Loving Lawson
Page 5
I’d never done something like that!
I didn’t even turn away when I could have!
What was wrong with me?!
I felt sick, knowing those images were forever burned in me, and hating so much how turned on I felt at seeing the pleasure on Heath’s face.
I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. It took a very long while, but I managed to around the time their session number who knew finally ended. I had a fitful sleep, tossing and turning and waking up in the early hours of the morning with sweaty hair and my heart thumping erratically in my chest. Not even Ryker’s scent helped calm me down.
As I eventually got out of bed, I immediately spotted something white on the floor beside the door. When I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look, I realized it was a folded up piece of paper. My body tightened as a bad feeling came over. I slowly bent over and picked it up. It took me a few moments to finally summon the courage to open it. When I did, my mouth went dry and my heart stilled as I read the words written in bubbly, feminine letters.
i hope you enjoyed the show <3
he’s mine
*
“By my calculation, Miss Wallace, you’re nine weeks along,” said Dr Evans. “Your due date is February 8.”
I nodded at her, ignoring her frown and the judgmental way she was looking at me. I wasn’t sure why she was reserving all the negative attention on me when the entire waiting room was filled with girls equally young and further along in pregnancy than me.
“I’ve scheduled your ultrasound at your twelfth week of pregnancy. I’ll give you the address and date, it’s up to you to get there on time. We don’t like late comers. Try not to miss the appointment. Once you get that done, come and see me. Your next ultrasound after that will be at twenty weeks. It’s important we know if the baby is progressing healthily.”
She rambled on after that, talking about glucose tests and how I’d be seeing a nurse more and more the closer I got to my due date. Then it was what to eat, the kind of pills that would benefit the baby, and so on. My head was spinning with information by the time she was done.
“Any questions?” she then asked with very little enthusiasm. I was just a number to her. A face she’d forget the second I walked out.
I shook my head. She gave me my ultrasound date and sent me out the door. I left the clinic and waited outside in the blistering summer heat for Heath to come and pick me up. When he finally came bounding down the street, I checked the time and noted he was actually early. I jumped into the truck just as he reached over and turned the volume down.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” he said, eyeing my glistening arms.
I shook my head. “No. Five minutes, maybe.”
“Couldn’t wait inside? Must not be good being out in the sun when you’re pregnant, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Give me a call next time and I’ll get to you sooner.”
“Okay.”
He drove down the road, and I peeked at him several times. He’d just gotten off work, was greasy and smelly. He looked so rough with his buzz and dark stubble. The sleeves of his work uniform were pulled up, revealing all his intricate tattoos. Definitely nothing like the pretty boy Ryker was, yet Heath was a model citizen in comparison.
Just goes to show you really can’t judge a book by its cover.
He caught me looking at him and smirked. I turned away immediately, feeling my cheeks flush. God, I hoped he didn’t think I was checking him out or anything. Because I wasn’t…
I knew Heath had an ego. He was always so confident, so sure of himself, and the last thing I ever did was feed it by giving him attention. So I felt like I failed that by gawking at him. But with Ryker not in the picture, what the hell else was I supposed to focus on?
“So how’d it go?” he asked. “Baby doing alright?”
“The check-up was good. I have an ultrasound in three weeks, and I have to pick up some pills in the meantime.”
“What kind of pills?”
I pulled out the piece of paper the doctor gave me and looked at the name of the pills. “Something called Elevit. It’s meant to give the baby all the multi-vitamins and minerals it needs.”
“Oh, right.”
And that was all the talking we could accomplish. That uncomfortable awkwardness swiftly settled in as I glanced out the window and watched the town pass by. Why couldn’t I just relax around this guy? What made Heath so unbelievably difficult to be around?
“I’ll be seeing Ryker tomorrow,” he then said.
I tensed in my seat. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah, I am. Don’t worry. He’s going to be cool about this.”
I didn’t respond. I was incredibly sceptical of that, recalling the time I’d missed my period and how angry he’d been. He’d dragged me to the chemist, bought a bunch of pregnancy tests and didn’t wait until we were home to take them. Instead, he took me to a public bathroom in the shopping centre. All the while he’d been trying to reassure himself by saying that whatever the outcome was, we’d get it taken care of. That was a year ago.
Again, that bitterness from before returned. I ended up scowling out the window, nose flared, feeling resentment toward him.
“Allie,” Heath said softly, drawing me out of my thoughts, “stop worrying.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
“You should practice lying in front of a mirror more often. That way you’ll see the way your nose scrunches up and the look of denial on your face when you do it.”
I shot him a scathing look and he laughed. “Okay, so I’m worrying. Can you blame me? Ryker’s intense when he’s unhappy about something. You know him.”
“Yeah, he’s got a temper, huh?”
“And he’s not going to be afraid to show you it when it comes to this.”
“I won’t let him. So stop stressing, it’s not good for the baby.”
I looked at him. He caught my gaze as he stopped at a red light. He regarded me sincerely, curving one side of his mouth up. He was giving me a look of reassurance that said, “Don’t worry, I got this.” While my cheeks heated once more at his attention, my body sagged with ease in my seat. He was right. I shouldn’t stress, especially when I knew I wasn’t alone in this.
Thank you. I wanted to say that to Heath right then and there. I had a huge desire to just hug him tightly and cry and tell him how much his support meant to me. But I couldn’t seem to draw the words out. Especially when images of him and that girl suddenly overcame me, and all I could see was that sincere face on a body that was beyond anything I’d ever seen.
He kept staring right on back too, and whether this was going to feed that ego of his, I didn’t care. I was too sucked in by the pull of his eyes.
“You’re going to be alright,” he said to me, softly.
When a honk beeped at us from behind, he broke contact and looked forward at the green light, pressing on the gas.
On our way to the apartment, we stopped by the shopping centre and he picked up my pills and some groceries. He kept asking me what I was and wasn’t allowed to eat, making sure all the food in the cart was okay. As a result, he spent a lot of money at the check-out.
As we loaded the bags into the back of his truck, I said, “I’ll keep trying to apply for a job, even if it’s part-time. That way I can help out with the groceries and rent. It’s not fair on you to buy all this stuff for me too.”
Heath shook his head. “Afraid that’s not happening, Allie. You need to focus on school after the summer break and I’ll take care of the rest. I was serious when I said I’m in this with you. So relax and whatever you need I’ll get.”
I watched him closely as he said those words, trying to detect any hesitation in him. But he was completely at ease, believing in his words wholeheartedly. This guy was really trying, and he wasn’t even one bit entitled to. The pregnancy hormones must have been going hard because I was suddenly fighting back tears.
When we got back to the apartment, we put away the groceries and he started on dinner. I lingered around him, back against the counter with my arms crossed as he boiled potatoes and put two steaks into a heated pan. My brows shot up in surprise as he effortlessly tossed in some olive oil and herbs.
He glanced at me and smiled at my expression. “What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Liar. Out with it, Al.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t peg you for a cook. You and Ryker always have take-out.”
“Yeah, well, now I’m on a budget. Take out will be a thing of the past.”
“Because of me, right?” I fought the frown on my face, looking at him hard.
He turned his body around to face me and shot me that charming smile again. “Yeah, it is, but you know what? This is good. Do you know how hard I have to work out every night because of the junk I put in my body? There’s a positive to everything.”
“Yeah, I guess, but you still haven’t answered me about your cooking skills.”
He chuckled, grabbing the tongs to flip the steak over. The smell was absolutely divine, making my stomach grumble loudly. “Mom taught me a lot before she died,” he said reflectively. “I was interested in food. Was a chubby little bastard.” When I laughed at that, he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, it’s funny I guess.”
“And impossible to imagine.”
“Well, because I loved food and Mom would work away some nights, I had to learn to cook my own shit.”
I bit my lip thoughtfully. “You know, Ryker told me about this. Said you made burnt mac and cheese for him while you lived it up eating hot dogs –”
“I never said anything about being a good brother,” he cut in with a cheeky grin. “We were talking about cooking, not Ryker, but on that note, the little shit deserved it.”
I laughed. “What did he do to deserve it?”
Heath just raised a brow, looking ominous now as he pulled out two plates and set them on the counter. “More like what didn’t he do to deserve it? Come on, Allie, you know what he’s like. Need I say more?”
I nodded after a moment of deliberation. Ryker was never easy, and I couldn’t imagine what a terror he’d been as a brother. There were some things as a boyfriend he’d enraged me by, mostly involving his temper and his need to have his way. Just thinking about it made me feel disappointed in myself. Why was it in hindsight you could see the cracks in a foundation you’d have otherwise thought was solid and smooth?
I helped Heath set the table. He served mashed potatoes and steak with gravy. We sat down and ate, and it was the tastiest food I’d had in months.
Afterwards, we lounged on the couch and watched some television. Heath fell asleep sometime along the way while I spent most of the night agonizing over how Ryker was going to take the news.
Six
Heath
I waited in the visiting room for a few minutes. The room was crowded with prisoners talking to their loved ones. I even spotted a kid or two. I tried to envision a small Ryker running around here, and the thought made me feel like I’d swallowed a bucket of needles.
What a sad few years that would be. But the kid wouldn’t really understand what was happening, right? Maybe it would be okay. After all, by the time Ryker got out and put his life back together, the kid might not really have been aware of what had happened. That was a good, positive thought to have, albeit naïve as hell.
When I finally spotted him walking in with an angry looking prison guard by his side, my being froze at the shiner and split lip he was sporting. His dark hair was longer, his frame thinner, his skin less tanned. Despite all that, he smiled at me, and I stood up to give him a big hug. He was as tall as me, but not as wide. I felt like I was hugging air by the amount of weight he’d lost, but I didn’t let my concern show on my face.
“How the fuck is it going, bro?” he said, patting me hard on the back.
“Yeah, man, it’s going,” I replied.
We sat down and the guard took a few steps back, giving us space to talk. I looked about his long face and thin frame, and he was studying me just as interestedly too.
“You alright?” I asked, trying to downplay the bruises because Ryker was all about being tough, and if he thought you were pitying him in some way, he’d shut down and get aggressive.
He shrugged like it was nothing. “Yeah, man. I’m good. The bruises? Just a scuffle. Lot of fucking fighting in this place, but you know me. I hold up good. Can’t knock the Lawsons down, right? Fucking impenetrable.”
Not likely with the bruises, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah, man. How about the food, though? You seemed to have slimmed down a bit.”
“Some of it tastes like ass. I’m picky.” Another lie.
I laughed lightly, and I hoped he didn’t hear how fake it sounded. “Yeah, I know.”
He began to fidget. Small talk was clearly over. He scanned the room before leaning over the table. His eyes bore into mine and a serious look suddenly accompanied him. I knew what was coming. I could feel the shift in the air. The desperate kind.
“You been talking to Allie? We had a fight after I got arrested. She tell you that? Said we were done. I don’t know how serious she was. She hasn’t come around yet, and I’m really fucking losing my shit without her. Not a word from her, Heath, and it’s doing my head in, you know?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I just…” He exhaled and shook his head. “I love that girl, and I need her to be here to see me. She’s all I think about. Tell me you’ve seen her.”
I didn’t even turn away when I could have!
What was wrong with me?!
I felt sick, knowing those images were forever burned in me, and hating so much how turned on I felt at seeing the pleasure on Heath’s face.
I shut my eyes and tried to sleep. It took a very long while, but I managed to around the time their session number who knew finally ended. I had a fitful sleep, tossing and turning and waking up in the early hours of the morning with sweaty hair and my heart thumping erratically in my chest. Not even Ryker’s scent helped calm me down.
As I eventually got out of bed, I immediately spotted something white on the floor beside the door. When I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look, I realized it was a folded up piece of paper. My body tightened as a bad feeling came over. I slowly bent over and picked it up. It took me a few moments to finally summon the courage to open it. When I did, my mouth went dry and my heart stilled as I read the words written in bubbly, feminine letters.
i hope you enjoyed the show <3
he’s mine
*
“By my calculation, Miss Wallace, you’re nine weeks along,” said Dr Evans. “Your due date is February 8.”
I nodded at her, ignoring her frown and the judgmental way she was looking at me. I wasn’t sure why she was reserving all the negative attention on me when the entire waiting room was filled with girls equally young and further along in pregnancy than me.
“I’ve scheduled your ultrasound at your twelfth week of pregnancy. I’ll give you the address and date, it’s up to you to get there on time. We don’t like late comers. Try not to miss the appointment. Once you get that done, come and see me. Your next ultrasound after that will be at twenty weeks. It’s important we know if the baby is progressing healthily.”
She rambled on after that, talking about glucose tests and how I’d be seeing a nurse more and more the closer I got to my due date. Then it was what to eat, the kind of pills that would benefit the baby, and so on. My head was spinning with information by the time she was done.
“Any questions?” she then asked with very little enthusiasm. I was just a number to her. A face she’d forget the second I walked out.
I shook my head. She gave me my ultrasound date and sent me out the door. I left the clinic and waited outside in the blistering summer heat for Heath to come and pick me up. When he finally came bounding down the street, I checked the time and noted he was actually early. I jumped into the truck just as he reached over and turned the volume down.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” he said, eyeing my glistening arms.
I shook my head. “No. Five minutes, maybe.”
“Couldn’t wait inside? Must not be good being out in the sun when you’re pregnant, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Give me a call next time and I’ll get to you sooner.”
“Okay.”
He drove down the road, and I peeked at him several times. He’d just gotten off work, was greasy and smelly. He looked so rough with his buzz and dark stubble. The sleeves of his work uniform were pulled up, revealing all his intricate tattoos. Definitely nothing like the pretty boy Ryker was, yet Heath was a model citizen in comparison.
Just goes to show you really can’t judge a book by its cover.
He caught me looking at him and smirked. I turned away immediately, feeling my cheeks flush. God, I hoped he didn’t think I was checking him out or anything. Because I wasn’t…
I knew Heath had an ego. He was always so confident, so sure of himself, and the last thing I ever did was feed it by giving him attention. So I felt like I failed that by gawking at him. But with Ryker not in the picture, what the hell else was I supposed to focus on?
“So how’d it go?” he asked. “Baby doing alright?”
“The check-up was good. I have an ultrasound in three weeks, and I have to pick up some pills in the meantime.”
“What kind of pills?”
I pulled out the piece of paper the doctor gave me and looked at the name of the pills. “Something called Elevit. It’s meant to give the baby all the multi-vitamins and minerals it needs.”
“Oh, right.”
And that was all the talking we could accomplish. That uncomfortable awkwardness swiftly settled in as I glanced out the window and watched the town pass by. Why couldn’t I just relax around this guy? What made Heath so unbelievably difficult to be around?
“I’ll be seeing Ryker tomorrow,” he then said.
I tensed in my seat. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah, I am. Don’t worry. He’s going to be cool about this.”
I didn’t respond. I was incredibly sceptical of that, recalling the time I’d missed my period and how angry he’d been. He’d dragged me to the chemist, bought a bunch of pregnancy tests and didn’t wait until we were home to take them. Instead, he took me to a public bathroom in the shopping centre. All the while he’d been trying to reassure himself by saying that whatever the outcome was, we’d get it taken care of. That was a year ago.
Again, that bitterness from before returned. I ended up scowling out the window, nose flared, feeling resentment toward him.
“Allie,” Heath said softly, drawing me out of my thoughts, “stop worrying.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
“You should practice lying in front of a mirror more often. That way you’ll see the way your nose scrunches up and the look of denial on your face when you do it.”
I shot him a scathing look and he laughed. “Okay, so I’m worrying. Can you blame me? Ryker’s intense when he’s unhappy about something. You know him.”
“Yeah, he’s got a temper, huh?”
“And he’s not going to be afraid to show you it when it comes to this.”
“I won’t let him. So stop stressing, it’s not good for the baby.”
I looked at him. He caught my gaze as he stopped at a red light. He regarded me sincerely, curving one side of his mouth up. He was giving me a look of reassurance that said, “Don’t worry, I got this.” While my cheeks heated once more at his attention, my body sagged with ease in my seat. He was right. I shouldn’t stress, especially when I knew I wasn’t alone in this.
Thank you. I wanted to say that to Heath right then and there. I had a huge desire to just hug him tightly and cry and tell him how much his support meant to me. But I couldn’t seem to draw the words out. Especially when images of him and that girl suddenly overcame me, and all I could see was that sincere face on a body that was beyond anything I’d ever seen.
He kept staring right on back too, and whether this was going to feed that ego of his, I didn’t care. I was too sucked in by the pull of his eyes.
“You’re going to be alright,” he said to me, softly.
When a honk beeped at us from behind, he broke contact and looked forward at the green light, pressing on the gas.
On our way to the apartment, we stopped by the shopping centre and he picked up my pills and some groceries. He kept asking me what I was and wasn’t allowed to eat, making sure all the food in the cart was okay. As a result, he spent a lot of money at the check-out.
As we loaded the bags into the back of his truck, I said, “I’ll keep trying to apply for a job, even if it’s part-time. That way I can help out with the groceries and rent. It’s not fair on you to buy all this stuff for me too.”
Heath shook his head. “Afraid that’s not happening, Allie. You need to focus on school after the summer break and I’ll take care of the rest. I was serious when I said I’m in this with you. So relax and whatever you need I’ll get.”
I watched him closely as he said those words, trying to detect any hesitation in him. But he was completely at ease, believing in his words wholeheartedly. This guy was really trying, and he wasn’t even one bit entitled to. The pregnancy hormones must have been going hard because I was suddenly fighting back tears.
When we got back to the apartment, we put away the groceries and he started on dinner. I lingered around him, back against the counter with my arms crossed as he boiled potatoes and put two steaks into a heated pan. My brows shot up in surprise as he effortlessly tossed in some olive oil and herbs.
He glanced at me and smiled at my expression. “What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Liar. Out with it, Al.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t peg you for a cook. You and Ryker always have take-out.”
“Yeah, well, now I’m on a budget. Take out will be a thing of the past.”
“Because of me, right?” I fought the frown on my face, looking at him hard.
He turned his body around to face me and shot me that charming smile again. “Yeah, it is, but you know what? This is good. Do you know how hard I have to work out every night because of the junk I put in my body? There’s a positive to everything.”
“Yeah, I guess, but you still haven’t answered me about your cooking skills.”
He chuckled, grabbing the tongs to flip the steak over. The smell was absolutely divine, making my stomach grumble loudly. “Mom taught me a lot before she died,” he said reflectively. “I was interested in food. Was a chubby little bastard.” When I laughed at that, he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, it’s funny I guess.”
“And impossible to imagine.”
“Well, because I loved food and Mom would work away some nights, I had to learn to cook my own shit.”
I bit my lip thoughtfully. “You know, Ryker told me about this. Said you made burnt mac and cheese for him while you lived it up eating hot dogs –”
“I never said anything about being a good brother,” he cut in with a cheeky grin. “We were talking about cooking, not Ryker, but on that note, the little shit deserved it.”
I laughed. “What did he do to deserve it?”
Heath just raised a brow, looking ominous now as he pulled out two plates and set them on the counter. “More like what didn’t he do to deserve it? Come on, Allie, you know what he’s like. Need I say more?”
I nodded after a moment of deliberation. Ryker was never easy, and I couldn’t imagine what a terror he’d been as a brother. There were some things as a boyfriend he’d enraged me by, mostly involving his temper and his need to have his way. Just thinking about it made me feel disappointed in myself. Why was it in hindsight you could see the cracks in a foundation you’d have otherwise thought was solid and smooth?
I helped Heath set the table. He served mashed potatoes and steak with gravy. We sat down and ate, and it was the tastiest food I’d had in months.
Afterwards, we lounged on the couch and watched some television. Heath fell asleep sometime along the way while I spent most of the night agonizing over how Ryker was going to take the news.
Six
Heath
I waited in the visiting room for a few minutes. The room was crowded with prisoners talking to their loved ones. I even spotted a kid or two. I tried to envision a small Ryker running around here, and the thought made me feel like I’d swallowed a bucket of needles.
What a sad few years that would be. But the kid wouldn’t really understand what was happening, right? Maybe it would be okay. After all, by the time Ryker got out and put his life back together, the kid might not really have been aware of what had happened. That was a good, positive thought to have, albeit naïve as hell.
When I finally spotted him walking in with an angry looking prison guard by his side, my being froze at the shiner and split lip he was sporting. His dark hair was longer, his frame thinner, his skin less tanned. Despite all that, he smiled at me, and I stood up to give him a big hug. He was as tall as me, but not as wide. I felt like I was hugging air by the amount of weight he’d lost, but I didn’t let my concern show on my face.
“How the fuck is it going, bro?” he said, patting me hard on the back.
“Yeah, man, it’s going,” I replied.
We sat down and the guard took a few steps back, giving us space to talk. I looked about his long face and thin frame, and he was studying me just as interestedly too.
“You alright?” I asked, trying to downplay the bruises because Ryker was all about being tough, and if he thought you were pitying him in some way, he’d shut down and get aggressive.
He shrugged like it was nothing. “Yeah, man. I’m good. The bruises? Just a scuffle. Lot of fucking fighting in this place, but you know me. I hold up good. Can’t knock the Lawsons down, right? Fucking impenetrable.”
Not likely with the bruises, but I nodded anyway. “Yeah, man. How about the food, though? You seemed to have slimmed down a bit.”
“Some of it tastes like ass. I’m picky.” Another lie.
I laughed lightly, and I hoped he didn’t hear how fake it sounded. “Yeah, I know.”
He began to fidget. Small talk was clearly over. He scanned the room before leaning over the table. His eyes bore into mine and a serious look suddenly accompanied him. I knew what was coming. I could feel the shift in the air. The desperate kind.
“You been talking to Allie? We had a fight after I got arrested. She tell you that? Said we were done. I don’t know how serious she was. She hasn’t come around yet, and I’m really fucking losing my shit without her. Not a word from her, Heath, and it’s doing my head in, you know?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I just…” He exhaled and shook his head. “I love that girl, and I need her to be here to see me. She’s all I think about. Tell me you’ve seen her.”
