Lure of Oblivion
Page 51
Zander sighed. “Are we done with the amateur psychology?” He tried to sound bored, but they both knew she’d interpreted the situation too well for his liking.
“No. Now, as I said, neither of you give much of yourself to people. You both seem that way for different reasons, though. With you, it’s because you find it instinctively uncomfortable to connect with people, probably because the connections you had with your family, particularly with your twin—a person who should have been closest to you—were weak and, in Rory’s case, warped. I wouldn’t want to let people close either.” Ally propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “You confuse Gwen.”
That made him frown. And intrigued him, which was no doubt Ally’s intent. “Confuse her?”
“The level of attention you pay her. The possessiveness. The way you try to preempt what’s best for her. It baffles her. That’s how I realized that the reason she doesn’t give much of herself to people is that she doesn’t think they want it—and she definitely doesn’t trust that they’ll want to keep or protect her.”
That made sense, he thought. Gwen’s mother and stepfather were too wrapped up in their own drama to care about her. Her biological father hadn’t even acknowledged her.
“I think a big factor was that some of the boys who pursued her over the years were really just trying to get to her foster sister.”
He scowled. “Why?”
Ally pointed at him. “That right there is why you’re so confusing to her. She knows it’s not about looks for you. She doesn’t get what it is about. It’s not that she has a low sense of self-worth. She doesn’t. She’s confident, bold. She’s at ease with who she is; she just didn’t expect anyone else to be.”
“You said she doesn’t give much of herself to people, but she let Yvonne, Marlon, and Julie get close.”
“Ah, but have you noticed that she sort of mothers them?”
Thinking on that, Zander realized she was right. Gwen put them first, protected them, and was a rock to each of them. In a way, she’d fostered that family—not the other way around. “She’s strong for them. The dominant force of the family, really.”
Ally nodded. “You don’t need her strength, you don’t need a rock, and that makes you unfamiliar territory for Gwen. She’s not used to being around people who are as equally strong as she is. She doesn’t quite know how to deal with someone who’ll want her to rely on them. Everyone wants to know there’s someone they can rely on, even if they never intend to do it. She’s never had a rock. The idea of having one will be as alluring as it is scary.”
Because to rely on someone, you had to trust them, Zander thought, and trust was hard for Gwen. “Okay, Dr. Ally, I got a question for you.”
“Dr. Ally,” she echoed with a smile. “I like that.”
“She invested some trust in me. She’s let me in a little. She’s let me know her. But she still holds back. Why?”
“This confuses you?” Ally rolled her eyes. “We’re shifters, Zander. What are shifters most known for doing?”
He shrugged. “Mating.”
“Yes. We’re most known for having true mates and metaphysical bonds.”
“I already explained to Gwen that having a true mate doesn’t mean I’m spoken for unless I’ve bonded with them.”
“Which is likely the only reason she let you in her bed. But this is what she’ll be thinking: that once the Brandt situation is over, you’ll go back to your pack and she’ll never see you again—that this is a . . . holiday romance for you. If this is more, you need to make that clear to her.” Ally tilted her head. “Would your wolf fight you on it?”
“No. He adores her. It took a little while for him to warm up. At first, he backed away from her—practically hid from her. Little by little, he closed the distance he kept from her, though still not all the way. Gwen thinks he’s weird with women because he’s not interested in any female but his true mate. I don’t know. In any case, she won him over.”
Ally gaped at him. “Good God, Zander, you’re lucky you’re hot.”
“What?”
She plonked down her glass and leaned across the table. “Maybe it’s because you’re too close to the situation, I don’t know, but you’re missing some things here. Right, let’s imagine that there’s this wolf. He’s strong. Fierce. Hard. Wounded, though. He was shot a couple of times. He recovered, but he has scars. Now, he’s not afraid of guns as a result—no, he’s too brave for that. But he is wary of them, so if he sees one around, he’s going to be on his guard in case the damn thing goes off. Now, your wolf wasn’t shot, but he is wounded. What wounded him, Zander?”
He frowned. “The people who were important to him.”
“Right. So let’s say your wolf comes across someone else who’s important to him—maybe the person that’s the most important of all. How the hell do you think he’ll react?”
“He’d be wary.” Zander swore as realization slapped him right over the head. His mouth went slack, and his whole body stilled in shock. Hell, even his heart seemed to stop—then it was pounding in his chest like a drumbeat.
His wolf did a sheepish, metaphorical shrug. The beast had known Gwen Miller was their mate from minute one; he’d simply been too wary of having a mate to accept it—even now, the wolf was still slightly wary.
Zander gave a slow, incredulous shake of the head and almost laughed. Not with euphoria, but at his own stupidity. He should have known. He snapped his gaping mouth shut and drew in a breath through his nose. “Why didn’t I see it?”
Ally’s smile was sympathy itself. “Maybe because your wolf isn’t the only one who’s wounded. Maybe you’re wary of finding your mate too. Who isn’t? A mate will want everything from you. But not to take and keep those pieces of you, Zander. To protect them, to love them. She’s the one person who’ll make everything worth it for you.”
He stood there, reeling as several emotions overwhelmed him. Astonishment. Disbelief. Satisfaction. Pride that the female heading toward them belonged to him. He carefully masked his expression as she neared, keeping his smile hidden. Still, she saw something on his face that made her frown. He bit down on a smile of pride—his mate was incredibly observant.
“No. Now, as I said, neither of you give much of yourself to people. You both seem that way for different reasons, though. With you, it’s because you find it instinctively uncomfortable to connect with people, probably because the connections you had with your family, particularly with your twin—a person who should have been closest to you—were weak and, in Rory’s case, warped. I wouldn’t want to let people close either.” Ally propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “You confuse Gwen.”
That made him frown. And intrigued him, which was no doubt Ally’s intent. “Confuse her?”
“The level of attention you pay her. The possessiveness. The way you try to preempt what’s best for her. It baffles her. That’s how I realized that the reason she doesn’t give much of herself to people is that she doesn’t think they want it—and she definitely doesn’t trust that they’ll want to keep or protect her.”
That made sense, he thought. Gwen’s mother and stepfather were too wrapped up in their own drama to care about her. Her biological father hadn’t even acknowledged her.
“I think a big factor was that some of the boys who pursued her over the years were really just trying to get to her foster sister.”
He scowled. “Why?”
Ally pointed at him. “That right there is why you’re so confusing to her. She knows it’s not about looks for you. She doesn’t get what it is about. It’s not that she has a low sense of self-worth. She doesn’t. She’s confident, bold. She’s at ease with who she is; she just didn’t expect anyone else to be.”
“You said she doesn’t give much of herself to people, but she let Yvonne, Marlon, and Julie get close.”
“Ah, but have you noticed that she sort of mothers them?”
Thinking on that, Zander realized she was right. Gwen put them first, protected them, and was a rock to each of them. In a way, she’d fostered that family—not the other way around. “She’s strong for them. The dominant force of the family, really.”
Ally nodded. “You don’t need her strength, you don’t need a rock, and that makes you unfamiliar territory for Gwen. She’s not used to being around people who are as equally strong as she is. She doesn’t quite know how to deal with someone who’ll want her to rely on them. Everyone wants to know there’s someone they can rely on, even if they never intend to do it. She’s never had a rock. The idea of having one will be as alluring as it is scary.”
Because to rely on someone, you had to trust them, Zander thought, and trust was hard for Gwen. “Okay, Dr. Ally, I got a question for you.”
“Dr. Ally,” she echoed with a smile. “I like that.”
“She invested some trust in me. She’s let me in a little. She’s let me know her. But she still holds back. Why?”
“This confuses you?” Ally rolled her eyes. “We’re shifters, Zander. What are shifters most known for doing?”
He shrugged. “Mating.”
“Yes. We’re most known for having true mates and metaphysical bonds.”
“I already explained to Gwen that having a true mate doesn’t mean I’m spoken for unless I’ve bonded with them.”
“Which is likely the only reason she let you in her bed. But this is what she’ll be thinking: that once the Brandt situation is over, you’ll go back to your pack and she’ll never see you again—that this is a . . . holiday romance for you. If this is more, you need to make that clear to her.” Ally tilted her head. “Would your wolf fight you on it?”
“No. He adores her. It took a little while for him to warm up. At first, he backed away from her—practically hid from her. Little by little, he closed the distance he kept from her, though still not all the way. Gwen thinks he’s weird with women because he’s not interested in any female but his true mate. I don’t know. In any case, she won him over.”
Ally gaped at him. “Good God, Zander, you’re lucky you’re hot.”
“What?”
She plonked down her glass and leaned across the table. “Maybe it’s because you’re too close to the situation, I don’t know, but you’re missing some things here. Right, let’s imagine that there’s this wolf. He’s strong. Fierce. Hard. Wounded, though. He was shot a couple of times. He recovered, but he has scars. Now, he’s not afraid of guns as a result—no, he’s too brave for that. But he is wary of them, so if he sees one around, he’s going to be on his guard in case the damn thing goes off. Now, your wolf wasn’t shot, but he is wounded. What wounded him, Zander?”
He frowned. “The people who were important to him.”
“Right. So let’s say your wolf comes across someone else who’s important to him—maybe the person that’s the most important of all. How the hell do you think he’ll react?”
“He’d be wary.” Zander swore as realization slapped him right over the head. His mouth went slack, and his whole body stilled in shock. Hell, even his heart seemed to stop—then it was pounding in his chest like a drumbeat.
His wolf did a sheepish, metaphorical shrug. The beast had known Gwen Miller was their mate from minute one; he’d simply been too wary of having a mate to accept it—even now, the wolf was still slightly wary.
Zander gave a slow, incredulous shake of the head and almost laughed. Not with euphoria, but at his own stupidity. He should have known. He snapped his gaping mouth shut and drew in a breath through his nose. “Why didn’t I see it?”
Ally’s smile was sympathy itself. “Maybe because your wolf isn’t the only one who’s wounded. Maybe you’re wary of finding your mate too. Who isn’t? A mate will want everything from you. But not to take and keep those pieces of you, Zander. To protect them, to love them. She’s the one person who’ll make everything worth it for you.”
He stood there, reeling as several emotions overwhelmed him. Astonishment. Disbelief. Satisfaction. Pride that the female heading toward them belonged to him. He carefully masked his expression as she neared, keeping his smile hidden. Still, she saw something on his face that made her frown. He bit down on a smile of pride—his mate was incredibly observant.
