Loving Lawson
Page 15
“Don’t walk away.” I didn’t want it to sound like a plea, but it did. Truth was, I needed him. I needed that connection. I needed to break down the void that was silently killing me on the inside with each passing day.
He groaned, taking a moment to decide. Maybe he was waiting for the need to pass. Maybe I was too. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so lucky. Touching him was making it worse.
“Be with me,” I whispered, fearing rejection like nothing else before. “Please.”
Those words were his undoing.
He kissed me hard; tongue and gentle bites along my lips. I went slack, letting him roam where he wanted, savouring every bit of it as he masterfully touched me. I moaned and breathed harshly when his hand slid down the side of my body and rested between my inner thighs. Not wanting him to stop, I gripped him tight, not once objecting to any of it. I felt like I was completely surrendering myself to him. It made time halt. The world slipped away as he continued to torment me.
His fingers moved up, drifting lightly over my stomach, pulling my shirt up along the way until they were bunched above my breasts. He pulled away from my mouth and stared down at my plain, white bra. He pulled the cups down, baring my breasts to him. His breathing hitched as he dragged his finger along both nipples, hardening them instantly.
“Fuck, Allison.”
Those words were equally turning me on just as much as his touch was. I barely breathed as those fingers continued down my stomach, lightly brushing against the waistband of my lounge pants. My hips pushed off the bed, pressing into his fingers. I stared at his mesmerized face, waiting anxiously for him to continue.
God, he better fucking continue!
He licked his lips, glistening them in a way that made me want to lick the moisture off, before he dipped his fingers slowly beneath my pants. My cheeks heated as I felt him roaming along the edges of my core. Was he trying to kill me?
He gave me another kiss while he slowly touched me closer to where I needed him most. When his fingertips skirted over my slit, I let out a moan and he grunted in response.
“You’re so wet,” he said in a pained way. “Fuck, you really want this.”
How could I not?
I simply nodded as my eyes rolled to the back of my head at the sensations. A burning, tingling feeling travelled through me as he roamed up my slit, circling my clit in a way that drew out more moans.
Oh, my…
I was prepared to call him God if he wanted me to. Hell, I’d say he was the devil instead, because these sensations were nothing short of sinful. He was touching me like he knew my body so well already. I never thought it could feel this good.
As he continued setting the bottom half of my body on fire, he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked lightly. I rested my hand against the back of his head, moving my hips again, encouraging him to keep going. To not stop. Please, never stop.
“You like that?” he asked, breathing heatedly against my breasts, groaning himself each time I moaned. I didn’t think anything could be this erotic.
I didn’t know what I was saying exactly. A bunch of unintelligent gibberish coming out in a rush, like, “Don’t stop… God… Heath… Yes, like that…I can’t believe… So good.” I was sure I’d be embarrassed if I wasn’t so turned on.
I was lost in this world he’d built around us. I never wanted to leave this damn bed.
“Don’t stop.”
He didn’t.
He didn’t bloody stop.
I’d never had that happen to me.
I expected him to pull away and ask to be returned the favour.
He didn’t.
“Oh, my God.”
The second he slid his finger inside of me, the orgasm built in record time. One stroke. Two strokes. Three strokes. Four… and I was gone, crying out into the air, drawling out his name as I went. I shook from its intensity and he drowned out my cries with that beautiful mouth of his.
“Shit, Allison,” he said in bewilderment. “Shit, you’re killing me.”
I came down from the high, but my want for him was just as strong, if not more. I kissed him again, thanking him silently for the most wonderful orgasm I’d ever had. He pulled back and looked down at me, those hungry eyes darkened with every second that passed.
“Do you…” he paused and looked about my face, “do you want more, Allison?”
Allison.
He’d said my full name in one night more times than I’d ever been called it my whole life.
He was destroying me, this guy.
“Yes,” I said straightaway. There was no hesitation. If he detected the slightest hint this entire moment would collapse all around us.
I wasn’t sure what thoughts lurked inside of him, but the look he was giving me made my heart erupt. It was so warm. So good. Nothing at all like the lusty filled gaze he’d given Tru.
He kissed me softly. “Okay,” he whispered.
Then everything happened at once.
He took my clothes off speedily, surprising me by how unsmooth he was. He tugged my shirt over my head, taking some painful strands of my long hair in the process, then pulled down my shorts and underwear, removing them completely out of one leg but leaving the other leg on like he had no time to spare. The Heath I knew was good at everything he did. He was calm and collected. He was charming and smooth. This one in front of me now was all over the place. One second kissing my lips, the next down my neck and to my breasts, tearing apart my bra like there was a countdown I didn’t know about. I was hot to the touch by the time he began removing his own clothes, and it hardly took a few seconds before he was pressed against me again, this time flesh against flesh.
He slowed his movements down entirely when he settled between my legs, licking between my opened lips with his warm tongue.
“I never thought I’d be with you like this,” he said. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”
“If you are, don’t wake up.”
“Believe me, I’m not going to… It’ll take a freight train to knock me out of this.”
I shut my eyes when I felt the hard tip of his erection pushing up and down my folds, and he muttered again how wet I was. How good it felt against the head of his cock. It was like he was teasing me with his length, skimming over my entrance and making me feel emptier than ever.
“Heath,” I whimpered. “Please…”
His breaths quickened from my words. He stilled at my entrance and slowly pushed into me, filling me inch after inch with all of him. I gasped at the fullness, at my body stretching for him. He tensed as he pulled out, letting out a sharp hiss.
“Fucking hell,” he groaned. “You’re tight, Allie. Fuck, you feel good.”
He moved in and out a few times in a painfully slow pace, savouring the feel of it. He cursed as he went, boxing me in with his arms as he tried to keep himself from going faster.
“It’s been a long time for me,” he muttered after a kiss. “I don’t know how long I can keep holding back.”
I shook my head against his mouth. “Don’t hold back at all.”
He moved harder into me and we groaned in unison. God, it felt good. I gripped him tighter as he picked up the pace, stretching me with every sharp, fast thrust. He sent kisses down my neck, licking the hollow of my throat before taking my nipple into his mouth. He sucked it hard again, making my blood rush straight to my breasts. All the while he continued to violently move into me.
“Please…” I was lost in my pleasure, waiting for the explosion to come and sweep me away. I was desperate for him to give me it.
I tightened around him, and he growled at the feeling. “Fuck, you’re killing me.”
He brought his mouth back over mine again and his body immediately slowed, pushing away the crest of pleasure instantly. I dug my nails into his back and tried to get him to speed up again.
“I’m so close,” I cried out to him.
“I know. I can feel it.”
Yet he still didn’t speed up. He looked down at me as he continued his slow thrusts. He swirled his hips against me, and I gasped at the friction triggering a flood of tingles in my core. My body shook as he continued these slow, torturous movements. In, out, swirl of the hips. I cried out, kissing him hungrily as my pleasure built and built.
“Heath,” I moaned as he thrust harder into me.
“Let go, Allie,” he growled, rounding his hips into me.
I did. My body gave out and the second orgasm tore through me. I felt it everywhere. Its intensity had me curling my toes as I rode it out. It was everything I thought it would be with him. And still, I was hungry. I was hungry for him, not just this. He kissed the skin below my ear and picked his movements up. He pounded into me, losing himself as he went on and on. He crushed me with his weight, until my breaths were shallow and I was slick with our sweat.
“Holy fuckin’ shit,” he groaned, pushing hard into me one last time and stilling completely. I felt his length jerk within me. He trembled as he came hard before he collapsed his head between my neck and shoulders.
Reality rushed in, and when our breaths returned to normal, the silence filled my ears. It was painfully louder than our time together. I waited for him to do something. Maybe kiss me or cuddle against me. I wanted some reassurance that what we did was okay.
He finally pulled away and I looked up as he stared down at me. I didn’t have to search his face to know what he was feeling. To know if what we did wasn’t a mistake.
I saw it clear as day on his face.
His shock.
His pain.
His… regret.
Heath broke my heart in that moment.
Heath
I fucked up.
Twelve
Heath
I got out of there faster than a bullet.
No words were needed to be said. The fuck could I say anyway? “Sorry for fucking you”? Somehow I didn’t think that would cut it.
Guilt was a fuck of a thing, wasn’t it? It was the perfect way to get into someone’s head and fuck up their matter. What I did… Oh, fuck.
This was going to cost me my brother.
And her.
I was going to lose two of the most important people in my life because of my moment of weakness. None of this would have happened had I just fucked the bar girl and stayed away the whole night.
I couldn’t do it, though. Living with Allie was a disaster right from the making. She made me realize I wanted things I didn’t even know I wanted. Being around her, craving her, hungering for the taste of her, it changed everything. I wanted some goddamn meaning in my life. I wanted to settle down. Wanted to have a girl as incredible as her by my side. Someone soft and real. A kind girl who looked at the ugly world and still clung to the belief there was beauty there somehow.
How the hell was I going to fix this?
I’d taken my keys and clothes and stormed out of the building, aiming to go as far away as possible. I acted like a complete fucking douchebag; those kinds of guys that took what they wanted and ran off into the sunset. Probably left her behind feeling like shit, and I’d have turned back just to make her feel better had I not been such a goddamn pussy.
I drove aimlessly, lost in thought, trying to figure out a way to numb the pain because it was tormenting the shit out of me. I didn’t want to fucking think about this.
Eventually, I returned to the bar and drank my sorrows away. I smashed shot after shot. I waited for the buzz. For my brain to start clouding. But nothing came. I felt rotten.
“You look like shit,” a familiar voice said in my ear.
I didn’t look at Tru as she slid in the stool beside me. I could smell the flower-scented shit I used to love on her. Now it just made me sick.
“Need to talk about it?” she proceeded to ask.
“No,” I answered.
“It’s that girl, isn’t it? Ever since she showed up, you’ve changed. I see it in you. You’ve gone all soft, Heath –”
“Look, I don’t give a fuck, alright?” I cut in, glaring at her. “Leave me alone.”
She ignored what I said and continued. “What is it about her? Because I don’t see it. I mean, I see the way you act toward her. I see it in the way you look at her. But I can’t find it. She’s plain. She’s timid. She’s not sexy or outgoing –”
“She’s everything you’re not,” I interrupted, giving her another cold stare.
“And that’s a good thing?”
I thought about her question for a moment. It didn’t really need thinking. I nodded and motioned to the bartender for another shot as I gritted out, “It’s the best fucking thing I could ever ask for.”
She froze. She looked pained for a moment before that wicked edge of hers took over. She leaned into me, pushing her tits against my arm as she snarled, “There’s no way you guys fuck the way we did. Hmm? I let you do whatever you wanted to me. Gave you everything you asked for –”
“Tru,” I said, letting out a hard laugh, “you were no different to the other girls I’ve taken before. There was nothing between us. I didn’t look at you when we were together. You can suck a person’s cock like a vacuum, but that don’t mean shit. You never made my pulse race. Never made my heart tighten. Never made me feel anything. So stop, okay? You’re digging and it’s all for nothing.”
Her eyes watered, and maybe the alcohol had made me cruel because I seriously didn’t care for it. She pushed away from me and took off. Finally. I tossed back a few more shots and watched the time pass by.
Could things return to normal? More importantly, would I let it?
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
“You’ve been served,” said another voice.
He groaned, taking a moment to decide. Maybe he was waiting for the need to pass. Maybe I was too. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so lucky. Touching him was making it worse.
“Be with me,” I whispered, fearing rejection like nothing else before. “Please.”
Those words were his undoing.
He kissed me hard; tongue and gentle bites along my lips. I went slack, letting him roam where he wanted, savouring every bit of it as he masterfully touched me. I moaned and breathed harshly when his hand slid down the side of my body and rested between my inner thighs. Not wanting him to stop, I gripped him tight, not once objecting to any of it. I felt like I was completely surrendering myself to him. It made time halt. The world slipped away as he continued to torment me.
His fingers moved up, drifting lightly over my stomach, pulling my shirt up along the way until they were bunched above my breasts. He pulled away from my mouth and stared down at my plain, white bra. He pulled the cups down, baring my breasts to him. His breathing hitched as he dragged his finger along both nipples, hardening them instantly.
“Fuck, Allison.”
Those words were equally turning me on just as much as his touch was. I barely breathed as those fingers continued down my stomach, lightly brushing against the waistband of my lounge pants. My hips pushed off the bed, pressing into his fingers. I stared at his mesmerized face, waiting anxiously for him to continue.
God, he better fucking continue!
He licked his lips, glistening them in a way that made me want to lick the moisture off, before he dipped his fingers slowly beneath my pants. My cheeks heated as I felt him roaming along the edges of my core. Was he trying to kill me?
He gave me another kiss while he slowly touched me closer to where I needed him most. When his fingertips skirted over my slit, I let out a moan and he grunted in response.
“You’re so wet,” he said in a pained way. “Fuck, you really want this.”
How could I not?
I simply nodded as my eyes rolled to the back of my head at the sensations. A burning, tingling feeling travelled through me as he roamed up my slit, circling my clit in a way that drew out more moans.
Oh, my…
I was prepared to call him God if he wanted me to. Hell, I’d say he was the devil instead, because these sensations were nothing short of sinful. He was touching me like he knew my body so well already. I never thought it could feel this good.
As he continued setting the bottom half of my body on fire, he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked lightly. I rested my hand against the back of his head, moving my hips again, encouraging him to keep going. To not stop. Please, never stop.
“You like that?” he asked, breathing heatedly against my breasts, groaning himself each time I moaned. I didn’t think anything could be this erotic.
I didn’t know what I was saying exactly. A bunch of unintelligent gibberish coming out in a rush, like, “Don’t stop… God… Heath… Yes, like that…I can’t believe… So good.” I was sure I’d be embarrassed if I wasn’t so turned on.
I was lost in this world he’d built around us. I never wanted to leave this damn bed.
“Don’t stop.”
He didn’t.
He didn’t bloody stop.
I’d never had that happen to me.
I expected him to pull away and ask to be returned the favour.
He didn’t.
“Oh, my God.”
The second he slid his finger inside of me, the orgasm built in record time. One stroke. Two strokes. Three strokes. Four… and I was gone, crying out into the air, drawling out his name as I went. I shook from its intensity and he drowned out my cries with that beautiful mouth of his.
“Shit, Allison,” he said in bewilderment. “Shit, you’re killing me.”
I came down from the high, but my want for him was just as strong, if not more. I kissed him again, thanking him silently for the most wonderful orgasm I’d ever had. He pulled back and looked down at me, those hungry eyes darkened with every second that passed.
“Do you…” he paused and looked about my face, “do you want more, Allison?”
Allison.
He’d said my full name in one night more times than I’d ever been called it my whole life.
He was destroying me, this guy.
“Yes,” I said straightaway. There was no hesitation. If he detected the slightest hint this entire moment would collapse all around us.
I wasn’t sure what thoughts lurked inside of him, but the look he was giving me made my heart erupt. It was so warm. So good. Nothing at all like the lusty filled gaze he’d given Tru.
He kissed me softly. “Okay,” he whispered.
Then everything happened at once.
He took my clothes off speedily, surprising me by how unsmooth he was. He tugged my shirt over my head, taking some painful strands of my long hair in the process, then pulled down my shorts and underwear, removing them completely out of one leg but leaving the other leg on like he had no time to spare. The Heath I knew was good at everything he did. He was calm and collected. He was charming and smooth. This one in front of me now was all over the place. One second kissing my lips, the next down my neck and to my breasts, tearing apart my bra like there was a countdown I didn’t know about. I was hot to the touch by the time he began removing his own clothes, and it hardly took a few seconds before he was pressed against me again, this time flesh against flesh.
He slowed his movements down entirely when he settled between my legs, licking between my opened lips with his warm tongue.
“I never thought I’d be with you like this,” he said. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”
“If you are, don’t wake up.”
“Believe me, I’m not going to… It’ll take a freight train to knock me out of this.”
I shut my eyes when I felt the hard tip of his erection pushing up and down my folds, and he muttered again how wet I was. How good it felt against the head of his cock. It was like he was teasing me with his length, skimming over my entrance and making me feel emptier than ever.
“Heath,” I whimpered. “Please…”
His breaths quickened from my words. He stilled at my entrance and slowly pushed into me, filling me inch after inch with all of him. I gasped at the fullness, at my body stretching for him. He tensed as he pulled out, letting out a sharp hiss.
“Fucking hell,” he groaned. “You’re tight, Allie. Fuck, you feel good.”
He moved in and out a few times in a painfully slow pace, savouring the feel of it. He cursed as he went, boxing me in with his arms as he tried to keep himself from going faster.
“It’s been a long time for me,” he muttered after a kiss. “I don’t know how long I can keep holding back.”
I shook my head against his mouth. “Don’t hold back at all.”
He moved harder into me and we groaned in unison. God, it felt good. I gripped him tighter as he picked up the pace, stretching me with every sharp, fast thrust. He sent kisses down my neck, licking the hollow of my throat before taking my nipple into his mouth. He sucked it hard again, making my blood rush straight to my breasts. All the while he continued to violently move into me.
“Please…” I was lost in my pleasure, waiting for the explosion to come and sweep me away. I was desperate for him to give me it.
I tightened around him, and he growled at the feeling. “Fuck, you’re killing me.”
He brought his mouth back over mine again and his body immediately slowed, pushing away the crest of pleasure instantly. I dug my nails into his back and tried to get him to speed up again.
“I’m so close,” I cried out to him.
“I know. I can feel it.”
Yet he still didn’t speed up. He looked down at me as he continued his slow thrusts. He swirled his hips against me, and I gasped at the friction triggering a flood of tingles in my core. My body shook as he continued these slow, torturous movements. In, out, swirl of the hips. I cried out, kissing him hungrily as my pleasure built and built.
“Heath,” I moaned as he thrust harder into me.
“Let go, Allie,” he growled, rounding his hips into me.
I did. My body gave out and the second orgasm tore through me. I felt it everywhere. Its intensity had me curling my toes as I rode it out. It was everything I thought it would be with him. And still, I was hungry. I was hungry for him, not just this. He kissed the skin below my ear and picked his movements up. He pounded into me, losing himself as he went on and on. He crushed me with his weight, until my breaths were shallow and I was slick with our sweat.
“Holy fuckin’ shit,” he groaned, pushing hard into me one last time and stilling completely. I felt his length jerk within me. He trembled as he came hard before he collapsed his head between my neck and shoulders.
Reality rushed in, and when our breaths returned to normal, the silence filled my ears. It was painfully louder than our time together. I waited for him to do something. Maybe kiss me or cuddle against me. I wanted some reassurance that what we did was okay.
He finally pulled away and I looked up as he stared down at me. I didn’t have to search his face to know what he was feeling. To know if what we did wasn’t a mistake.
I saw it clear as day on his face.
His shock.
His pain.
His… regret.
Heath broke my heart in that moment.
Heath
I fucked up.
Twelve
Heath
I got out of there faster than a bullet.
No words were needed to be said. The fuck could I say anyway? “Sorry for fucking you”? Somehow I didn’t think that would cut it.
Guilt was a fuck of a thing, wasn’t it? It was the perfect way to get into someone’s head and fuck up their matter. What I did… Oh, fuck.
This was going to cost me my brother.
And her.
I was going to lose two of the most important people in my life because of my moment of weakness. None of this would have happened had I just fucked the bar girl and stayed away the whole night.
I couldn’t do it, though. Living with Allie was a disaster right from the making. She made me realize I wanted things I didn’t even know I wanted. Being around her, craving her, hungering for the taste of her, it changed everything. I wanted some goddamn meaning in my life. I wanted to settle down. Wanted to have a girl as incredible as her by my side. Someone soft and real. A kind girl who looked at the ugly world and still clung to the belief there was beauty there somehow.
How the hell was I going to fix this?
I’d taken my keys and clothes and stormed out of the building, aiming to go as far away as possible. I acted like a complete fucking douchebag; those kinds of guys that took what they wanted and ran off into the sunset. Probably left her behind feeling like shit, and I’d have turned back just to make her feel better had I not been such a goddamn pussy.
I drove aimlessly, lost in thought, trying to figure out a way to numb the pain because it was tormenting the shit out of me. I didn’t want to fucking think about this.
Eventually, I returned to the bar and drank my sorrows away. I smashed shot after shot. I waited for the buzz. For my brain to start clouding. But nothing came. I felt rotten.
“You look like shit,” a familiar voice said in my ear.
I didn’t look at Tru as she slid in the stool beside me. I could smell the flower-scented shit I used to love on her. Now it just made me sick.
“Need to talk about it?” she proceeded to ask.
“No,” I answered.
“It’s that girl, isn’t it? Ever since she showed up, you’ve changed. I see it in you. You’ve gone all soft, Heath –”
“Look, I don’t give a fuck, alright?” I cut in, glaring at her. “Leave me alone.”
She ignored what I said and continued. “What is it about her? Because I don’t see it. I mean, I see the way you act toward her. I see it in the way you look at her. But I can’t find it. She’s plain. She’s timid. She’s not sexy or outgoing –”
“She’s everything you’re not,” I interrupted, giving her another cold stare.
“And that’s a good thing?”
I thought about her question for a moment. It didn’t really need thinking. I nodded and motioned to the bartender for another shot as I gritted out, “It’s the best fucking thing I could ever ask for.”
She froze. She looked pained for a moment before that wicked edge of hers took over. She leaned into me, pushing her tits against my arm as she snarled, “There’s no way you guys fuck the way we did. Hmm? I let you do whatever you wanted to me. Gave you everything you asked for –”
“Tru,” I said, letting out a hard laugh, “you were no different to the other girls I’ve taken before. There was nothing between us. I didn’t look at you when we were together. You can suck a person’s cock like a vacuum, but that don’t mean shit. You never made my pulse race. Never made my heart tighten. Never made me feel anything. So stop, okay? You’re digging and it’s all for nothing.”
Her eyes watered, and maybe the alcohol had made me cruel because I seriously didn’t care for it. She pushed away from me and took off. Finally. I tossed back a few more shots and watched the time pass by.
Could things return to normal? More importantly, would I let it?
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
“You’ve been served,” said another voice.
