Light in the Shadows
Page 4
“You'll get it...eventually,” he teased, turning back to the display case. I waited for the drinks and leaned against the counter. Jake looked up at me, his eyes sparkling in that flirty way of his and I had to look away. Jake was cute and at one time, I had found his boy next-door good looks to be attractive. With his short red hair and pretty blue eyes, what wasn’t there to like? But that was before I had been ruined for any guy that wasn't the dark headed, tortured lone wolf type.
Jake's smile immediately made me feel uncomfortable. Jake and I had an easy banter. Always had. Even if he had never been exactly subtle in the fact that he wanted more than friendship. But he hadn't pushed it since...well...since the incident.
God, I couldn't even think about it properly in the privacy of my own thoughts. I couldn't think about him at all, not while I was out in public. Otherwise, I ran the risk of turning into a huge blubbering mess. And I had vowed to myself six weeks ago when I had gotten the letter, that I wouldn't become that person...ever again.
But I still felt strange being around people. Like they were all looking at me and talking about me and feeling...gah...SYMPATHY for me. And I hated that. Because I didn't need or deserve their sympathy. But I was the girl who had run off with her mentally unstable boyfriend, only to be brought back to town after his suicide attempt and being subsequently institutionalized. Nothing was a secret in Davidson, so of course everyone knew the sordid details.
And boys...well they were out of the question. Dating, kissing, maybe loving anyone else was so not on my radar. Not when every night when I fell asleep I did so with the picture of his face ever present in my mind.
And Jake. Sweet, good hearted Jake. We were just friends. Would only ever be friends. But I saw the way he looked at me. I wasn't an idiot. I was just refusing to acknowledge it. Denial seemed to work for me, so I stuck with it.
I put the small, circular tray on the counter and loaded it up with drinks. “Maybe you should come back and get the rest,” Jake suggested, indicating my full tray. His raised eyebrows made me laugh. And that felt good. I laughed so rarely any more that I almost forgot what it felt like when it did happen.
“I think you may be right,” I conceded, taking a few of the drinks off and going around the counter to take them to my table. I delivered everything and did a little jig when I got back to my station by the espresso machine. Jake came up and gave me a high five, grinning at me.
“You did it! That's four tables in a row without dropping anything! That has to be a record,” Jake joked, squeezing my shoulder. I tried not to shrug off his hand and forced a smile.
“I have employee of the month written all over me,” I quipped and Jake just shook his head before going to tend to his own tables.
I looked up at the sound of the bell on the door, signaling another customer. “Hey guys!” I called out as Rachel and Daniel came in. It was still strange seeing them together, holding hands. They looked up at me and in unison, dropped their clasped hands. I frowned. They did that a lot. Made a point not to touch or act like the couple that they were. I worried that they were doing that because of me. Which was ridiculous. I had told them time and time again, I was over the moon with how happy they were together.
Or maybe they were taking pity on my pathetic loveless existence.
Daniel gave me a smirk. “What's the total?” he asked without preamble. I shot him a look of pure death. He laughed as Rachel elbowed him in the gut, making him grunt.
“Shut it, Danny,” she growled and I smiled at her. Rachel had really grown into herself over the past six months. Long gone was the girl who was scared to speak her mind and stand up for herself. And I was the first person to be glad to see that particular girl take a hike.
I liked this Rachel a hell of a lot better.
Jake came up beside me and leaned across the counter to fist bump Daniel and then to give Rachel a hug. He slung an arm around my shoulders. “Zero today, man. Our girl is on a roll,” Jake said over a chuckle.
My stomach clenched and I instantly tensed up. Our girl? Uh, I don't think so.
I looked at Rachel, who was staring rather pointedly at the arm Jake had so carelessly flung around me. And it was obvious she was picking up on my discomfort with Jake's over the top familiarity. We were just friends. Then why did it seem as though I was committing a betrayal by even allowing him to touch me?
Oh that's right, because I still hung onto the hope that my broken knight would gallop back into my life and sweep me off of my feet.
I never claimed to not be delusional.
I wiggled out from under Jake's arm and he backed away a bit. He gave me a smile that barely concealed his disappointment. Well, he'd have to live with a lot of disappointment because I AM NOT going there with him, I thought harshly.
Daniel let out a whoop, pulling my attention back to my best friends. “Nothing broken in two hours? That's damn near amazing, Mags!” He ruffled my hair in that annoying way of his and I swatted him away.
“Enough about my less than stellar waitressing abilities and give me your damn order,” I bit out, trying not to be irritated by his friendly ribbing. Rachel elbowed her boyfriend again and he grabbed her hand and pulled it to his mouth, kissing it softly.
They stared into the others’ eyes and I wistfully watched the way their bodies instinctively moved toward one other. Then as if realizing what they were doing, they simultaneously looked my way and backed away from each other.
And that made me feel like shit. I didn't want them to hide how crazy in love they were just because they felt sorry for me. Even if watching their obvious happiness was like a knife in my heart. A sharp reminder of my own loneliness and misery.
Jake's smile immediately made me feel uncomfortable. Jake and I had an easy banter. Always had. Even if he had never been exactly subtle in the fact that he wanted more than friendship. But he hadn't pushed it since...well...since the incident.
God, I couldn't even think about it properly in the privacy of my own thoughts. I couldn't think about him at all, not while I was out in public. Otherwise, I ran the risk of turning into a huge blubbering mess. And I had vowed to myself six weeks ago when I had gotten the letter, that I wouldn't become that person...ever again.
But I still felt strange being around people. Like they were all looking at me and talking about me and feeling...gah...SYMPATHY for me. And I hated that. Because I didn't need or deserve their sympathy. But I was the girl who had run off with her mentally unstable boyfriend, only to be brought back to town after his suicide attempt and being subsequently institutionalized. Nothing was a secret in Davidson, so of course everyone knew the sordid details.
And boys...well they were out of the question. Dating, kissing, maybe loving anyone else was so not on my radar. Not when every night when I fell asleep I did so with the picture of his face ever present in my mind.
And Jake. Sweet, good hearted Jake. We were just friends. Would only ever be friends. But I saw the way he looked at me. I wasn't an idiot. I was just refusing to acknowledge it. Denial seemed to work for me, so I stuck with it.
I put the small, circular tray on the counter and loaded it up with drinks. “Maybe you should come back and get the rest,” Jake suggested, indicating my full tray. His raised eyebrows made me laugh. And that felt good. I laughed so rarely any more that I almost forgot what it felt like when it did happen.
“I think you may be right,” I conceded, taking a few of the drinks off and going around the counter to take them to my table. I delivered everything and did a little jig when I got back to my station by the espresso machine. Jake came up and gave me a high five, grinning at me.
“You did it! That's four tables in a row without dropping anything! That has to be a record,” Jake joked, squeezing my shoulder. I tried not to shrug off his hand and forced a smile.
“I have employee of the month written all over me,” I quipped and Jake just shook his head before going to tend to his own tables.
I looked up at the sound of the bell on the door, signaling another customer. “Hey guys!” I called out as Rachel and Daniel came in. It was still strange seeing them together, holding hands. They looked up at me and in unison, dropped their clasped hands. I frowned. They did that a lot. Made a point not to touch or act like the couple that they were. I worried that they were doing that because of me. Which was ridiculous. I had told them time and time again, I was over the moon with how happy they were together.
Or maybe they were taking pity on my pathetic loveless existence.
Daniel gave me a smirk. “What's the total?” he asked without preamble. I shot him a look of pure death. He laughed as Rachel elbowed him in the gut, making him grunt.
“Shut it, Danny,” she growled and I smiled at her. Rachel had really grown into herself over the past six months. Long gone was the girl who was scared to speak her mind and stand up for herself. And I was the first person to be glad to see that particular girl take a hike.
I liked this Rachel a hell of a lot better.
Jake came up beside me and leaned across the counter to fist bump Daniel and then to give Rachel a hug. He slung an arm around my shoulders. “Zero today, man. Our girl is on a roll,” Jake said over a chuckle.
My stomach clenched and I instantly tensed up. Our girl? Uh, I don't think so.
I looked at Rachel, who was staring rather pointedly at the arm Jake had so carelessly flung around me. And it was obvious she was picking up on my discomfort with Jake's over the top familiarity. We were just friends. Then why did it seem as though I was committing a betrayal by even allowing him to touch me?
Oh that's right, because I still hung onto the hope that my broken knight would gallop back into my life and sweep me off of my feet.
I never claimed to not be delusional.
I wiggled out from under Jake's arm and he backed away a bit. He gave me a smile that barely concealed his disappointment. Well, he'd have to live with a lot of disappointment because I AM NOT going there with him, I thought harshly.
Daniel let out a whoop, pulling my attention back to my best friends. “Nothing broken in two hours? That's damn near amazing, Mags!” He ruffled my hair in that annoying way of his and I swatted him away.
“Enough about my less than stellar waitressing abilities and give me your damn order,” I bit out, trying not to be irritated by his friendly ribbing. Rachel elbowed her boyfriend again and he grabbed her hand and pulled it to his mouth, kissing it softly.
They stared into the others’ eyes and I wistfully watched the way their bodies instinctively moved toward one other. Then as if realizing what they were doing, they simultaneously looked my way and backed away from each other.
And that made me feel like shit. I didn't want them to hide how crazy in love they were just because they felt sorry for me. Even if watching their obvious happiness was like a knife in my heart. A sharp reminder of my own loneliness and misery.
