Lure of Oblivion
Page 60
Zander wished she was ready to hear that he believed she was his mate, but his gut told him to keep quiet for now. He continued, “Most mated couples I’ve come across seem happy and stable. The pairs balance each other out, accept each other for who they are, and seem content in a way I can’t imagine ever feeling. I guess you’d have to experience the bond for yourself to really know.”
Gwen gave him a faint smile, unable to suppress a twinge of envy. She wasn’t a soppy person, but she did like the idea of predestined mates—thought it was a beautiful thing. “Has anyone ever told you what it feels like for the mating bond to form?” she asked, relaxing as he ran his fingers through her hair.
“I’ve heard it hurts at first, but then the pain gives way to a sort of euphoric sense of peace. It usually takes certain steps for a mating bond to fully snap into place. First, the couple has to be open enough to each other to sense the bond. Only after they’ve overcome certain obstacles will the bond strengthen and their scents mix. But they still need to be absolutely solid before the mating bond’s complete and fully working.”
“Must be nice to know you’ll have that one day.”
“Not sure I’ll make a good mate.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“I know myself, Gwen. I know I’m intense, even for a shifter. I know I’m shit at connecting with people and have all kinds of issues.” He figured it was only fair that he warn her. “I was harsh on you that night at the boardwalk, so I’m sure you’ve noticed that I also lack in the empathy department. I’m not good at understanding people’s problems or seeing their point of view. It doesn’t make me a great confidant or partner—people can get upset when they don’t think you appreciate how bad their situation is or how they’re feeling.”
Given all she’d learned about him, Gwen didn’t think it was all that surprising that he struggled to connect with people or that his ability to trust was all fucked-up. She instinctively knew that he wouldn’t be an easy mate. In fact, she doubted he was familiar with love or emotional expression. But she also knew he was someone who’d always be there for the people he cared for, no matter what. Someone who’d be unwaveringly loyal. That was pure gold for a woman like Gwen, so she didn’t doubt that there would be other females out there who’d feel the same way.
She jabbed her finger into his chest. “You’re not the bad catch you seem to think you are. You have plenty of good qualities. Lots of people have issues. I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person who doesn’t. If your mate turns out to be a fussy bitch who can’t accept you for who you are, fuck her—she doesn’t deserve you.”
She deserved him just fine, Zander thought. Suited him perfectly. Would complete him in a way that words would never explain. Although he hadn’t sensed she was his mate on even a subconscious level before Ally knocked some sense into him, there had always been that primal warning of danger around Gwen. Now, he understood it. Zander didn’t like vulnerabilities, and he’d instinctively known that she could become one. Known that she could become an addiction. Addictions fucked with a person’s self-control, and Zander needed control. He just needed Gwen more.
He dragged her on top of him. “You do realize that this—you and me—won’t come to an end once the trial’s over, don’t you?”
Gwen stilled, though her heart slammed against her ribs. It hadn’t been a flippant remark. There was a fierce determination in both his tone and expression. “You have a pack to go back to.”
“I didn’t say I’d leave the pack.”
“Long-distance relationships are hard. Putting in the effort when it’s just a long-distance fling seems pointless.”
He lightly tapped her ass. “We both know this is more than a fling. I told you last night, you matter to me.”
“Well, this can’t be anything other than a fling. I’m not your mate.”
His wolf snapped his teeth at that remark. “How do you know?”
She spluttered. “Because . . . I’d know.”
“Would you? I already told you, the frequency of the bond can be blocked by lots of things. I’m not saying you are my mate.” But his wolf urged him to do so. “I’m just making the point that it makes no sense to end something good on the premise that I should be waiting for a mate that could be lying right on top of me. A mate that could have walked past me yesterday or bumped into me another day. I’ve told you before, Gwen, I’m not going to spend my life searching for someone I may never recognize as my mate.”
She went to sit up, but Zander wrapped his arm around her to pin her in place. “I like what we have, Gwen. You like what we have. Why end it without a good reason? Do you have a good reason?”
Gwen licked her lips. She could point out that she was a pain in the ass, that he could have any woman he wanted, that surely a shifter would suit him better. But she said, “No.” She made a big deal out of him being nosy and pushy, but she really didn’t mind it so much—she just pushed right back, stood her ground, snorted at his nonnegotiable tone. The truth was that Zander was exactly her type. Loyal, trustworthy, honest, sexily assertive. He listened, paid attention. He was also an absolute rock star in bed. The kind of person who’d leave a mark wherever he went.
As a rule, Gwen didn’t trust any situation in which she got what she wanted. She’d been confused by his interest, hadn’t trusted it, so she’d slammed up her guard. Now? Now there seemed no point. Holding him at a distance hadn’t worked. Trying to push him away hadn’t worked. Feigning disinterest in him and his life to offend him hadn’t worked.
He was like a freaking emotional tank. Solid. Resilient. Just kept on forging ahead, able and willing to smash whatever obstructed his path. If he said she was who he wanted, fine. She wasn’t gonna argue. Not anymore.
“Do you wish you had a good reason?” Zander asked carefully.
Gwen took a long breath. “No.”
Triumph surged through Zander, and his wolf settled a little. He tightened his hold on her. “Then don’t fight this. Let it happen. Go with it. Let yourself be fucking happy.”
“Want the truth?”
“Let’s hear it.”
“You do make me happy . . . and not only because you make a pretty picture naked beneath me.” She smiled dreamily. “Very, very pretty.”
Gwen gave him a faint smile, unable to suppress a twinge of envy. She wasn’t a soppy person, but she did like the idea of predestined mates—thought it was a beautiful thing. “Has anyone ever told you what it feels like for the mating bond to form?” she asked, relaxing as he ran his fingers through her hair.
“I’ve heard it hurts at first, but then the pain gives way to a sort of euphoric sense of peace. It usually takes certain steps for a mating bond to fully snap into place. First, the couple has to be open enough to each other to sense the bond. Only after they’ve overcome certain obstacles will the bond strengthen and their scents mix. But they still need to be absolutely solid before the mating bond’s complete and fully working.”
“Must be nice to know you’ll have that one day.”
“Not sure I’ll make a good mate.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“I know myself, Gwen. I know I’m intense, even for a shifter. I know I’m shit at connecting with people and have all kinds of issues.” He figured it was only fair that he warn her. “I was harsh on you that night at the boardwalk, so I’m sure you’ve noticed that I also lack in the empathy department. I’m not good at understanding people’s problems or seeing their point of view. It doesn’t make me a great confidant or partner—people can get upset when they don’t think you appreciate how bad their situation is or how they’re feeling.”
Given all she’d learned about him, Gwen didn’t think it was all that surprising that he struggled to connect with people or that his ability to trust was all fucked-up. She instinctively knew that he wouldn’t be an easy mate. In fact, she doubted he was familiar with love or emotional expression. But she also knew he was someone who’d always be there for the people he cared for, no matter what. Someone who’d be unwaveringly loyal. That was pure gold for a woman like Gwen, so she didn’t doubt that there would be other females out there who’d feel the same way.
She jabbed her finger into his chest. “You’re not the bad catch you seem to think you are. You have plenty of good qualities. Lots of people have issues. I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person who doesn’t. If your mate turns out to be a fussy bitch who can’t accept you for who you are, fuck her—she doesn’t deserve you.”
She deserved him just fine, Zander thought. Suited him perfectly. Would complete him in a way that words would never explain. Although he hadn’t sensed she was his mate on even a subconscious level before Ally knocked some sense into him, there had always been that primal warning of danger around Gwen. Now, he understood it. Zander didn’t like vulnerabilities, and he’d instinctively known that she could become one. Known that she could become an addiction. Addictions fucked with a person’s self-control, and Zander needed control. He just needed Gwen more.
He dragged her on top of him. “You do realize that this—you and me—won’t come to an end once the trial’s over, don’t you?”
Gwen stilled, though her heart slammed against her ribs. It hadn’t been a flippant remark. There was a fierce determination in both his tone and expression. “You have a pack to go back to.”
“I didn’t say I’d leave the pack.”
“Long-distance relationships are hard. Putting in the effort when it’s just a long-distance fling seems pointless.”
He lightly tapped her ass. “We both know this is more than a fling. I told you last night, you matter to me.”
“Well, this can’t be anything other than a fling. I’m not your mate.”
His wolf snapped his teeth at that remark. “How do you know?”
She spluttered. “Because . . . I’d know.”
“Would you? I already told you, the frequency of the bond can be blocked by lots of things. I’m not saying you are my mate.” But his wolf urged him to do so. “I’m just making the point that it makes no sense to end something good on the premise that I should be waiting for a mate that could be lying right on top of me. A mate that could have walked past me yesterday or bumped into me another day. I’ve told you before, Gwen, I’m not going to spend my life searching for someone I may never recognize as my mate.”
She went to sit up, but Zander wrapped his arm around her to pin her in place. “I like what we have, Gwen. You like what we have. Why end it without a good reason? Do you have a good reason?”
Gwen licked her lips. She could point out that she was a pain in the ass, that he could have any woman he wanted, that surely a shifter would suit him better. But she said, “No.” She made a big deal out of him being nosy and pushy, but she really didn’t mind it so much—she just pushed right back, stood her ground, snorted at his nonnegotiable tone. The truth was that Zander was exactly her type. Loyal, trustworthy, honest, sexily assertive. He listened, paid attention. He was also an absolute rock star in bed. The kind of person who’d leave a mark wherever he went.
As a rule, Gwen didn’t trust any situation in which she got what she wanted. She’d been confused by his interest, hadn’t trusted it, so she’d slammed up her guard. Now? Now there seemed no point. Holding him at a distance hadn’t worked. Trying to push him away hadn’t worked. Feigning disinterest in him and his life to offend him hadn’t worked.
He was like a freaking emotional tank. Solid. Resilient. Just kept on forging ahead, able and willing to smash whatever obstructed his path. If he said she was who he wanted, fine. She wasn’t gonna argue. Not anymore.
“Do you wish you had a good reason?” Zander asked carefully.
Gwen took a long breath. “No.”
Triumph surged through Zander, and his wolf settled a little. He tightened his hold on her. “Then don’t fight this. Let it happen. Go with it. Let yourself be fucking happy.”
“Want the truth?”
“Let’s hear it.”
“You do make me happy . . . and not only because you make a pretty picture naked beneath me.” She smiled dreamily. “Very, very pretty.”
