Logan Kade
Page 71
“Hey.”
I’d been sitting here, feeling Logan’s ascent as he climbed. The full moon lit us, but his face was in shadows. I heard caution in his tone and grinned. “You sound scared of me. I didn’t think Logan Motherfucking Sex Machine Kade was scared of anything.”
He laughed, and the sound was so smooth, so low, so genuine that it washed over me like a warm breeze. Instant tears pricked at my eyes, but I steeled myself. I wouldn’t let them fall. I was done with crying over people.
“Can I sit?”
Instead of answering, I scooted. This put me on the outside this time, so the only way off was through him or by plunging to the ground. That thought would have terrified me last time. This time I almost welcomed it. Once Logan sat, I expected questions, concerns, even words that would never comfort. My pain couldn’t be eased. I lost another family member.
He didn’t say anything, though I glanced over to find him watching me steadily.
“What?” I asked.
One of his eyebrows lifted. “Okay, I know this is the part where I’m supposed to ask you what’s wrong. You’re supposed to tell me, probably break down in tears, and then we express our undying lust for each other. You’re also supposed to somehow straddle me, and we have amazing hot sex.”
“I’m sensing a but?”
“But…” I could hear bitterness even as he laughed. It mirrored what I was feeling. “I don’t do that shit. I don’t follow rules or guidelines. I do my own fuck-ups, thank you. So…” He lifted an arm around me, resting it on the back of the car as his hand traced circles on my shoulder. He leaned back, kicking his leg up to rest on the front end of the car. He looked completely relaxed and let out a deep breath. “I already told you my dad used to be a major whore. Surprising fact: He’s no longer married, and he’s been the most committed partner ever. It’s sad that she’s a psychotic, evil bitch. I’m sure you’ll meet her one of these days. Apologies ahead of time. But that’s not the point of me filling the silence right now. I want to tell you something about me.”
“Logan.” I shifted toward him. My hand went to his leg.
He shook his head. “Nope. I’m telling you. You’re going to have deal with it.”
I smiled again, and this time it didn’t fade so quickly. The more Logan talked, the more his words and voice soothed me, helping the world go away. I scooted down to rest my head in the crook of his shoulder. I felt safe there.
“This happened a long, long time ago, and it’s not a great story. It actually pretty much sucks, but for some reason I feel compelled to tell you.” He stuck out his bottom lip. “My parents got divorced when I was still pretty young. To be honest, I don’t remember a time when they were happy. I’m sure they were once. I’m sure there are memories, but I can’t remember any.”
“This is the story?”
He patted my shoulder. “Patience, Firecracker. I’m getting to it.”
Another warm sensation flooded me. “Okay.”
“So my parents divorced, but that wasn’t the part that sucked. It was the before part, when they were still together.”
My chest tightened. “Logan,” I murmured.
He ignored me and kept going. “My mom was a closet alcoholic. I think she started drinking because of my dad’s cheating, or maybe he started cheating because of her drinking. I don’t know what came first. I’m sure Mason does, but we don’t talk about those years much. Neither of us wants to remember. It sucked. It majorly sucked. It was like living in a house where you know there’s something dead.”
He looked out over the city for a moment. “We were there. It was supposed to be our home, but it was just walls. The house was huge, so we had a lot of stuff, but it was empty. I could never shake the feeling that something was wrong. Mason loved me. I knew that. But from my dad, even my mom—I never felt anything. I know now that they do love me. They’ve showed it in different ways. Like, my mom moved back to Fallen Crest, and I lived with her for a year before graduating. If we ever need her, she’ll always fly in, no questions asked. That’s nice. And my dad, he’s been trying more lately. He’s committed to Sam’s mom, so I know he loves her, and he’s helped me a few times. He bailed me out last year so I didn’t get expelled, and he’s helping with… Well, he tries to show his love, so maybe that’ll come in a few years. I don’t know. I don’t have much hope for a real relationship with my dad, you know?”
I listened to him, and the more he said, the farther my heart sank, even though Logan sounded almost cheerful.
“I remember one time when I was little,” he added, his voice wistful. “It was Christmas Day, and this was at the end so Christmas was a joke. My mom usually passed out by the afternoon. My dad was always at the office, or with some woman. And Mason was usually pissed off. I always knew he was mad at Mom and Dad, but he was mad at what they were doing to me, too. That’s the part that always gets me: He was mad because of me. He worried about me. I might not have grown up with a happy or loving mom and dad, but I grew up with him. He loved me. He was like my mom and dad all together, and he never treated me the way a regular brother might. Some older siblings don’t want shit to do with the little brother. Mason was never like that.”
He shook his head. “In some ways, I think I had it better than him. If Mom and Dad did love each other once, he experienced that. But he lost it. I never had it. I’m only a year younger, but I guess that year makes a different. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I just—I had him to raise me, and he had no one to raise him. Mason raised himself. It’s why he hates adults so much. He’s gotten less angry since Sam came into his life. She’s helped ground him, and she loves him back. They’re good for each other like that.”
I’d been sitting here, feeling Logan’s ascent as he climbed. The full moon lit us, but his face was in shadows. I heard caution in his tone and grinned. “You sound scared of me. I didn’t think Logan Motherfucking Sex Machine Kade was scared of anything.”
He laughed, and the sound was so smooth, so low, so genuine that it washed over me like a warm breeze. Instant tears pricked at my eyes, but I steeled myself. I wouldn’t let them fall. I was done with crying over people.
“Can I sit?”
Instead of answering, I scooted. This put me on the outside this time, so the only way off was through him or by plunging to the ground. That thought would have terrified me last time. This time I almost welcomed it. Once Logan sat, I expected questions, concerns, even words that would never comfort. My pain couldn’t be eased. I lost another family member.
He didn’t say anything, though I glanced over to find him watching me steadily.
“What?” I asked.
One of his eyebrows lifted. “Okay, I know this is the part where I’m supposed to ask you what’s wrong. You’re supposed to tell me, probably break down in tears, and then we express our undying lust for each other. You’re also supposed to somehow straddle me, and we have amazing hot sex.”
“I’m sensing a but?”
“But…” I could hear bitterness even as he laughed. It mirrored what I was feeling. “I don’t do that shit. I don’t follow rules or guidelines. I do my own fuck-ups, thank you. So…” He lifted an arm around me, resting it on the back of the car as his hand traced circles on my shoulder. He leaned back, kicking his leg up to rest on the front end of the car. He looked completely relaxed and let out a deep breath. “I already told you my dad used to be a major whore. Surprising fact: He’s no longer married, and he’s been the most committed partner ever. It’s sad that she’s a psychotic, evil bitch. I’m sure you’ll meet her one of these days. Apologies ahead of time. But that’s not the point of me filling the silence right now. I want to tell you something about me.”
“Logan.” I shifted toward him. My hand went to his leg.
He shook his head. “Nope. I’m telling you. You’re going to have deal with it.”
I smiled again, and this time it didn’t fade so quickly. The more Logan talked, the more his words and voice soothed me, helping the world go away. I scooted down to rest my head in the crook of his shoulder. I felt safe there.
“This happened a long, long time ago, and it’s not a great story. It actually pretty much sucks, but for some reason I feel compelled to tell you.” He stuck out his bottom lip. “My parents got divorced when I was still pretty young. To be honest, I don’t remember a time when they were happy. I’m sure they were once. I’m sure there are memories, but I can’t remember any.”
“This is the story?”
He patted my shoulder. “Patience, Firecracker. I’m getting to it.”
Another warm sensation flooded me. “Okay.”
“So my parents divorced, but that wasn’t the part that sucked. It was the before part, when they were still together.”
My chest tightened. “Logan,” I murmured.
He ignored me and kept going. “My mom was a closet alcoholic. I think she started drinking because of my dad’s cheating, or maybe he started cheating because of her drinking. I don’t know what came first. I’m sure Mason does, but we don’t talk about those years much. Neither of us wants to remember. It sucked. It majorly sucked. It was like living in a house where you know there’s something dead.”
He looked out over the city for a moment. “We were there. It was supposed to be our home, but it was just walls. The house was huge, so we had a lot of stuff, but it was empty. I could never shake the feeling that something was wrong. Mason loved me. I knew that. But from my dad, even my mom—I never felt anything. I know now that they do love me. They’ve showed it in different ways. Like, my mom moved back to Fallen Crest, and I lived with her for a year before graduating. If we ever need her, she’ll always fly in, no questions asked. That’s nice. And my dad, he’s been trying more lately. He’s committed to Sam’s mom, so I know he loves her, and he’s helped me a few times. He bailed me out last year so I didn’t get expelled, and he’s helping with… Well, he tries to show his love, so maybe that’ll come in a few years. I don’t know. I don’t have much hope for a real relationship with my dad, you know?”
I listened to him, and the more he said, the farther my heart sank, even though Logan sounded almost cheerful.
“I remember one time when I was little,” he added, his voice wistful. “It was Christmas Day, and this was at the end so Christmas was a joke. My mom usually passed out by the afternoon. My dad was always at the office, or with some woman. And Mason was usually pissed off. I always knew he was mad at Mom and Dad, but he was mad at what they were doing to me, too. That’s the part that always gets me: He was mad because of me. He worried about me. I might not have grown up with a happy or loving mom and dad, but I grew up with him. He loved me. He was like my mom and dad all together, and he never treated me the way a regular brother might. Some older siblings don’t want shit to do with the little brother. Mason was never like that.”
He shook his head. “In some ways, I think I had it better than him. If Mom and Dad did love each other once, he experienced that. But he lost it. I never had it. I’m only a year younger, but I guess that year makes a different. I don’t know if I’m making sense. I just—I had him to raise me, and he had no one to raise him. Mason raised himself. It’s why he hates adults so much. He’s gotten less angry since Sam came into his life. She’s helped ground him, and she loves him back. They’re good for each other like that.”
