Light My Fire
Page 61
“I agree.”
His body shrunk back to its normal size, the overpowering sense of threat lightening somewhat. “Excellent. Ah, it would seem Ariton has some outstanding debts. I’m sure you’ll want to take care of those quickly. It seems he’s borrowed money from the Furies, and we all know how unpleasant they can be when crossed.” Peter dropped the stack of papers he was going through. “Such a long face. I think you’ll find Ariton’s position won’t be too demanding upon you. He was the seventh prince, you know, not one of the Four. He held no important positions. To be honest, he was more concerned these last few hundred years with materialistic concerns than ones in Abaddon.”
“If he was so minor and unimportant, why did you use me to get rid of him?” I asked, lifting my head from where it had been resting on my knees.
Peter smiled again. “You’re much quicker than he was. This will work out very well, I think. It is true that Ariton held no special threat to me, but he was annoying in his persistent belief that he could hold the throne of Abaddon. I felt the time was ripe for him to be destroyed and another put in his place before I made it clear to the other demon lords that I would not be stepping down as they expected.”
I sighed, sick, filled with anguish and pain, and with no idea what I was going to do to get out of the situation. “Can I leave now?”
“There is no need to ask my permission. You are my lieutenant, not a servant. Ah. This, I think, will summon it.”
Peter pressed a bell set into the desk. In the distance of the house, a buzzing noise echoed dimly, almost immediately followed by the shuffling sound of feet approaching.
“You called for me, mas ... eh ... my lord Bael?”
The demon who opened the door appeared as a small and slight man, balding, with silver-rimmed lenses perched on a beaky nose. In its hands it held a PDA.
“Traci, isn’t it?” Bael asked the demon.
“Yes.” Traci looked from Peter to me, then to the spot on the floor. Its lips pursed in irritation. “I see. If I might be so bold to speak without permission, which of you has banished my lord .. . my former lord Ariton?”
“Aisling Grey is now your master,” Peter said with a wave in my direction. “Serve her well.”
He disappeared even before the last word was out of his mouth, leaving the demon named Traci alone with Jim and me. “You defeated Ariton.”
I stood up, adjusting my towel. I had brought this on myself, but by god, I was not helpless. “Yes, I did. Who are you?”
“I am Traci, lord.” The demon bowed. “I am ... I was Ariton’s steward.”
“And what does a demonic steward do, exactly?”
Traci seemed to have a perpetually annoyed look on its face, but I could see it was struggling to keep its face as bland as possible. “I tended his lordship’s business affairs, ran the house, and oversaw the work of the legions.”
“Right. As of this moment, I am putting Effrijim in charge of everything. You can continue to run the business stuff and house. But everything else has to go through Jim or me.”
Traci blinked through its glasses at Jim for a moment before turning its gaze back to me. “But. . . but that is a class-six demon.”
“And?”
“A class-six demon cannot be in charge of the legions.”
I lay hands on my hips. If I was going to be a friggin’ prince of Hell, I was going to be the worst prince of Hell there had ever been. “Who says so?”
Traci’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before it finally managed to say, “It has always been that way!”
“Well, things are going to change. I want you to spread the word to the rest of Ariton’s minions that as of this moment, all demonic work is going to cease. There will be no damning anyone, no curses, no tormenting or torturing or rending the souls from innocent people.”
I have to give the demon credit. It just stood there for a moment, its mouth slack, then shook itself. “What about the next release?”
“The what?”
“My lord Ariton .. . my former lord Ariton, I should say, had his legions at work in the software company. We haven’t tormented or cursed or damned anyone for the last eleven years, ever since Ariton realized there was much more profit to be had from computer operating systems.”
“He wasn’t going by the name of Bill, was he?” I asked, suddenly suspicious.
Traci shook its head. “No, although I can see why you might think that. Ariton Enterprises produces operating software for corporate systems.”
“Oh.” I chewed on my lip for a minute. “Is there anything evil in the system?”
“Many things,” Traci said bluntly. “There is a built-in system whereby the software is obsolete almost immediately, thus forcing the client to update twice a year. Also, specific bugs were planted in it, which will cause minor problems with the system. The patches to fix the bugs have been a particularly lucrative source of income the last few years.”
I waved that away. “Is there anything dangerous to people? Anything really evil?”
Traci blinked a couple more times. “Ariton didn’t see a profit in that, so we discontinued the damnation module.”
“OK. Then you can keep everyone working on that. Just remember—no one is to do anything evil without permission from Jim or myself.”
“As you desire,” the demon said, making a note on its PDA.
“Great. Oh, crap, look at the time! I’ve got to get to the fencing club.” I eyed Traci for a moment. “I don’t suppose you have any women’s clothing here, do you?”
I could swear it looked startled. “No, I do not.”
“Damn. Um . . . how about conjuring up something for me? Parading around in this towel is getting a bit old.”
It frowned at me. “I am not a magician, lord. I cannot conjure anything.”
“Well, that’s just great. What am I going to use for clothes, then?”
“I would assume that’s your responsibility,” Traci said with an irritated sniff.
“Yeah? Assume again. Demon Traci, I order thee to get me something to wear!”
Five minutes later I narrowed a look at Jim that would have gutted a lesser demon. “One word, one single word, about Scarlett O’Hara, and it’s off to the neuterer for you.”
His body shrunk back to its normal size, the overpowering sense of threat lightening somewhat. “Excellent. Ah, it would seem Ariton has some outstanding debts. I’m sure you’ll want to take care of those quickly. It seems he’s borrowed money from the Furies, and we all know how unpleasant they can be when crossed.” Peter dropped the stack of papers he was going through. “Such a long face. I think you’ll find Ariton’s position won’t be too demanding upon you. He was the seventh prince, you know, not one of the Four. He held no important positions. To be honest, he was more concerned these last few hundred years with materialistic concerns than ones in Abaddon.”
“If he was so minor and unimportant, why did you use me to get rid of him?” I asked, lifting my head from where it had been resting on my knees.
Peter smiled again. “You’re much quicker than he was. This will work out very well, I think. It is true that Ariton held no special threat to me, but he was annoying in his persistent belief that he could hold the throne of Abaddon. I felt the time was ripe for him to be destroyed and another put in his place before I made it clear to the other demon lords that I would not be stepping down as they expected.”
I sighed, sick, filled with anguish and pain, and with no idea what I was going to do to get out of the situation. “Can I leave now?”
“There is no need to ask my permission. You are my lieutenant, not a servant. Ah. This, I think, will summon it.”
Peter pressed a bell set into the desk. In the distance of the house, a buzzing noise echoed dimly, almost immediately followed by the shuffling sound of feet approaching.
“You called for me, mas ... eh ... my lord Bael?”
The demon who opened the door appeared as a small and slight man, balding, with silver-rimmed lenses perched on a beaky nose. In its hands it held a PDA.
“Traci, isn’t it?” Bael asked the demon.
“Yes.” Traci looked from Peter to me, then to the spot on the floor. Its lips pursed in irritation. “I see. If I might be so bold to speak without permission, which of you has banished my lord .. . my former lord Ariton?”
“Aisling Grey is now your master,” Peter said with a wave in my direction. “Serve her well.”
He disappeared even before the last word was out of his mouth, leaving the demon named Traci alone with Jim and me. “You defeated Ariton.”
I stood up, adjusting my towel. I had brought this on myself, but by god, I was not helpless. “Yes, I did. Who are you?”
“I am Traci, lord.” The demon bowed. “I am ... I was Ariton’s steward.”
“And what does a demonic steward do, exactly?”
Traci seemed to have a perpetually annoyed look on its face, but I could see it was struggling to keep its face as bland as possible. “I tended his lordship’s business affairs, ran the house, and oversaw the work of the legions.”
“Right. As of this moment, I am putting Effrijim in charge of everything. You can continue to run the business stuff and house. But everything else has to go through Jim or me.”
Traci blinked through its glasses at Jim for a moment before turning its gaze back to me. “But. . . but that is a class-six demon.”
“And?”
“A class-six demon cannot be in charge of the legions.”
I lay hands on my hips. If I was going to be a friggin’ prince of Hell, I was going to be the worst prince of Hell there had ever been. “Who says so?”
Traci’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before it finally managed to say, “It has always been that way!”
“Well, things are going to change. I want you to spread the word to the rest of Ariton’s minions that as of this moment, all demonic work is going to cease. There will be no damning anyone, no curses, no tormenting or torturing or rending the souls from innocent people.”
I have to give the demon credit. It just stood there for a moment, its mouth slack, then shook itself. “What about the next release?”
“The what?”
“My lord Ariton .. . my former lord Ariton, I should say, had his legions at work in the software company. We haven’t tormented or cursed or damned anyone for the last eleven years, ever since Ariton realized there was much more profit to be had from computer operating systems.”
“He wasn’t going by the name of Bill, was he?” I asked, suddenly suspicious.
Traci shook its head. “No, although I can see why you might think that. Ariton Enterprises produces operating software for corporate systems.”
“Oh.” I chewed on my lip for a minute. “Is there anything evil in the system?”
“Many things,” Traci said bluntly. “There is a built-in system whereby the software is obsolete almost immediately, thus forcing the client to update twice a year. Also, specific bugs were planted in it, which will cause minor problems with the system. The patches to fix the bugs have been a particularly lucrative source of income the last few years.”
I waved that away. “Is there anything dangerous to people? Anything really evil?”
Traci blinked a couple more times. “Ariton didn’t see a profit in that, so we discontinued the damnation module.”
“OK. Then you can keep everyone working on that. Just remember—no one is to do anything evil without permission from Jim or myself.”
“As you desire,” the demon said, making a note on its PDA.
“Great. Oh, crap, look at the time! I’ve got to get to the fencing club.” I eyed Traci for a moment. “I don’t suppose you have any women’s clothing here, do you?”
I could swear it looked startled. “No, I do not.”
“Damn. Um . . . how about conjuring up something for me? Parading around in this towel is getting a bit old.”
It frowned at me. “I am not a magician, lord. I cannot conjure anything.”
“Well, that’s just great. What am I going to use for clothes, then?”
“I would assume that’s your responsibility,” Traci said with an irritated sniff.
“Yeah? Assume again. Demon Traci, I order thee to get me something to wear!”
Five minutes later I narrowed a look at Jim that would have gutted a lesser demon. “One word, one single word, about Scarlett O’Hara, and it’s off to the neuterer for you.”
