Lucas
Page 39
Silence fills the space between us, while the laughter of the wedding party brings everyone else together. “Wow,” she whispers, sniffing once. “That didn’t suck at all.”
“You think?” I ask, stepping in front of her.
Her smile contradicts the sadness in her eyes. “I should go.”
“I know.” I swallow the pain of her pulling away. “Cooper’s waiting.” I reach around, open her door for her. She starts to get in but stops when I say her name. “Cooper might not be too thrilled with you showing up wearing my jacket,” I tell her.
“Right.” She quickly removes my jacket, hands it back to me.
I step back, watch her start the engine, hands on the steering wheel, getting ready to pull away, and I question myself. Wonder if this is worth the searing ache in my heart.
“Lucas,” she says, her eyes meeting mine. “You already are that man. You just need to find a girl who’s going to make you want to prove that.” Then she drives away, farther and farther. More and more space.
LOIS
I pull over on the side of the road just outside the Preston property and I cry. I cry and I cry and I cry some more, and I don’t know why I cry but I can’t get Lucas’s words out of my mind, out of my system. I shouldn’t have shown up to his house the night of my birthday because now everything is blurred. The friendship, the feelings, the lines.
I settle my breaths, settle the beating of my heart and try to focus my vision, but like everything else, it, too, is blurred.
My phone rings, and I shut my eyes tight, knowing who it is. He’d been calling relentlessly for the past hour but I’d been selfish, enjoying the feeling of being part of the Prestons’ world again.
I clear my eyes, re-apply the little makeup I wear, force myself to smile and start the journey to his house. The security guard lets me through the gates, through the pristine streets, and onto the Kennedys’ driveway, and I can’t help but feel the shift of emotions when I stare up at the mansion, my skin crawling. Because I don’t belong here.
The front door’s unlocked so I let myself in, just like Cooper had suggested I do in one of the many texts he’d sent me. The house is dark, eerily silent, and fear runs up my spine, creeping deep in my chest. Ever since the night I met his mother after she “walked into the doorframe,” I’ve been afraid of what’s concealed by the walls of this home. It feels like walking into a haunted house during Halloween, monsters and secrets lurking in every corner.
“Cooper?” I call out.
He doesn’t respond, so I make my way up the stairs and toward his room. He’s here, sitting on the edge of the bed, in the dark, a bottle of bourbon in his hand.
“What are you doing, Coop?”
He doesn’t lift his head when he asks, “Did you have fun?”
I swallow, afraid. I’ve never seen Cooper like this, but there’s something in his tone that stops me from going to him. I stand by the door, my heart in my throat, my hands behind me. “Yeah,” I tell him. “It was a beautiful wedding.”
He faces me now, the light outside barely exposing the anger in his eyes. “You said you’d be here an hour ago,” he says. But I don’t hear him. I hear his father.
“I um…” I look down at the floor, unable to make eye contact. “I lost track of time. I’m sorry.”
He stands, his shadow reaching me before he does. “Are you into him?” he whispers, his body an inch from mine.
“Who? Cameron?”
I flinch when his hand slams on the wall beside me. “Lucas! Did you fuck him?”
“No!” I shout, looking up at him. “God, no!”
He punches the wall and I shut my eyes, press my lips tight, do everything I can to stop the tears because I fear the tears will make it worse. “I have to go.” I push him out of the way so I can turn for the door but he grasps my wrist, twists until the pain causes me to yelp.
He drops my hand as soon he hears it. “Fuck,” he whispers, switching on the light. His eyes are wide when I turn back to him, his face pale. “Lois…” He shakes his head, his breaths rushed. “I would never…” Then he grasps his hair, the anger in his eyes replaced with shock. Guilt slams into me, forcing a sob to escape. He’s so desperate, so defeated, and it’s my fault. I should’ve answered his calls, his pleas for some form of clarity. He sits on the bed and breaks down, his shoulders shaking with his withheld emotions. He says, “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know…” I can barely make out the words through his pain, and so I go to him, ignore my aching wrist and kneel in front of him. He looks up when I settle my hands on his legs. “I would never hurt you, Lois. You know I wouldn’t. You know, baby, you’ve seen—” He chokes on a breath, cutting him off, and I scoot closer, take his face in my hands. He grasps my wrist, gentle and safe, and he kisses it a thousand times over while his eyes meet mine, his distress palpable. “It doesn’t make sense. Why…?” He trails off, looks away.
“Why what?” I ask, my hand on his cheek, forcing him to face me.
“If nothing’s going on with you guys, then why didn’t you ask me to come with you?”
My guilt forces my heart to stop, but his phone rings, saving me from responding. He doesn’t go to answer it. He just stares at it flashing and vibrating on his nightstand.
“Are you going to answer it?”
“It’s just my dad. I was supposed to be at an important dinner meeting with him, but I couldn’t…” His jaw tenses. The phone stops ringing. “I couldn’t fake caring enough. Not tonight.” He looks back at me the same time his phone starts again.
“Is he going to be mad?” I ask.
“It’s my dad, Lo. He skips angry and goes straight to…” His throat bobs with his swallow. Then he stands, his hands gentle on both my wrists. “You need to get out of here before he gets home.”
The fear rises again, doubles. Not for me, but for him. “I’m not leaving you.”
The ringing stops, but a text alert comes through, and he stands, releases me. He picks up the phone, reads the message. “It’s my mom,” he says. “They’ll be home in ten minutes.” His eyes lock on mine. “You need to go. Now!”
I stand so fast my head spins. “I’m not going anywhere!”
He covers the distance between us, places his hand on the small of my back and his lips on my forehead. “I’ll call you later. I’ll be fine,” he assures me.
His words do nothing for the panic that kicks in, along with the painful reality that I caused him to act like this. My lies and my ignoring him at the wedding caused his reaction and… I love him. I love him and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Not like it did with his mother. “Let’s go,” I tell him, taking his hand to force him to come with me.
He doesn’t budge. “Go where, Lo?”
“Anywhere!” I turn to him, plead with my eyes. “Please, Cooper. Let’s just go anywhere but here. I don’t want you here tonight. I want you with me. And I want you safe.”
“You think?” I ask, stepping in front of her.
Her smile contradicts the sadness in her eyes. “I should go.”
“I know.” I swallow the pain of her pulling away. “Cooper’s waiting.” I reach around, open her door for her. She starts to get in but stops when I say her name. “Cooper might not be too thrilled with you showing up wearing my jacket,” I tell her.
“Right.” She quickly removes my jacket, hands it back to me.
I step back, watch her start the engine, hands on the steering wheel, getting ready to pull away, and I question myself. Wonder if this is worth the searing ache in my heart.
“Lucas,” she says, her eyes meeting mine. “You already are that man. You just need to find a girl who’s going to make you want to prove that.” Then she drives away, farther and farther. More and more space.
LOIS
I pull over on the side of the road just outside the Preston property and I cry. I cry and I cry and I cry some more, and I don’t know why I cry but I can’t get Lucas’s words out of my mind, out of my system. I shouldn’t have shown up to his house the night of my birthday because now everything is blurred. The friendship, the feelings, the lines.
I settle my breaths, settle the beating of my heart and try to focus my vision, but like everything else, it, too, is blurred.
My phone rings, and I shut my eyes tight, knowing who it is. He’d been calling relentlessly for the past hour but I’d been selfish, enjoying the feeling of being part of the Prestons’ world again.
I clear my eyes, re-apply the little makeup I wear, force myself to smile and start the journey to his house. The security guard lets me through the gates, through the pristine streets, and onto the Kennedys’ driveway, and I can’t help but feel the shift of emotions when I stare up at the mansion, my skin crawling. Because I don’t belong here.
The front door’s unlocked so I let myself in, just like Cooper had suggested I do in one of the many texts he’d sent me. The house is dark, eerily silent, and fear runs up my spine, creeping deep in my chest. Ever since the night I met his mother after she “walked into the doorframe,” I’ve been afraid of what’s concealed by the walls of this home. It feels like walking into a haunted house during Halloween, monsters and secrets lurking in every corner.
“Cooper?” I call out.
He doesn’t respond, so I make my way up the stairs and toward his room. He’s here, sitting on the edge of the bed, in the dark, a bottle of bourbon in his hand.
“What are you doing, Coop?”
He doesn’t lift his head when he asks, “Did you have fun?”
I swallow, afraid. I’ve never seen Cooper like this, but there’s something in his tone that stops me from going to him. I stand by the door, my heart in my throat, my hands behind me. “Yeah,” I tell him. “It was a beautiful wedding.”
He faces me now, the light outside barely exposing the anger in his eyes. “You said you’d be here an hour ago,” he says. But I don’t hear him. I hear his father.
“I um…” I look down at the floor, unable to make eye contact. “I lost track of time. I’m sorry.”
He stands, his shadow reaching me before he does. “Are you into him?” he whispers, his body an inch from mine.
“Who? Cameron?”
I flinch when his hand slams on the wall beside me. “Lucas! Did you fuck him?”
“No!” I shout, looking up at him. “God, no!”
He punches the wall and I shut my eyes, press my lips tight, do everything I can to stop the tears because I fear the tears will make it worse. “I have to go.” I push him out of the way so I can turn for the door but he grasps my wrist, twists until the pain causes me to yelp.
He drops my hand as soon he hears it. “Fuck,” he whispers, switching on the light. His eyes are wide when I turn back to him, his face pale. “Lois…” He shakes his head, his breaths rushed. “I would never…” Then he grasps his hair, the anger in his eyes replaced with shock. Guilt slams into me, forcing a sob to escape. He’s so desperate, so defeated, and it’s my fault. I should’ve answered his calls, his pleas for some form of clarity. He sits on the bed and breaks down, his shoulders shaking with his withheld emotions. He says, “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know…” I can barely make out the words through his pain, and so I go to him, ignore my aching wrist and kneel in front of him. He looks up when I settle my hands on his legs. “I would never hurt you, Lois. You know I wouldn’t. You know, baby, you’ve seen—” He chokes on a breath, cutting him off, and I scoot closer, take his face in my hands. He grasps my wrist, gentle and safe, and he kisses it a thousand times over while his eyes meet mine, his distress palpable. “It doesn’t make sense. Why…?” He trails off, looks away.
“Why what?” I ask, my hand on his cheek, forcing him to face me.
“If nothing’s going on with you guys, then why didn’t you ask me to come with you?”
My guilt forces my heart to stop, but his phone rings, saving me from responding. He doesn’t go to answer it. He just stares at it flashing and vibrating on his nightstand.
“Are you going to answer it?”
“It’s just my dad. I was supposed to be at an important dinner meeting with him, but I couldn’t…” His jaw tenses. The phone stops ringing. “I couldn’t fake caring enough. Not tonight.” He looks back at me the same time his phone starts again.
“Is he going to be mad?” I ask.
“It’s my dad, Lo. He skips angry and goes straight to…” His throat bobs with his swallow. Then he stands, his hands gentle on both my wrists. “You need to get out of here before he gets home.”
The fear rises again, doubles. Not for me, but for him. “I’m not leaving you.”
The ringing stops, but a text alert comes through, and he stands, releases me. He picks up the phone, reads the message. “It’s my mom,” he says. “They’ll be home in ten minutes.” His eyes lock on mine. “You need to go. Now!”
I stand so fast my head spins. “I’m not going anywhere!”
He covers the distance between us, places his hand on the small of my back and his lips on my forehead. “I’ll call you later. I’ll be fine,” he assures me.
His words do nothing for the panic that kicks in, along with the painful reality that I caused him to act like this. My lies and my ignoring him at the wedding caused his reaction and… I love him. I love him and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Not like it did with his mother. “Let’s go,” I tell him, taking his hand to force him to come with me.
He doesn’t budge. “Go where, Lo?”
“Anywhere!” I turn to him, plead with my eyes. “Please, Cooper. Let’s just go anywhere but here. I don’t want you here tonight. I want you with me. And I want you safe.”
