Light in the Shadows
Page 35
Her words were pretty mean and I sucked in a painful breath in response. Shit, this girl was ruthless. But also annoyingly accurate. “Damn Rach, that was harsh. When did you become a mega bitch?” I griped, trying to cover up how bothered I was by her words.
She arched her eyebrow and leveled the look in my direction. The look that said she was about to throw off the gloves and smack some shit into me. “I watched you self-destruct once over Clayton Reed and I won’t see you do it again. It’s cool that you’re going to the funeral out of respect for Ruby and for Lisa. I get that you want to be there for that. But just don’t go tomorrow thinking it’s going to herald the new age of Maggie and Clay. You’ve been down that path before and it only brought about depression and significant weight loss,” Rachel said with more snark than I thought her capable of.
“You’ve been hanging out with me way too long, Rachel Bradfield,” I complained, trying to change the subject. Clay would always be a bone of contention between us. Rachel and Daniel, while endlessly supportive, had expressed their opinions (however gently) on the matter. He was bad news. Even though they understood on some level why he had acted the way he had, it didn’t change the outcome. He had pulled me into his darkness and I had almost lost myself there. It was only now, after all these months, I was starting to find my way back from it.
The front door had opened before Rachel could say anything else, bringing with it a blast of cold March air. “Am I missing out on some girl talk? Come on, fill me in ladies.” Daniel rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up.
I shook my head at Rachel, warning her to keep her mouth shut. I didn’t need to hear the same shit over again from Daniel. One best friend nagging me was enough. But even though her delivery annoyed me, I took her words to heart. And whether she realized it or not, I truly had no plans to walk down that road ever again.
I could be perversely excited to see Clay again. I could want to know how he was holding up and whether he was all right. But that didn’t change the fact that my life needed to go on without him in it. He had his treatment and I had my future. And those two things didn’t coincide. They never would.
So here I was, the next morning, staring at the reflection of a girl who had changed so much in the last three months. I wasn’t the same person who had naively believed that she could help her sick boyfriend. That she was the only medicine he needed. What an idiot that girl had been.
I wasn’t sure I was ready for this, but I didn’t have a choice. I was scared that I’d see Clay and all of my resolve would take a flying leap. I didn’t think I could handle seeing his grief and not want to take care of him. It was in my nature to want to comfort him. The broken inside of him called out to the nurturer in me. Something I had never been until he had stumbled into my life.
There was a knock at my door and my dad poked his head inside my room. “You’re dressed already?” He looked at me as though I had grown another head. Given that I didn’t normally get out of bed on a Saturday before noon, I understood his disbelief.
I shrugged, putting on some silver stud earrings. My dad came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. “You ready for today?” he asked with concern.
“Stop worrying about me, Dad. It makes you twitchy,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. My dad shook his head and scratched at his beard.
“I’m not twitchy; it’s just that tick of mine,” he joked. I smirked and smoothed my dress. “Mom has breakfast cooking. Come downstairs and eat something,” he urged, giving me a placating smile.
“Sure, I’ll be down in a bit. Save some bacon for me, will ya,” I called out as my dad left.
“No promises,” he said and I had to laugh.
My phone began ringing from my dresser and I picked it up, seeing Jake’s name flash across the screen. I sighed and thought about ignoring it but instead put it to my ear.
“Hey, Jake,” I said.
“Good morning, Maggie. I’m just calling to figure out what time I should come and get you today. I figured maybe we could grab some lunch or something and then get with Rachel and Daniel later.” He sounded so eager and I tried not to groan. We had made plans just a few days ago, but with everything that had happened since then, I had to say it had completely slipped my mind.
I wanted to cancel; today would leave me emotionally exhausted. I didn’t know what would happen when I saw Clay again and I didn’t want to go into it knowing I’d have to spend my evening with someone else.
“Jake, about tonight,” I started but I Jake’s humorless laugh cut me off.
“You’re not rain checking on me are you?” He was clearly trying to sound blasé, but I could hear the hurt. Well, shit.
“It’s just today I have a funeral to go to and I’m just not sure what that’s going to mean for the rest of the day,” I explained, omitting some key details from the excuse. All I knew was that I did not want to go on this date tonight. Things had considerably changed since Wednesday. And I wasn’t sure where I was headed at this point.
“A funeral? What happened, Maggie?” Jake asked with concern. He was such a nice guy and I felt like the world’s worst person for leading him on the way that I had. What in the hell had I been thinking? When did Maggie Young become the kind of girl to mess with people’s emotions like this?
“It’s Lisa McCabe,” I answered him, stealing myself for the explanation that would make Jake feel even worse.
She arched her eyebrow and leveled the look in my direction. The look that said she was about to throw off the gloves and smack some shit into me. “I watched you self-destruct once over Clayton Reed and I won’t see you do it again. It’s cool that you’re going to the funeral out of respect for Ruby and for Lisa. I get that you want to be there for that. But just don’t go tomorrow thinking it’s going to herald the new age of Maggie and Clay. You’ve been down that path before and it only brought about depression and significant weight loss,” Rachel said with more snark than I thought her capable of.
“You’ve been hanging out with me way too long, Rachel Bradfield,” I complained, trying to change the subject. Clay would always be a bone of contention between us. Rachel and Daniel, while endlessly supportive, had expressed their opinions (however gently) on the matter. He was bad news. Even though they understood on some level why he had acted the way he had, it didn’t change the outcome. He had pulled me into his darkness and I had almost lost myself there. It was only now, after all these months, I was starting to find my way back from it.
The front door had opened before Rachel could say anything else, bringing with it a blast of cold March air. “Am I missing out on some girl talk? Come on, fill me in ladies.” Daniel rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them up.
I shook my head at Rachel, warning her to keep her mouth shut. I didn’t need to hear the same shit over again from Daniel. One best friend nagging me was enough. But even though her delivery annoyed me, I took her words to heart. And whether she realized it or not, I truly had no plans to walk down that road ever again.
I could be perversely excited to see Clay again. I could want to know how he was holding up and whether he was all right. But that didn’t change the fact that my life needed to go on without him in it. He had his treatment and I had my future. And those two things didn’t coincide. They never would.
So here I was, the next morning, staring at the reflection of a girl who had changed so much in the last three months. I wasn’t the same person who had naively believed that she could help her sick boyfriend. That she was the only medicine he needed. What an idiot that girl had been.
I wasn’t sure I was ready for this, but I didn’t have a choice. I was scared that I’d see Clay and all of my resolve would take a flying leap. I didn’t think I could handle seeing his grief and not want to take care of him. It was in my nature to want to comfort him. The broken inside of him called out to the nurturer in me. Something I had never been until he had stumbled into my life.
There was a knock at my door and my dad poked his head inside my room. “You’re dressed already?” He looked at me as though I had grown another head. Given that I didn’t normally get out of bed on a Saturday before noon, I understood his disbelief.
I shrugged, putting on some silver stud earrings. My dad came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. “You ready for today?” he asked with concern.
“Stop worrying about me, Dad. It makes you twitchy,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. My dad shook his head and scratched at his beard.
“I’m not twitchy; it’s just that tick of mine,” he joked. I smirked and smoothed my dress. “Mom has breakfast cooking. Come downstairs and eat something,” he urged, giving me a placating smile.
“Sure, I’ll be down in a bit. Save some bacon for me, will ya,” I called out as my dad left.
“No promises,” he said and I had to laugh.
My phone began ringing from my dresser and I picked it up, seeing Jake’s name flash across the screen. I sighed and thought about ignoring it but instead put it to my ear.
“Hey, Jake,” I said.
“Good morning, Maggie. I’m just calling to figure out what time I should come and get you today. I figured maybe we could grab some lunch or something and then get with Rachel and Daniel later.” He sounded so eager and I tried not to groan. We had made plans just a few days ago, but with everything that had happened since then, I had to say it had completely slipped my mind.
I wanted to cancel; today would leave me emotionally exhausted. I didn’t know what would happen when I saw Clay again and I didn’t want to go into it knowing I’d have to spend my evening with someone else.
“Jake, about tonight,” I started but I Jake’s humorless laugh cut me off.
“You’re not rain checking on me are you?” He was clearly trying to sound blasé, but I could hear the hurt. Well, shit.
“It’s just today I have a funeral to go to and I’m just not sure what that’s going to mean for the rest of the day,” I explained, omitting some key details from the excuse. All I knew was that I did not want to go on this date tonight. Things had considerably changed since Wednesday. And I wasn’t sure where I was headed at this point.
“A funeral? What happened, Maggie?” Jake asked with concern. He was such a nice guy and I felt like the world’s worst person for leading him on the way that I had. What in the hell had I been thinking? When did Maggie Young become the kind of girl to mess with people’s emotions like this?
“It’s Lisa McCabe,” I answered him, stealing myself for the explanation that would make Jake feel even worse.
