Listen to Your Heart
Page 48
“This is true,” I said, and unfolded the card. “ ‘Victoria and Kat, I broke up with my boyfriend last month. We had just grown apart. I thought it was a nice breakup. There was no name-calling or nastiness. But then he started spreading lies about me all over school and even on social media. What am I supposed to do?’ ”
“Ouch,” Victoria said. “Not cool.”
“Have you tried talking to him?” I asked the crowd, putting the card down.
“Kat thinks nearly every problem can be solved by just talking.”
“I think ninety-nine percent of misunderstandings are caused by miscommunication,” I said, which made me think of Alana and Frank and Diego.
“Well,” Victoria said. “Yes, you should confront your ex about this. But for the sake of argument, let’s assume he’s doing this to be vindictive, Kat. What then?”
“Yeah, then: Ouch.”
Victoria laughed. “I would dispute whatever claims he’s making on my own social media and then move along. If you obsess about it, it will just draw more attention to it. People have short attention spans. They’ll forget.”
I glanced over at my parents. My mom was smiling and my dad had his intense I’m-really-paying-attention look on. That seemed good.
I reached to grab another index card from the box when Victoria said, “Looks like we have a question from the audience.”
“Oh, nice.”
Liza’s friend Chloe was making her way to the microphone. When she got there, she said, “I have a fear. A big one. I can’t seem to get past it. Kat, when you first started the podcast, you were afraid to do it. How did you overcome the fear?”
“I’m still afraid,” I said.
Victoria gave me a playful push. “She practiced, she faced it. That’s how. What’s your fear?”
“I’d rather not say,” Chloe said.
“You’re never going to get over it if you can’t own it,” Victoria said.
Just then, my eyes found Diego’s. He had a small smile on his face and he gave me an encouraging nod. One that said, You’re playing your role well but you’re not actually saying anything. Okay, I was reading into that nod. I was projecting. But I knew I’d reverted to my early podcast habits. I turned back to Chloe and cleared my throat.
“Have you ever heard the saying that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the ability to move forward despite the fear?” I asked.
She nodded.
“You don’t necessarily get over fear,” I went on, “but you can succeed even if it’s trying to hold you back. And Victoria’s right, things do get easier the more you face them.”
Chloe wrung her hands together and then said, “Thank you.”
A lanky boy was waiting behind Chloe at the mic. When she stepped away, he came forward and said, “Kat, I hear you live in Lakesprings. What’s the best thing to do at the lake?”
I laughed. I’d wanted to do a whole podcast on that question alone. “Um … everything?” I said.
“Kat is biased,” Victoria said. “She would never leave the lake if she didn’t have to.”
I almost agreed, but then I stopped. “Actually, even though I love the lake and it’s my favorite place ever, I wouldn’t mind testing that preference by traveling a bit.” This time I couldn’t meet Diego’s eyes. He’d know I said that because of him. I did say that because of him. He was making me see that maybe there were other things to explore before making permanent decisions.
“I’m with you on that,” Victoria said.
“No, but really, there’s lots to do at the lake,” I said, focusing on the boy. “You can’t go wrong. I’m into motorized toys, but if you can’t swing those, then grab a couple inner tubes and an ice chest. There’s picnic areas all over and an afternoon of floating is the best.”
“Thanks.”
The audience microphone was empty again, so Victoria fished out another card from the box and handed it to me.
“ ‘Katoria,’ ” I read aloud.
“They mashed up our names?” Victoria asked.
“Yes, they did.”
“I love this person already.”
I continued reading. “ ‘I want to ask a guy out but my best friend likes him. I don’t think he likes her back. In fact, there have been several hints that he actually likes me. I don’t want to lose my friendship over this, but I really, really like him. What should I do?’ ” My heart seemed to leap to my throat, making it hard to breathe. Thankfully, Victoria jumped in.
“If you know the feelings aren’t reciprocated, I say, why should two people suffer? Your friend should be happy to see you happy. The key is honesty. Talking, right, Kat? Tell your best friend how you feel. Get her blessing.”
“I don’t know,” I said, my throat tight. “This situation is a little trickier.”
“How so? You mean your talking advice wouldn’t work here?”
I shifted in my seat. “Maybe. It just depends how willing you are to risk a friendship. Because something like this can be a friendship-ender. I have a cousin who’s way too young for a certain guy that she has a crush on. And he’s cute. But even so, as far as I’m concerned, he is off-limits for me. I won’t go after a loved one’s guy no matter how cute he is. Friendship and family are more important.”
There was a loud noise—a gasp—in the audience and my eyes found Liza’s. Her mouth was open in indignation, and it took me two beats to realize what I’d just done. What I’d just said.
Crap. I’d just outed Liza in front of half the school.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my palms sweating, looking at Liza. “We’ll edit that out. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“What happened?” Victoria asked.
The audience seemed to sense I had made a grave error and had become deathly silent. So silent that when Liza shouted out, her words rang out crystal clear over the crowd.
“Why didn’t you use your own life as an example, Kat?” My cousin’s face was splotchy with emotion. “Your best friend likes the guy you like and so you’re not pursuing it. You could’ve just said that.”
My heart seized up. How did Liza know? Was I that transparent? Had she guessed? Had Diego guessed? Had Alana guessed? I scanned the crowd again for Alana but I couldn’t see her anywhere. I purposefully avoided looking anywhere near Diego.
Liza continued, “Instead you have to throw your cousin under the bus with a story that’s not even true?”
“It’s not?” I asked, and then wanted to slap myself. That wasn’t the point. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “It just slipped out. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s just second nature at this point, right?” Liza snapped. “You exploit the people in your life for the benefit of the podcast. Just ask Mr. Looking for Love.”
Liza whipped her head over to Diego and so did I. I shouldn’t have looked at him. But it was too late. His gaze went between Liza and me. Then he turned quickly and walked away, sidestepping people and then the outer rope before he disappeared into the carnival.
I closed my eyes and took a calming breath because otherwise I was going to cry. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Liza, who I was sure had done that to get even with me, looked like she regretted the choice. But she huffed, turned on her heel, and stomped away, too.
“Ouch,” Victoria said. “Not cool.”
“Have you tried talking to him?” I asked the crowd, putting the card down.
“Kat thinks nearly every problem can be solved by just talking.”
“I think ninety-nine percent of misunderstandings are caused by miscommunication,” I said, which made me think of Alana and Frank and Diego.
“Well,” Victoria said. “Yes, you should confront your ex about this. But for the sake of argument, let’s assume he’s doing this to be vindictive, Kat. What then?”
“Yeah, then: Ouch.”
Victoria laughed. “I would dispute whatever claims he’s making on my own social media and then move along. If you obsess about it, it will just draw more attention to it. People have short attention spans. They’ll forget.”
I glanced over at my parents. My mom was smiling and my dad had his intense I’m-really-paying-attention look on. That seemed good.
I reached to grab another index card from the box when Victoria said, “Looks like we have a question from the audience.”
“Oh, nice.”
Liza’s friend Chloe was making her way to the microphone. When she got there, she said, “I have a fear. A big one. I can’t seem to get past it. Kat, when you first started the podcast, you were afraid to do it. How did you overcome the fear?”
“I’m still afraid,” I said.
Victoria gave me a playful push. “She practiced, she faced it. That’s how. What’s your fear?”
“I’d rather not say,” Chloe said.
“You’re never going to get over it if you can’t own it,” Victoria said.
Just then, my eyes found Diego’s. He had a small smile on his face and he gave me an encouraging nod. One that said, You’re playing your role well but you’re not actually saying anything. Okay, I was reading into that nod. I was projecting. But I knew I’d reverted to my early podcast habits. I turned back to Chloe and cleared my throat.
“Have you ever heard the saying that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the ability to move forward despite the fear?” I asked.
She nodded.
“You don’t necessarily get over fear,” I went on, “but you can succeed even if it’s trying to hold you back. And Victoria’s right, things do get easier the more you face them.”
Chloe wrung her hands together and then said, “Thank you.”
A lanky boy was waiting behind Chloe at the mic. When she stepped away, he came forward and said, “Kat, I hear you live in Lakesprings. What’s the best thing to do at the lake?”
I laughed. I’d wanted to do a whole podcast on that question alone. “Um … everything?” I said.
“Kat is biased,” Victoria said. “She would never leave the lake if she didn’t have to.”
I almost agreed, but then I stopped. “Actually, even though I love the lake and it’s my favorite place ever, I wouldn’t mind testing that preference by traveling a bit.” This time I couldn’t meet Diego’s eyes. He’d know I said that because of him. I did say that because of him. He was making me see that maybe there were other things to explore before making permanent decisions.
“I’m with you on that,” Victoria said.
“No, but really, there’s lots to do at the lake,” I said, focusing on the boy. “You can’t go wrong. I’m into motorized toys, but if you can’t swing those, then grab a couple inner tubes and an ice chest. There’s picnic areas all over and an afternoon of floating is the best.”
“Thanks.”
The audience microphone was empty again, so Victoria fished out another card from the box and handed it to me.
“ ‘Katoria,’ ” I read aloud.
“They mashed up our names?” Victoria asked.
“Yes, they did.”
“I love this person already.”
I continued reading. “ ‘I want to ask a guy out but my best friend likes him. I don’t think he likes her back. In fact, there have been several hints that he actually likes me. I don’t want to lose my friendship over this, but I really, really like him. What should I do?’ ” My heart seemed to leap to my throat, making it hard to breathe. Thankfully, Victoria jumped in.
“If you know the feelings aren’t reciprocated, I say, why should two people suffer? Your friend should be happy to see you happy. The key is honesty. Talking, right, Kat? Tell your best friend how you feel. Get her blessing.”
“I don’t know,” I said, my throat tight. “This situation is a little trickier.”
“How so? You mean your talking advice wouldn’t work here?”
I shifted in my seat. “Maybe. It just depends how willing you are to risk a friendship. Because something like this can be a friendship-ender. I have a cousin who’s way too young for a certain guy that she has a crush on. And he’s cute. But even so, as far as I’m concerned, he is off-limits for me. I won’t go after a loved one’s guy no matter how cute he is. Friendship and family are more important.”
There was a loud noise—a gasp—in the audience and my eyes found Liza’s. Her mouth was open in indignation, and it took me two beats to realize what I’d just done. What I’d just said.
Crap. I’d just outed Liza in front of half the school.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my palms sweating, looking at Liza. “We’ll edit that out. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“What happened?” Victoria asked.
The audience seemed to sense I had made a grave error and had become deathly silent. So silent that when Liza shouted out, her words rang out crystal clear over the crowd.
“Why didn’t you use your own life as an example, Kat?” My cousin’s face was splotchy with emotion. “Your best friend likes the guy you like and so you’re not pursuing it. You could’ve just said that.”
My heart seized up. How did Liza know? Was I that transparent? Had she guessed? Had Diego guessed? Had Alana guessed? I scanned the crowd again for Alana but I couldn’t see her anywhere. I purposefully avoided looking anywhere near Diego.
Liza continued, “Instead you have to throw your cousin under the bus with a story that’s not even true?”
“It’s not?” I asked, and then wanted to slap myself. That wasn’t the point. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “It just slipped out. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s just second nature at this point, right?” Liza snapped. “You exploit the people in your life for the benefit of the podcast. Just ask Mr. Looking for Love.”
Liza whipped her head over to Diego and so did I. I shouldn’t have looked at him. But it was too late. His gaze went between Liza and me. Then he turned quickly and walked away, sidestepping people and then the outer rope before he disappeared into the carnival.
I closed my eyes and took a calming breath because otherwise I was going to cry. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Liza, who I was sure had done that to get even with me, looked like she regretted the choice. But she huffed, turned on her heel, and stomped away, too.
