Lucas
Page 29
His grin widens, but mine falls. And then I ask him something I’d been wondering my entire shift. “How is this going to work? Us dating? Is it, like, an alter ego for you? You go to college during the week and be this other guy you speak of and come home on weekends and be with me? Are you…” I clear my throat. “Are you going to see other girls while you’re there?”
He chuckles. “I figure it’ll pretty much be the same way it is now. I call you every night, beg for you to speak to me. Lose myself in your voice during the week, then satisfy all my cravings on the weekends.”
“Your cravings?” I giggle.
“I crave you, Sanders. I crave your company.” He cups my cheek, his lips meeting my forehead. “And your laugh, your smile, your touch. I miss you when I can’t be around you, and when I am here I want more of you. Just you. There are no other girls. And there won’t be.”
“Promise?” I whisper, my eyes drifting shut when his lips hover over mine.
“I could promise you the world, Sanders, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you trust me. And you have to trust me. You have to realize that I’m not him.”
I exhale, slowly, drink in his words. “Are you going to kiss me now?”
He pulls back, his grin promising. Then he releases me, picks up his food again. He stares ahead while I stare at him, at the movement of his jaw as he chews his food, his mind elsewhere. And I no longer feel guilty that I want him to kiss me. And soon.
“You always walk with your head lowered,” he says out of nowhere.
“What?”
“Yeah.” He nods, wipes his mouth on a napkin. Then he turns to me. “It’s like you’re afraid of the world seeing you. Or, maybe, you’re afraid that they do see you.”
I drop my gaze.
“You’re a pretty exceptional girl, Sanders. It sucks you think the world doesn’t see you that way.”
“You can’t assume to know that about me,” I tell him.
“Oh yeah? You’re doing it right now.”
“Doing what?”
“Look up,” he says.
So I lift my gaze, and I do as he says. There’s nothing but acres and acres of empty land. “What am I looking at?” I ask him.
“The world. Untouched.”
I sigh, look over at him.
He raises his eyebrows. “Don’t you want to be the first to touch something? To reach out and grasp onto the world around you? You can’t touch it if you can’t see it.”
A sob forms in my throat and I keep it there, his words replaying in my mind, over and over, because he’s right. I’ve lived my life, almost eighteen years of it, but I’ve never really lived. Every hour, every action, every decision was made with Lucas in mind. I didn’t go to parties, hoping he’d show up at my door, wanting to get in bed with me, praying he’d see me differently. But the four walls of my basement bedroom aren’t enough anymore, and when I’m done with senior year, there’s nothing waiting for me but those same four walls.
“Are you cold?” Cooper asks, and I realize I’m shivering. Whether it’s from the temperature or my sudden fear about my future, I don’t know.
Still, he moves to sit behind me, his legs on either side, his arms around my waist. He rests his chin on my shoulder, his thumb stroking my stomach. “I didn’t say that stuff to hurt you,” he says.
I crane my neck, look up at him. “I know.”
Then his mouth descends, his lips finding mine. He kisses me softly, slowly, as if we have all the time in the world. And maybe we do. He pulls back, inhales loudly. “Holy shit,” he whispers, then goes back to kissing me. My body heats against his, his tongue like torture, dancing with mine. I shift so I’m sitting across his lap, making it easier for both of us, and I kiss him back, give him a piece of my heart that not so long ago was broken. His hand lands on my leg, creeping higher, bringing my dress up with it. And without thinking, I spread my legs just enough so he can slide his hand to where I want him. He stops an inch away, rears back, his eyes hooded, filled with lust. “I should take you home,” he says.
I choke on a gasp, trap his hand between my legs. “Why? Am I doing it wrong?”
“No.” He chuckles, shakes his head. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve made out with a girl for this long without… you know, going further… and I need to take you home so I can go home and take care of it.”
I grasp his shirt, pull him back down to my mouth. Kiss him. Long and hard. “Or we could go somewhere and have me take care of it for you.”
He swallows. Loud. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “We could do that, too.”
I jump off the truck, wait for him to do the same. We get in his car, drive to his house. He leads me to his room, where I walk with my head high, looking at the world, and I decide then and there, to start living.
Chapter Fourteen
LOIS
Dating Cooper is exactly like he said it would be—it’s basically what we did pre-dating, only now he’s seen the inside of my house and my bedroom. And other things, like me naked in my bedroom.
For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every spare second together when he’s in town. Fridays I watch him coach the track team’s practice, we go out for dinner, and then back to his house. Mondays come along, I watch him do the same thing, then we have dinner, and he drops me off at home, kisses me goodbye, and we don’t see each other until the following Friday. We speak, though, every day, sometimes on the phone, sometimes through video chat.
He studies. A lot. He told me his parents agreed to his athletic scholarship on the basis that he keep up a 3.8 GPA and get a degree in business and marketing so he could one day join his dad and later take over the family business. What that business actually is, is a little sketchy to me—something about investments and finance and nest eggs and loopholes.
Now, I’m standing just outside the tunnel at school, watching them do cooldowns. Cooper waves over at me, and I wave back. Lucas turns, sees me standing there. Then he stands, starts to leave. Cooper stands, too, yells something I can’t make out. Luke shoves him. I gasp, stand taller. “What’s your problem?” Cooper yells.
“You’re my problem,” Luke shouts, shoving him harder.
Garray gets between them but he’s facing Luke, words filtering from his mouth faster than I can make out. Then he leaves. Garray, not Luke. Luke’s too busy having a stand-off with Cooper.
Garray shakes his head as he walks toward me. “You need to do something about your boy.”
“Who?” I look from him to Luke to Cooper. “Cooper?”
Without so much as slowing, he says, “Luke! He’s lost his fucking mind!”
Cooper comes next, his eyes narrowed, anger flaring on his lips. He sighs when he gets to me, hands on hips.
“What the hell just happened?” I ask.
“It’s fine, baby.” He kisses my forehead. “I’ll be out soon, okay?”
I nod, watch him go down the tunnel and when I turn back, Lucas is walking toward me. “What the hell was that?” I ask him, blocking his path so he has no choice but to talk to me.
He chuckles. “I figure it’ll pretty much be the same way it is now. I call you every night, beg for you to speak to me. Lose myself in your voice during the week, then satisfy all my cravings on the weekends.”
“Your cravings?” I giggle.
“I crave you, Sanders. I crave your company.” He cups my cheek, his lips meeting my forehead. “And your laugh, your smile, your touch. I miss you when I can’t be around you, and when I am here I want more of you. Just you. There are no other girls. And there won’t be.”
“Promise?” I whisper, my eyes drifting shut when his lips hover over mine.
“I could promise you the world, Sanders, but it doesn’t mean anything unless you trust me. And you have to trust me. You have to realize that I’m not him.”
I exhale, slowly, drink in his words. “Are you going to kiss me now?”
He pulls back, his grin promising. Then he releases me, picks up his food again. He stares ahead while I stare at him, at the movement of his jaw as he chews his food, his mind elsewhere. And I no longer feel guilty that I want him to kiss me. And soon.
“You always walk with your head lowered,” he says out of nowhere.
“What?”
“Yeah.” He nods, wipes his mouth on a napkin. Then he turns to me. “It’s like you’re afraid of the world seeing you. Or, maybe, you’re afraid that they do see you.”
I drop my gaze.
“You’re a pretty exceptional girl, Sanders. It sucks you think the world doesn’t see you that way.”
“You can’t assume to know that about me,” I tell him.
“Oh yeah? You’re doing it right now.”
“Doing what?”
“Look up,” he says.
So I lift my gaze, and I do as he says. There’s nothing but acres and acres of empty land. “What am I looking at?” I ask him.
“The world. Untouched.”
I sigh, look over at him.
He raises his eyebrows. “Don’t you want to be the first to touch something? To reach out and grasp onto the world around you? You can’t touch it if you can’t see it.”
A sob forms in my throat and I keep it there, his words replaying in my mind, over and over, because he’s right. I’ve lived my life, almost eighteen years of it, but I’ve never really lived. Every hour, every action, every decision was made with Lucas in mind. I didn’t go to parties, hoping he’d show up at my door, wanting to get in bed with me, praying he’d see me differently. But the four walls of my basement bedroom aren’t enough anymore, and when I’m done with senior year, there’s nothing waiting for me but those same four walls.
“Are you cold?” Cooper asks, and I realize I’m shivering. Whether it’s from the temperature or my sudden fear about my future, I don’t know.
Still, he moves to sit behind me, his legs on either side, his arms around my waist. He rests his chin on my shoulder, his thumb stroking my stomach. “I didn’t say that stuff to hurt you,” he says.
I crane my neck, look up at him. “I know.”
Then his mouth descends, his lips finding mine. He kisses me softly, slowly, as if we have all the time in the world. And maybe we do. He pulls back, inhales loudly. “Holy shit,” he whispers, then goes back to kissing me. My body heats against his, his tongue like torture, dancing with mine. I shift so I’m sitting across his lap, making it easier for both of us, and I kiss him back, give him a piece of my heart that not so long ago was broken. His hand lands on my leg, creeping higher, bringing my dress up with it. And without thinking, I spread my legs just enough so he can slide his hand to where I want him. He stops an inch away, rears back, his eyes hooded, filled with lust. “I should take you home,” he says.
I choke on a gasp, trap his hand between my legs. “Why? Am I doing it wrong?”
“No.” He chuckles, shakes his head. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve made out with a girl for this long without… you know, going further… and I need to take you home so I can go home and take care of it.”
I grasp his shirt, pull him back down to my mouth. Kiss him. Long and hard. “Or we could go somewhere and have me take care of it for you.”
He swallows. Loud. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “We could do that, too.”
I jump off the truck, wait for him to do the same. We get in his car, drive to his house. He leads me to his room, where I walk with my head high, looking at the world, and I decide then and there, to start living.
Chapter Fourteen
LOIS
Dating Cooper is exactly like he said it would be—it’s basically what we did pre-dating, only now he’s seen the inside of my house and my bedroom. And other things, like me naked in my bedroom.
For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every spare second together when he’s in town. Fridays I watch him coach the track team’s practice, we go out for dinner, and then back to his house. Mondays come along, I watch him do the same thing, then we have dinner, and he drops me off at home, kisses me goodbye, and we don’t see each other until the following Friday. We speak, though, every day, sometimes on the phone, sometimes through video chat.
He studies. A lot. He told me his parents agreed to his athletic scholarship on the basis that he keep up a 3.8 GPA and get a degree in business and marketing so he could one day join his dad and later take over the family business. What that business actually is, is a little sketchy to me—something about investments and finance and nest eggs and loopholes.
Now, I’m standing just outside the tunnel at school, watching them do cooldowns. Cooper waves over at me, and I wave back. Lucas turns, sees me standing there. Then he stands, starts to leave. Cooper stands, too, yells something I can’t make out. Luke shoves him. I gasp, stand taller. “What’s your problem?” Cooper yells.
“You’re my problem,” Luke shouts, shoving him harder.
Garray gets between them but he’s facing Luke, words filtering from his mouth faster than I can make out. Then he leaves. Garray, not Luke. Luke’s too busy having a stand-off with Cooper.
Garray shakes his head as he walks toward me. “You need to do something about your boy.”
“Who?” I look from him to Luke to Cooper. “Cooper?”
Without so much as slowing, he says, “Luke! He’s lost his fucking mind!”
Cooper comes next, his eyes narrowed, anger flaring on his lips. He sighs when he gets to me, hands on hips.
“What the hell just happened?” I ask.
“It’s fine, baby.” He kisses my forehead. “I’ll be out soon, okay?”
I nod, watch him go down the tunnel and when I turn back, Lucas is walking toward me. “What the hell was that?” I ask him, blocking his path so he has no choice but to talk to me.
