Melancholy
Page 59
Mack shoots me a glare. “What makes you think that?”
“They want us as slaves, if they wanted to kill us they would have done it right away. We’re worth more to them alive.”
Mack shakes his head, contemplating this. “Possibly, but we can’t just risk it and assume we’re right. We could get ambushed at any moment.”
Pippa makes a strangled sound and her eyes dart around the room.
“Must you!” I snap, tired, terrified and sensitive.
Mack storms forward. “We wouldn’t even be in this fuckin’ mess if it wasn’t for you and your family. I don’t fuckin’ care if what I’m saying bothers you. I could lose the only fuckin’ family I’ve ever had because of you,” he roars so loudly I flinch.
I stare at him, my heart breaking in half, my lip trembling. I’ve held it together, I’ve stayed strong, I’ve forgiven Maddox for what he did and I’ve gotten my sister back...but my fault? No...no way. I let go of Pippa’s hand and stand on shaky legs. Giving Mack a look that tells him just how much he broke me, I turn and disappear into the bathroom.
I’m not going to yell and scream, or carry on. What will it prove? My heart aches so badly I can’t afford any more pain. I lower down onto the floor, the cool tiles causing my leg to ache when I stretch it out on them. Tears break lose and spill over, running down my cheeks. It fucking burns.
If I lose Maddox, the only man I’ve loved with all my heart, I’ll never recover. I don’t know what’s happening to him. I don’t know if he’s okay. I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again. That thought alone has a sob ripping from my throat. I can be strong, but I can’t stand the thought of losing him.
The door creaks, but I don’t look up. A small frame pops down beside me, her tiny arms going around me. Together we cry, both of us living with our own demons. By the time our tears are dried up, the sun has begun to go down. Which means the guys will be here soon.
“Tell me about him?” Pippa asks, her voice low and soft.
I smile at her, my lips trembling.
“He saved me. He picked me up when I passed out on the mission Kennedy sent me on. I woke with him. He took care of me for five years.”
“Did he tell you about me?” she asks.
I swallow, shaking my head. “He told me you were dead. I only recently found out about you being alive. He was trying to search, for years he got leads and lost them. He said he was protecting me...I was in a bad way. I’m so sorry, Pippa. I should have been there...I shouldn’t have believed-”
“No,” she says, her voice the strongest it’s been since we found her. “He gave you a gift, Santana. I saw you; I saw what was happening. You weren’t there; you had gone. He’s right...he was protecting you. You would have come after me, I know you would have...and you would have gotten killed.”
“I thought you were dead,” I say, my voice breaks and a ragged sob tears from my throat.
“I’m okay,” she says, her own voice breaking once more. “They didn’t hurt me, because I always did what I was told. I never fought. What was the point? Until I found another way, that was my life. I worked hard, I was hungry, but mostly...I was safe.”
“You were a slave for five years while I was living with a man, having a good, solid life!” I cry, clenching my fists.
“You didn’t know. How could you have known? He told you I was dead, and I’m glad he did. You laid your life on the line so many times for me. You kept me alive; you protected me. You deserved five years of happiness, because Tana, you gave me more than that...”
I wrap my arms around her, holding her close, thanking God for bringing her back to me.
“I’m never letting you go again.”
She laughs hoarsely. “I don’t think I’ll be in a hurry to let you lose me again.”
We laugh brokenly together and then pull apart.
“Do you love him, Tana?”
I swallow down more tears, and nod. “I do, very much.”
She squeezes my hand. “Tell me about them...”
“The club?”
She nods.
I smile.
“They’re the best family...not better than Mom and Dad of course, but they’re so loyal. They drive you crazy, but they’d lie down and die for you. I adore all of them.”
“Do you think...do you think...” she looks away.
“They’re going to love you, honey,” I soothe. “I promise.”
There’s a knock at the door that has us both looking up. Mack comes in, his face regretful.
“Mind if I have a chat with Santana?” he asks, his eyes trained on Pippa.
She nods, standing. I give her a weak smile and watch as she leaves. Mack hesitates at the door, but with a sigh, steps in and crouches in front of me.
“I don’t do this a lot...I don’t even fuckin’ know how, but...” he runs a hand through his hair. “I fucked up, Santana. This ain’t your fault – I’d do the same thing for a woman I loved. Maddox made the choice to take care of you and put his time and effort into looking for your sister. I can’t judge him for that, and I sure as shit can’t judge you. So...I’m sorry.”
I stare up at him, my eyes softening. I reach out, clutching his hand. “I know.”
He closes his eyes for a minute, and then in a raspy voice he mutters, “I’m scared. So fuckin’ scared. He’s all I’ve got...”
“They want us as slaves, if they wanted to kill us they would have done it right away. We’re worth more to them alive.”
Mack shakes his head, contemplating this. “Possibly, but we can’t just risk it and assume we’re right. We could get ambushed at any moment.”
Pippa makes a strangled sound and her eyes dart around the room.
“Must you!” I snap, tired, terrified and sensitive.
Mack storms forward. “We wouldn’t even be in this fuckin’ mess if it wasn’t for you and your family. I don’t fuckin’ care if what I’m saying bothers you. I could lose the only fuckin’ family I’ve ever had because of you,” he roars so loudly I flinch.
I stare at him, my heart breaking in half, my lip trembling. I’ve held it together, I’ve stayed strong, I’ve forgiven Maddox for what he did and I’ve gotten my sister back...but my fault? No...no way. I let go of Pippa’s hand and stand on shaky legs. Giving Mack a look that tells him just how much he broke me, I turn and disappear into the bathroom.
I’m not going to yell and scream, or carry on. What will it prove? My heart aches so badly I can’t afford any more pain. I lower down onto the floor, the cool tiles causing my leg to ache when I stretch it out on them. Tears break lose and spill over, running down my cheeks. It fucking burns.
If I lose Maddox, the only man I’ve loved with all my heart, I’ll never recover. I don’t know what’s happening to him. I don’t know if he’s okay. I don’t even know if I’ll ever see him again. That thought alone has a sob ripping from my throat. I can be strong, but I can’t stand the thought of losing him.
The door creaks, but I don’t look up. A small frame pops down beside me, her tiny arms going around me. Together we cry, both of us living with our own demons. By the time our tears are dried up, the sun has begun to go down. Which means the guys will be here soon.
“Tell me about him?” Pippa asks, her voice low and soft.
I smile at her, my lips trembling.
“He saved me. He picked me up when I passed out on the mission Kennedy sent me on. I woke with him. He took care of me for five years.”
“Did he tell you about me?” she asks.
I swallow, shaking my head. “He told me you were dead. I only recently found out about you being alive. He was trying to search, for years he got leads and lost them. He said he was protecting me...I was in a bad way. I’m so sorry, Pippa. I should have been there...I shouldn’t have believed-”
“No,” she says, her voice the strongest it’s been since we found her. “He gave you a gift, Santana. I saw you; I saw what was happening. You weren’t there; you had gone. He’s right...he was protecting you. You would have come after me, I know you would have...and you would have gotten killed.”
“I thought you were dead,” I say, my voice breaks and a ragged sob tears from my throat.
“I’m okay,” she says, her own voice breaking once more. “They didn’t hurt me, because I always did what I was told. I never fought. What was the point? Until I found another way, that was my life. I worked hard, I was hungry, but mostly...I was safe.”
“You were a slave for five years while I was living with a man, having a good, solid life!” I cry, clenching my fists.
“You didn’t know. How could you have known? He told you I was dead, and I’m glad he did. You laid your life on the line so many times for me. You kept me alive; you protected me. You deserved five years of happiness, because Tana, you gave me more than that...”
I wrap my arms around her, holding her close, thanking God for bringing her back to me.
“I’m never letting you go again.”
She laughs hoarsely. “I don’t think I’ll be in a hurry to let you lose me again.”
We laugh brokenly together and then pull apart.
“Do you love him, Tana?”
I swallow down more tears, and nod. “I do, very much.”
She squeezes my hand. “Tell me about them...”
“The club?”
She nods.
I smile.
“They’re the best family...not better than Mom and Dad of course, but they’re so loyal. They drive you crazy, but they’d lie down and die for you. I adore all of them.”
“Do you think...do you think...” she looks away.
“They’re going to love you, honey,” I soothe. “I promise.”
There’s a knock at the door that has us both looking up. Mack comes in, his face regretful.
“Mind if I have a chat with Santana?” he asks, his eyes trained on Pippa.
She nods, standing. I give her a weak smile and watch as she leaves. Mack hesitates at the door, but with a sigh, steps in and crouches in front of me.
“I don’t do this a lot...I don’t even fuckin’ know how, but...” he runs a hand through his hair. “I fucked up, Santana. This ain’t your fault – I’d do the same thing for a woman I loved. Maddox made the choice to take care of you and put his time and effort into looking for your sister. I can’t judge him for that, and I sure as shit can’t judge you. So...I’m sorry.”
I stare up at him, my eyes softening. I reach out, clutching his hand. “I know.”
He closes his eyes for a minute, and then in a raspy voice he mutters, “I’m scared. So fuckin’ scared. He’s all I’ve got...”
