Like a Memory
Page 43
She let out a gentle sigh and closed her eyes. “I feel like I shouldn’t be happy. What you came to tell me is so sad. How can I be happy?”
I understood. But I had mourned. In the end, I couldn’t have changed anything. “I’ll always wonder about my son. He has a piece of my heart now. That will never change. But I want to have a life with joy in it. I want to experience how complicated and hard times feel knowing I’m facing them with you. I want it all, Bliss. As long as I get to spend it with you.”
Again she buried her head in my neck and wrapped her arms around me. “Me too.”
I held her as we stood there in silence. This was our beginning. The other times had been our prologue. But the real story would start now.
Bliss York
THE SUN WAS barely breaking through the blinds when I opened my eyes. Nate was asleep beside me. We had eaten in last night and talked about things. I asked all my questions and he seemed to want to tell me. Then we kissed until our clothes were gone and made love in the bed for hours. It had been slow and sweet. Naughty words hadn’t been needed.
Watching him sleep peacefully with his arm thrown over me was like a dream. One I had a million times and never expected to experience. I reached over and brushed the hair from his eyes. He was mine. After all these years Nate Finlay was mine.
But for how long?
I’d asked him questions last night now wondering had it been to avoid talking to him about me. My past. My illness. I had avoided it because I didn’t want him to see me as the sick girl. If we were going to have a chance at a real relationship I had to talk to him about what all I went through. How it affected my body. Especially now. He’d created a child that he never got to hold. If we stayed together he’d never get to create another one. My body didn’t work properly. I’d lost parts of me in the treatments.
I moved to get up quietly so I wouldn’t disturb him and pulled his discarded shirt on before going to the kitchen for coffee. Nate said he loved me. Everything he did and said last night also said he loved me. He wanted us to work. Keeping it a secret about what all my body went through especially the fact it couldn’t bear children was a lie. I wouldn’t lie to him.
The fear that in the end he’d leave me for someone whose body wasn’t broken was strong but it was a truth I had to face now. Waiting until later was unfair to both of us. I had come to terms with the fact that I would become a mother by adoption and I was good with it. I wanted to give a child a family. I wanted to love it and raise it. And I knew one day I would adopt more than one child.
After I poured a cup of coffee I sat with my feet curled up under me on the sofa and looked out the window. It wasn’t a beach view but the early morning sun danced on the world outside. It was peaceful. Full of promise.
“You left me in bed. Our first morning as a real couple and you left me.”
I turned to see Nate standing there shirtless in a pair of boxer briefs. His hair was still mused from last night and his eyes heavy from sleep. A man should not look that good. It was unfair to the females of the world.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
He cocked one eyebrow. “Were you still naked?”
I nodded.
“Then I would have preferred you disturb me. Next time crawl on top of me.”
I laughed into my coffee cup. I wanted this so much. But first he had to know.
“I need to tell you something.”
His teasing smirk faded. “You look serious. That makes me nervous.”
I could drag this out and explain everything but I wanted to say it. Let him process it and figure out if we had a future. One past dating and enjoying each other. One where we grew old together. He may not want to adopt. After losing his son he may need another child with his blood. His smile. A part of him.
“I can’t have children. The chemotherapy ruined that part of me.” There I said it. He would be reminded I was sick. That I hadn’t always looked like this. That I wasn’t completely whole.
“Okay,” he said walking over to me. He sat down beside me and pulled my legs into his lap. “How do you feel about that?”
What? He was asking me how I felt? I’d known this for a long time. He was the one that needed to adjust and decide how he felt about it. I answered his question anyway. “I’m going to adopt when I’m ready to have kids. A child doesn’t have to grow inside me to be mine.”
He nodded. “Agreed. Well it wouldn’t have grown inside me anyway but I agree with you. I wouldn’t love a child any less because they didn’t have my blood in their veins. I like the idea we would give a child a home that needed one. That we would love it and raise it the way our parents did us.”
I was going to cry again. I had cried a lot the past twenty-four hours. “You really mean that?”
“Hell yeah I mean that,” He tugged me closer and I clutched my cup with both hands to keep the little bit of coffee left from spilling. “All I need is you. If I have you I’m happy. Raising a child with you will make me happy. Our baby doesn’t have to come from us to be ours.”
I sat the cup down beside the sofa. Then promptly threw myself into his lap wrapping my arms around his neck and peppered kisses all over his face. “I love you more now and I didn’t think that was possible.”
He chuckled. “Good. I need to get you to love me so damn much you can’t ever let me go.”
“You succeeded.”
He slid a hand under his shirt I was wearing. “How about I show you exactly how much I love you.”
“That’s not love. That’s lust.”
He lowered his head to kiss the inside of my thigh. “No baby this is love. Real motherfucking love. I love your pussy. Trust me.”
I burst into laughter until his mouth pressed just at the top of my thigh. I went silent and held my breath until his tongue trailed to flick over my swollen clit. I liked this form of love too. I was good with him loving several parts of me.
Because right now I really loved his tongue. A lot. A loved it a whole lot.
“Nate,” I panted.
“Hmmm,” he said as he continued between my legs.
“Fuck me, please.” He paused and lifted his head to look up at me.
Then he moved. So quickly that he was inside me in seconds. “Fuck,” he groaned. “I get to come inside you.”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Goddamn this just got better and I didn’t know it could.”
Lifting my legs, he sunk deep inside. This was my fairytale. All little girls have them. They normally have a prince and a castle. Until they grow up, then their fairytale becomes something different. Mine was a silver eyed, dirty mouthed, big hearted, man with a magical penis.
Nate Finlay
DINNER WITH HER parents. She had tried to talk me out of going when her mother had called and invited me. But I wanted to meet them. The people who raised her and the brothers she talked so much about. These people would one day be my family too.
The man that opened the door was about my height with dark hair and Bliss’s blue eyes. He regarded me with a serious expression then held out his hand. “Cage York, glad you could come.”
I shook his hand and I was pretty damn sure he was trying to crush the bones in my hand. This was his warning without Bliss knowing. I wouldn’t tell on him later. I got it. Bliss was his only girl. He’d been by her side while she fought for her life. He was protective. I’d just have to prove to him he could trust me.
I understood. But I had mourned. In the end, I couldn’t have changed anything. “I’ll always wonder about my son. He has a piece of my heart now. That will never change. But I want to have a life with joy in it. I want to experience how complicated and hard times feel knowing I’m facing them with you. I want it all, Bliss. As long as I get to spend it with you.”
Again she buried her head in my neck and wrapped her arms around me. “Me too.”
I held her as we stood there in silence. This was our beginning. The other times had been our prologue. But the real story would start now.
Bliss York
THE SUN WAS barely breaking through the blinds when I opened my eyes. Nate was asleep beside me. We had eaten in last night and talked about things. I asked all my questions and he seemed to want to tell me. Then we kissed until our clothes were gone and made love in the bed for hours. It had been slow and sweet. Naughty words hadn’t been needed.
Watching him sleep peacefully with his arm thrown over me was like a dream. One I had a million times and never expected to experience. I reached over and brushed the hair from his eyes. He was mine. After all these years Nate Finlay was mine.
But for how long?
I’d asked him questions last night now wondering had it been to avoid talking to him about me. My past. My illness. I had avoided it because I didn’t want him to see me as the sick girl. If we were going to have a chance at a real relationship I had to talk to him about what all I went through. How it affected my body. Especially now. He’d created a child that he never got to hold. If we stayed together he’d never get to create another one. My body didn’t work properly. I’d lost parts of me in the treatments.
I moved to get up quietly so I wouldn’t disturb him and pulled his discarded shirt on before going to the kitchen for coffee. Nate said he loved me. Everything he did and said last night also said he loved me. He wanted us to work. Keeping it a secret about what all my body went through especially the fact it couldn’t bear children was a lie. I wouldn’t lie to him.
The fear that in the end he’d leave me for someone whose body wasn’t broken was strong but it was a truth I had to face now. Waiting until later was unfair to both of us. I had come to terms with the fact that I would become a mother by adoption and I was good with it. I wanted to give a child a family. I wanted to love it and raise it. And I knew one day I would adopt more than one child.
After I poured a cup of coffee I sat with my feet curled up under me on the sofa and looked out the window. It wasn’t a beach view but the early morning sun danced on the world outside. It was peaceful. Full of promise.
“You left me in bed. Our first morning as a real couple and you left me.”
I turned to see Nate standing there shirtless in a pair of boxer briefs. His hair was still mused from last night and his eyes heavy from sleep. A man should not look that good. It was unfair to the females of the world.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
He cocked one eyebrow. “Were you still naked?”
I nodded.
“Then I would have preferred you disturb me. Next time crawl on top of me.”
I laughed into my coffee cup. I wanted this so much. But first he had to know.
“I need to tell you something.”
His teasing smirk faded. “You look serious. That makes me nervous.”
I could drag this out and explain everything but I wanted to say it. Let him process it and figure out if we had a future. One past dating and enjoying each other. One where we grew old together. He may not want to adopt. After losing his son he may need another child with his blood. His smile. A part of him.
“I can’t have children. The chemotherapy ruined that part of me.” There I said it. He would be reminded I was sick. That I hadn’t always looked like this. That I wasn’t completely whole.
“Okay,” he said walking over to me. He sat down beside me and pulled my legs into his lap. “How do you feel about that?”
What? He was asking me how I felt? I’d known this for a long time. He was the one that needed to adjust and decide how he felt about it. I answered his question anyway. “I’m going to adopt when I’m ready to have kids. A child doesn’t have to grow inside me to be mine.”
He nodded. “Agreed. Well it wouldn’t have grown inside me anyway but I agree with you. I wouldn’t love a child any less because they didn’t have my blood in their veins. I like the idea we would give a child a home that needed one. That we would love it and raise it the way our parents did us.”
I was going to cry again. I had cried a lot the past twenty-four hours. “You really mean that?”
“Hell yeah I mean that,” He tugged me closer and I clutched my cup with both hands to keep the little bit of coffee left from spilling. “All I need is you. If I have you I’m happy. Raising a child with you will make me happy. Our baby doesn’t have to come from us to be ours.”
I sat the cup down beside the sofa. Then promptly threw myself into his lap wrapping my arms around his neck and peppered kisses all over his face. “I love you more now and I didn’t think that was possible.”
He chuckled. “Good. I need to get you to love me so damn much you can’t ever let me go.”
“You succeeded.”
He slid a hand under his shirt I was wearing. “How about I show you exactly how much I love you.”
“That’s not love. That’s lust.”
He lowered his head to kiss the inside of my thigh. “No baby this is love. Real motherfucking love. I love your pussy. Trust me.”
I burst into laughter until his mouth pressed just at the top of my thigh. I went silent and held my breath until his tongue trailed to flick over my swollen clit. I liked this form of love too. I was good with him loving several parts of me.
Because right now I really loved his tongue. A lot. A loved it a whole lot.
“Nate,” I panted.
“Hmmm,” he said as he continued between my legs.
“Fuck me, please.” He paused and lifted his head to look up at me.
Then he moved. So quickly that he was inside me in seconds. “Fuck,” he groaned. “I get to come inside you.”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Goddamn this just got better and I didn’t know it could.”
Lifting my legs, he sunk deep inside. This was my fairytale. All little girls have them. They normally have a prince and a castle. Until they grow up, then their fairytale becomes something different. Mine was a silver eyed, dirty mouthed, big hearted, man with a magical penis.
Nate Finlay
DINNER WITH HER parents. She had tried to talk me out of going when her mother had called and invited me. But I wanted to meet them. The people who raised her and the brothers she talked so much about. These people would one day be my family too.
The man that opened the door was about my height with dark hair and Bliss’s blue eyes. He regarded me with a serious expression then held out his hand. “Cage York, glad you could come.”
I shook his hand and I was pretty damn sure he was trying to crush the bones in my hand. This was his warning without Bliss knowing. I wouldn’t tell on him later. I got it. Bliss was his only girl. He’d been by her side while she fought for her life. He was protective. I’d just have to prove to him he could trust me.
