Me and My Shadow
Page 33
Jim paraded past the opened door, tangled long black strands of hair straggling from its head. “Wig. Found it in the attic. Needs a bit of trimming, but I think it’ll do until the rest of my coat grows back.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake . . .”
“Would you like me to banish it for you?” I asked Aisling.
“May!” Jim said, one eyeball glowering at me through the mass of black wig. “Ixnay on the anishbay, would ya?”
“It’s tempting, but not just yet,” Aisling said, looking thoughtful. “If it gets overly snarky, though, feel free to command it to spend time with Catalina.”
“I’d rather be banished,” the demon grumbled.
“I’ll see you later in the morning to talk about your problem, OK? Sleep well. Jim . . .” She gave Jim a helpless look, shook her head, and left the room mumbling something about there being no words to describe her thoughts.
“Hey,” Jim said, swinging its head so the long strands of hair wafted in the breeze. “How long do dreads take? You think Gabe would set me up with some?”
I slumped a little, emotionally drained by the events of the last day. “Go to bed, Jim. And please don’t bother anyone, especially Aisling.”
“I think it would be a good look for me,” Jim said as it continued to swing its head. “It works for Gabriel; it could work for—”
I closed the door in its face and crawled into bed, exhausted, worried, and missing Gabriel. We hadn’t been parted much since my return from Abaddon, and I was somewhat bemused with just how easily our lives had meshed. I felt comfortable around him; more than comfortable, I felt right. It was as if I were shadow walking when he wasn’t with me, life taking on a bleak, insubstantial cast. Things seemed to click into place only when he was around, a fact that worried me to no end.
“What do you look so pensive about?”
I jumped, startled by the voice. “Cy, you almost scared me to death.”
“You can’t die,” my twin said, closing the door with a mildly disgruntled flash in her eyes. “And don’t give me that look—I knocked, but you didn’t answer. I just peeked in to see if you’d gone to sleep with the lights on. Are you all right? You have the strangest expression on your face. How much of the river can you see? Oh. Not much of a view. Ah, well.”
Indecision warred within me, yet another emotion that was unfamiliar to me. I was normally a very decisive person, making plans and following them through. Now I was flooded by strange emotions, and they were starting to take their toll on me.
“Mayling, it’s just me. You can tell me whatever’s bothering you,” Cy said, plopping down on the end of the bed, giving my feet a little pat. “Go on. I can see you want to talk.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I was just fine, that nothing was bothering me, but that’s not what came out. “It’s Gabriel. I’m worried.”
“About Chuan Ren hurting him?”
“No, I know he can take care of himself well enough. It’s what Gabriel means to me,” I said, miserable enough that I was willing to share my concerns with my less-than-sensible twin.
“You love him.”
“Yes, I do. And he loves me. The loving part isn’t the issue.”
“Then what is? Oh!” Her eyes, so much like mine, opened wide with understanding. “You don’t like the fact that you love him.”
“What a ridiculous thing to say,” I said scornfully.“Why would I not want to love the man who loves me?”
“Because it means you’re not on your own anymore. Because now you’re tied to him, bound to him, and nothing will ever be the same. Let’s see, you’ve been living with him for almost two months. . . . Yup. That’s about right. The bloom is off the honeymoon, and now you’ve realized what the relationship is really about.”
I stared at her with surprise. “How on earth do you know these things? You’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few weeks.”
“I’ve been with Kostya almost as long as you have been with Gabriel,” she pointed out. “Longer if you count the time we spent together while you were trapped in Abaddon.”
“Do I have to remind you that you officially de-boy- friended Kostya today?”
The look she shot me was venomous. “No, you don’t. Up to the moment when he dumped me, cruelly and heartlessly, and wholly without cause, just so he could go off and be Mr. Important Wyvern, up to that time we were a very successful couple. So don’t tell me I don’t know about relationships, because I do. I’ve had enough of them to learn a thing or two.”
I digested this strange new awareness in Cyrene, and admitted that she had come close to pinpointing my concerns. “I don’t regret loving Gabriel. I welcome it, welcome him into my life. What worries me is the fact that he’s become my life.”
“Dominating, you mean? He didn’t strike me like that. Drake, now, he’s dominating.”
“No, not dominating.” I thought for a moment, trying to put the feelings into words. “He’s everything to me, Cy. Not just the romantic stuff like the moon and stars and all that—I mean that when he’s not with me, life seems to be not right, not quite real.”
“And that worries you?” She smiled. “That sounds like true love to me.”
“I told you that the love we share is not the issue. I’m confident in that.”
“So you’re worried that because life doesn’t have a sparkle when he’s not there to share it with you, that you’re . . . what? Too dependent on him?”
“No. I know he needs me just as I need him. The problem is . . .” I stopped, not wanting to speak the words aloud.
“What?”
I bit my lower lip.
“Mayling, you’re my twin. I love you. I want to help you if I can, and we both know I never get the chance to help you because you’re always too busy helping me, instead. But I know men, and I know relationships, and by Neptune’s grace, you’re going to be helped! Now, tell me what the problem is so I can reassure you that it’s not as bad as you think it is, and then I can go take a nice long soak in the tub.”
I laughed at her determined face. “I’m not trying to deny you a moment in the sun, I assure you. It’s just that it will sound silly.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake . . .”
“Would you like me to banish it for you?” I asked Aisling.
“May!” Jim said, one eyeball glowering at me through the mass of black wig. “Ixnay on the anishbay, would ya?”
“It’s tempting, but not just yet,” Aisling said, looking thoughtful. “If it gets overly snarky, though, feel free to command it to spend time with Catalina.”
“I’d rather be banished,” the demon grumbled.
“I’ll see you later in the morning to talk about your problem, OK? Sleep well. Jim . . .” She gave Jim a helpless look, shook her head, and left the room mumbling something about there being no words to describe her thoughts.
“Hey,” Jim said, swinging its head so the long strands of hair wafted in the breeze. “How long do dreads take? You think Gabe would set me up with some?”
I slumped a little, emotionally drained by the events of the last day. “Go to bed, Jim. And please don’t bother anyone, especially Aisling.”
“I think it would be a good look for me,” Jim said as it continued to swing its head. “It works for Gabriel; it could work for—”
I closed the door in its face and crawled into bed, exhausted, worried, and missing Gabriel. We hadn’t been parted much since my return from Abaddon, and I was somewhat bemused with just how easily our lives had meshed. I felt comfortable around him; more than comfortable, I felt right. It was as if I were shadow walking when he wasn’t with me, life taking on a bleak, insubstantial cast. Things seemed to click into place only when he was around, a fact that worried me to no end.
“What do you look so pensive about?”
I jumped, startled by the voice. “Cy, you almost scared me to death.”
“You can’t die,” my twin said, closing the door with a mildly disgruntled flash in her eyes. “And don’t give me that look—I knocked, but you didn’t answer. I just peeked in to see if you’d gone to sleep with the lights on. Are you all right? You have the strangest expression on your face. How much of the river can you see? Oh. Not much of a view. Ah, well.”
Indecision warred within me, yet another emotion that was unfamiliar to me. I was normally a very decisive person, making plans and following them through. Now I was flooded by strange emotions, and they were starting to take their toll on me.
“Mayling, it’s just me. You can tell me whatever’s bothering you,” Cy said, plopping down on the end of the bed, giving my feet a little pat. “Go on. I can see you want to talk.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I was just fine, that nothing was bothering me, but that’s not what came out. “It’s Gabriel. I’m worried.”
“About Chuan Ren hurting him?”
“No, I know he can take care of himself well enough. It’s what Gabriel means to me,” I said, miserable enough that I was willing to share my concerns with my less-than-sensible twin.
“You love him.”
“Yes, I do. And he loves me. The loving part isn’t the issue.”
“Then what is? Oh!” Her eyes, so much like mine, opened wide with understanding. “You don’t like the fact that you love him.”
“What a ridiculous thing to say,” I said scornfully.“Why would I not want to love the man who loves me?”
“Because it means you’re not on your own anymore. Because now you’re tied to him, bound to him, and nothing will ever be the same. Let’s see, you’ve been living with him for almost two months. . . . Yup. That’s about right. The bloom is off the honeymoon, and now you’ve realized what the relationship is really about.”
I stared at her with surprise. “How on earth do you know these things? You’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few weeks.”
“I’ve been with Kostya almost as long as you have been with Gabriel,” she pointed out. “Longer if you count the time we spent together while you were trapped in Abaddon.”
“Do I have to remind you that you officially de-boy- friended Kostya today?”
The look she shot me was venomous. “No, you don’t. Up to the moment when he dumped me, cruelly and heartlessly, and wholly without cause, just so he could go off and be Mr. Important Wyvern, up to that time we were a very successful couple. So don’t tell me I don’t know about relationships, because I do. I’ve had enough of them to learn a thing or two.”
I digested this strange new awareness in Cyrene, and admitted that she had come close to pinpointing my concerns. “I don’t regret loving Gabriel. I welcome it, welcome him into my life. What worries me is the fact that he’s become my life.”
“Dominating, you mean? He didn’t strike me like that. Drake, now, he’s dominating.”
“No, not dominating.” I thought for a moment, trying to put the feelings into words. “He’s everything to me, Cy. Not just the romantic stuff like the moon and stars and all that—I mean that when he’s not with me, life seems to be not right, not quite real.”
“And that worries you?” She smiled. “That sounds like true love to me.”
“I told you that the love we share is not the issue. I’m confident in that.”
“So you’re worried that because life doesn’t have a sparkle when he’s not there to share it with you, that you’re . . . what? Too dependent on him?”
“No. I know he needs me just as I need him. The problem is . . .” I stopped, not wanting to speak the words aloud.
“What?”
I bit my lower lip.
“Mayling, you’re my twin. I love you. I want to help you if I can, and we both know I never get the chance to help you because you’re always too busy helping me, instead. But I know men, and I know relationships, and by Neptune’s grace, you’re going to be helped! Now, tell me what the problem is so I can reassure you that it’s not as bad as you think it is, and then I can go take a nice long soak in the tub.”
I laughed at her determined face. “I’m not trying to deny you a moment in the sun, I assure you. It’s just that it will sound silly.”
