Maybe Now
Page 53
“I need to tell you something,” I say. I’m hesitant to bring it up, but he’s here, and he’s about to meet everyone, and he needs to know what he’s getting into. He looks back at me patiently as I continue. “This is Ridge’s apartment. My ex-boyfriend that I told you about on our date?”
Jake gives no hint of a response in his expression, so I continue, glancing away from him and down at our hands. I lace our fingers together. “Ridge and his girlfriend Sydney are going with us today. So are Warren and Bridgette, who are the other two roommates here. You’ll meet them all in a little while. I just… It’s why I wanted you to come to my room before meeting them, so if our history is brought up today, you won’t be caught off guard.” I make eye contact with him again, releasing a pent-up breath. “Does that bother you?”
Jake doesn’t answer right away. I don’t blame him, so I give him a moment to process everything I just said. It’s a weird situation that I probably shouldn’t have put him in.
“Does it bother you?” he asks, squeezing my hands.
I shake my head. “We’re friends now. I really like Sydney. I feel like all of us are exactly where we need to be, but after I invited you here, I became paranoid that maybe I shouldn’t have. I don’t want it to be awkward.”
Jake lifts a hand, sliding it against my cheek. His fingers graze the back of my head as he looks at me intently. “If it doesn’t bother you, then it doesn’t bother me,” he says with finality.
His quick acceptance makes me smile with relief, even though I fail to tell him that it is very awkward for me.
Sydney is wrong. Some people are the best versions of themselves all the time.
That thought fills me with immediate guilt, because there’s so much more to the situation than what I just admitted to Jake. He has no idea that Warren and Ridge are basically the only family I have. But I don’t want to put too much on him at once. Not until we know for sure that this thing between us might actually go somewhere beyond today. I honestly don’t know that I want it to until he has a clear idea of who I am, but I have no idea where to start. He spent one of my better days with me, but he hasn’t gotten to know all of me yet. He knows I’m spontaneous and indecisive, but what else does he actually know?
“I’m fickle,” I blurt out. “And sometimes I can be selfish.” I know I should shut up, but the blunt honesty feels warranted. He needs to know exactly what he’s dealing with. I don’t want to experience another relationship with someone I’m not completely up front and open with. “I have a rebellious streak that I’m really trying to work on. I sometimes spend entire days binge-watching Netflix in my underwear. I’ve lived alone most of my adult life, so I eat ice cream out of the tub and drink straight out of the milk carton. I’ve never wanted children of my own. I kind of want a cat, but I’m too scared of the responsibility. I love show tunes and Hallmark Christmas movies and I absolutely hate Austin traffic. And I know none of that really matters because we aren’t even dating, but I feel like you should know all those things about me up front.” When I’m finished, I bite my bottom lip nervously, waiting for him to either laugh at me or run. I’d completely understand either reaction.
He reacts in a completely different way than what I expect. He sighs and tilts his head a little, resting our hands against his chest. His thumbs brush back and forth over mine.
“I internalize everything negative that happens at work,” he says. “I need solitude on the really bad days. Sometimes even from Justice. And…I’m messy. I haven’t done dishes in four days or laundry in two weeks. Most doctors are organized and their houses are spotless, but mine is chaotic most of the time. And I probably shouldn’t admit this because I’m a cardiologist, but I love fried food. I’ve watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy, although I’ll deny it if you ever repeat that. And…I’ve only been with two women, so I don’t even know that I’m all that impressive in bed.”
The fact that he just admitted all that makes me feel like I might get a little emotional, but luckily, the last part of his admission makes me laugh. “You’re impressive, Jake. Trust me.”
He arches a brow. “Am I?”
I nod, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks just thinking about it.
“Can you be more specific?” he teases. “What was your favorite part?”
I think back on our night together, and honestly, all of it was great. But if I had to narrow it down to a favorite moment, I know exactly which one it is. “The second time. When you kept your eyes open and watched me while we…” My voice trails off. I can’t even finish that sentence.
Jake stares at me very seriously for a moment. His hands cover mine completely. “That was my favorite part, too.”
I duck my head a little, breaking eye contact with him. Not because I’m nervous anymore, but because I’m trying to prevent myself from kissing him.
He reaches out and slides his hand to the nape of my neck, pulling my gaze back to his. His other hand slides around to my lower back, pulling me closer. “There were a lot of parts I liked about that night.” He smiles as he inches his mouth closer to mine. “I liked undressing you as we stood next to your bed,” he whispers, right before he presses his lips to mine.
I close my eyes, completely weakened by his kiss, but he pulls back.
“And I liked it when I lowered you to the bed.” His lips lightly feather mine and I feel him shift as he leans forward and lowers me to the mattress. I’m no longer in the position of control, but I don’t mind it. My eyes feel heavy when I open them, looking up at him while he hovers over me. “And I really liked it the next morning when I woke up and you were wrapped around me so tight, it took me ten minutes to sneak out of the bed without waking you.”
I open my mouth slightly, preparing a response, but he doesn’t allow it. He dips his head and kisses me. As soon as his lips close over mine, I’m reminded of everything I felt the first time he kissed me. I don’t know how I was able to deny him even once, much less twice.
Sometimes I’m impressed by my own strength, because right now, there’s no way I could choose anything else over this kiss. I don’t even care if we leave this room today, because his tongue has found mine and my hands are sliding through his hair and why can’t I be in my own apartment already? I’m conscious of every noise I want to make right now.
Luckily, he stops it before more parts of us get involved in this make-out session than simply our mouths. He kisses me softly, twice, before pressing his cheek to mine and releasing a heavy sigh into my hair.
I sigh right along with him, realizing that we’re going to have to leave this room at some point. “I guess I should introduce you to my roommates now.”
His gaze scrolls my face for a moment. “Yeah. I guess so.”
I swallow, feeling the nerves start to build as I think about him meeting everyone. Specifically Warren. “Can you promise me something?”
Jake nods.
“Don’t judge me too harshly based on a couple of my roommates. Warren’s sole purpose today will be to embarrass me as much as he possibly can.”
Jake’s mouth breaks out into a devilish grin. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet him now.”
I roll my eyes and push against his chest. Jake rolls off me and onto his back. I stand up and straighten out my shirt, but he remains on the bed, staring up at me with an unusual expression.
“What?” I ask, wondering why he looks so…satiated.
He stares for a moment longer, then shakes his head and pushes off the mattress. He stands up, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “You’re so fucking pretty,” he mutters, almost in passing as he grabs my hand and walks me toward my bedroom door.
That one comment completely eviscerates every hesitant, nervous feeling that remained from before he arrived. If he weren’t pulling me out of the bedroom right now to go and meet everyone, I would make him wait so that I could find a pen and add another line to my bucket list. It would only be two words.
Jake. Griffin.
Jake gives no hint of a response in his expression, so I continue, glancing away from him and down at our hands. I lace our fingers together. “Ridge and his girlfriend Sydney are going with us today. So are Warren and Bridgette, who are the other two roommates here. You’ll meet them all in a little while. I just… It’s why I wanted you to come to my room before meeting them, so if our history is brought up today, you won’t be caught off guard.” I make eye contact with him again, releasing a pent-up breath. “Does that bother you?”
Jake doesn’t answer right away. I don’t blame him, so I give him a moment to process everything I just said. It’s a weird situation that I probably shouldn’t have put him in.
“Does it bother you?” he asks, squeezing my hands.
I shake my head. “We’re friends now. I really like Sydney. I feel like all of us are exactly where we need to be, but after I invited you here, I became paranoid that maybe I shouldn’t have. I don’t want it to be awkward.”
Jake lifts a hand, sliding it against my cheek. His fingers graze the back of my head as he looks at me intently. “If it doesn’t bother you, then it doesn’t bother me,” he says with finality.
His quick acceptance makes me smile with relief, even though I fail to tell him that it is very awkward for me.
Sydney is wrong. Some people are the best versions of themselves all the time.
That thought fills me with immediate guilt, because there’s so much more to the situation than what I just admitted to Jake. He has no idea that Warren and Ridge are basically the only family I have. But I don’t want to put too much on him at once. Not until we know for sure that this thing between us might actually go somewhere beyond today. I honestly don’t know that I want it to until he has a clear idea of who I am, but I have no idea where to start. He spent one of my better days with me, but he hasn’t gotten to know all of me yet. He knows I’m spontaneous and indecisive, but what else does he actually know?
“I’m fickle,” I blurt out. “And sometimes I can be selfish.” I know I should shut up, but the blunt honesty feels warranted. He needs to know exactly what he’s dealing with. I don’t want to experience another relationship with someone I’m not completely up front and open with. “I have a rebellious streak that I’m really trying to work on. I sometimes spend entire days binge-watching Netflix in my underwear. I’ve lived alone most of my adult life, so I eat ice cream out of the tub and drink straight out of the milk carton. I’ve never wanted children of my own. I kind of want a cat, but I’m too scared of the responsibility. I love show tunes and Hallmark Christmas movies and I absolutely hate Austin traffic. And I know none of that really matters because we aren’t even dating, but I feel like you should know all those things about me up front.” When I’m finished, I bite my bottom lip nervously, waiting for him to either laugh at me or run. I’d completely understand either reaction.
He reacts in a completely different way than what I expect. He sighs and tilts his head a little, resting our hands against his chest. His thumbs brush back and forth over mine.
“I internalize everything negative that happens at work,” he says. “I need solitude on the really bad days. Sometimes even from Justice. And…I’m messy. I haven’t done dishes in four days or laundry in two weeks. Most doctors are organized and their houses are spotless, but mine is chaotic most of the time. And I probably shouldn’t admit this because I’m a cardiologist, but I love fried food. I’ve watched every episode of Grey’s Anatomy, although I’ll deny it if you ever repeat that. And…I’ve only been with two women, so I don’t even know that I’m all that impressive in bed.”
The fact that he just admitted all that makes me feel like I might get a little emotional, but luckily, the last part of his admission makes me laugh. “You’re impressive, Jake. Trust me.”
He arches a brow. “Am I?”
I nod, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks just thinking about it.
“Can you be more specific?” he teases. “What was your favorite part?”
I think back on our night together, and honestly, all of it was great. But if I had to narrow it down to a favorite moment, I know exactly which one it is. “The second time. When you kept your eyes open and watched me while we…” My voice trails off. I can’t even finish that sentence.
Jake stares at me very seriously for a moment. His hands cover mine completely. “That was my favorite part, too.”
I duck my head a little, breaking eye contact with him. Not because I’m nervous anymore, but because I’m trying to prevent myself from kissing him.
He reaches out and slides his hand to the nape of my neck, pulling my gaze back to his. His other hand slides around to my lower back, pulling me closer. “There were a lot of parts I liked about that night.” He smiles as he inches his mouth closer to mine. “I liked undressing you as we stood next to your bed,” he whispers, right before he presses his lips to mine.
I close my eyes, completely weakened by his kiss, but he pulls back.
“And I liked it when I lowered you to the bed.” His lips lightly feather mine and I feel him shift as he leans forward and lowers me to the mattress. I’m no longer in the position of control, but I don’t mind it. My eyes feel heavy when I open them, looking up at him while he hovers over me. “And I really liked it the next morning when I woke up and you were wrapped around me so tight, it took me ten minutes to sneak out of the bed without waking you.”
I open my mouth slightly, preparing a response, but he doesn’t allow it. He dips his head and kisses me. As soon as his lips close over mine, I’m reminded of everything I felt the first time he kissed me. I don’t know how I was able to deny him even once, much less twice.
Sometimes I’m impressed by my own strength, because right now, there’s no way I could choose anything else over this kiss. I don’t even care if we leave this room today, because his tongue has found mine and my hands are sliding through his hair and why can’t I be in my own apartment already? I’m conscious of every noise I want to make right now.
Luckily, he stops it before more parts of us get involved in this make-out session than simply our mouths. He kisses me softly, twice, before pressing his cheek to mine and releasing a heavy sigh into my hair.
I sigh right along with him, realizing that we’re going to have to leave this room at some point. “I guess I should introduce you to my roommates now.”
His gaze scrolls my face for a moment. “Yeah. I guess so.”
I swallow, feeling the nerves start to build as I think about him meeting everyone. Specifically Warren. “Can you promise me something?”
Jake nods.
“Don’t judge me too harshly based on a couple of my roommates. Warren’s sole purpose today will be to embarrass me as much as he possibly can.”
Jake’s mouth breaks out into a devilish grin. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet him now.”
I roll my eyes and push against his chest. Jake rolls off me and onto his back. I stand up and straighten out my shirt, but he remains on the bed, staring up at me with an unusual expression.
“What?” I ask, wondering why he looks so…satiated.
He stares for a moment longer, then shakes his head and pushes off the mattress. He stands up, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. “You’re so fucking pretty,” he mutters, almost in passing as he grabs my hand and walks me toward my bedroom door.
That one comment completely eviscerates every hesitant, nervous feeling that remained from before he arrived. If he weren’t pulling me out of the bedroom right now to go and meet everyone, I would make him wait so that I could find a pen and add another line to my bucket list. It would only be two words.
Jake. Griffin.
