Lifeblood
Page 111
I stop and press my fists into my temples as I look up at the water-sky and scream. I scream until my lungs empty, and my voice breaks. I scream with all the rage trapped inside me. I scream with agony I’m not sure I’ll survive, and helplessness I despise with every fiber of my being.
We have been knocked down, but we won’t stay down.
Levi’s words are beautiful and uplifting. And yet I still cannot see the Light.
“I fought for what was right, and I failed. Where is my justice?” I shout to no one. To everyone.
“Justice comes, its wings steady and sure.” The soft voice drifts from a room in the Grid. “Though it doesn’t always come on our timetable.”
I close my eyes and see a woman clad in a white robe. She—Princess Mariée—stands in a doorway, regarding me with eyes free of tears but filled with...joy?
“Levi lived a good life,” she says. “He achieved great victories and will enjoy great peace.”
“Agreed, but I can’t see past the sorrow of his loss.”
“Why? He isn’t lost. We know exactly where he is. And one day, we will join him.”
But one day isn’t now. “Why can’t we enjoy peace here? Or, if we must fight, why can’t we fight to free the spirits trapped in Many Ends?” Killian’s proposal—making covenant with each other—burns through my mind. Perhaps it’s our only way in.
“You can’t make peace with a monster. When you try, you only deceive yourself. You leave yourself vulnerable to attack. And there will be attacks. They will be subtle rather than overt, and that is where true danger lies. Victor is the perfect example of this.”
“The monster. You speak of Ambrosine.”
“And those like Victor and Javier, who want nothing to do with the truth.”
“But shouldn’t we try to reach those people? We say we love. So let’s put action to word. Let’s love our enemy and help even those who have hurt us.”
“You’ve seen what happens when we fail.” She spreads her arms wide, whether to indicate the barren field, or the pain arching through the Grid, I’m not sure. “You see here and now. I see the future.”
Does she mean that literally? “Let’s forge a new path,” I say, and my grief begins to lessen, leaving room for determination.
For a long while we simply stare at each other. Then she lifts her hand, a light glowing at the end of her index finger. She traces that finger around each of my eyes, imprinting warmth into my skin, almost as if she’s created an invisible pair of glasses.
“We Troikans are of one body...one heart,” she says. “The Secondking has decided you will be our mouth and speak for us. You will choose who will be released from the Rest.”
“No.” I shake my head. “The decision should not be mine.” The pressure!
“And yet, the decree has been issued. In two days, you will choose.”
“But the people...the Generals. They must be upset about this.”
“Their reaction is not your concern. Go now,” she says. “You have many choices to make. Do what you see is good and right.”
I gulp. “And if I’m wrong?”
“We will all pay the price.”
* * *
Do what you see is good and right.
What you see.
The words reverberate through my mind as I set a course for the Urals—for my special cave—and summon Killian.
The moment he arrives, he pulls me into his arms. Though we’ve been parted for only a short time, I feel as if forever has passed. I return his embrace with equal fervor.
He lifts my face, his gaze searching. With his thumbs, he caresses the rise of my cheekbones. “There’s still darkness in yer eyes, lass. I much prefer the Light.”
“So much has gone wrong.” I clutch the collar of his shirt. “So many people have died.”
“That is the way of the world.”
“But it shouldn’t have to be.” I rest my head in the hollow of his neck. “I’m supposed to choose who’s released from the Rest. Me alone. But who do I bring back? Archer? My grandmother? Levi? Elizabeth? Another Conduit? I had begun to think the Conduit was the answer, but I think Conduits can be made, like Abrogates.” I haven’t forgotten the spark I shared with Raanan.
“Peace is your goal, lass. Bring back the one who will help you achieve it.”
He makes it sound so easy.
He kisses me then, and I welcome him eagerly, losing myself in the moment...losing myself in him, in all that he is—the boy I love, the boy who loves me back. His hands slide down the ridges of my spine while I cling to him. All the while his scent and taste remake me into something—someone—new. I’m no longer Ten, the Conduit who stands alone. I’m Ten, one girl forged by two, with the heart of her entire realm beating in her chest.
When Killian lifts his head, we are both trembling.
His gaze remains hot on mine as he whispers, “An té a luíonn le madaí, eiroidh sé le dearnaid.”
The Grid translates. He who lies down with dogs, gets up with fleas. A little laugh escapes me. “Not exactly the romantic words I dreamed of hearing.”
“They should be. I’m no longer going to lie down with dogs,” he says. “I’ll lie down with the treasure of my heart.”
I melt. And then I gape at him. “You’re going to defect, now rather than later.” I lick my lips, nervous energy overtaking me. Court won’t be pretty for either of us.
We have been knocked down, but we won’t stay down.
Levi’s words are beautiful and uplifting. And yet I still cannot see the Light.
“I fought for what was right, and I failed. Where is my justice?” I shout to no one. To everyone.
“Justice comes, its wings steady and sure.” The soft voice drifts from a room in the Grid. “Though it doesn’t always come on our timetable.”
I close my eyes and see a woman clad in a white robe. She—Princess Mariée—stands in a doorway, regarding me with eyes free of tears but filled with...joy?
“Levi lived a good life,” she says. “He achieved great victories and will enjoy great peace.”
“Agreed, but I can’t see past the sorrow of his loss.”
“Why? He isn’t lost. We know exactly where he is. And one day, we will join him.”
But one day isn’t now. “Why can’t we enjoy peace here? Or, if we must fight, why can’t we fight to free the spirits trapped in Many Ends?” Killian’s proposal—making covenant with each other—burns through my mind. Perhaps it’s our only way in.
“You can’t make peace with a monster. When you try, you only deceive yourself. You leave yourself vulnerable to attack. And there will be attacks. They will be subtle rather than overt, and that is where true danger lies. Victor is the perfect example of this.”
“The monster. You speak of Ambrosine.”
“And those like Victor and Javier, who want nothing to do with the truth.”
“But shouldn’t we try to reach those people? We say we love. So let’s put action to word. Let’s love our enemy and help even those who have hurt us.”
“You’ve seen what happens when we fail.” She spreads her arms wide, whether to indicate the barren field, or the pain arching through the Grid, I’m not sure. “You see here and now. I see the future.”
Does she mean that literally? “Let’s forge a new path,” I say, and my grief begins to lessen, leaving room for determination.
For a long while we simply stare at each other. Then she lifts her hand, a light glowing at the end of her index finger. She traces that finger around each of my eyes, imprinting warmth into my skin, almost as if she’s created an invisible pair of glasses.
“We Troikans are of one body...one heart,” she says. “The Secondking has decided you will be our mouth and speak for us. You will choose who will be released from the Rest.”
“No.” I shake my head. “The decision should not be mine.” The pressure!
“And yet, the decree has been issued. In two days, you will choose.”
“But the people...the Generals. They must be upset about this.”
“Their reaction is not your concern. Go now,” she says. “You have many choices to make. Do what you see is good and right.”
I gulp. “And if I’m wrong?”
“We will all pay the price.”
* * *
Do what you see is good and right.
What you see.
The words reverberate through my mind as I set a course for the Urals—for my special cave—and summon Killian.
The moment he arrives, he pulls me into his arms. Though we’ve been parted for only a short time, I feel as if forever has passed. I return his embrace with equal fervor.
He lifts my face, his gaze searching. With his thumbs, he caresses the rise of my cheekbones. “There’s still darkness in yer eyes, lass. I much prefer the Light.”
“So much has gone wrong.” I clutch the collar of his shirt. “So many people have died.”
“That is the way of the world.”
“But it shouldn’t have to be.” I rest my head in the hollow of his neck. “I’m supposed to choose who’s released from the Rest. Me alone. But who do I bring back? Archer? My grandmother? Levi? Elizabeth? Another Conduit? I had begun to think the Conduit was the answer, but I think Conduits can be made, like Abrogates.” I haven’t forgotten the spark I shared with Raanan.
“Peace is your goal, lass. Bring back the one who will help you achieve it.”
He makes it sound so easy.
He kisses me then, and I welcome him eagerly, losing myself in the moment...losing myself in him, in all that he is—the boy I love, the boy who loves me back. His hands slide down the ridges of my spine while I cling to him. All the while his scent and taste remake me into something—someone—new. I’m no longer Ten, the Conduit who stands alone. I’m Ten, one girl forged by two, with the heart of her entire realm beating in her chest.
When Killian lifts his head, we are both trembling.
His gaze remains hot on mine as he whispers, “An té a luíonn le madaí, eiroidh sé le dearnaid.”
The Grid translates. He who lies down with dogs, gets up with fleas. A little laugh escapes me. “Not exactly the romantic words I dreamed of hearing.”
“They should be. I’m no longer going to lie down with dogs,” he says. “I’ll lie down with the treasure of my heart.”
I melt. And then I gape at him. “You’re going to defect, now rather than later.” I lick my lips, nervous energy overtaking me. Court won’t be pretty for either of us.
