Manic
Page 44
"All right, then why did you insist on taking this contract when Ronin was against it? Why not give up that choice to please Ronin?"
"Because I like making my own choices, Ford. So if I want to model nude for a butt-load of money, so what? I'm allowed to do that and it's no one's business but mine. "
"Just because you can make that choice doesn't mean you should. There's a big difference between being in control of your future and making bad decisions."
I shrug. "So?" But I laugh a little because I sound like a two-year-old.
"OK," he sighs. "Would you like my childhood psycho-babble interpretation of what you're doing right now?"
I swallow. Do I? Not really, but this conversation with Ford is oddly compelling. "Go for it."
"You resist Ronin's advice because you're not ready for it yet. But at the same time you need someone slow and controlling very badly right now. Just like I need someone free and fast. Whatever it was that happened to you, you're looking for someone to make it better, but for some reason you're having a hard time admitting that to yourself. So you're in this weird in-between stage that justifies mistakes in the name of freedom. And whatever it is you're trying to fix, I'd just like to say Ronin's not the answer. Because there's only one person who can fix that mistake you made, Rook."
"Me?" I ask in a whisper as I watch his eyes.
"You," he answers softly. "I'm not trying to fix you, I'm just trying to give you the tools to fix yourself."
"I actually already knew all that stuff, Ford. And besides, I've already saved myself."
He chuckles under his breath. "Not quite, Rook. You're like Clare right now. In treatment but resisting. It's a long road to recovery."
He gets up and offers me his hand. I accept it and he pulls me to my feet. We skip breakfast and walk back across the street and despite the very personal nature of our conversation today, we part ways in silence when he gets to his car.
Ford is one weird guy.
I go home and climb back into bed, tired and relaxed from the morning exercise.
Chapter Twenty-Four - ROOK
"Hey," Ronin whispers in my ear as he settles against my body later. "You awake?"
I roll over and look at him. "Yeah, how's Clare?"
He sucks in a long breath. "She's iffy."
"She can't kick the heroin? Or what? I don't understand what's going on."
"It's not an easy habit to kick, Gidge. It's got something to do with brain chemistry, she thinks she's dying but it's the withdrawal symptoms. We're just trying to get her over the worst of it." He pulls me into his chest. "What'd you do while I was gone?"
"Ran with Ford, slept, moped." I look up at him and smile. "Waited for you to come back."
"How is Ford?"
"He's weird, Ronin. He's a weird guy."
His whole body stiffens underneath me for a second, then relaxes. "What'd he say?" He sounds worried.
I sit up and look down at him. "He said I like being told what to do."
This makes Ronin pull away. "What?"
"Yeah, some crap about waiting for orders."
"That guy is unbelievable."
"Why?"
"Never mind, Gidge. But if you're interested in taking orders, then take mine. Stay away from him. He's not a nice guy."
I say nothing.
"Let me guess, he said the same thing about me?"
"Yeah, sorta. He said you like broken girls so you can fix them. Do you think I'm broken?"
He nuzzles into my neck. "You're so strong, Rook. You're the farthest thing from broken I've ever seen. Please stop running with him. He's a mind-fuck. He does it on purpose. His father was some big-shot psychiatrist, just as nasty as Ford before he died. Ford is one f**ked-up dude. And you wanna know why I hate his f**king guts? Because when I was in the tenth grade and he was a senior, he looked up the police report about my father, made copies of it, and then plastered it all over school. Antoine went ballistic, but Ford's father donated a bunch of money to the school and nothing ever happened to him. He's a total ass**le."
But this revelation has lost its shock value because Ford preemptively confessed all this. "Then why do this project, Ronin?"
"Antoine and Elise wanted the contract and I'm only one-third partner. They're socking money away like crazy for something they're not sharing with me. So there was nothing I could do. It's not Ford's money, anyway, it's the Biker Channel people. But enough about Ford. I missed you and I'm sorry I just walked off like that. Antoine's desperate to make things right with Clare. This is our last chance, you know? She's just a total mess."
I snuggle into him. I really want to love Ronin and I'm not sure Ford knows what he's talking about. He hasn't seen Ronin in a long time. So even if Ronin used to be looking for a girl to save, that doesn't mean he's still like that now.
His hands slide up my t-shirt and I gasp as he pokes my ribs. "What," he asks innocently, "is the problem, ma'am?"
I twist and squirm as he continues to poke me, giggling as I try and get away from his tickling touch.
"Ma'am, are you resisting arrest?" He leans down to sniff me. "Have you been drinking? I might have to taste you to find out." He kisses me, just a little tease to see if I'm interested. My mouth opens and our tongues tangle and tumble together.
"Because I like making my own choices, Ford. So if I want to model nude for a butt-load of money, so what? I'm allowed to do that and it's no one's business but mine. "
"Just because you can make that choice doesn't mean you should. There's a big difference between being in control of your future and making bad decisions."
I shrug. "So?" But I laugh a little because I sound like a two-year-old.
"OK," he sighs. "Would you like my childhood psycho-babble interpretation of what you're doing right now?"
I swallow. Do I? Not really, but this conversation with Ford is oddly compelling. "Go for it."
"You resist Ronin's advice because you're not ready for it yet. But at the same time you need someone slow and controlling very badly right now. Just like I need someone free and fast. Whatever it was that happened to you, you're looking for someone to make it better, but for some reason you're having a hard time admitting that to yourself. So you're in this weird in-between stage that justifies mistakes in the name of freedom. And whatever it is you're trying to fix, I'd just like to say Ronin's not the answer. Because there's only one person who can fix that mistake you made, Rook."
"Me?" I ask in a whisper as I watch his eyes.
"You," he answers softly. "I'm not trying to fix you, I'm just trying to give you the tools to fix yourself."
"I actually already knew all that stuff, Ford. And besides, I've already saved myself."
He chuckles under his breath. "Not quite, Rook. You're like Clare right now. In treatment but resisting. It's a long road to recovery."
He gets up and offers me his hand. I accept it and he pulls me to my feet. We skip breakfast and walk back across the street and despite the very personal nature of our conversation today, we part ways in silence when he gets to his car.
Ford is one weird guy.
I go home and climb back into bed, tired and relaxed from the morning exercise.
Chapter Twenty-Four - ROOK
"Hey," Ronin whispers in my ear as he settles against my body later. "You awake?"
I roll over and look at him. "Yeah, how's Clare?"
He sucks in a long breath. "She's iffy."
"She can't kick the heroin? Or what? I don't understand what's going on."
"It's not an easy habit to kick, Gidge. It's got something to do with brain chemistry, she thinks she's dying but it's the withdrawal symptoms. We're just trying to get her over the worst of it." He pulls me into his chest. "What'd you do while I was gone?"
"Ran with Ford, slept, moped." I look up at him and smile. "Waited for you to come back."
"How is Ford?"
"He's weird, Ronin. He's a weird guy."
His whole body stiffens underneath me for a second, then relaxes. "What'd he say?" He sounds worried.
I sit up and look down at him. "He said I like being told what to do."
This makes Ronin pull away. "What?"
"Yeah, some crap about waiting for orders."
"That guy is unbelievable."
"Why?"
"Never mind, Gidge. But if you're interested in taking orders, then take mine. Stay away from him. He's not a nice guy."
I say nothing.
"Let me guess, he said the same thing about me?"
"Yeah, sorta. He said you like broken girls so you can fix them. Do you think I'm broken?"
He nuzzles into my neck. "You're so strong, Rook. You're the farthest thing from broken I've ever seen. Please stop running with him. He's a mind-fuck. He does it on purpose. His father was some big-shot psychiatrist, just as nasty as Ford before he died. Ford is one f**ked-up dude. And you wanna know why I hate his f**king guts? Because when I was in the tenth grade and he was a senior, he looked up the police report about my father, made copies of it, and then plastered it all over school. Antoine went ballistic, but Ford's father donated a bunch of money to the school and nothing ever happened to him. He's a total ass**le."
But this revelation has lost its shock value because Ford preemptively confessed all this. "Then why do this project, Ronin?"
"Antoine and Elise wanted the contract and I'm only one-third partner. They're socking money away like crazy for something they're not sharing with me. So there was nothing I could do. It's not Ford's money, anyway, it's the Biker Channel people. But enough about Ford. I missed you and I'm sorry I just walked off like that. Antoine's desperate to make things right with Clare. This is our last chance, you know? She's just a total mess."
I snuggle into him. I really want to love Ronin and I'm not sure Ford knows what he's talking about. He hasn't seen Ronin in a long time. So even if Ronin used to be looking for a girl to save, that doesn't mean he's still like that now.
His hands slide up my t-shirt and I gasp as he pokes my ribs. "What," he asks innocently, "is the problem, ma'am?"
I twist and squirm as he continues to poke me, giggling as I try and get away from his tickling touch.
"Ma'am, are you resisting arrest?" He leans down to sniff me. "Have you been drinking? I might have to taste you to find out." He kisses me, just a little tease to see if I'm interested. My mouth opens and our tongues tangle and tumble together.
