Lucas
Page 34
We sit.
“So…” I say.
“So…” she says back.
“Um…” I push back the puke. “How are you and Cooper?”
“Fine,” she says quickly. “But I don’t want to talk about him.”
Good. Neither do I.
“I wanted to apologize to you.”
“Me?” I ask. “For what?”
She looks away. First at one wall. Then another. Then she clenches and unclenches her fists, a sign of nerves. Her hands always need to be doing something, that’s why she finds knitting so therapeutic.
I say, “You don’t owe me anything, Lane.”
“I do,” she says, her voice quiet. She inhales loudly, exhales the same way. “I’ve always put you on a pedestal, Luke. I always thought you were a god amongst men, and I think, deep down, I expected you to act that way. And that wasn’t fair to you. At all.” Her lips tremble, and I inch closer, wanting to save her from her own thoughts. She sniffs once, tries to keep it together. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you, and as we got older I started seeing you differently and I don’t know, I guess I just had this picture in mind of what it would be like to be with you in that way.” She wipes at her eyes before her tears can be released, but I don’t need to see them to know they exist, I can hear it in the shakiness of her voice, feel it in the breaking of my heart. I hate seeing her sad. I hate it even more when I cause it.
I let her speak, not interrupting, because I know it’s important to her that she says what she needs to say and have me hear it. “In my mind, and in here,”—she covers her heart with her hand— “it’s always been you, Lucas.”
It’s always been you, too, Laney.
“And in the end, I got what I wanted. And my expectations of you have nothing to do with who you are as a person or as a friend. That’s all on me.”
“Laney.” I shake my head, my vision blurred by my own tears, my own thoughts. I hate that you feel this, Laney.
“And I’m sorry that I’ve been shutting you out the way I have, because it’s not your fault.” She looks over at Lachlan, sleeping peacefully in what was once our bed. “I should’ve been there for him.” She sniffs again, wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Besides, it was just sex, right?”
I drop my gaze, the ache in my chest intensified. Laney’s never been an “it was just sex” kind of person. I was, and now I made her the same way. Either me or… “So you and Cooper?” I hate asking the question as much as I hate seeing the answer in her eyes. I lift the cross-stitch I’m still holding onto. “Can I have this?” I ask.
She offers me a half-hearted smile. “But I’m not done with us,” she says.
I look into her eyes, memorize them. “Yeah, Lane. I think you are.”
Chapter Sixteen
LOIS
The texts started at 5:30 this morning.
Single-letter messages.
The first was an H.
Then an A.
Followed by a P
P
Y
I was almost back to sleep when the next set came.
B
I
R
You get the rest.
All from Cooper.
This year, my birthday landed on Wednesday, which is also Cooper’s busiest day on campus. He couldn’t be with me physically, but he sure let me know he was here in spirit.
I sit in my first class, half asleep because of the thoughtful (and relentless) texts all morning. Dumb Name walks toward me, a piece of paper in his hand. “From Luke’s brother,” he says, dropping it on my desk.
“Which one?”
“I don’t know all their names,” he huffs out. “The annoying one.”
I unfold the note, smile when I see the stick-figure drawing of a girl holding balloons next to a cake the same size as the girl.
Dear Lamey,
Lunch.
Cafeteria.
Be there or be a fucking idiot.
I like your boobs,
- Logan.
There’s a knock on the door and Mrs. Miles sighs, annoyed by the distraction, and opens the door. A man waits on the other side behind a giant bouquet of flowers. “Is there a Lois Sanders in here?” he asks.
I sink lower in my seat, listening to the oohs and aahs coming from my classmates. Mrs. Miles points me out, and the delivery man brings the flowers to me. “Lucky girl,” he tells me. I’ve never really been a flowers kind of girl, so I can’t say what they are. They smell good, though, and they’re so big I have to stand to look for the card, even though I know who they’re from.
“Thank you, young man.” Mrs. Miles shoos him away.
“I’m not done,” the man says. “Our customer wanted to make sure the other girls didn’t feel left out.” He then proceeds to hand a single red rose to all the girls in the class, including my teacher, while the class breaks out in whispers, Cooper’s name on everyone’s tongue. My cheeks burn with embarrassment, hating the attention.
“High school relationships aren’t what they used to be,” Mrs. Miles mumbles, trying to regain the attention of the class.
I find the card, read it.
Happy 18th Birthday to the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
- Cooper.
“How are you even going to fit that in your locker?” Dumb Name asks. “Coop didn’t think this one out, huh?”
“Who cares?” a random girl I’ve never spoken to rebuts. “Cooper Kennedy has money and he’s not afraid to spend it.”
Grace scoffs. “Lucas has money,” she says, facing me and shooting daggers with her eyes. I slump in my seat, avoiding her glare.
“Yeah,” Dumb Name agrees. “Luke has money, but Coop has Fuck You money.”
“Garray!” Mrs. Miles says through a gasp.
“What does that even mean?” the random girl asks.
I’d smash my head against the desk, but the giant bunch of flowers is in my way.
Dumb Name says, “It means the Kennedys can say Fuck You to anyone, and their money makes it okay.”
I wave Logan down when he enters the cafeteria. He smirks and strides toward me. Then he dumps his bag on the table and slumps down in his seat. “I heard you got a delivery this morning.”
“You heard that, huh?”
He chuckles. “The whole school heard.” His gaze shifts around me. “So where is it?”
“Mrs. Miles offered to keep it in her office until the end of the day.”
He nods.
“So…” I start. “You wanted to see me?”
“I’m waiting on Leo.”
“We’re here,” Leo says, walking up behind me. But he’s not alone. He’s dragging what seems to be an unsure Lucas with him. They move to the other side of the table where Leo forcefully makes Luke sit in the middle. Leo dumps his bag on the table, unzips it, then looks up at me. “Ready?” he asks, his grin wide.
I smile back, unable to contain it. “What did you guys do?”
“So…” I say.
“So…” she says back.
“Um…” I push back the puke. “How are you and Cooper?”
“Fine,” she says quickly. “But I don’t want to talk about him.”
Good. Neither do I.
“I wanted to apologize to you.”
“Me?” I ask. “For what?”
She looks away. First at one wall. Then another. Then she clenches and unclenches her fists, a sign of nerves. Her hands always need to be doing something, that’s why she finds knitting so therapeutic.
I say, “You don’t owe me anything, Lane.”
“I do,” she says, her voice quiet. She inhales loudly, exhales the same way. “I’ve always put you on a pedestal, Luke. I always thought you were a god amongst men, and I think, deep down, I expected you to act that way. And that wasn’t fair to you. At all.” Her lips tremble, and I inch closer, wanting to save her from her own thoughts. She sniffs once, tries to keep it together. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you, and as we got older I started seeing you differently and I don’t know, I guess I just had this picture in mind of what it would be like to be with you in that way.” She wipes at her eyes before her tears can be released, but I don’t need to see them to know they exist, I can hear it in the shakiness of her voice, feel it in the breaking of my heart. I hate seeing her sad. I hate it even more when I cause it.
I let her speak, not interrupting, because I know it’s important to her that she says what she needs to say and have me hear it. “In my mind, and in here,”—she covers her heart with her hand— “it’s always been you, Lucas.”
It’s always been you, too, Laney.
“And in the end, I got what I wanted. And my expectations of you have nothing to do with who you are as a person or as a friend. That’s all on me.”
“Laney.” I shake my head, my vision blurred by my own tears, my own thoughts. I hate that you feel this, Laney.
“And I’m sorry that I’ve been shutting you out the way I have, because it’s not your fault.” She looks over at Lachlan, sleeping peacefully in what was once our bed. “I should’ve been there for him.” She sniffs again, wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Besides, it was just sex, right?”
I drop my gaze, the ache in my chest intensified. Laney’s never been an “it was just sex” kind of person. I was, and now I made her the same way. Either me or… “So you and Cooper?” I hate asking the question as much as I hate seeing the answer in her eyes. I lift the cross-stitch I’m still holding onto. “Can I have this?” I ask.
She offers me a half-hearted smile. “But I’m not done with us,” she says.
I look into her eyes, memorize them. “Yeah, Lane. I think you are.”
Chapter Sixteen
LOIS
The texts started at 5:30 this morning.
Single-letter messages.
The first was an H.
Then an A.
Followed by a P
P
Y
I was almost back to sleep when the next set came.
B
I
R
You get the rest.
All from Cooper.
This year, my birthday landed on Wednesday, which is also Cooper’s busiest day on campus. He couldn’t be with me physically, but he sure let me know he was here in spirit.
I sit in my first class, half asleep because of the thoughtful (and relentless) texts all morning. Dumb Name walks toward me, a piece of paper in his hand. “From Luke’s brother,” he says, dropping it on my desk.
“Which one?”
“I don’t know all their names,” he huffs out. “The annoying one.”
I unfold the note, smile when I see the stick-figure drawing of a girl holding balloons next to a cake the same size as the girl.
Dear Lamey,
Lunch.
Cafeteria.
Be there or be a fucking idiot.
I like your boobs,
- Logan.
There’s a knock on the door and Mrs. Miles sighs, annoyed by the distraction, and opens the door. A man waits on the other side behind a giant bouquet of flowers. “Is there a Lois Sanders in here?” he asks.
I sink lower in my seat, listening to the oohs and aahs coming from my classmates. Mrs. Miles points me out, and the delivery man brings the flowers to me. “Lucky girl,” he tells me. I’ve never really been a flowers kind of girl, so I can’t say what they are. They smell good, though, and they’re so big I have to stand to look for the card, even though I know who they’re from.
“Thank you, young man.” Mrs. Miles shoos him away.
“I’m not done,” the man says. “Our customer wanted to make sure the other girls didn’t feel left out.” He then proceeds to hand a single red rose to all the girls in the class, including my teacher, while the class breaks out in whispers, Cooper’s name on everyone’s tongue. My cheeks burn with embarrassment, hating the attention.
“High school relationships aren’t what they used to be,” Mrs. Miles mumbles, trying to regain the attention of the class.
I find the card, read it.
Happy 18th Birthday to the most beautiful girl in the world.
I love you.
- Cooper.
“How are you even going to fit that in your locker?” Dumb Name asks. “Coop didn’t think this one out, huh?”
“Who cares?” a random girl I’ve never spoken to rebuts. “Cooper Kennedy has money and he’s not afraid to spend it.”
Grace scoffs. “Lucas has money,” she says, facing me and shooting daggers with her eyes. I slump in my seat, avoiding her glare.
“Yeah,” Dumb Name agrees. “Luke has money, but Coop has Fuck You money.”
“Garray!” Mrs. Miles says through a gasp.
“What does that even mean?” the random girl asks.
I’d smash my head against the desk, but the giant bunch of flowers is in my way.
Dumb Name says, “It means the Kennedys can say Fuck You to anyone, and their money makes it okay.”
I wave Logan down when he enters the cafeteria. He smirks and strides toward me. Then he dumps his bag on the table and slumps down in his seat. “I heard you got a delivery this morning.”
“You heard that, huh?”
He chuckles. “The whole school heard.” His gaze shifts around me. “So where is it?”
“Mrs. Miles offered to keep it in her office until the end of the day.”
He nods.
“So…” I start. “You wanted to see me?”
“I’m waiting on Leo.”
“We’re here,” Leo says, walking up behind me. But he’s not alone. He’s dragging what seems to be an unsure Lucas with him. They move to the other side of the table where Leo forcefully makes Luke sit in the middle. Leo dumps his bag on the table, unzips it, then looks up at me. “Ready?” he asks, his grin wide.
I smile back, unable to contain it. “What did you guys do?”
