Luring A Lady
Page 50
"You will." He brushed his lips over her hair. "Talk to me."
"When I met Mother at the restaurant, Channing was with her."
Over Sydney's head, Mikhail's eyes darkened dangerously. "The banker with the silk suits. You let him kiss you before you let me."
"I knew him before I knew you.'' Amused, Sydney turned and looked jealousy in the eye. "And I didn't let you kiss me, as I recall. You just did."
He did so again, ruthlessly. "You won't let him again."
"No."
"Good." He drew her to the sofa. "Then he can live."
With a laugh, she threw her arms around him for a hug, then settled her head on his shoulder. "None of it's his fault, really. Or my mother's, either. It's more a matter of habit and circumstance. She'd set up the evening after persuading Channing that the time was ripe to propose."
"Propose?" Mikhail spun her around to face him. "He wants to marry you?"
"Not really. He thought he did. He certainly doesn't want to marry me anymore." But he was shoving her out of the way so he could get up and pace. "There's no reason to be angry," Sydney said as she smoothed down her jumpsuit. "I was the one in the awkward position. As it is I doubt he'll speak to me again."
"If he does, I'll cut out his tongue." Slowly, Mikhail thought, working up the rage. "No one marries you but me."
"I've already explained…" She trailed off as breath lodged in a hard ball in her throat. "There's really no need to go into this," she managed as she rose. "It's late."
"You wait," Mikhail ordered and strode into the bedroom. When he came back carrying a small box, Sydney's blood turned to ice. "Sit."
"No, Mikhail, please—"
"Then stand." He flipped open the top of the box to reveal a ring of hammered gold with a small center stone of fiery red. "The grandfather of my father made this for his wife. He was a goldsmith so the work is fine, even though the stone is small. It comes to me because I am the oldest son. If it doesn't please you, I buy you something else."
"No, it's beautiful. Please, don't. I can't." She held her fisted hands behind her back. "Don't ask me."
"I am asking you," he said impatiently. "Give me your hand."
She took a step back. "I can't wear the ring. I can't marry you."
With a shake of his head, he pulled her hand free and pushed the ring on her finger. "See, you can wear it. It's too big, but we'll fix it."
"No." She would have pulled it off again, but he closed his hand over hers. "I don't want to marry you."
His fingers tightened on hers, and a fire darted into his eyes, more brilliant than the shine of the ruby. "Why?"
"I don't want to get married," she said as clearly as she could. "I won't have what we started together spoiled."
"Marriage doesn't spoil love, it nurtures it."
"You don't know," she snapped back. "You've never been married. I have. And I won't go through it again."
"So." Struggling with temper, he rocked back on his heels. "This husband of yours hurt you, makes you unhappy, so you think I'll do the same."
"Damn it, I loved him." Her voice broke, and she covered her face with her hand as the tears began to fall.
Torn between jealousy and misery, he gathered her close, murmuring endearments as he stroked her hair. "I'm sorry."
"You don't understand."
"Let me understand." He tilted her face up to kiss the tears. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I won't yell at you anymore."
"It's not that." She let out a shuddering breath. "I don't want to hurt you. Please, let this go."
"I can't let this go. Or you. I love you, Sydney. I need you. For my life I need you. Explain to me why you won't take me."
"If there was anyone," she began in a rush, then shook her head before she could even wish it. "Mikhail, I can't consider marriage. Hayward is too much of a responsibility, and I need to focus on my career."
"This is smoke, to hide the real answer."
"All right." Bracing herself, she stepped away from him. "I don't think I could handle failing again, and losing someone I love. Marriage changes people."
"How did it change you?"
"I loved Peter, Mikhail. Not the way I love you, but more than anyone else. He was my best friend. We grew up together. When my parents divorced, he was the only one I could talk to. He cared, really cared, about how I felt, what I thought, what I wanted. We could sit for hours on the beach up at the Hamptons and watch the water, tell each other secrets."
She turned away. Saying it all out loud brought the pain spearing back.
"And you fell in love."'
"No," she said miserably. "We just loved each other. I can hardly remember a time without him. And I can't remember when it started to become a given that we'd marry someday. Not that we talked about it ourselves. Everyone else did. Sydney and Peter, what a lovely couple they make. Isn't it nice how well they suit? I suppose we heard it so much, we started to believe it. Anyway, it was expected, and we'd both been raised to do what was expected of us."
She brushed at tears and wandered over to his shelves. "You were right when you gave me that figure of Cinderella. I've always followed the rules. I was expected to go to boarding school and get top grades. So I did. I was expected to behave presentably, never to show unacceptable emotions. So I did. I was expected to marry Peter. So I did."
She whirled back. "There we were, both of us just turned twenty-two—quite an acceptable age for marriage. I suppose we both thought it would be fine. After all, we'd known each other forever, we liked the same things, understood each other. Loved each other. But it wasn't fine. Almost from the beginning. Honeymooning in Greece. We both loved the country. And we both pretended that the physical part of marriage was fine. Of course, it was anything but fine, and the more we pretended, the further apart we became. We moved back to New York so he could take his place in the family business. I decorated the house, gave parties. And dreaded watching the sun go down."
"When I met Mother at the restaurant, Channing was with her."
Over Sydney's head, Mikhail's eyes darkened dangerously. "The banker with the silk suits. You let him kiss you before you let me."
"I knew him before I knew you.'' Amused, Sydney turned and looked jealousy in the eye. "And I didn't let you kiss me, as I recall. You just did."
He did so again, ruthlessly. "You won't let him again."
"No."
"Good." He drew her to the sofa. "Then he can live."
With a laugh, she threw her arms around him for a hug, then settled her head on his shoulder. "None of it's his fault, really. Or my mother's, either. It's more a matter of habit and circumstance. She'd set up the evening after persuading Channing that the time was ripe to propose."
"Propose?" Mikhail spun her around to face him. "He wants to marry you?"
"Not really. He thought he did. He certainly doesn't want to marry me anymore." But he was shoving her out of the way so he could get up and pace. "There's no reason to be angry," Sydney said as she smoothed down her jumpsuit. "I was the one in the awkward position. As it is I doubt he'll speak to me again."
"If he does, I'll cut out his tongue." Slowly, Mikhail thought, working up the rage. "No one marries you but me."
"I've already explained…" She trailed off as breath lodged in a hard ball in her throat. "There's really no need to go into this," she managed as she rose. "It's late."
"You wait," Mikhail ordered and strode into the bedroom. When he came back carrying a small box, Sydney's blood turned to ice. "Sit."
"No, Mikhail, please—"
"Then stand." He flipped open the top of the box to reveal a ring of hammered gold with a small center stone of fiery red. "The grandfather of my father made this for his wife. He was a goldsmith so the work is fine, even though the stone is small. It comes to me because I am the oldest son. If it doesn't please you, I buy you something else."
"No, it's beautiful. Please, don't. I can't." She held her fisted hands behind her back. "Don't ask me."
"I am asking you," he said impatiently. "Give me your hand."
She took a step back. "I can't wear the ring. I can't marry you."
With a shake of his head, he pulled her hand free and pushed the ring on her finger. "See, you can wear it. It's too big, but we'll fix it."
"No." She would have pulled it off again, but he closed his hand over hers. "I don't want to marry you."
His fingers tightened on hers, and a fire darted into his eyes, more brilliant than the shine of the ruby. "Why?"
"I don't want to get married," she said as clearly as she could. "I won't have what we started together spoiled."
"Marriage doesn't spoil love, it nurtures it."
"You don't know," she snapped back. "You've never been married. I have. And I won't go through it again."
"So." Struggling with temper, he rocked back on his heels. "This husband of yours hurt you, makes you unhappy, so you think I'll do the same."
"Damn it, I loved him." Her voice broke, and she covered her face with her hand as the tears began to fall.
Torn between jealousy and misery, he gathered her close, murmuring endearments as he stroked her hair. "I'm sorry."
"You don't understand."
"Let me understand." He tilted her face up to kiss the tears. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I won't yell at you anymore."
"It's not that." She let out a shuddering breath. "I don't want to hurt you. Please, let this go."
"I can't let this go. Or you. I love you, Sydney. I need you. For my life I need you. Explain to me why you won't take me."
"If there was anyone," she began in a rush, then shook her head before she could even wish it. "Mikhail, I can't consider marriage. Hayward is too much of a responsibility, and I need to focus on my career."
"This is smoke, to hide the real answer."
"All right." Bracing herself, she stepped away from him. "I don't think I could handle failing again, and losing someone I love. Marriage changes people."
"How did it change you?"
"I loved Peter, Mikhail. Not the way I love you, but more than anyone else. He was my best friend. We grew up together. When my parents divorced, he was the only one I could talk to. He cared, really cared, about how I felt, what I thought, what I wanted. We could sit for hours on the beach up at the Hamptons and watch the water, tell each other secrets."
She turned away. Saying it all out loud brought the pain spearing back.
"And you fell in love."'
"No," she said miserably. "We just loved each other. I can hardly remember a time without him. And I can't remember when it started to become a given that we'd marry someday. Not that we talked about it ourselves. Everyone else did. Sydney and Peter, what a lovely couple they make. Isn't it nice how well they suit? I suppose we heard it so much, we started to believe it. Anyway, it was expected, and we'd both been raised to do what was expected of us."
She brushed at tears and wandered over to his shelves. "You were right when you gave me that figure of Cinderella. I've always followed the rules. I was expected to go to boarding school and get top grades. So I did. I was expected to behave presentably, never to show unacceptable emotions. So I did. I was expected to marry Peter. So I did."
She whirled back. "There we were, both of us just turned twenty-two—quite an acceptable age for marriage. I suppose we both thought it would be fine. After all, we'd known each other forever, we liked the same things, understood each other. Loved each other. But it wasn't fine. Almost from the beginning. Honeymooning in Greece. We both loved the country. And we both pretended that the physical part of marriage was fine. Of course, it was anything but fine, and the more we pretended, the further apart we became. We moved back to New York so he could take his place in the family business. I decorated the house, gave parties. And dreaded watching the sun go down."
