Life After Theft
Page 62
“Hello?” Sera said, waving a hand in front of her face.
My eyes snapped back down to her and I groaned. I’d wanted a day like this forever and I just couldn’t enjoy it. “I’m sorry,” I said. “This is great and you’re awesome and I’ve wanted to be alone like this for ages, and I’m just so—”
“Distracted?” Sera offered.
I nodded glumly.
Sera settled herself beside me. “Me too,” she said quietly. “I’ve been planning this since I found out last week that both my parents were leaving,” she said, looking up at me from underneath her eyelashes. “I wanted . . . I wanted this to be really special. But things are kind of weird in my life, and you’re obviously stressed about something and . . . well, I should probably stop trying to force it.”
“It’s okay,” I said, slinging an arm around her. She curled herself against me. I knew I should probably keep quiet, but I wanted to tell someone. “I’ve been working on a big problem that I thought I finally fixed, but it turns out I was wrong. I’m back at square one.” But rather than making me feel better, saying the words out loud made the hopelessness of the situation seem suddenly overwhelming. If anything, I was worse off than when I first met Kimberlee. At least at that point we thought we knew what to do. Now we had nothing.
“Care to share?” Sera asked quietly.
I wanted to. I wanted to so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. “It’s really complicated,” I said, stalling. “How about this?” I suggested, leaning to kiss her forehead. “When I figure it out, I’ll tell you.” And hopefully by that time, you’ll have forgotten all about it.
“Fair enough.”
I was silent for a moment, then it was my turn to press. “What about you?” I asked. “You’ve been pretty distracted yourself.”
I felt her whole body stiffen against me.
“Hey,” I said, in my most gentle voice, hoping that being nonconfrontational might encourage her to confide in me. I hesitated, then decided to confess what I knew. “Listen, I saw you get called into Hennigan’s office again on Friday. And you don’t have to tell me what happened, but you don’t have to lie, either.” Please just don’t lie.
She sat up, her jaw clenched. “It’s no big deal,” she said, scooting herself off the couch.
“It is a big deal,” I said, following her. “It’s a big deal because it upsets you so much. I don’t like things upsetting you like this. Especially not Mr. Loser-Hennigan.”
“He’s not a loser; he’s a snake,” Sera retorted so sharply I backed away a little. “He’s a sneaky, blackmailing snake and I hate him!” The flare of anger settled into a bitter cold as she paced. “Not that it’s really his fault. I’m not going to fall in the trap like everybody else in the school. Just being all happy about all this stuff coming back,” she said in a singsong voice, “and not realizing that they shouldn’t be happy. They should be pissed at the person who started everything. Everything is her fault. Hennigan, the stupid returns, everything. I swear, I am never going to be free of Kimberlee Schaffer.”
At the mention of Kimberlee’s name I sat up and swore under my breath.
“What?” Sera said, looking at me in a way that made me glad I didn’t have a mirror.
“Why . . . how . . . I don’t . . .” I paused and tried to collect my thoughts. “Why do you hate her so much? Why can’t you just move on and let this go? You don’t know what kind of life she had. Maybe she had problems, Sera.”
“Everyone does; that doesn’t mean they treat the world like shit.”
“Maybe her problems were that big.” Big enough to contemplate suicide and then to keep her here as a ghost.
“And maybe it doesn’t matter. Some things aren’t justifiable, Jeff.”
“I’m not trying to justify anything. But sometimes there’s more to people than you think.” Who was I lecturing now? I felt like this was what I needed to hear, not Sera.
“And you know this why? She was dead by the time you moved here.”
“But I—” I paused and chose my words carefully. “I’ve been hearing a lot of stories. It sounds like she was really messed up—like she had problems and no one bothered to understand.”
“Well, she didn’t make it very easy.”
“It sounds that way. But she’s gone now. Wouldn’t it be healthier for you to let her go? She’s dead. Isn’t it bad to speak ill of the dead?”
“What do you care? You don’t even believe in an afterlife.”
“I care because I care about you!” When had I started yelling?
“And she was awful to me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Maybe it would mean more if you would just tell me what’s going on!”
Sera was yelling back now. “No offense but you’ve known me for, what, a month? Boyfriend or not, maybe I’m not ready to spill my life story, okay?”
Why was I demanding Sera level with me even though I hadn’t been honest with her? But I couldn’t seem to stop. After the way Kimberlee had fallen apart when she didn’t move on, I felt like I had to stand up for her. “She stole your stupid shoes and skirt. I can’t believe you’re still holding a grudge over that!”
My eyes snapped back down to her and I groaned. I’d wanted a day like this forever and I just couldn’t enjoy it. “I’m sorry,” I said. “This is great and you’re awesome and I’ve wanted to be alone like this for ages, and I’m just so—”
“Distracted?” Sera offered.
I nodded glumly.
Sera settled herself beside me. “Me too,” she said quietly. “I’ve been planning this since I found out last week that both my parents were leaving,” she said, looking up at me from underneath her eyelashes. “I wanted . . . I wanted this to be really special. But things are kind of weird in my life, and you’re obviously stressed about something and . . . well, I should probably stop trying to force it.”
“It’s okay,” I said, slinging an arm around her. She curled herself against me. I knew I should probably keep quiet, but I wanted to tell someone. “I’ve been working on a big problem that I thought I finally fixed, but it turns out I was wrong. I’m back at square one.” But rather than making me feel better, saying the words out loud made the hopelessness of the situation seem suddenly overwhelming. If anything, I was worse off than when I first met Kimberlee. At least at that point we thought we knew what to do. Now we had nothing.
“Care to share?” Sera asked quietly.
I wanted to. I wanted to so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. “It’s really complicated,” I said, stalling. “How about this?” I suggested, leaning to kiss her forehead. “When I figure it out, I’ll tell you.” And hopefully by that time, you’ll have forgotten all about it.
“Fair enough.”
I was silent for a moment, then it was my turn to press. “What about you?” I asked. “You’ve been pretty distracted yourself.”
I felt her whole body stiffen against me.
“Hey,” I said, in my most gentle voice, hoping that being nonconfrontational might encourage her to confide in me. I hesitated, then decided to confess what I knew. “Listen, I saw you get called into Hennigan’s office again on Friday. And you don’t have to tell me what happened, but you don’t have to lie, either.” Please just don’t lie.
She sat up, her jaw clenched. “It’s no big deal,” she said, scooting herself off the couch.
“It is a big deal,” I said, following her. “It’s a big deal because it upsets you so much. I don’t like things upsetting you like this. Especially not Mr. Loser-Hennigan.”
“He’s not a loser; he’s a snake,” Sera retorted so sharply I backed away a little. “He’s a sneaky, blackmailing snake and I hate him!” The flare of anger settled into a bitter cold as she paced. “Not that it’s really his fault. I’m not going to fall in the trap like everybody else in the school. Just being all happy about all this stuff coming back,” she said in a singsong voice, “and not realizing that they shouldn’t be happy. They should be pissed at the person who started everything. Everything is her fault. Hennigan, the stupid returns, everything. I swear, I am never going to be free of Kimberlee Schaffer.”
At the mention of Kimberlee’s name I sat up and swore under my breath.
“What?” Sera said, looking at me in a way that made me glad I didn’t have a mirror.
“Why . . . how . . . I don’t . . .” I paused and tried to collect my thoughts. “Why do you hate her so much? Why can’t you just move on and let this go? You don’t know what kind of life she had. Maybe she had problems, Sera.”
“Everyone does; that doesn’t mean they treat the world like shit.”
“Maybe her problems were that big.” Big enough to contemplate suicide and then to keep her here as a ghost.
“And maybe it doesn’t matter. Some things aren’t justifiable, Jeff.”
“I’m not trying to justify anything. But sometimes there’s more to people than you think.” Who was I lecturing now? I felt like this was what I needed to hear, not Sera.
“And you know this why? She was dead by the time you moved here.”
“But I—” I paused and chose my words carefully. “I’ve been hearing a lot of stories. It sounds like she was really messed up—like she had problems and no one bothered to understand.”
“Well, she didn’t make it very easy.”
“It sounds that way. But she’s gone now. Wouldn’t it be healthier for you to let her go? She’s dead. Isn’t it bad to speak ill of the dead?”
“What do you care? You don’t even believe in an afterlife.”
“I care because I care about you!” When had I started yelling?
“And she was awful to me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“Maybe it would mean more if you would just tell me what’s going on!”
Sera was yelling back now. “No offense but you’ve known me for, what, a month? Boyfriend or not, maybe I’m not ready to spill my life story, okay?”
Why was I demanding Sera level with me even though I hadn’t been honest with her? But I couldn’t seem to stop. After the way Kimberlee had fallen apart when she didn’t move on, I felt like I had to stand up for her. “She stole your stupid shoes and skirt. I can’t believe you’re still holding a grudge over that!”
