Love the One You're With
Page 27
She rolled her eyes, ignoring him for a second as she finished her thought before turning to face him. “Okay. Done. Where to today?”
His eyes scanned the office. “Where are the girls?”
Grace pointed to each of her friends’ chairs. “Dentist, lunch-sex, don’t know.”
“Who’s who?”
“Emma’s at the dentist, Mitchell swung by to pick up Julie, which is why I’m assuming there’s lunch-sex involved, and I think Riley’s off interviewing women in Times Square for her new article, but I’m not really sure.”
He didn’t respond, and Grace looked at him then—really looked at him for the first time since he’d come into the office.
And she didn’t like what she saw. This wasn’t playful Jake. It wasn’t even focused-on-work Jake.
It was a withdrawn, closed-off Jake.
The office suddenly felt stifling. She knew that look. It wasn’t unlike the one on Greg’s face that horrible day when she’d confronted him about Maureen.
The look was so much worse than anger or disdain. It was resignation.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. She knew it wasn’t.
“Can we talk?”
And there it was.
There wasn’t a woman alive who didn’t know what that meant. Both 1.0 and 2.0 rallied around her for support, 1.0 to comfort, 2.0 to shield.
“Sure,” she said with a sunniness she didn’t feel. She stood and shut the door. Grace really, really didn’t want an audience for what she thought was about to go down.
“I talked to Cassidy today,” Jake said, half sitting on Riley’s desk. Grace did the same on Julie’s desk since it was across from Riley’s and as far from Jake as she could get without leaving the crowded office.
She waited for him to continue.
“And I got my new work assignment.”
She blinked. Not what she was expecting. It definitely didn’t explain his expression. He looked like someone had died.
What did his new assignment have to do with them? Even if his new story involved something in the dating department, it didn’t mean it had to affect his personal life. Just look at Julie—she was happily engaged and still wrote dating articles all the time. In fact, her writing about relationships had gotten better since she’d entered into one herself.
They could make it work. They could make anything work.
“You’ve heard that Oxford is adding a new section? Travel?”
“Eh, nope,” she said with a sheepish smile. “Can’t say I’ve paid a whole lot of attention to Oxford’s table of contents.” Also, get to the point already.
Jake held her gaze, his expression bleak. Waiting for her to understand.
Then it hit her. Hard.
“You?” she croaked.
He gave a curt nod.
“But why?” Surely Alex Cassidy wasn’t so much of a hard-ass that he’d send one of his best columnists on the road without his consent.
“Because I asked him to.”
It was a good thing Grace had started gripping the desk at some point, because that little tidbit of information just might have knocked her over. “When?”
And why?
“Before all this started. Because all of this started, actually.”
Her mind flitted back to her conversation with Cole Sharpe. The one where he’d told her that Alex Cassidy had had to bribe Jake to take on the joint Stiletto story.
She’d thought it had just been about the fancy office.
But it was so much bigger than that.
“Explain,” she said, trying to paste a smile on her face.
He started toward her then, starting to reach out a hand, but apparently thinking better of it. She didn’t move. “I’ve always wanted this role, Grace. You’ve seen my pictures. I’ve always loved to travel. I settled down these past couple of years thinking I got it out of my system, but I started to get the bug again. You know?”
No. “The bug? The bug that makes you want to leave home and jump from state to state, country to country?”
“Yes. I’ll come back occasionally, of course. But I’ll likely be on the road more often than not.”
He said it so simply. As though it was the most natural thing in the world to pack up and leave your friends and family.
And her. He made it sound as though it was easy to leave her.
“I asked Cassidy for a shot at the new role before I met you,” he said quietly. “You have to know that.”
Grace nodded. It could have been a relief. A balm to her ego. It wasn’t. Because now that he did know her, he hadn’t exactly told his boss that he’d had a change of heart. Hadn’t proclaimed that there was a woman in New York worth staying for.
You knew he wouldn’t stay, 2.0 said in her gentlest voice yet.
And that was the real crapper in all of this. He’d never made any promises. She’d never made any requests. He wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Then why did it hurt so badly?
Now Grace realized that 2.0 had been right all along. She should have stayed away from men. It was always going to end this way, with the guy walking away unscathed while she felt broken.
No way. She was not doing this again. Grace was done being the brokenhearted one. Done being the victim, the one left behind. She might not be able to control Jake’s decision, but she sure as hell could control her own response to it.
No tantrums. And definitely no tears.
“Well, that’s awesome,” she said, her voice smooth as butter. “It’s a great opportunity.
Where are you off to first?”
His head snapped back slightly at her cavalier tone.
That’s right, 2.0 said with a little sneer. We don’t need your lame-ass comfort.
“Costa Rica.”
“That’ll be great!” she said, knowing her voice probably stank of insincerity. But really? Really? A whole other continent?
He nodded. “Yeah. Cassidy has connections that got me a sweet deal at a brand-new resort. It’s pretty cushy.”
For a second Grace’s heart lifted. A resort? She’d sort of been imagining some kind of rustic backpacking adventure, but a cushy resort sounded … romantic.
Was that why he was here? Was he asking her to tag along with him?
And would she go?
“I leave Thursday,” he said, his eyes not quite meeting hers.
Her hopes came crashing down. I leave Thursday. Singular pronoun. Got it. “Thursday, wow. That’s … soon.”
Jake nodded. “I’ll have to miss the baseball game.”
Wow, this just keeps getting better.
“All the better for you, right?” she said. “Now you don’t have to break your pact with yourself and set foot in the evil stadium. Ever going to tell me what that’s about, by the way?”
His lips pressed together, and he remained silent.
“Right. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. It’ll be one of those sexy little mysteries I can take away from my time with Jake Malone.” She gave him a sassy little smile to let him know that this was all good with her, even though she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t about to vomit.
He ran a hand through his hair and gave a harsh little laugh. “You know, I’ll admit you’re not responding like I thought.”
She tilted her head as though confused. “Oh?”
“Yeah, I thought you’d be, you know, more … upset.”
Grace shrugged. “Well, I know we said we were going to try the one-man/one-woman sort of thing, but we’re adults. We understood that only meant faithful as long as we were together. It’s not like we agreed to a certain time commitment. Right?”
His eyes flared then, and he opened his mouth as though to argue, but shut it just as fast before tipping his head back in acknowledgment. “Right.”
She pushed herself away from the desk, smile fixed firmly in place. “So, we’re good then? No hard feelings?”
“Nope. Just good memories.”
“Great memories.” She forced a grin.
He nodded again, and she realized that if she didn’t end this soon, they’d spend the rest of the afternoon nodding and fake-smiling at each other.
Jake looked torn between confusion and relief, and it was the relief that hurt the most. What had he expected, that she’d throw herself at his feet and beg him not to go?
Apparently he hadn’t gotten the memo from 2.0. She was done being “poor Grace.” Done letting her happiness be dependent on a man. Turned out 2.0 had been right all along.
“So … still on for lunch?” he asked, his casual tone as fake as her smile.
“Actually, I’ve got a lot to do here,” she said, gesturing lamely at her computer. “And since things are sort of wrapping up, it might be easiest if we just sort of call it, you know?”
“Call it.” His voice turned flat.
“Yeah, no need to keep up appearances. I mean, you’ll be gone in three days.”
Her voice started to crack on that last part, and she felt that horrible lump in her throat. He needed to leave now. Before she broke down and did something completely insane, like beg him to stay.
His eyes narrowed, and the panic began clawing at her. He knew.
You’re losing it. Get him out of here, 2.0 commanded.
“Grace, I don’t want it to end like this.”
But it was ending. And that’s all she needed to know.
“It’s actually better this way,” she said, pulling out her ponytail and needlessly putting it back up again to keep her shaking hands busy. “I’ve been feeling sort of weird about things since last weekend. It got a little intense, you know? I was just so freaked out by Greg and that damned ring, and I lost sight of what I really want.”
“And what’s that?”
She gave a rueful little lift of her shoulder. “To be single. At least for now. After that, I don’t know. Maybe play the field a little, you know?”
Grace gave him a purposeful look. He should know. Playing the field was his MO.
“Play the field?” he asked, his voice empty.
She gave a rueful little grin. “Well, it’s a little embarrassing to work for Stiletto and only have been with two guys, ya know? Not that I’m going to go all slutty, but I don’t know … I just kind of want the option. To figure out what I want.”
Liar, 1.0 was screaming. You already know what you want. He’s right here.
“Got it,” he said. “Well … good luck to you.”
“And you!”
Oh God, she sounded like a hyper cheerleader.
He moved toward the door, and she bit her lip to keep from saying anything stupid. His fingers found the door handle, and her eyes closed briefly before she forced herself to watch him walk away. She needed to cement this in her memory so that she would remember to avoid it next time.
“I’ll call you next time I’m back in the city?” he said. “We can grab drinks, or … whatever.”
So this is what she and Jake had become. An occasional phone call and whatever.
“Sure,” she said. “I’d like that.”
He nodded, his eyes boring into hers. “I’ll miss you, Grace.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she whispered. It was the first honest thing she’d said in the entire conversation, and it probably betrayed too much, but she couldn’t not say it. Not to the man she’d fallen in love with.
Oh, Grace, 2.0 said in despair. Love?
“Yeah,” she muttered to herself.
Not that it mattered. He was already gone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The phone call with his mother was almost as difficult as his face-to-face conversation with Grace. Almost.
“But you’ll come home for Christmas?”
“Yes, Mom. They’re not sending me off to war. I’m getting paid to see awesome places. Safe places.”
“Alone,” she said. “What good is seeing all the world’s wonders by yourself?”
“I thought you’d be happy about this, Mom. You and Dad are the ones always telling me that I’m going places,” he said as he scanned around for one of La Guardia Airport’s many bars. He’d made it through security in record time and had over an hour to kill before his flight to Fort Lauderdale and the subsequent connection to San Jose, Costa Rica.
There was a long silence on the other end. “Figuratively, Jake. We just meant life is your oyster and all that.”
Jake closed his eyes, feeling unbearably tired. “But you were always going on and on about all the places I used to go.”
“Sure, it was exciting! But don’t think for one second I wouldn’t have selfishly preferred to have my baby boy living down the street from me.”
Christ. He couldn’t even begin to process all of that right now. She’d waited until he was at the airport to tell him she liked it better when he was local?
He just wanted to sit with a beer and think about nothing.
Particularly if he was going to have to listen to his mother start talking about Grace. Again. As if he needed a reminder. He’d done everything possible to avoid thinking about her since walking out of her office on Monday. He hadn’t thought about her when he’d packed up his office. Not when he’d been packing for his trip.
He hadn’t thought about her when he’d researched his must-see list for Costa Rica and Argentina. And not when he’d gotten a lead on a Beijing tour next month.
He had thought of Grace when he’d invited her to his going-away party last night.
His eyes scanned the office. “Where are the girls?”
Grace pointed to each of her friends’ chairs. “Dentist, lunch-sex, don’t know.”
“Who’s who?”
“Emma’s at the dentist, Mitchell swung by to pick up Julie, which is why I’m assuming there’s lunch-sex involved, and I think Riley’s off interviewing women in Times Square for her new article, but I’m not really sure.”
He didn’t respond, and Grace looked at him then—really looked at him for the first time since he’d come into the office.
And she didn’t like what she saw. This wasn’t playful Jake. It wasn’t even focused-on-work Jake.
It was a withdrawn, closed-off Jake.
The office suddenly felt stifling. She knew that look. It wasn’t unlike the one on Greg’s face that horrible day when she’d confronted him about Maureen.
The look was so much worse than anger or disdain. It was resignation.
“Is everything okay?” she asked. She knew it wasn’t.
“Can we talk?”
And there it was.
There wasn’t a woman alive who didn’t know what that meant. Both 1.0 and 2.0 rallied around her for support, 1.0 to comfort, 2.0 to shield.
“Sure,” she said with a sunniness she didn’t feel. She stood and shut the door. Grace really, really didn’t want an audience for what she thought was about to go down.
“I talked to Cassidy today,” Jake said, half sitting on Riley’s desk. Grace did the same on Julie’s desk since it was across from Riley’s and as far from Jake as she could get without leaving the crowded office.
She waited for him to continue.
“And I got my new work assignment.”
She blinked. Not what she was expecting. It definitely didn’t explain his expression. He looked like someone had died.
What did his new assignment have to do with them? Even if his new story involved something in the dating department, it didn’t mean it had to affect his personal life. Just look at Julie—she was happily engaged and still wrote dating articles all the time. In fact, her writing about relationships had gotten better since she’d entered into one herself.
They could make it work. They could make anything work.
“You’ve heard that Oxford is adding a new section? Travel?”
“Eh, nope,” she said with a sheepish smile. “Can’t say I’ve paid a whole lot of attention to Oxford’s table of contents.” Also, get to the point already.
Jake held her gaze, his expression bleak. Waiting for her to understand.
Then it hit her. Hard.
“You?” she croaked.
He gave a curt nod.
“But why?” Surely Alex Cassidy wasn’t so much of a hard-ass that he’d send one of his best columnists on the road without his consent.
“Because I asked him to.”
It was a good thing Grace had started gripping the desk at some point, because that little tidbit of information just might have knocked her over. “When?”
And why?
“Before all this started. Because all of this started, actually.”
Her mind flitted back to her conversation with Cole Sharpe. The one where he’d told her that Alex Cassidy had had to bribe Jake to take on the joint Stiletto story.
She’d thought it had just been about the fancy office.
But it was so much bigger than that.
“Explain,” she said, trying to paste a smile on her face.
He started toward her then, starting to reach out a hand, but apparently thinking better of it. She didn’t move. “I’ve always wanted this role, Grace. You’ve seen my pictures. I’ve always loved to travel. I settled down these past couple of years thinking I got it out of my system, but I started to get the bug again. You know?”
No. “The bug? The bug that makes you want to leave home and jump from state to state, country to country?”
“Yes. I’ll come back occasionally, of course. But I’ll likely be on the road more often than not.”
He said it so simply. As though it was the most natural thing in the world to pack up and leave your friends and family.
And her. He made it sound as though it was easy to leave her.
“I asked Cassidy for a shot at the new role before I met you,” he said quietly. “You have to know that.”
Grace nodded. It could have been a relief. A balm to her ego. It wasn’t. Because now that he did know her, he hadn’t exactly told his boss that he’d had a change of heart. Hadn’t proclaimed that there was a woman in New York worth staying for.
You knew he wouldn’t stay, 2.0 said in her gentlest voice yet.
And that was the real crapper in all of this. He’d never made any promises. She’d never made any requests. He wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. Then why did it hurt so badly?
Now Grace realized that 2.0 had been right all along. She should have stayed away from men. It was always going to end this way, with the guy walking away unscathed while she felt broken.
No way. She was not doing this again. Grace was done being the brokenhearted one. Done being the victim, the one left behind. She might not be able to control Jake’s decision, but she sure as hell could control her own response to it.
No tantrums. And definitely no tears.
“Well, that’s awesome,” she said, her voice smooth as butter. “It’s a great opportunity.
Where are you off to first?”
His head snapped back slightly at her cavalier tone.
That’s right, 2.0 said with a little sneer. We don’t need your lame-ass comfort.
“Costa Rica.”
“That’ll be great!” she said, knowing her voice probably stank of insincerity. But really? Really? A whole other continent?
He nodded. “Yeah. Cassidy has connections that got me a sweet deal at a brand-new resort. It’s pretty cushy.”
For a second Grace’s heart lifted. A resort? She’d sort of been imagining some kind of rustic backpacking adventure, but a cushy resort sounded … romantic.
Was that why he was here? Was he asking her to tag along with him?
And would she go?
“I leave Thursday,” he said, his eyes not quite meeting hers.
Her hopes came crashing down. I leave Thursday. Singular pronoun. Got it. “Thursday, wow. That’s … soon.”
Jake nodded. “I’ll have to miss the baseball game.”
Wow, this just keeps getting better.
“All the better for you, right?” she said. “Now you don’t have to break your pact with yourself and set foot in the evil stadium. Ever going to tell me what that’s about, by the way?”
His lips pressed together, and he remained silent.
“Right. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway. It’ll be one of those sexy little mysteries I can take away from my time with Jake Malone.” She gave him a sassy little smile to let him know that this was all good with her, even though she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t about to vomit.
He ran a hand through his hair and gave a harsh little laugh. “You know, I’ll admit you’re not responding like I thought.”
She tilted her head as though confused. “Oh?”
“Yeah, I thought you’d be, you know, more … upset.”
Grace shrugged. “Well, I know we said we were going to try the one-man/one-woman sort of thing, but we’re adults. We understood that only meant faithful as long as we were together. It’s not like we agreed to a certain time commitment. Right?”
His eyes flared then, and he opened his mouth as though to argue, but shut it just as fast before tipping his head back in acknowledgment. “Right.”
She pushed herself away from the desk, smile fixed firmly in place. “So, we’re good then? No hard feelings?”
“Nope. Just good memories.”
“Great memories.” She forced a grin.
He nodded again, and she realized that if she didn’t end this soon, they’d spend the rest of the afternoon nodding and fake-smiling at each other.
Jake looked torn between confusion and relief, and it was the relief that hurt the most. What had he expected, that she’d throw herself at his feet and beg him not to go?
Apparently he hadn’t gotten the memo from 2.0. She was done being “poor Grace.” Done letting her happiness be dependent on a man. Turned out 2.0 had been right all along.
“So … still on for lunch?” he asked, his casual tone as fake as her smile.
“Actually, I’ve got a lot to do here,” she said, gesturing lamely at her computer. “And since things are sort of wrapping up, it might be easiest if we just sort of call it, you know?”
“Call it.” His voice turned flat.
“Yeah, no need to keep up appearances. I mean, you’ll be gone in three days.”
Her voice started to crack on that last part, and she felt that horrible lump in her throat. He needed to leave now. Before she broke down and did something completely insane, like beg him to stay.
His eyes narrowed, and the panic began clawing at her. He knew.
You’re losing it. Get him out of here, 2.0 commanded.
“Grace, I don’t want it to end like this.”
But it was ending. And that’s all she needed to know.
“It’s actually better this way,” she said, pulling out her ponytail and needlessly putting it back up again to keep her shaking hands busy. “I’ve been feeling sort of weird about things since last weekend. It got a little intense, you know? I was just so freaked out by Greg and that damned ring, and I lost sight of what I really want.”
“And what’s that?”
She gave a rueful little lift of her shoulder. “To be single. At least for now. After that, I don’t know. Maybe play the field a little, you know?”
Grace gave him a purposeful look. He should know. Playing the field was his MO.
“Play the field?” he asked, his voice empty.
She gave a rueful little grin. “Well, it’s a little embarrassing to work for Stiletto and only have been with two guys, ya know? Not that I’m going to go all slutty, but I don’t know … I just kind of want the option. To figure out what I want.”
Liar, 1.0 was screaming. You already know what you want. He’s right here.
“Got it,” he said. “Well … good luck to you.”
“And you!”
Oh God, she sounded like a hyper cheerleader.
He moved toward the door, and she bit her lip to keep from saying anything stupid. His fingers found the door handle, and her eyes closed briefly before she forced herself to watch him walk away. She needed to cement this in her memory so that she would remember to avoid it next time.
“I’ll call you next time I’m back in the city?” he said. “We can grab drinks, or … whatever.”
So this is what she and Jake had become. An occasional phone call and whatever.
“Sure,” she said. “I’d like that.”
He nodded, his eyes boring into hers. “I’ll miss you, Grace.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she whispered. It was the first honest thing she’d said in the entire conversation, and it probably betrayed too much, but she couldn’t not say it. Not to the man she’d fallen in love with.
Oh, Grace, 2.0 said in despair. Love?
“Yeah,” she muttered to herself.
Not that it mattered. He was already gone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The phone call with his mother was almost as difficult as his face-to-face conversation with Grace. Almost.
“But you’ll come home for Christmas?”
“Yes, Mom. They’re not sending me off to war. I’m getting paid to see awesome places. Safe places.”
“Alone,” she said. “What good is seeing all the world’s wonders by yourself?”
“I thought you’d be happy about this, Mom. You and Dad are the ones always telling me that I’m going places,” he said as he scanned around for one of La Guardia Airport’s many bars. He’d made it through security in record time and had over an hour to kill before his flight to Fort Lauderdale and the subsequent connection to San Jose, Costa Rica.
There was a long silence on the other end. “Figuratively, Jake. We just meant life is your oyster and all that.”
Jake closed his eyes, feeling unbearably tired. “But you were always going on and on about all the places I used to go.”
“Sure, it was exciting! But don’t think for one second I wouldn’t have selfishly preferred to have my baby boy living down the street from me.”
Christ. He couldn’t even begin to process all of that right now. She’d waited until he was at the airport to tell him she liked it better when he was local?
He just wanted to sit with a beer and think about nothing.
Particularly if he was going to have to listen to his mother start talking about Grace. Again. As if he needed a reminder. He’d done everything possible to avoid thinking about her since walking out of her office on Monday. He hadn’t thought about her when he’d packed up his office. Not when he’d been packing for his trip.
He hadn’t thought about her when he’d researched his must-see list for Costa Rica and Argentina. And not when he’d gotten a lead on a Beijing tour next month.
He had thought of Grace when he’d invited her to his going-away party last night.
