Manic
Page 31
I follow him inside and this is a repeat from yesterday as well. Two breakfast burritos, two OJ's. We eat in complete silence and he doesn't make any move to start a conversation with me or even look uncomfortable because we're so quiet.
I think this is more of his reverse psychology, so I forbid my mouth from saying anything. He's not gonna win this, he won't. When I'm done with my burrito, which did hit the spot even though I didn't think I was hungry, he simply picks up my trash, throws it away, then waits for me to get up and join him by the trashcan.
We walk back to the studio in silence and then he gives me a half-hearted goodbye at his car.
I go inside and go straight to Ronin's apartment to take a shower. I'm feeling like a creeper because I'm really not supposed to be in here today, but that's not enough to stop me from starting the water and taking off my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if this mistake will ruin my life.
I press a bunch of random buttons on the shower control panel and wait to see if any good jets will come on. I don't like the rain shower, but I'm not really sure which button works that one, so sometimes it comes on and I have to press more random buttons until it stops. But this morning I get the steamy mist and two hard streams that come out of the corners and meet together to make one blaring jet of water. I stand underneath it and let it pound against my neck and upper back.
It feels good so I close my eyes.
A hand touches my shoulder and I whirl around. "AHHHHH!"
"Rook! It's me!" Ronin grabs me and pulls me towards him.
"You scared me!" The sudden rush of adrenaline has my heart pounding like a jackhammer and I really have to try hard not to cry. I put my hand over my face and take a few deep breaths.
"I'm sorry." He wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"What're you doing here?"
"It's my house, silly."
I pull away and enjoy his naked body for a second. God, Ronin has a terrific body. "But you never said you were coming home."
"I left in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have been an ass on the phone. Antoine is leaving this afternoon to see Clare, then coming home with Elise on Sunday. I told them I had to come home because I'm not at all interested in breaking up with you over this contract. I'm not happy about it, I'm not happy about Ford, or Spencer, or Billy or any of it, actually. But I'm not ready to say goodbye over something so temporary."
I hug him. "I'm so glad you're here. I don't want to break up with you, either. I just feel so guilty for what I have to do in those shoots."
"We'll get through it, OK?"
I nod into his chest.
He pries me from his body and grabs the soap. "We gotta get an early start, it's the sexy Elvis painting today. I'm gonna take over from here, if that's OK."
"Take over how?" I say as he lathers my arm with the soap.
"In the shoots. I called Spencer and told him I'd model with you, no pay."
"What—" His soapy hands move to my br**sts and I lose track of my words.
"I don't need the money, believe me. It's not a big deal to work for free and I have to be around all day with you anyway, to keep an eye out. Besides," he says, rubbing my other breast now. "I'm not sure any man would call what I'm doing a job."
I look up at him and he leans down and kisses me gently. He drops the soap and pulls me right up against his full erection, still gently caressing my lips. My hands slip around his waist and then up his muscular back. I drag them back down his arms and then up his chest. He pulls me with him as he steps back a few paces, then sits down on the tiled bench on the far side of the shower, away from the punishing jets and right into the thick mist of steam coming from the ceiling.
He leans back against the wall and I climb into his lap, positioning my hips over his thickness, then easing down until he fills me up. We stay still like that for a few seconds, me leaning against him, my head on his shoulder, him dragging his hand down my wet hair, and then we start rocking. Just a little at first.
I close my eyes and tug on his hair a little, making him groan. He reaches up and fondles my breast, gently rolling my nipple between his fingertips. I pull my head back and look down, deep into his eyes. "Do you love me?"
He smiles. "I do."
"I wanted to tell you back, but you hung up."
"You scare me, Rook."
"Why?" I ask, puzzled.
"Because your future is making itself right now, this very moment. And you have no idea it's happening. I want you so completely it hurts. But you and I are in two totally different places."
My whole body shivers with a chill as I absorb his words. I swallow. "That sounds like the beginning of a break-up speech. Are you breaking up with me?"
He scoots my bottom closer, thrusting himself inside me a little more. "I love you, Rook. I'm not breaking up with you. But it's all bad timing, you know?"
I shake my head. "No, not really."
"My career started when I was seventeen. I've done everything you're just getting a taste of now. I've traveled all over the world, I've made a shitload of money, I have pretty much everything I want."
"But—"
"Except the only thing I really want."
I wait for it, but he lets out a long sigh and holds it in. "Is it a secret?"
I think this is more of his reverse psychology, so I forbid my mouth from saying anything. He's not gonna win this, he won't. When I'm done with my burrito, which did hit the spot even though I didn't think I was hungry, he simply picks up my trash, throws it away, then waits for me to get up and join him by the trashcan.
We walk back to the studio in silence and then he gives me a half-hearted goodbye at his car.
I go inside and go straight to Ronin's apartment to take a shower. I'm feeling like a creeper because I'm really not supposed to be in here today, but that's not enough to stop me from starting the water and taking off my clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if this mistake will ruin my life.
I press a bunch of random buttons on the shower control panel and wait to see if any good jets will come on. I don't like the rain shower, but I'm not really sure which button works that one, so sometimes it comes on and I have to press more random buttons until it stops. But this morning I get the steamy mist and two hard streams that come out of the corners and meet together to make one blaring jet of water. I stand underneath it and let it pound against my neck and upper back.
It feels good so I close my eyes.
A hand touches my shoulder and I whirl around. "AHHHHH!"
"Rook! It's me!" Ronin grabs me and pulls me towards him.
"You scared me!" The sudden rush of adrenaline has my heart pounding like a jackhammer and I really have to try hard not to cry. I put my hand over my face and take a few deep breaths.
"I'm sorry." He wraps his arms around me and holds me against his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"What're you doing here?"
"It's my house, silly."
I pull away and enjoy his naked body for a second. God, Ronin has a terrific body. "But you never said you were coming home."
"I left in the middle of the night. I shouldn't have been an ass on the phone. Antoine is leaving this afternoon to see Clare, then coming home with Elise on Sunday. I told them I had to come home because I'm not at all interested in breaking up with you over this contract. I'm not happy about it, I'm not happy about Ford, or Spencer, or Billy or any of it, actually. But I'm not ready to say goodbye over something so temporary."
I hug him. "I'm so glad you're here. I don't want to break up with you, either. I just feel so guilty for what I have to do in those shoots."
"We'll get through it, OK?"
I nod into his chest.
He pries me from his body and grabs the soap. "We gotta get an early start, it's the sexy Elvis painting today. I'm gonna take over from here, if that's OK."
"Take over how?" I say as he lathers my arm with the soap.
"In the shoots. I called Spencer and told him I'd model with you, no pay."
"What—" His soapy hands move to my br**sts and I lose track of my words.
"I don't need the money, believe me. It's not a big deal to work for free and I have to be around all day with you anyway, to keep an eye out. Besides," he says, rubbing my other breast now. "I'm not sure any man would call what I'm doing a job."
I look up at him and he leans down and kisses me gently. He drops the soap and pulls me right up against his full erection, still gently caressing my lips. My hands slip around his waist and then up his muscular back. I drag them back down his arms and then up his chest. He pulls me with him as he steps back a few paces, then sits down on the tiled bench on the far side of the shower, away from the punishing jets and right into the thick mist of steam coming from the ceiling.
He leans back against the wall and I climb into his lap, positioning my hips over his thickness, then easing down until he fills me up. We stay still like that for a few seconds, me leaning against him, my head on his shoulder, him dragging his hand down my wet hair, and then we start rocking. Just a little at first.
I close my eyes and tug on his hair a little, making him groan. He reaches up and fondles my breast, gently rolling my nipple between his fingertips. I pull my head back and look down, deep into his eyes. "Do you love me?"
He smiles. "I do."
"I wanted to tell you back, but you hung up."
"You scare me, Rook."
"Why?" I ask, puzzled.
"Because your future is making itself right now, this very moment. And you have no idea it's happening. I want you so completely it hurts. But you and I are in two totally different places."
My whole body shivers with a chill as I absorb his words. I swallow. "That sounds like the beginning of a break-up speech. Are you breaking up with me?"
He scoots my bottom closer, thrusting himself inside me a little more. "I love you, Rook. I'm not breaking up with you. But it's all bad timing, you know?"
I shake my head. "No, not really."
"My career started when I was seventeen. I've done everything you're just getting a taste of now. I've traveled all over the world, I've made a shitload of money, I have pretty much everything I want."
"But—"
"Except the only thing I really want."
I wait for it, but he lets out a long sigh and holds it in. "Is it a secret?"
