Life Eternal
Page 18
Zinya unfolded the third square of paper and flattened it on the table. “Future.”
The pattern was divided in half by a winding line. One side was completely white; the other was a mess of red dots that were smeared and splattered like blood. When Zinya saw it, her face grew pinched. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
Finally, I cut in. “What is it?” I said, my voice frantic. “What does it say?”
“In your dreams, you are searching for something,” she said, following the line traveling down the middle of the page. “If you follow, will end in death.” She covered the clean half of the paper. “And life,” she said, removing her hand.
My eyes darted across the two halves of the paper. “Death and life? It can’t be both. Which one is it? Which one will it end in?”
She pointed to the bottom of the page, where the trail forked off to either side. “This is what is written.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” I said, my chair scraping the floor as I collapsed back, frustrated. “Should I follow the visions or not?”
“Depends if you want to find what they lead to.”
“What do you mean? What do they lead to?”
“Wiping her hands on her apron, she hoisted herself up. “The answer to your soul.”
I must have looked spooked when we left, because after Anya came out from her reading with Zinya, she stared at me for a long time before leading me outside in silence. “What did she say to you?” she said finally. We were walking back to school, down a brick street lined with tiny storefronts.
“She knew things that no one could have known,” I said, speaking to myself more than to Anya. “She knew about Miss LaBarge.”
“I told you she was the real thing.”
“She knew about my vision,” I murmured to myself. “About the shovel.”
Anya gave me a puzzled look. “What shovel?”
I barely even registered her question. “She said my visions were in the present. Which means I’m not seeing the future.”
“I knew it. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“She said that if I follow them, I’ll find life and death.”
Anya froze. “You might die?” she said, so loud that a couple walking in front of us turned around.
“Shh!” I said, though I wasn’t sure who I was worried would hear me. Down the street was a quiet café. “Come on,” I said, and pulled her behind me.
Inside it was warm and comfortably vacant, save for a few crouched men reading newspapers to the sound of grinding coffee. At the counter, I ordered a large tea and sat at a table in the back corner while Anya picked out a plate of biscotti.
“So you might die?” Anya repeated, after sitting down across from me.
“Zinya said I would meet both life and death. But that the visions will lead to the answer to my soul.”
“What does that mean?”
Dante, I thought, my heart skipping as it came to life. She must have meant that the visions will lead to an answer for me and Dante to be together. But did she mean that one of us would meet life and the other, death? “I don’t know. Do you think she meant the life and death part literally? That I would die and live?”
“She’s a peasant. Everything is literal with her.”
I traced the rim of my saucer, thinking about the visions. Something within me screamed, Follow them! It was the only thing that made sense: to see where they led me. Otherwise, I would never know. But what if Dante was right? What if they were dangerous?
“Who’s Dante?” Anya asked, disrupting my thoughts.
“What?”
She broke a piece of biscotti in half, the crumbs sticking to the side of her mouth as she nibbled on an end. “You just said, ‘What if Dante was right?’”
I frowned. I hadn’t realized I was speaking out loud.
Anya licked the tips of her fingers. “Is he your boyfriend?”
“I—um—no, just friends,” I said, worried that if word got back to my grandfather or any of the Monitors that Dante and I were still together, they would bury him.
“I like that name,” she said.
“What do you know about the Royal Victoria Hospital?” I asked, trying to direct the conversation back to Zinya.
“Dante,” Anya said, letting his name roll off her tongue. “Where do I know that name from?”
I coughed, choking on my tea, when I realized that she probably knew his name from hearing rumors about what happened last spring at Gottfried.
Anya stopped chewing. “Oh my god. That’s who you’re dating?”
I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “I—um—no.”
“It’s true,” she said in awe. “You still see him. But how? It’s so dangerous here.” When I didn’t say anything, Anya moved her chair closer. “Are the rumors true? Did he really plot to kill the headmistress?”
Worried my expression would betray my thoughts, I looked down at my biscotti, which I had broken up into crumbs. I hadn’t told anyone what had really happened that night last spring. I’d always liked having secrets, the kind I told my best friends under the covers with a flashlight. It was like I was spilling a part of myself into them, and forever after we were connected. I now understood that real secrets were lonely. They planted themselves inside of you and expanded, until you felt like that was all you were—a lonely little secret, isolated in your experiences. “He didn’t kill the headmistress, but other than that, I can’t talk about it,” I said. “I wish I could.”
Anya studied me as if reading the true answer on my face, and then sank back in her chair. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thanks,” I said softly, watching the steam rise from my mug.
Anya paused for a moment and then clasped her hands on the table. “So what about your visions, then? Should we figure out a way to follow them?”
“I have to think about it,” I said. Dante’s voice echoed in my head, asking me to promise not to endanger myself. “What if it’s exactly the opposite, and the dreams are actually a warning? What if I’m seeing them to tell me what I should be avoiding?”
Anya rolled her eyes as she put on her coat. “You dreamed of a bed in the Royal Victoria Hospital. What could be a safer place than that?”
She had a point. As we stepped out into the street, I turned to her. “Wait. I never even asked what Zinya told you.”
Anya hesitated, and then began fidgeting with a tassel on her purse. “It’s bad luck to tell someone else your fortune.”
“But you didn’t say anything about that when I told you mine—” I started to say, but Anya cut me off.
“I’m not telling you, Renée. It’s bad luck.” She pushed a red wisp of hair away from her face. “Maybe later I’ll change my mind.”
We didn’t make it to the hospital for another week. As classes picked up, Anya and I were too busy with schoolwork to plan anything, and we decided to postpone our trip till the weekend. In the meantime, I waited, keeping my window open each evening, but the days and nights passed without a sign of Dante.
Before class on Monday I traced my finger around the perimeter of the mark on my back, twisting in front of the mirror to study the way its edges grew pink after a hot shower. I liked to know it was still there, to be reminded that a part of Dante was within me. After getting dressed, I walked two blocks away from campus to the dépanneur, a convenience store, where I picked up a copy of the daily newspaper and scoured the pages, searching for deaths, disappearances, mysterious sightings—anything that might have to do with the Undead. And even though I knew that if Dante had been discovered and buried by the Monitors, it wouldn’t be in any newspaper, it made me feel better just to look.
A boy held the door for me when I got to Latin. “Thanks,” I murmured, barely looking at him as I took a seat at the far end of the table. Just as I shoved the paper beneath the table, leaving it open to the obituaries so I could read when the professor wasn’t looking, I heard a voice behind me.
“Any news from the outside?”
Brett pulled out the chair next to me and slung his blazer over the back. From his expression, I knew he was talking about Dante.
“No,” I said, giving him a sad smile.
“I haven’t talked to you in a while,” he said, lowering his voice. “How is everything going?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been better.”
“Yeah. I hear the girls gossiping at dinner. I wouldn’t listen to them, though. People here, they don’t know what it’s like. Most of them have never even met an Undead. Just keep your head down and do what you have to do. Everything else will take care of itself.”
“Thanks,” I said, appreciating his words more than he knew.
Monsieur Orneaux, our Latin professor, was already seated at the head of the table, his back upright, his eyes dark and heavy. He was a gaunt man with hollowed cheeks and a rigid expression that rarely changed, regardless of what mood he was in. He seemed to dislike everyone, but held a particularly vehement disdain for women.
“Latin is a calculated language. A language of strategy, of ancient wars, of pagan gods and sacrifice, and later, of the clergy. It is a language that has always belonged to the afterlife.” He had a way of drawing out each syllable, as if the words had turned sour in his mouth. “And as the language, so its people. The Undead are a miserable lot.”
I didn’t think I had to pay attention because, unlike last year, I was now practically fluent in Latin. I found myself knowing vocabulary words I had never learned before; conjugating verbs without even having to think. So instead, I glanced down at the newspaper on top of my bag and skimmed an article on the deaths of two tourists in British Columbia.
The professor interrupted my thoughts. “What do the Undead fear most?”
The pattern was divided in half by a winding line. One side was completely white; the other was a mess of red dots that were smeared and splattered like blood. When Zinya saw it, her face grew pinched. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
Finally, I cut in. “What is it?” I said, my voice frantic. “What does it say?”
“In your dreams, you are searching for something,” she said, following the line traveling down the middle of the page. “If you follow, will end in death.” She covered the clean half of the paper. “And life,” she said, removing her hand.
My eyes darted across the two halves of the paper. “Death and life? It can’t be both. Which one is it? Which one will it end in?”
She pointed to the bottom of the page, where the trail forked off to either side. “This is what is written.”
“So what am I supposed to do?” I said, my chair scraping the floor as I collapsed back, frustrated. “Should I follow the visions or not?”
“Depends if you want to find what they lead to.”
“What do you mean? What do they lead to?”
“Wiping her hands on her apron, she hoisted herself up. “The answer to your soul.”
I must have looked spooked when we left, because after Anya came out from her reading with Zinya, she stared at me for a long time before leading me outside in silence. “What did she say to you?” she said finally. We were walking back to school, down a brick street lined with tiny storefronts.
“She knew things that no one could have known,” I said, speaking to myself more than to Anya. “She knew about Miss LaBarge.”
“I told you she was the real thing.”
“She knew about my vision,” I murmured to myself. “About the shovel.”
Anya gave me a puzzled look. “What shovel?”
I barely even registered her question. “She said my visions were in the present. Which means I’m not seeing the future.”
“I knew it. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“She said that if I follow them, I’ll find life and death.”
Anya froze. “You might die?” she said, so loud that a couple walking in front of us turned around.
“Shh!” I said, though I wasn’t sure who I was worried would hear me. Down the street was a quiet café. “Come on,” I said, and pulled her behind me.
Inside it was warm and comfortably vacant, save for a few crouched men reading newspapers to the sound of grinding coffee. At the counter, I ordered a large tea and sat at a table in the back corner while Anya picked out a plate of biscotti.
“So you might die?” Anya repeated, after sitting down across from me.
“Zinya said I would meet both life and death. But that the visions will lead to the answer to my soul.”
“What does that mean?”
Dante, I thought, my heart skipping as it came to life. She must have meant that the visions will lead to an answer for me and Dante to be together. But did she mean that one of us would meet life and the other, death? “I don’t know. Do you think she meant the life and death part literally? That I would die and live?”
“She’s a peasant. Everything is literal with her.”
I traced the rim of my saucer, thinking about the visions. Something within me screamed, Follow them! It was the only thing that made sense: to see where they led me. Otherwise, I would never know. But what if Dante was right? What if they were dangerous?
“Who’s Dante?” Anya asked, disrupting my thoughts.
“What?”
She broke a piece of biscotti in half, the crumbs sticking to the side of her mouth as she nibbled on an end. “You just said, ‘What if Dante was right?’”
I frowned. I hadn’t realized I was speaking out loud.
Anya licked the tips of her fingers. “Is he your boyfriend?”
“I—um—no, just friends,” I said, worried that if word got back to my grandfather or any of the Monitors that Dante and I were still together, they would bury him.
“I like that name,” she said.
“What do you know about the Royal Victoria Hospital?” I asked, trying to direct the conversation back to Zinya.
“Dante,” Anya said, letting his name roll off her tongue. “Where do I know that name from?”
I coughed, choking on my tea, when I realized that she probably knew his name from hearing rumors about what happened last spring at Gottfried.
Anya stopped chewing. “Oh my god. That’s who you’re dating?”
I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “I—um—no.”
“It’s true,” she said in awe. “You still see him. But how? It’s so dangerous here.” When I didn’t say anything, Anya moved her chair closer. “Are the rumors true? Did he really plot to kill the headmistress?”
Worried my expression would betray my thoughts, I looked down at my biscotti, which I had broken up into crumbs. I hadn’t told anyone what had really happened that night last spring. I’d always liked having secrets, the kind I told my best friends under the covers with a flashlight. It was like I was spilling a part of myself into them, and forever after we were connected. I now understood that real secrets were lonely. They planted themselves inside of you and expanded, until you felt like that was all you were—a lonely little secret, isolated in your experiences. “He didn’t kill the headmistress, but other than that, I can’t talk about it,” I said. “I wish I could.”
Anya studied me as if reading the true answer on my face, and then sank back in her chair. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thanks,” I said softly, watching the steam rise from my mug.
Anya paused for a moment and then clasped her hands on the table. “So what about your visions, then? Should we figure out a way to follow them?”
“I have to think about it,” I said. Dante’s voice echoed in my head, asking me to promise not to endanger myself. “What if it’s exactly the opposite, and the dreams are actually a warning? What if I’m seeing them to tell me what I should be avoiding?”
Anya rolled her eyes as she put on her coat. “You dreamed of a bed in the Royal Victoria Hospital. What could be a safer place than that?”
She had a point. As we stepped out into the street, I turned to her. “Wait. I never even asked what Zinya told you.”
Anya hesitated, and then began fidgeting with a tassel on her purse. “It’s bad luck to tell someone else your fortune.”
“But you didn’t say anything about that when I told you mine—” I started to say, but Anya cut me off.
“I’m not telling you, Renée. It’s bad luck.” She pushed a red wisp of hair away from her face. “Maybe later I’ll change my mind.”
We didn’t make it to the hospital for another week. As classes picked up, Anya and I were too busy with schoolwork to plan anything, and we decided to postpone our trip till the weekend. In the meantime, I waited, keeping my window open each evening, but the days and nights passed without a sign of Dante.
Before class on Monday I traced my finger around the perimeter of the mark on my back, twisting in front of the mirror to study the way its edges grew pink after a hot shower. I liked to know it was still there, to be reminded that a part of Dante was within me. After getting dressed, I walked two blocks away from campus to the dépanneur, a convenience store, where I picked up a copy of the daily newspaper and scoured the pages, searching for deaths, disappearances, mysterious sightings—anything that might have to do with the Undead. And even though I knew that if Dante had been discovered and buried by the Monitors, it wouldn’t be in any newspaper, it made me feel better just to look.
A boy held the door for me when I got to Latin. “Thanks,” I murmured, barely looking at him as I took a seat at the far end of the table. Just as I shoved the paper beneath the table, leaving it open to the obituaries so I could read when the professor wasn’t looking, I heard a voice behind me.
“Any news from the outside?”
Brett pulled out the chair next to me and slung his blazer over the back. From his expression, I knew he was talking about Dante.
“No,” I said, giving him a sad smile.
“I haven’t talked to you in a while,” he said, lowering his voice. “How is everything going?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been better.”
“Yeah. I hear the girls gossiping at dinner. I wouldn’t listen to them, though. People here, they don’t know what it’s like. Most of them have never even met an Undead. Just keep your head down and do what you have to do. Everything else will take care of itself.”
“Thanks,” I said, appreciating his words more than he knew.
Monsieur Orneaux, our Latin professor, was already seated at the head of the table, his back upright, his eyes dark and heavy. He was a gaunt man with hollowed cheeks and a rigid expression that rarely changed, regardless of what mood he was in. He seemed to dislike everyone, but held a particularly vehement disdain for women.
“Latin is a calculated language. A language of strategy, of ancient wars, of pagan gods and sacrifice, and later, of the clergy. It is a language that has always belonged to the afterlife.” He had a way of drawing out each syllable, as if the words had turned sour in his mouth. “And as the language, so its people. The Undead are a miserable lot.”
I didn’t think I had to pay attention because, unlike last year, I was now practically fluent in Latin. I found myself knowing vocabulary words I had never learned before; conjugating verbs without even having to think. So instead, I glanced down at the newspaper on top of my bag and skimmed an article on the deaths of two tourists in British Columbia.
The professor interrupted my thoughts. “What do the Undead fear most?”
