Magic Breaks
Page 33
“Why?” I’d never understood why a city the size of Atlanta had only seven knights assigned to it.
“Because a chapter of ten members or more requires a knight-diviner,” Andrea said.
A knight-diviner functioned like a chaplain in regular Army units. Greg Feldman, my now-deceased guardian, had been one. He handled whatever personal issues the other knights could throw at him, and they threw quite a few.
“I spoke to a couple of the new knights who’d transferred in,” Andrea continued. “Ted wasn’t shy about bending the rules to get where he was going, and he wanted a group of knights loyal enough to bend the rules with him. A knight-diviner would’ve diluted his authority. That’s one of the reasons why he let you in, by the way. He saw you as a nobody with a talent and a chip on your shoulder after your guardian died. He thought that if he gave you your big chance, you’d spend the rest of your life thanking him for it.”
Well, wasn’t he in for a surprise. “I bet he opened a bottle when Greg died.”
“Probably.” Andrea sighed. “I never thought he would retire. His ego was too big. He’d want to go out in a blaze of glory. Well, he did it, the ass**le. He got his last hurrah. People died for it. God, poor Nick. He must’ve been through hell and Ted just burned him. That’s years thrown away. I would’ve killed him.”
“He was kicking his corpse the last I saw him.”
Andrea grimaced.
“The Order isn’t going to help us, is it?” I asked.
She faced me squarely. “No.”
Shit. “That’s what I thought.” The Order didn’t like the Pack or the People. It had no reason to get between them. They would come down, they would investigate, and they would hunt Hugh like a rabid dog, but counting on them to intervene for our benefit now was futile. Even if they were willing to help, they wouldn’t get here in time or in large enough numbers to make a difference.
“What are you going to do?” Andrea asked.
“I don’t know. Ask me after we recover Double D.”
She raised her head. “Whatever it is, Clan Bouda will back you up.”
“Thank you.” At least my best friend was still in my corner.
“Thank you for saving Ascanio,” she said.
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.” Andrea looked at me. “I should’ve gone to the Conclave with you.”
“You went last time.”
“You needed me to watch your back.” She sighed. “Sarah got herself arrested up in South Carolina, and I went there personally to get her out. I should’ve just sent a Pack lawyer, but I went myself because I feel like Aunt B’s looking over my shoulder. I feel like I have to be everywhere and do everything. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss her. I so wish she were here.”
“I know the feeling.”
Andrea hesitated, opened her mouth, and closed it without saying a word.
“What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I closed my mouth with a click. “Congratulations!”
She stared at me and spread her arms as if to say, There it is.
“How are you? How far along?”
“Four weeks. I’m not sick yet. I just had a feeling, so I checked.”
“Are you okay?”
She leaned forward, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so scared.”
I had no idea what to say. I’d be scared, too. “Did you tell Doolittle?”
“Not yet.”
“You need to tell Doolittle. You need to take panacea.” And I was pretty sure neither she nor I knew how much to take. “Does Raphael know?”
She shook her head. “I took the test yesterday.”
Oh crap. We still didn’t know if Curran and Raphael were even alive.
“I know exactly how Jennifer felt when Daniel died,” Andrea said. “Raphael didn’t even want to go. He was trying to win a bid on some building for the business, and I told him, ‘Go, honey. We’re brand-new alphas and this will make us look good.’”
“They’ll be fine,” I said.
“Of course they’ll be fine.”
We looked at each other and made a silent effort to believe our own bullshit.
• • •
ANDREA LEFT AND I took myself down to the medward. Desandra and Derek had been treated, given a dinner, and both were asleep.
One of Doolittle’s nurses told me that Ascanio’s mother was with him. They probably needed some private time, so I went into the observation hallway instead. Dim and narrow, it ran along the individual patient rooms, offering a one-way window into each. Sean, a nurse in training, nodded to me from his perch on a pillow in the corner. An intensive care unit for shapeshifters meant patients who could go loup at any minute. The rooms were reinforced and someone was keeping an eye on them 24/7 until the danger passed.
Ascanio lay under the sheets. His color was almost back to normal. His mother sat by his bed reading him a book. He said something. Judging by his grin, he thought he was funny. His mother sighed.
The door opened and Robert joined me.
“He’s recovering,” the alpha rat said.
“Yes.”
Robert glanced at Sean. “Would you mind giving us a minute?”
Sean rose and left the room.
“I spoke to my husband,” Robert said.
“This sounds ominous.”
“I like you a great deal,” he said. “He respects and values my opinion of you.”
“But?” There was always a “but” attached.
Robert looked at the ceiling for a long moment. “I’m trying to find the right way to say this.”
“Go ahead, I’ve braced myself.”
“If Curran’s death is confirmed, the question of your retaining leadership will arise. There may be a no-confidence vote.”
Well, that didn’t take long. “Have you heard something?”
“Yes.”
That came out of nowhere. I guess I’d been too complacent and this was my wake-up call. I had no plans to lead the Pack without Curran, but it still stung. I had fought hard for them, and I thought I’d earned the Pack’s respect. What else did they need from me?
Robert frowned. “I might be asked about my experience during last night. I plan to answer truthfully. I realize it’s not the best timing, but I don’t want you to feel stabbed in the back.”
“Was there something wrong with my conduct last night?”
Robert met my gaze. “People like to assign their leaders noble qualities. Generosity, kindness, selflessness. The hard truth of it is, the best leaders are ruthless. Curran is ruthless. As long as there is a chance of him being alive, we will support you. We like you as a pair. You balance each other out.”
“So you don’t think I’m ruthless enough?”
Robert nodded at Ascanio. “I like the boy. He’s smart and brave. Funny. But when Hugh was playing with his life, I would’ve let him die.”
I turned to him.
“I would’ve mourned him with his mother,” Robert said. “I would’ve felt terrible and grieved. But I would’ve let d’Ambray kill him. He’s just one of the Pack’s children. You’re the Consort. If you had let yourself be taken by d’Ambray, we would’ve been leaderless. I would have to go to the Pack with the news that d’Ambray had captured you, and they would have marched on the Casino to either save you or retaliate. It would be a bloodbath. So as painful as it is, I would’ve let Ascanio die.”
“I can’t do that.” I didn’t want to lead, but now I was doing it and that was the only way I knew how.
“I know,” Robert said. “I think it goes against your nature. It makes you a better person than many. That’s what I am trying to say. We, the alphas, we’re not always good people. We try to be, but there are times when there are no good choices. If my clan were running from an enemy, I would sacrifice myself for their sake in a heartbeat. But if they were running to a door only I knew how to open, I would race ahead of them even if it meant that some of those behind me might fall. We think in numbers, not individuals.”
I didn’t know what I would do. It depended on who was behind me.
“You saved Ascanio,” Robert said. “But now Roland and d’Ambray know you have a weakness and they will use it against you. They will take someone you love and threaten to kill them, because they know you won’t be able to pass up that bait. You have to prepare to sacrifice your friends.”
If I had to do it over again, I would’ve done the same thing.
“I will stand with you for as long as I can,” Robert said. “But if I am asked about what happened in the Order’s chapterhouse, I will tell the Pack Council my opinion on it. No matter how I phrase it, all of them will see it in the same light Thomas and I do. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” I looked at him. “I respect you as a fighter and as an alpha. Without you we wouldn’t have survived the night. If you ever need help, I will help you. You may want to let the Pack Council know that they may call as many votes as they want when this mess is over. However, if any of them do anything to derail my efforts to save our people by starting some sort of no-confidence vote while I’m trying to avert this war, I’ll have them confined to their quarters. I’m pretty tired of being judged on every turn, and my patience is short.”
Robert nodded. “Yes, Consort.”
He walked out. I leaned against the wall. Just what I needed. I hadn’t shown Hugh any gaps in my armor. He already knew them; he’d figured me out last summer. Now the Pack knew them as well. The Pack Council would have a field day with it when this was over.
That was fine. I failed Mauro. But Ascanio, Derek, and Desandra survived.
I was beginning to think in numbers. Well, wasn’t that sad?
The door swung open and Jim loomed in the doorway. “We found Double D.”
• • •
I STRODE THROUGH the hallways at a near run. “Where did you find her?”
“She was hiding at her cousin’s house in the attic,” Jim said.
“Have you called the alphas?”
“Yes.”
“The rats, too?”
He bristled. “What about the rats?”
“They think you’re hiding information from them.”
“I hide information from everyone. Do they think they’re special?”
I walked into the Pack Council room. A large table dominated the space, and what could be gathered of the Pack Council occupied the chairs: Robert and Thomas Lonesco; Martha, the female alpha of Clan Heavy; the betas from Clan Nimble, the female alpha of the jackals, Andrea for Clan Bouda, and Desandra, pale and bald.
“Where is the alpha of the wolves?”
George, Mahon’s daughter, looked up from her spot at a small desk. “She declined to attend. She sends her apologies.” She pointed at Desandra. “She’s all we could scrounge up on short notice.”
“Yeah,” Desandra said, her voice dry. “I’m a substitute alpha.”
Well, of course. Because this meeting wouldn’t end well for Double D, and Jennifer didn’t want to deal with the fallout. When the wolves pitched a fit and demanded to know why one of their own was sent to the People, she would tell them she had nothing to do with it. It was all Desandra’s fault. Marvelous.
“I thought your teeth fell out?”
“They did.” Desandra bared a new sharp set at me. “I found out I was coming to this meeting and they grew all on their own.”
Someone was pissed off.
I walked to the head of the table and sat in my chair, trying to valiantly ignore the fact that Curran’s chair stood empty next to me. If I let even a tiny bit of anxiety show, I would lose the Pack Council. They would begin to bicker and we wouldn’t come to a decision.
“Because a chapter of ten members or more requires a knight-diviner,” Andrea said.
A knight-diviner functioned like a chaplain in regular Army units. Greg Feldman, my now-deceased guardian, had been one. He handled whatever personal issues the other knights could throw at him, and they threw quite a few.
“I spoke to a couple of the new knights who’d transferred in,” Andrea continued. “Ted wasn’t shy about bending the rules to get where he was going, and he wanted a group of knights loyal enough to bend the rules with him. A knight-diviner would’ve diluted his authority. That’s one of the reasons why he let you in, by the way. He saw you as a nobody with a talent and a chip on your shoulder after your guardian died. He thought that if he gave you your big chance, you’d spend the rest of your life thanking him for it.”
Well, wasn’t he in for a surprise. “I bet he opened a bottle when Greg died.”
“Probably.” Andrea sighed. “I never thought he would retire. His ego was too big. He’d want to go out in a blaze of glory. Well, he did it, the ass**le. He got his last hurrah. People died for it. God, poor Nick. He must’ve been through hell and Ted just burned him. That’s years thrown away. I would’ve killed him.”
“He was kicking his corpse the last I saw him.”
Andrea grimaced.
“The Order isn’t going to help us, is it?” I asked.
She faced me squarely. “No.”
Shit. “That’s what I thought.” The Order didn’t like the Pack or the People. It had no reason to get between them. They would come down, they would investigate, and they would hunt Hugh like a rabid dog, but counting on them to intervene for our benefit now was futile. Even if they were willing to help, they wouldn’t get here in time or in large enough numbers to make a difference.
“What are you going to do?” Andrea asked.
“I don’t know. Ask me after we recover Double D.”
She raised her head. “Whatever it is, Clan Bouda will back you up.”
“Thank you.” At least my best friend was still in my corner.
“Thank you for saving Ascanio,” she said.
“I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.” Andrea looked at me. “I should’ve gone to the Conclave with you.”
“You went last time.”
“You needed me to watch your back.” She sighed. “Sarah got herself arrested up in South Carolina, and I went there personally to get her out. I should’ve just sent a Pack lawyer, but I went myself because I feel like Aunt B’s looking over my shoulder. I feel like I have to be everywhere and do everything. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss her. I so wish she were here.”
“I know the feeling.”
Andrea hesitated, opened her mouth, and closed it without saying a word.
“What is it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I closed my mouth with a click. “Congratulations!”
She stared at me and spread her arms as if to say, There it is.
“How are you? How far along?”
“Four weeks. I’m not sick yet. I just had a feeling, so I checked.”
“Are you okay?”
She leaned forward, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so scared.”
I had no idea what to say. I’d be scared, too. “Did you tell Doolittle?”
“Not yet.”
“You need to tell Doolittle. You need to take panacea.” And I was pretty sure neither she nor I knew how much to take. “Does Raphael know?”
She shook her head. “I took the test yesterday.”
Oh crap. We still didn’t know if Curran and Raphael were even alive.
“I know exactly how Jennifer felt when Daniel died,” Andrea said. “Raphael didn’t even want to go. He was trying to win a bid on some building for the business, and I told him, ‘Go, honey. We’re brand-new alphas and this will make us look good.’”
“They’ll be fine,” I said.
“Of course they’ll be fine.”
We looked at each other and made a silent effort to believe our own bullshit.
• • •
ANDREA LEFT AND I took myself down to the medward. Desandra and Derek had been treated, given a dinner, and both were asleep.
One of Doolittle’s nurses told me that Ascanio’s mother was with him. They probably needed some private time, so I went into the observation hallway instead. Dim and narrow, it ran along the individual patient rooms, offering a one-way window into each. Sean, a nurse in training, nodded to me from his perch on a pillow in the corner. An intensive care unit for shapeshifters meant patients who could go loup at any minute. The rooms were reinforced and someone was keeping an eye on them 24/7 until the danger passed.
Ascanio lay under the sheets. His color was almost back to normal. His mother sat by his bed reading him a book. He said something. Judging by his grin, he thought he was funny. His mother sighed.
The door opened and Robert joined me.
“He’s recovering,” the alpha rat said.
“Yes.”
Robert glanced at Sean. “Would you mind giving us a minute?”
Sean rose and left the room.
“I spoke to my husband,” Robert said.
“This sounds ominous.”
“I like you a great deal,” he said. “He respects and values my opinion of you.”
“But?” There was always a “but” attached.
Robert looked at the ceiling for a long moment. “I’m trying to find the right way to say this.”
“Go ahead, I’ve braced myself.”
“If Curran’s death is confirmed, the question of your retaining leadership will arise. There may be a no-confidence vote.”
Well, that didn’t take long. “Have you heard something?”
“Yes.”
That came out of nowhere. I guess I’d been too complacent and this was my wake-up call. I had no plans to lead the Pack without Curran, but it still stung. I had fought hard for them, and I thought I’d earned the Pack’s respect. What else did they need from me?
Robert frowned. “I might be asked about my experience during last night. I plan to answer truthfully. I realize it’s not the best timing, but I don’t want you to feel stabbed in the back.”
“Was there something wrong with my conduct last night?”
Robert met my gaze. “People like to assign their leaders noble qualities. Generosity, kindness, selflessness. The hard truth of it is, the best leaders are ruthless. Curran is ruthless. As long as there is a chance of him being alive, we will support you. We like you as a pair. You balance each other out.”
“So you don’t think I’m ruthless enough?”
Robert nodded at Ascanio. “I like the boy. He’s smart and brave. Funny. But when Hugh was playing with his life, I would’ve let him die.”
I turned to him.
“I would’ve mourned him with his mother,” Robert said. “I would’ve felt terrible and grieved. But I would’ve let d’Ambray kill him. He’s just one of the Pack’s children. You’re the Consort. If you had let yourself be taken by d’Ambray, we would’ve been leaderless. I would have to go to the Pack with the news that d’Ambray had captured you, and they would have marched on the Casino to either save you or retaliate. It would be a bloodbath. So as painful as it is, I would’ve let Ascanio die.”
“I can’t do that.” I didn’t want to lead, but now I was doing it and that was the only way I knew how.
“I know,” Robert said. “I think it goes against your nature. It makes you a better person than many. That’s what I am trying to say. We, the alphas, we’re not always good people. We try to be, but there are times when there are no good choices. If my clan were running from an enemy, I would sacrifice myself for their sake in a heartbeat. But if they were running to a door only I knew how to open, I would race ahead of them even if it meant that some of those behind me might fall. We think in numbers, not individuals.”
I didn’t know what I would do. It depended on who was behind me.
“You saved Ascanio,” Robert said. “But now Roland and d’Ambray know you have a weakness and they will use it against you. They will take someone you love and threaten to kill them, because they know you won’t be able to pass up that bait. You have to prepare to sacrifice your friends.”
If I had to do it over again, I would’ve done the same thing.
“I will stand with you for as long as I can,” Robert said. “But if I am asked about what happened in the Order’s chapterhouse, I will tell the Pack Council my opinion on it. No matter how I phrase it, all of them will see it in the same light Thomas and I do. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” I looked at him. “I respect you as a fighter and as an alpha. Without you we wouldn’t have survived the night. If you ever need help, I will help you. You may want to let the Pack Council know that they may call as many votes as they want when this mess is over. However, if any of them do anything to derail my efforts to save our people by starting some sort of no-confidence vote while I’m trying to avert this war, I’ll have them confined to their quarters. I’m pretty tired of being judged on every turn, and my patience is short.”
Robert nodded. “Yes, Consort.”
He walked out. I leaned against the wall. Just what I needed. I hadn’t shown Hugh any gaps in my armor. He already knew them; he’d figured me out last summer. Now the Pack knew them as well. The Pack Council would have a field day with it when this was over.
That was fine. I failed Mauro. But Ascanio, Derek, and Desandra survived.
I was beginning to think in numbers. Well, wasn’t that sad?
The door swung open and Jim loomed in the doorway. “We found Double D.”
• • •
I STRODE THROUGH the hallways at a near run. “Where did you find her?”
“She was hiding at her cousin’s house in the attic,” Jim said.
“Have you called the alphas?”
“Yes.”
“The rats, too?”
He bristled. “What about the rats?”
“They think you’re hiding information from them.”
“I hide information from everyone. Do they think they’re special?”
I walked into the Pack Council room. A large table dominated the space, and what could be gathered of the Pack Council occupied the chairs: Robert and Thomas Lonesco; Martha, the female alpha of Clan Heavy; the betas from Clan Nimble, the female alpha of the jackals, Andrea for Clan Bouda, and Desandra, pale and bald.
“Where is the alpha of the wolves?”
George, Mahon’s daughter, looked up from her spot at a small desk. “She declined to attend. She sends her apologies.” She pointed at Desandra. “She’s all we could scrounge up on short notice.”
“Yeah,” Desandra said, her voice dry. “I’m a substitute alpha.”
Well, of course. Because this meeting wouldn’t end well for Double D, and Jennifer didn’t want to deal with the fallout. When the wolves pitched a fit and demanded to know why one of their own was sent to the People, she would tell them she had nothing to do with it. It was all Desandra’s fault. Marvelous.
“I thought your teeth fell out?”
“They did.” Desandra bared a new sharp set at me. “I found out I was coming to this meeting and they grew all on their own.”
Someone was pissed off.
I walked to the head of the table and sat in my chair, trying to valiantly ignore the fact that Curran’s chair stood empty next to me. If I let even a tiny bit of anxiety show, I would lose the Pack Council. They would begin to bicker and we wouldn’t come to a decision.
