the sign of the cross. “Anyway, I trust you.”
A pang of guilt stabs me where it hurts. She has no reason to trust me—especially if she knew about the texts.
She asks, “Do you want to go somewhere to eat? I saw a Chipotle on the way here, and I’m starving.”
I’m suddenly starving, too. From the doorway, I hear, “Alix?”
It’s Dad. “Would you mind meeting my dad?” I ask Liana. “Tell him we’re taking your private jet to lunch in Paris.”
She furrows her brow.
“Just say hi.”
She gets out and accompanies me up the sidewalk.
On the porch I say in a rush, “ThisisLiana. Liana, Dad.”
She extends her hand to shake. “Hi,” she says.
Dad asks, “How do you know Alix?”
Oh, God, no. Liana looks at me and I save her. “It’s a long story. We’re going out. Be back in a while.”
I could kick myself. “Going out” sounds a whole lot like a date.
Liana smiles at Dad. “Nice to meet you.”
I sense Dad wants to say more, but I hurry Liana away.
We order two humongous burritos and find a table near the window without nearby neighbors who can hear every word we say. Not that we’re speaking. We’re both slamming down food like there’s no tomorrow. Which, in our world, seems imminently possible.
I like that she’s not self-conscious about pigging out. Swanee was a picky eater. She had to disassemble everything and remove what she didn’t like.
Liana and I sip from our straws in unison, and swallow. I wonder who’ll break the ice. Although it feels perfectly natural to sit here in silence and chow down.
“Where’d you find the ring?” she finally asks.
“In her room. In one of her trophies.”
Liana rips off another bite of burrito between her teeth.
“You know how I told you Jewell and Asher were cool parents? I take it back. They’re psycho.” I tell Liana about what Jewell said to me, and how she encouraged Swan to basically sleep around.
Liana’s eyes shoot flames and she shakes her head. “It doesn’t excuse her behavior.”
“No, I know. But maybe it explains it a little. Poor Joss.” I take a bite of my burrito.
“What about Joss? She’s going down with her for texting me.”
Now would be the perfect time to tell Liana the truth, and I open my mouth to do it, but the words stick in my throat. Still, it isn’t fair for her to hate Joss. “I think Joss is the most normal one of the bunch.”
Liana scrunches up her nose. “How do you figure?”
“She’s just trying to get attention,” I say. “Plus, she did anything Swan told her to. Did you know about the porn?”
Liana’s eyes grow wide. “The what?”
I tell Liana the story.
“The only thing I heard about was the na**d text. Swan dared her to do that, too.”
My jaw drops. That photo went viral and totally ruined Joss’s rep.
“She didn’t have to do any of those things, though,” Liana says. “It was her decision. The same way it was to let me keep believing Swan was alive. That really was unconscionable.”
I fill my mouth with burrito.
Liana’s gaze drifts out the window. “Swan could be romantic, and sweet. Like, on my birthday I got out of school to find my car stuffed full of balloons. She’d soaped my windows with ‘I heart you.’ ” Liana’s lips curl up slightly.
I remember the time, about a week after Swanee and I met, that I found my locker covered with glittery heart stickers. The principal wasn’t so happy about her defacing school property. Swanee did help me scrape them all off, though. Then, a few days later, my locker was covered with rainbow stickers.
Liana says, “She’d call late at night and we’d talk for hours and hours. She made me feel like I was the only person in the world. I’d keep trying to hang up, but she’d say, ‘Just one more minute.’ Which turned into an hour. It was fun, but I was so wasted the next day.” Liana stops and lowers her head. “Sorry.”
She’d do that with me, too. Tell me how much she loved me and how lucky she was that coincidence had brought us together.
Liana sighs. “We lost our last game Friday. In OT.”
That jolts me back to the present. “Do you like being a cheerleader?”
“Yeah, I do. I’m already planning to try out for the squad at CU. Swan and I were going to get an apartment together in Boulder.”
I choke.
“What?”
Now is not the time to tell Liana that Swan signed a letter of intent to go to Arizona State. “I’d like to see you cheer sometime.”
“Why?”
“Because I bet you’re really good.”
She shrugs. “We placed third in Spirit Squad competition this year.”
“Wow.”
“It’s not first.”
She’s driven, the way Swanee was about her running. “My friend Betheny is a cheerleader. Well, ex-friend.”
She picks up on that. “What happened?”
“Guess.”
Liana’s eyes fix on me. “Swan was definitely the jealous type.”
To the point of me sacrificing all my relationships.
“Were you and Betheny…?”
“No. Just friends.” Good friends. Best friends.
“Swan was always suspicious of my friends, too.” Liana dabs at a smear of sour cream on her mouth with a napkin. “She hated how much time I had to spend with the squad. Like it was one big orgy.” She rolls her eyes.
