Lion's Share
Page 31
“I have to…” Obligation battled desire in every word he said. In every movement he made. “You need to go home. To your parents.”
“You still want to get rid of me?” The heat that had built up again inside me dissipated in a sudden wash of cold shock.
“I don’t want to. I’m trying to do the right thing.” He swept one hand over his hair, then clutched the doorframe as if the solid reality of it were a lifeline. “If you stay here, we’ll… I’ll…”
“No!” I reached for him, and he backed away, fleeing from my touch, even as his gaze seemed caught on my fingertips. “You said you wouldn’t leave my side!”
“Abby, this is dangerous.” His gaze found mine and I couldn’t have looked away if I’d tried. “I see you, and I want to touch you. I touch you, and I want to taste you, and then….” He shrugged miserably. “Propriety aside, this isn’t fair to Brian, and it damn sure isn’t fair to either of us.”
Oh. Brian.
I held up my left hand with a small smile.
Jace frowned at my bare finger. “Taking off the ring doesn’t make the problem disappear. And the fact that I’m thinking of Brian as a problem should tell you what a dangerous frame of mind I’m in. This will end badly. I’ve been here before, and I can’t do this again.”
I stood on my toes to kiss him, and he groaned and pulled me closer. “I’m not going to marry Brian,” I whispered.
Jace stood up straight. “What?”
“I just told him. Like, fifteen minutes ago.”
He glanced at the open bathroom door, and I realized he’d heard me on the phone but clearly hadn’t caught much of the conversation. “You’re serious?”
“So serious.”
Relief spread across his features, and for a second, he looked so happy that my chest ached. Then some new concern lined his forehead. “Does he know about this?” He ran his hands up my arms, and delicious chills followed his touch.
“He has suspicions, but you’re not the reason I called off the wedding, and that’s exactly what I told him. With or without you, I don’t want to marry Brian.”
“That won’t stop Ed Taylor from blaming me,” Jace said, and though that fact should have made him hate me, he only held me tighter. “My stepfather’s allies have just been waiting for an excuse to take my territory, and if the council thinks I’ve abused my authority to seduce another tabby—someone else’s fiancée this time—”
“Hey.” I put both hands on his face to make him look at me, and the short stubble on his chin was a foreign yet fascinating sensation. “You’re not the reason we broke up, and if I have to shout that from the roof of the lodge, I will. I ended it with Brian because I finally realized that all the time I spend dodging his phone calls and avoiding his touch would make for a really miserable marriage for both of us. So, you’re in the clear.” If anyone was in trouble, it was me. I’d kissed Jace first.
“And for the record...” My face burned with the admission perched on the end of my tongue. “You’re the only person in the world that I’ve wanted to be touched by in five years.” The heat flashing in his eyes gave me enough courage to say the rest of it. “I don’t know what that means beyond the fact that you make me feel beautiful, and powerful, and wanted. But four years spent avoiding the man I was engaged to has taught me that this”—I put one hand on his chest, and his heartbeat spiked beneath my fingers—“doesn’t happen every day. So, if you want to try this in spite of the political complications, I’m in.”
“You’re in?” The upward tilt of his lips said he was teasing me, but his intense gaze said he knew how much of a risk I was taking.
“All in. All of me.”
Jace studied my gaze for a second, and my own heartbeat thundered in my ears. Then he nodded firmly. Decisively. “I’m in too.”
“You are?”
“I am.” He leaned down for another kiss, as if to prove that he meant it, and my head swam. The moment felt surreal. Jace wanted me, and not just as the girl of the week. He wouldn’t risk his alliances and the fate of his Pride over a fling he planned to be over in a few days.
He was serious. He was risking everything for me.
But I was still lying to him.
Guilt swelled inside me and my smile faded. But if I told him what I’d done, he would hate me. I would lose him and everything else I’d ever cared about.
It was far too late to come clean and hope for the best. I had to stick to the plan. I had to keep covering up what couldn’t be fixed, then find a way to explain what couldn’t be ignored.
Finding out that Jace cared about me hadn’t given me more options. It had given me more to lose.
“What’s wrong?” He tilted my chin up and stared down into my eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just... I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you or for Brian.”
“We’ll make it work. How’d he take it?”
“He wasn’t thrilled, but once I pointed out that we were both really just using each other, there wasn’t much left to say.”
Jace’s arms tightened around me. “How were you using each other?”
“Well, it wasn’t intentional, but…” I shrugged. “He wanted to be an Alpha and a father.” Not that I could blame him. Toms had very few opportunities in that regard. “And I wanted a magic ring with the power to keep unwanted suitors at bay.”
His eyes widened. “That’s why you said yes to him?”
I nodded. “I know that makes me sound horrible, but I knew I’d have to get married at some point, and the sooner I said yes to someone, the sooner the others would leave me alone.”
“It was self-defense,” Jace said, and his simple recognition of the position I’d been in eased a fierce tension I hadn’t even realized I was feeling.
“Yeah, I guess it was.” I’d only been able to heal from my abduction on my own timeframe because being engaged officially took me off the market. “And Brian was sweet, and cute, and I figured—worst-case scenario—I had the next four years to fall in love with him. But that never happened.”
That heat was back in his eyes when he pulled me closer. “In my experience, chemistry is either instant or nonexistent.” He leaned down for another kiss, and I wanted to melt into him. “I’d call this pretty damn instant.”
“You still want to get rid of me?” The heat that had built up again inside me dissipated in a sudden wash of cold shock.
“I don’t want to. I’m trying to do the right thing.” He swept one hand over his hair, then clutched the doorframe as if the solid reality of it were a lifeline. “If you stay here, we’ll… I’ll…”
“No!” I reached for him, and he backed away, fleeing from my touch, even as his gaze seemed caught on my fingertips. “You said you wouldn’t leave my side!”
“Abby, this is dangerous.” His gaze found mine and I couldn’t have looked away if I’d tried. “I see you, and I want to touch you. I touch you, and I want to taste you, and then….” He shrugged miserably. “Propriety aside, this isn’t fair to Brian, and it damn sure isn’t fair to either of us.”
Oh. Brian.
I held up my left hand with a small smile.
Jace frowned at my bare finger. “Taking off the ring doesn’t make the problem disappear. And the fact that I’m thinking of Brian as a problem should tell you what a dangerous frame of mind I’m in. This will end badly. I’ve been here before, and I can’t do this again.”
I stood on my toes to kiss him, and he groaned and pulled me closer. “I’m not going to marry Brian,” I whispered.
Jace stood up straight. “What?”
“I just told him. Like, fifteen minutes ago.”
He glanced at the open bathroom door, and I realized he’d heard me on the phone but clearly hadn’t caught much of the conversation. “You’re serious?”
“So serious.”
Relief spread across his features, and for a second, he looked so happy that my chest ached. Then some new concern lined his forehead. “Does he know about this?” He ran his hands up my arms, and delicious chills followed his touch.
“He has suspicions, but you’re not the reason I called off the wedding, and that’s exactly what I told him. With or without you, I don’t want to marry Brian.”
“That won’t stop Ed Taylor from blaming me,” Jace said, and though that fact should have made him hate me, he only held me tighter. “My stepfather’s allies have just been waiting for an excuse to take my territory, and if the council thinks I’ve abused my authority to seduce another tabby—someone else’s fiancée this time—”
“Hey.” I put both hands on his face to make him look at me, and the short stubble on his chin was a foreign yet fascinating sensation. “You’re not the reason we broke up, and if I have to shout that from the roof of the lodge, I will. I ended it with Brian because I finally realized that all the time I spend dodging his phone calls and avoiding his touch would make for a really miserable marriage for both of us. So, you’re in the clear.” If anyone was in trouble, it was me. I’d kissed Jace first.
“And for the record...” My face burned with the admission perched on the end of my tongue. “You’re the only person in the world that I’ve wanted to be touched by in five years.” The heat flashing in his eyes gave me enough courage to say the rest of it. “I don’t know what that means beyond the fact that you make me feel beautiful, and powerful, and wanted. But four years spent avoiding the man I was engaged to has taught me that this”—I put one hand on his chest, and his heartbeat spiked beneath my fingers—“doesn’t happen every day. So, if you want to try this in spite of the political complications, I’m in.”
“You’re in?” The upward tilt of his lips said he was teasing me, but his intense gaze said he knew how much of a risk I was taking.
“All in. All of me.”
Jace studied my gaze for a second, and my own heartbeat thundered in my ears. Then he nodded firmly. Decisively. “I’m in too.”
“You are?”
“I am.” He leaned down for another kiss, as if to prove that he meant it, and my head swam. The moment felt surreal. Jace wanted me, and not just as the girl of the week. He wouldn’t risk his alliances and the fate of his Pride over a fling he planned to be over in a few days.
He was serious. He was risking everything for me.
But I was still lying to him.
Guilt swelled inside me and my smile faded. But if I told him what I’d done, he would hate me. I would lose him and everything else I’d ever cared about.
It was far too late to come clean and hope for the best. I had to stick to the plan. I had to keep covering up what couldn’t be fixed, then find a way to explain what couldn’t be ignored.
Finding out that Jace cared about me hadn’t given me more options. It had given me more to lose.
“What’s wrong?” He tilted my chin up and stared down into my eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just... I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you or for Brian.”
“We’ll make it work. How’d he take it?”
“He wasn’t thrilled, but once I pointed out that we were both really just using each other, there wasn’t much left to say.”
Jace’s arms tightened around me. “How were you using each other?”
“Well, it wasn’t intentional, but…” I shrugged. “He wanted to be an Alpha and a father.” Not that I could blame him. Toms had very few opportunities in that regard. “And I wanted a magic ring with the power to keep unwanted suitors at bay.”
His eyes widened. “That’s why you said yes to him?”
I nodded. “I know that makes me sound horrible, but I knew I’d have to get married at some point, and the sooner I said yes to someone, the sooner the others would leave me alone.”
“It was self-defense,” Jace said, and his simple recognition of the position I’d been in eased a fierce tension I hadn’t even realized I was feeling.
“Yeah, I guess it was.” I’d only been able to heal from my abduction on my own timeframe because being engaged officially took me off the market. “And Brian was sweet, and cute, and I figured—worst-case scenario—I had the next four years to fall in love with him. But that never happened.”
That heat was back in his eyes when he pulled me closer. “In my experience, chemistry is either instant or nonexistent.” He leaned down for another kiss, and I wanted to melt into him. “I’d call this pretty damn instant.”
