Midnight Pleasures

Part Four CHAPTER 14

Elise shook her head in denial. Curses were not real. What she saw happening could not be real. As Sterling knelt before them, he began to change. His clothes fell away, exposing strips of thick hair where there once had been skin. She could not bear to watch him lie in the dirt, his body contorting with pain, but she could not look away. The metamorphosis took place in a short time, and yet it seemed to her as if time had ceased to exist. One moment a man had knelt before them; the next, a beast, a great wolf, stood in the man's place.
There was nothing of Sterling left, nothing except the eyes, and as he stared at her, she knew he saw the fear, the repulsion, she felt inside. She also knew instinctually that he not only saw her emotions but also understood them.
The wolf howled, a heart-wrenching sound of despair mixed with rage; then he disappeared into the night. Elise didn't realize she trembled so badly until another blanket was suddenly thrown around her shoulders. Dazed, she turned to see Philip standing beside her.
"Sarah, take her inside and stay with her through the night," he said, but even his booming voice had lost its strength. "We've all had a shock."
Elise felt as if her wits had deserted her. She allowed Sarah to help her back into the wagon, even allowed the woman to dress her in nightclothes and settle her back onto the cot. She lay awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling. It became blurry; then darkness finally claimed her. She awoke with that first wonderful lack of awareness, the sleepy lull before the storm of remembrance jolted her fully from sleep.
She sat, looking around the wagon. All appeared normal. A nightmare? Elise breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, she'd had a horrible nightmare. She dressed for the day, all the while her stomach tied into knots and a feeling of unease riding her emotions. She stepped outside, certain she would see Sterling gathered around the morning cook fire with the others. The others were present. Sterling was not. As all faces turned toward her, she understood that she had not been dreaming last night. Even Dawn appeared as if she'd aged a decade overnight.
Philip rose and came to Elise. He helped her to the fire and Sarah shoved a plate into her hand. "Here, eat something to help you find your strength."
Elise's hands shook as she held the plate. "What I saw last night cannot be," she finally whispered. "It is not possible."
"Maybe not in the world you came from," Sarah said. "But out here, on the road, among the caravans, anything is possible. These old eyes have seen far worse than what we all witnessed last night."
Tom grunted his agreement.
"Sterling's different now," Taylor muttered. "Like the rest of us."
Elise couldn't fathom their calm acceptance of what had taken place last night. "Sterling is cursed," she said. "He is a wolf! We must help him!"
"There is no help for him," Sarah said. "He knew the curse was tied to his heart, but he gave it anyway. He made his choice."
Angry, Elise threw her plate to the ground and stood. "I will not accept what has happened to Sterling. I cannot. I love him. I want him back the way he was!"
"If you love him, then you must love him the way he is," Sarah countered.
"Will you disown him now?" Dawn asked softly. "Will you disown us all?"
Elise's heart constricted. She was the one who had told Dawn she must love unconditionally, and yet Elise was suddenly unsure that she could follow her own order. Sterling should have told her about the curse. God, she'd been chasing him like a fool since the night that she met him, and he'd been running... but not from her, from what would happen if he dared love her.
Confused and sick at heart, Elise returned to the wagon. She threw herself upon the cot where Sterling had made love to her, and cried at the injustice of life. As the shadows lengthened and night approached, she wondered if Sterling would return to her. She wondered if he did, if he would come in the form of a man or a wolf.
A voice inside of her head, one she wanted to ignore, suggested that she did not want Sterling to return in either form. It would be simpler on her heart and her mind if she were to find her aunt in Liverpool and forget she'd ever met Sterling Wulf.
His name stirred a memory. Whispers of the Wulfs of London. He was one of them, she realized. The youngest, who had mysteriously disappeared years ago, after his parents' deaths. Not privy to much gossip, Elise had heard little about the family. She'd dismissed what little she had heard. Men could not change shapes. Or so she had thought. Now she understood why Sterling spoke elegantly despite his coarse appearance. She understood all too much.
Shame scalded her from the inside out. She'd once thought him secretive and unfeeling, but he was the bravest of men. He had risked everything, his very humanity, for her. Could she abandon such a man? No, she could not. Would not. She would love Sterling unconditionally. She would love him, curse and all.
Rising from the bed, Elise washed her face, ran a brush through her hair, and left the wagon. The cooking fires had long been extinguished and she imagined most of the troupe had retired to the comfort of their wagons. They would move soon. They always did. She must find Sterling and convince him to come back to the caravan.
The woods were full of shadows. Elise moved through the trees, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. She hadn't gone far when a voice stopped her.
"You shouldn't be out here alone."
"Sterling," she whispered, turning to face him. With relief, she noted it was the man she confronted, not the beast.
"What are you doing here?" He stepped from the shadows.
"I wanted to talk to you," she answered. "Convince you to come back to the caravan."
He laughed, his teeth flashing in the coming dark, but at least his teeth were not pointed, she noted. "Come back to what?"
She lifted her chin. "To me, to those who consider you family."
"Do not pretend that you are not repulsed by me, by what you saw last night. I know differently."
Again, shame washed over her. "I was taken aback by what happened last night. I believe I am entitled to that first reaction."
He stepped closer. His hair was tangled and he still looked half-wild to her. Elise would not retreat in fear. She knew Sterling would never hurt her, regardless of what form he took.
"What are you saying?" he demanded.
Staring up into his eyes, she answered, "I love you, Sterling. And because I love you, I accept you as you are."
She would be the death of him. Sterling's heart soared with hope, even as his spirit plummeted with the reality of their situation. Brave words from her now, but Sterling could not allow her to love him, to waste her young life upon a man cursed.
"I will not have children," he said. "I will not pass this curse to my sons." Sterling gently touched her cheek. "If we could not abstain from the pleasure we find in each other's arms, I would have to be ever mindful of the risks involved in loving you as you deserve to be loved. You deserve children. You deserve a normal life, which you will never have with me."
"I deserve to be with the man I love," Elise argued. She sighed. "I do love children, but a life on the road is not what I would wish for them. It is a life I could be happy with." She stared up at him with hope shining in her eyes. "Please allow me what I deserve most in life, Sterling. To be happy, and I can't be happy without you."
Again, he imagined these were brave words that would soon fade away. As much as he longed to believe her, he could not. He took her slender shoulders between his hands. "Elise. I am cursed by the moon. Whenever it is full, I become a beast that roams the night like other beasts. I have no recollection of what I did last night, but I woke naked and shivering this morning in a man's body."
Instead of recoiling from him, she said, "Well, it's not so bad, then. We've only a few days each month to deal with your curse. The rest of the time we can live a normal life."
He supposed his mouth dropped open. "Are you mad? There is nothing normal about me now, Elise. I want you to find your aunt in Liverpool and forget about me. Find yourself a governess position somewhere and a respectable man who can give you all that I cannot!"
"I don't want that," she insisted. "I want you."
With a growl, Sterling released her and turned his back. Night would soon fall. He felt the change already upon him. "You cannot have me!" If he must be a brute to convince her, then he would. "I don't want you, Elise. I want to live out the rest of my miserable life in peace! I don't want to worry about you, or the people of the caravan! I just want to be alone!"
"Sterling," she pleaded.
"Go!" he shouted. "Darkness falls and the wolf comes. I am lost to him, Elise. I am lost to you."
He left her before she could protest further. Sterling bounded through the trees, waiting for the awful pain that would soon tear through his body. But before he allowed the beast to take him, he would circle around and make certain that Elise reached the safety of the wagon.
He saw her a few moments later standing before the animal wagons. He crept closer.
"What am I to do?" he heard her ask the cats. "I love him for all that he is, but he does not love himself enough to accept what I offer him. How do I make him see that nothing on earth will make me stop loving him?"
The urge to go to her was overwhelming. His love for Elise in that moment became stronger. But he loved her too much to ask her to share his curse. He would make her believe that he had gone. But until she reached the safety of Liverpool, Sterling would be watching.