Meant to Be

Page 12

“I’m glad she’s there with you, I worry about you after the dream ends each night.”
“I’m okay. I just wish I knew why our dreams have changed and theirs haven’t. We’re all looking for what ties us together, but the more we get torn apart, the less likely it seems,” I said as Sam got up to use the bathroom. I felt a small guilty twinge; I knew that Mark and my dream twist stressed her out. I didn’t want her to think I was wishing the cruel twist on them, it just felt grossly unfair to me.
We talked for a few more minutes until I started to yawn and began to feel drowsy. My body needed rest after the emotional upheaval it had suffered throughout the day.
“I’ll let you go,” Mark said as I stifled another yawn. “I’m picking Shawn up, and we will meet you and Sam by the entrance.”
“Okay,” I said, dying to say the three little words chanting in my head. “Sleep well,” I said, chickening out at the last second.
Chapter 8
I woke with Feline lying on my face. Pushing him off gently, I sat up and looked over at Sam who was snoring softly on the trundle bed beside me. I was glad to see that she was able to go back to sleep after I had woken us both up with my dream.
I wasn’t as lucky. I had badly wanted to see nothing but darkness when I closed my eyes, but instead was flooded with the images of Mark being pulled away yet again. I had hoped that since Mark and I were growing so close, that the bad turn the dreams had taken would have stopped, but actually they were getting worse. It always feels like Mark is taken against his will, but maybe that’s just me being naïve. Of course the torment that has shackled me my entire life from being abandoned by my real parents didn’t help; add to that the grief from my adoptive father dying, and all I could think was that maybe I was cursed somehow, and doomed to spend my life alone.
Since sleep was no longer an option, I decided to quietly get up, taking care not to wake Sam. The sun was just beginning to rise as a soft pink hue crept through my blinds. Feline left the room with me and waited for me to settle in one of the chairs in my loft area before he leaped onto my lap. I stroked his soft fur absently. It seemed selfish to feel so melancholy when I had literally met the guy of my dreams. I should be jumping for joy at my good fortune, but instead I was filled with doubts about the stableness of our relationship in light of the dreams. Could the dreams really mean that he was going to leave me? Maybe I just wasn’t what he was expecting after dreaming about me for so long. Maybe I should break it off to protect my heart before it was too late? Just the thought of ending it left me cold. It was way too late for that now. I loved him; I have always loved him, I just had to trust my heart that he loved me also.
Frustrated that I was ruining a day I had been looking forward to, I set Feline on the floor and headed off to the bathroom to take my shower. I showered quickly and within minutes I was blow drying my hair. Instead of my usual ponytail, I opted to pin the sides back with a couple of bobby pins. I added a dab of foundation and a touch of peach lip gloss to my dry lips. With one last glance in the mirror, I switched off the light and headed back to my room to wake up Sam.
She was already up. I recognized the small secretive smile on her face that I myself had worn hundreds of times over the years before my own dreams had taken their sudden dark turn. It was the smile of just waking up from a dream where you had been with the guy you love all night.
“Is it okay if I go take a shower?” She asked.
“Of course, you never have to ask, what’s mine is yours.”
I took a few minutes to straighten up the clutter from our late night. I made my bed and folded Sam’s blankets before stowing the trundle bed away. I clicked on my IPod and scrolled down to my favorite play list and then docked it on my stereo. Music flowed out of the speakers and I danced down the stairs with Feline once again at my heels.
I popped a couple of whole grain bagels into the toaster and grabbed the cream cheese and OJ from the fridge. While I waited for our breakfast to finish, I filled Feline’s food and water dish and poured two tall glasses of juice.
The bagels popped up and I reached for them without thinking, burning my fingers on the hot metal on the side of the toaster. A few choice curse words ran through my head in quick succession as I stuck my throbbing fingers into my mouth and sucked on them as I struggled to open the freezer door with one hand. Right about now, I missed the fridge with the automatic ice dispenser from our old house. I pulled the ice tray out with my good hand and made the futile attempt to disengage the ice from the plastic holder one handed. Giving up in frustration, I struck the edge of the laminate counter with the plastic ice tray sending four cubes scattering across the kitchen. One bounced into the sink, another skidded across the floor landing under the ancient stove, and two slid across the counter. I rescued the two on the counter, wrapped them in the middle of a paper towel, and placed them on my still throbbing fingers looking for relief.
I did the best I could, gingerly spreading the cream cheese on the bagels. “None of this would have happened if I was eating a cupcake,” I muttered to Feline. I hated the days that I had to eat healthy. A brownie would have hit the spot this morning and I wouldn’t have burned the tips of my fingers like an idiot. I scowled when I saw the angry blisters that had risen on three of my fingers. “Great I look like a mutant freak.”
I headed back upstairs juggling the bagels and OJ for each of us and heard the shower click off as I set the plates and glasses on the table.
My mood lightened when I realized that in a few hours I would be with Mark again. The other stuff I would work out later. For now, I just wanted to be with him at whatever cost, even if it meant another blow to my fragile heart.
After breakfast, we finished cleaning up and then headed downstairs. I walked to my mom’s studio at the back of the house and tapped on the door quietly.
“Come in,” my mom called out.
“So, you guys are off?”
“Yeah, we ate breakfast and now Sam’s ready to tackle some rides. Do you think I can have some money for the day?”
“I left a couple of twenties on the counter for you. Be careful and stay together,” she said as I headed out the door.
I grabbed the car keys and the money my mom left out for me, and Sam and I headed out the door.
We rolled the windows down and cranked the music up as we drove to the Boardwalk. We couldn’t help but belt out the words to the music as the warm sea air ripped into the car blowing through our hair. I sniffed in appreciation. The smell of the ocean was definitely one thing that I loved about living here.
Mark and Shawn were waiting for us by the entrance as promised, and my doubts were put to rest as I gazed at him. What had I been thinking? There was no way I could ever let him go. If he ever decided to leave me, I would just to have to deal with it, but for now, I was going to live in the moment. I had spent my whole life so far over analyzing every decision. This time I would let my heart lead the way.
Mark and I slowly followed behind Sam and Shawn as we quietly talked about our dream from the previous night.
“What do you think it means?” I finally asked after a few seconds of silence.
“I don’t know, but we should definitely be on guard, I’m not happy about the alteration of our dreams, and all the other things that are going on. It’s cool that we all share some kind of bond, but I’m concerned about the ramifications of what it all means.”
“I am too. I’m scared you’re going to leave me,” I admitted in a quiet voice.
Looking down, I wished I could retract the words, but they were already out there. What was wrong with me? I had always been such a private person, and here I was spilling out my darkest insecurities with the one person that I wanted to keep them from.
Mark reached out and grabbed onto my hand, lending me the reassurance that he was here now. We walked hand in hand behind Shawn and Sam who was practically bouncing with excitement over the rides. She was like a kid on her way to meet Santa. Her excitement was contagious and mine and Mark’s somber mood were lifted as we watched her.
The first ride Sam wanted to go on was enough to make my head spin just looking at it. The attendant helped us into the car after high-fiving Shawn.
“Hey man, what’s up? You don’t get enough of this place when you’re on duty?” Shawn laughed. “What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment,” he said as his friend closed the door to our car.
Before I knew it, we were spinning out of control. Sam gripped the steering wheel in the middle of the car and increased the spinning even more. The momentum of the spinning sent me crashing against Mark’s rock hard side. I gasped in awareness as my body touched his from shoulder to toe.
Sam laughed at me as I staggered off the ride like I was drunk. Of course little did Sam know, it had nothing to do with the ride. I chanced a look at Mark and was surprised that he looked like he was suffering from a case of vertigo also.
“Boy you guys are lightweights. That ride was nothing,” Sam said, laughing at us.
By the knowing look on Shawn’s face, he knew that it wasn’t the ride that had messed with Mark and me.
I felt my face begin to heat up. Instead of answering Sam, I followed meekly behind her as she dragged us toward the next ride. The next ride must be one of the favorites at the park if the long line was any indication. Shawn used his connections to get us to the front of the line.
Sam cracked up at the disgruntled mumbling of those waiting in line. “This is so cool,” she squealed. “I feel like a V.I.P.”
We chattered about mundane things while we were walking to the front of the line. I studied the ground under my feet as we walked to conceal my continuing embarrassment from before. Sam seemed oblivious to anything and kept the conversation flowing.
“Have you been on this ride before?” I asked Mark, finally able to look at him without fearing I would embarrass myself again.
“Sure, lots of times. Like Sam, I’m kind of a speed freak.”
At his words, I started to question the sanity of riding the roller coaster. High speed acceleration did not sound like something I wanted to try. I searched my head trying to come up with a valid excuse to skip the ride, but not wanting to look like a wimp, I saw no way out.
Sam’s excitement grew as we boarded our cars. I felt my heart jump to my throat when I saw the steep incline, followed by the even sharper decline. The roaring sound of the cars combined with the screaming riders as they rocketed by was enough to make my forehead bead with sweat. There is no way I can do this, I thought to myself.
The others seemed unaware of my inner torment as they compared notes on the wildest rides they had been on. I looked at them like they were speaking a foreign language.
I shifted in my seat; it was now or never, if I didn’t say something quick, I would be stuck riding. Mark reached for my hand as we sat in our seats. His touch was as soothing as ever and most of my nervousness faded away. Maybe I could do it. The ride wasn’t that long; if I kept my eyes closed, it would be over before I knew it. Then he will never know what a wimp you can be, I thought. I gripped his hand tightly as another attendant came by lowering the lap bar. My palms started to sweat and my legs started to shake from nerves as the lap bar was lowered over us. Finally sensing my dread, Mark reached over and placed a strong arm around me, pulling me tightly against his side. He placed his other hand on my knee to calm my quaking and leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize rides scare you,” he said softly.
“I’m not scared I’m just really…”
As the ride began to move forward, I blanched realizing there was no turning back now. Mark pulled me even closer, whispering in my ear. Sam turned and looked at us as the ride picked up speed. She looked at me questioningly, but I stared right through her. The car picked up speed and before we turned the first bend, Sam looked like she was trying to ask me something, but I heard nothing as the roller coaster started its slow chugging climb to the top of the first drop.
I couldn’t remember a time that I was as terrified as I was at this moment. I had never admired kids that buckled under peer pressure, but here I was a victim of myself. I squeezed my eyes closed and gripped Mark’s hand on my knee. The emotions I was feeling were just another downfall to being oversensitive. Luckily, Mark’s touch distracted me enough that I was no longer sure if my heart was beating wildly form the ride, or the fact that his hand was on my knee. The ride was over within seconds and I was proud of myself for not throwing up.
“You made it,” Mark whispered in my ear. I turned my face and felt his lips graze my cheek. My knees started trembling again and it had nothing to do with the ride.
“What should we go on next?” Sam asked as she bounced along beside us.
“I’m out.” I said finally, deciding not to be a follower.
“What? Are you kidding?” Sam asked, like I was nuts.
“You guys can go on whatever you want, but these kinds of rides scare me,” I said with more conviction than I felt.
“We should take a break anyways,” Mark interjected before Sam could protest. “Besides, we’re really here for another reason,” he said, looking pointedly at the beach in front of us.
“Oh yeah, I guess I got caught up in the moment,” she said, grabbing onto Shawn’s hand.
We had all decided that the best starting point for figuring out what tied us together was to go to where it all seemed to have started. We needed to see how we would all feel being on the beach together.
Mark and I walked a few paces behind Sam and Shawn as we headed toward the concrete stairs that would lead us to the beach. I could hear Sam’s excited chatter, but could not distinguish the words.
We all paused about 10 feet past the concrete wall. There was no mistaking the surge of electricity that seemed to shoot up through the sand and into our bodies. I looked at the astonishment on the other’s faces and knew I was wearing the same expression on mine.
“This is insane,” I mumbled to Mark.
“This whole week has been insane. First, we find out that the people we have dreamed about our entire lives really exist, and then we all end up in the same city, at the same time.”
Mark’s words did little to soothe me.
What other surprises could we possibly discover? I thought to myself as I removed my flip flops.
“I have something I want to show you,” Shawn piped in. “I was waiting until we were all here together, at this spot. It’s a picture I’ve had since I was little. Sam has already seen it,” Shawn said, revealing yet another surprise.