Mind Games
Page 4
There are so many problems. There will be no body because Adam isn't dead. But no! Cole in the alley! A whole new avenue is opening up to save me and Annie and Adam, too. North really was the right choice. Maybe my instincts aren't totally broken.
I pull out my phone with my good hand and lean heavily against the wall of the building we're in front of.
"Someone's going to see us." Adam looks around nervously. "You're bleeding. A lot." He stares at my arm, not blinking, like he's entranced. Then he shakes his head, closes his eyes, and opens them. I can see in his face he's made a decision, decided not to be freaked out. It's not what most people would do right now. I kind of love him for it. "Let me take care of your arm." He drops to a knee and pulls his backpack off his shoulder. "I have a kit in here."
"It has to look like something I could have done myself."
He nods and opens a compact first aid kit (why does he have that in his backpack? I should have one of those), pulls out scissors, and cuts away my sleeve above the wound. I don't look. I hate blood.
"I'm going to call someone. Be totally silent. He can't hear you." I push the 1 on my phone and it rings twice before James answers.
"Fia, beautiful, are you done? Do you need me to arrange a flight home?" His voice is light and easy, but there are questions there. He's worried about me; he didn't want me to do this job in the first place. I want to read into it, but I can't let myself.
"Ambushed," I say, gasping in pain at something Adam does. "I got shot."
"Where? How bad?" James tries to sound like he is all business, but I hear an undercurrent of genuine concern. Maybe I'm just pretending I do. I don't know.
"In the shoulder." I grit my teeth, then swear loudly. Adam's hands are steady and sure, and I wonder why he can be this calm over something a gun did when he was so terrified by the gun itself. "I'll live. Three guys, don't know who they were with. They weren't ours."
"Of course they weren't ours!"
"You never know. I left all three down but alive."
"And the mark?" He asks this more carefully. He knows what this will do to me. He knows, but he still couldn't stop his father from sending me.
The mark is carefully applying tape and gauze to keep me from bleeding too much. The mark has gentle hands that are stained with blood now, though not in the same way mine will always be. The mark is a person, and he has beautiful eyes and he helps puppies and he trusts girls he really, really shouldn't. The mark is breathing very deeply and evenly, deliberately. The mark is silently mouthing something to himself and I want to know what it is. I want to know what this boy who has to be scared out of his mind is mouthing to keep himself calm while he patches up my arm.
"Dead. Body in an alley with the three guys. I'm guessing they'll do cleanup duty since there's a lot of their own blood there and they don't want to get fingered."
"Can you get back?"
"I'll manage."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I almost hang up when he talks again. "Fia?"
"What?"
"I'm glad you're okay. I'm sorry this happened."
I want to believe him. So much. "Sure you are." I end the call. Adam puts the finishing touches on my bandage, then looks up into my face. "Congratulations," I say, smiling weakly. "You're officially dead."
He frowns, then unbuttons his black shirt and puts it around my shoulders so it covers up the bandage. He's wearing just his thin white tee now. "Can we talk?"
"Just as soon as we steal their car." I stand, wobble slightly, which is humiliating because I do not wobble, then walk quickly in the direction Cole said the car was. Adam follows, a half step behind. There's a car idling, a black sedan, with a driver. No one else. I wish I hadn't been shot, because this would be much easier.
I should go for stealth or something, anything, but I'm too tired. I walk straight up, reach down and open the driver's door (should have locked it, that was phenomenally stupid of them), and am surprised to see a woman, midtwenties, behind the wheel. She has brown hair and brown eyes and a kind face that is frozen in shock.
"You," she says, like she knows me.
I answer by grabbing the stun gun out of my purse and using it on her.
"Pull her out," I say. Adam doesn't move, so I say it again. "Pull her out."
He does, gently setting her on the sidewalk. She isn't unconscious, but she's curled up against the pain and I almost feel sorry for her.
"I should drive," Adam says, looking at my arm.
"You don't know where to go."
"Do you?"
"No, but my guess is always better than yours." My guess is always better than anyone's.
He gets in and I do, too. The seat is leather and still warm. I pull out, calmly, driving exactly the speed limit as I head east-no more north for me, thank you very much-out of the city. We're lucky. I flew here, but it's only a five-hour drive back to Chicago.
I look for OnStar, but I don't see anything. And I don't feel like the car will be traced. I don't think they'll call the police, either. I have a good feeling about this car.
"Fia." His voice is flat and I glance over to see him staring intently at me. I wish we were at a deli, eating and laughing and feeding Chloe. I miss Chloe. I wish she were my dog and I had an alcoholic father and I were the type of girl that Adam could date and rescue and fall in love with. I wish my left arm didn't hurt so much I wanted to die, because it also means I can't tap tap tap my leg, and without that fidget I don't know how to stop the thoughts and feelings flooding through me.
So much blood today.
"What do you do?" I ask, scanning the road. "You're just a student, right? I can't figure out why they want you dead. Do you have important parents?"
He leans back and rubs his forehead. "My dad is a dentist and my mom runs a day care." He swears softly. "They're going to think I'm dead, aren't they?"
"You can't contact them."
"This will kill them."
"You'll probably get listed as missing. They'll have hope. And you aren't really dead, which is the best part of their hope. It'll be okay." I want to reach over and take his hand. But I can't.
"How exactly do you define okay?"
I laugh, my real laugh, or at least the only real laugh I have anymore. It is short and harsh and it scrapes my throat.
He sighs. "I'm not a student. I'm a doctor."
"How old are you?" I shouldn't be hurt that he lied about his age, but I am. And also bothered that I hadn't been able to tell he was lying. That's bad.
"I'm nineteen." (Ha! I was right. He's not a liar.) "I just did everything faster. I moved here to finish up a research project on tracking and diagnosing brain disorders through a combination of chemical analysis and MRI mapping."
I make a noncommittal noise. I have no idea what any of that means or why it makes him need to die. I need to focus on driving.
I almost pass out on the freeway on-ramp.
We pull over and I let Adam drive. I'll figure out a place for him to hide in Chicago. I have to go home so they don't suspect something is wrong. I don't know the rest of what to do yet, but it consists of kidnapping Annie and then all of us running away together. (Stop thinking about it. No thinking.) Assuming they don't already know what I am planning. I could be dead as soon as I get back. I hope Annie doesn't see it, hasn't seen it, won't see it. I don't want her to see it.
But if they kill her first, I will kill as many of them as I possibly can before I go down.
"Who are you?" Adam asks after a few minutes' calm. I don't usually like riding in the passenger seat, but today it feels nice. Adam gave me something from his first aid kit that has dulled the pain enough for me to handle it. It feels nice to be dulled. Dull, dull, dull. Usually I am sharp. Being sharp all the time is exhausting. I want to take all the rest of the pills from his case.
"I'm Fia. I told you."
"I saw you back in that alley. You were crazy. You took out three guys, and you're this small girl. You look so nice and so pretty"-he blushes and I smile, oh he is adorable I wish, I wish, I am not nice-"and I don't understand what you were-what you are-any of this."
He doesn't understand. He can't. "I have to do what they tell me to. I have no choices. As far as the alley, I happen to have very good instincts." I yawn, pulling my legs up and resting my head against the seat. I am safe with Adam, for now.
"Three big guys with weapons. That's more than very good instincts."
"Okay," I say, closing my eyelids because they are heavy, heavy, heavy. "I have perfect instincts. And my sister can see the future. And my boss's secretary can read minds. And my ex-roommate can feel other people's emotions."
"Please don't lie to me." He sounds sad. I don't ever want to make him sad.
I feel heavy and light at the same time and I just want to sleep. I'll sleep. "Who said I was lying?" I mumble before letting go.
Everything hurts. I can't tap tap tap my fingers because something happened to my left arm and it is nothing but pain now, bright, swimming pain. I crack my eyes open and-
Oh no. Oh no, oh no. I didn't do it. I didn't kill Adam. He's sitting next to me, driving (I let him drive? Why did I let him drive?) and very much alive.
Annie, please be okay. I'll figure this out and I'll save Annie and Adam can be safe, too, because now that I remember I didn't kill him, I also remember that I'm glad I didn't kill him. It was the right choice. I'm not sure how it'll end up being the right choice, just like north getting me shot was the right choice, but I know it's the right choice.
I giggle. I can't help it. My arm hurts so bad and I got shot and I'm riding toward James in a car with the boy I was supposed to kill but didn't and my entire world is shot and I'm going to have to figure it out really fast or we'll all be dead.
"You're awake," Adam, says, looking over at me with surprise in his soft gray eyes.
"You have pretty eyes. I'm glad you're not dead."
"Uh, yeah, me too."
"I feel fuzzy."
He shifts uncomfortably, eyes on the road. "I might have overdosed you. Just a little. I needed to think."
Hmm. He drugged me. That's interesting. I felt like I was safe with him. I still do. My instincts are totally cracked from years of misuse. Maybe I'm trying to kill myself? I'm not brave enough to try again in real life, but maybe my subconscious is braver than I am and it's trying to do me in.
Oh! Adam has long eyelashes. Long arms. Long legs. Long fingers. Everything about him is long. Eden would make a dirty joke. I giggle imagining it.
Focus, focus, focus. "You drugged me."
"I almost pulled over at three different hospitals. You're bleeding through the bandaging."
I look down at the black sleeve of his shirt; it's wet. "Ruined your shirt. Sorry." I giggle again. I haven't giggled in years. Maybe I should let Adam overdose me more often. It's nice.
"I'll get a new one."
"Why didn't you pull over? Or call the cops?"
He's quiet for a while, knuckles tight on the steering wheel. "Because I've been trying to figure it out. I believe you-about the hit-I probably wouldn't if those other guys hadn't showed up, but it's all too weird to be fake. Plus I, uh, looked through your purse. Another knife in the lining, along with a few thousand dollars. Four different IDs. Is that picture of you and Annie?"
I pull out my phone with my good hand and lean heavily against the wall of the building we're in front of.
"Someone's going to see us." Adam looks around nervously. "You're bleeding. A lot." He stares at my arm, not blinking, like he's entranced. Then he shakes his head, closes his eyes, and opens them. I can see in his face he's made a decision, decided not to be freaked out. It's not what most people would do right now. I kind of love him for it. "Let me take care of your arm." He drops to a knee and pulls his backpack off his shoulder. "I have a kit in here."
"It has to look like something I could have done myself."
He nods and opens a compact first aid kit (why does he have that in his backpack? I should have one of those), pulls out scissors, and cuts away my sleeve above the wound. I don't look. I hate blood.
"I'm going to call someone. Be totally silent. He can't hear you." I push the 1 on my phone and it rings twice before James answers.
"Fia, beautiful, are you done? Do you need me to arrange a flight home?" His voice is light and easy, but there are questions there. He's worried about me; he didn't want me to do this job in the first place. I want to read into it, but I can't let myself.
"Ambushed," I say, gasping in pain at something Adam does. "I got shot."
"Where? How bad?" James tries to sound like he is all business, but I hear an undercurrent of genuine concern. Maybe I'm just pretending I do. I don't know.
"In the shoulder." I grit my teeth, then swear loudly. Adam's hands are steady and sure, and I wonder why he can be this calm over something a gun did when he was so terrified by the gun itself. "I'll live. Three guys, don't know who they were with. They weren't ours."
"Of course they weren't ours!"
"You never know. I left all three down but alive."
"And the mark?" He asks this more carefully. He knows what this will do to me. He knows, but he still couldn't stop his father from sending me.
The mark is carefully applying tape and gauze to keep me from bleeding too much. The mark has gentle hands that are stained with blood now, though not in the same way mine will always be. The mark is a person, and he has beautiful eyes and he helps puppies and he trusts girls he really, really shouldn't. The mark is breathing very deeply and evenly, deliberately. The mark is silently mouthing something to himself and I want to know what it is. I want to know what this boy who has to be scared out of his mind is mouthing to keep himself calm while he patches up my arm.
"Dead. Body in an alley with the three guys. I'm guessing they'll do cleanup duty since there's a lot of their own blood there and they don't want to get fingered."
"Can you get back?"
"I'll manage."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
I almost hang up when he talks again. "Fia?"
"What?"
"I'm glad you're okay. I'm sorry this happened."
I want to believe him. So much. "Sure you are." I end the call. Adam puts the finishing touches on my bandage, then looks up into my face. "Congratulations," I say, smiling weakly. "You're officially dead."
He frowns, then unbuttons his black shirt and puts it around my shoulders so it covers up the bandage. He's wearing just his thin white tee now. "Can we talk?"
"Just as soon as we steal their car." I stand, wobble slightly, which is humiliating because I do not wobble, then walk quickly in the direction Cole said the car was. Adam follows, a half step behind. There's a car idling, a black sedan, with a driver. No one else. I wish I hadn't been shot, because this would be much easier.
I should go for stealth or something, anything, but I'm too tired. I walk straight up, reach down and open the driver's door (should have locked it, that was phenomenally stupid of them), and am surprised to see a woman, midtwenties, behind the wheel. She has brown hair and brown eyes and a kind face that is frozen in shock.
"You," she says, like she knows me.
I answer by grabbing the stun gun out of my purse and using it on her.
"Pull her out," I say. Adam doesn't move, so I say it again. "Pull her out."
He does, gently setting her on the sidewalk. She isn't unconscious, but she's curled up against the pain and I almost feel sorry for her.
"I should drive," Adam says, looking at my arm.
"You don't know where to go."
"Do you?"
"No, but my guess is always better than yours." My guess is always better than anyone's.
He gets in and I do, too. The seat is leather and still warm. I pull out, calmly, driving exactly the speed limit as I head east-no more north for me, thank you very much-out of the city. We're lucky. I flew here, but it's only a five-hour drive back to Chicago.
I look for OnStar, but I don't see anything. And I don't feel like the car will be traced. I don't think they'll call the police, either. I have a good feeling about this car.
"Fia." His voice is flat and I glance over to see him staring intently at me. I wish we were at a deli, eating and laughing and feeding Chloe. I miss Chloe. I wish she were my dog and I had an alcoholic father and I were the type of girl that Adam could date and rescue and fall in love with. I wish my left arm didn't hurt so much I wanted to die, because it also means I can't tap tap tap my leg, and without that fidget I don't know how to stop the thoughts and feelings flooding through me.
So much blood today.
"What do you do?" I ask, scanning the road. "You're just a student, right? I can't figure out why they want you dead. Do you have important parents?"
He leans back and rubs his forehead. "My dad is a dentist and my mom runs a day care." He swears softly. "They're going to think I'm dead, aren't they?"
"You can't contact them."
"This will kill them."
"You'll probably get listed as missing. They'll have hope. And you aren't really dead, which is the best part of their hope. It'll be okay." I want to reach over and take his hand. But I can't.
"How exactly do you define okay?"
I laugh, my real laugh, or at least the only real laugh I have anymore. It is short and harsh and it scrapes my throat.
He sighs. "I'm not a student. I'm a doctor."
"How old are you?" I shouldn't be hurt that he lied about his age, but I am. And also bothered that I hadn't been able to tell he was lying. That's bad.
"I'm nineteen." (Ha! I was right. He's not a liar.) "I just did everything faster. I moved here to finish up a research project on tracking and diagnosing brain disorders through a combination of chemical analysis and MRI mapping."
I make a noncommittal noise. I have no idea what any of that means or why it makes him need to die. I need to focus on driving.
I almost pass out on the freeway on-ramp.
We pull over and I let Adam drive. I'll figure out a place for him to hide in Chicago. I have to go home so they don't suspect something is wrong. I don't know the rest of what to do yet, but it consists of kidnapping Annie and then all of us running away together. (Stop thinking about it. No thinking.) Assuming they don't already know what I am planning. I could be dead as soon as I get back. I hope Annie doesn't see it, hasn't seen it, won't see it. I don't want her to see it.
But if they kill her first, I will kill as many of them as I possibly can before I go down.
"Who are you?" Adam asks after a few minutes' calm. I don't usually like riding in the passenger seat, but today it feels nice. Adam gave me something from his first aid kit that has dulled the pain enough for me to handle it. It feels nice to be dulled. Dull, dull, dull. Usually I am sharp. Being sharp all the time is exhausting. I want to take all the rest of the pills from his case.
"I'm Fia. I told you."
"I saw you back in that alley. You were crazy. You took out three guys, and you're this small girl. You look so nice and so pretty"-he blushes and I smile, oh he is adorable I wish, I wish, I am not nice-"and I don't understand what you were-what you are-any of this."
He doesn't understand. He can't. "I have to do what they tell me to. I have no choices. As far as the alley, I happen to have very good instincts." I yawn, pulling my legs up and resting my head against the seat. I am safe with Adam, for now.
"Three big guys with weapons. That's more than very good instincts."
"Okay," I say, closing my eyelids because they are heavy, heavy, heavy. "I have perfect instincts. And my sister can see the future. And my boss's secretary can read minds. And my ex-roommate can feel other people's emotions."
"Please don't lie to me." He sounds sad. I don't ever want to make him sad.
I feel heavy and light at the same time and I just want to sleep. I'll sleep. "Who said I was lying?" I mumble before letting go.
Everything hurts. I can't tap tap tap my fingers because something happened to my left arm and it is nothing but pain now, bright, swimming pain. I crack my eyes open and-
Oh no. Oh no, oh no. I didn't do it. I didn't kill Adam. He's sitting next to me, driving (I let him drive? Why did I let him drive?) and very much alive.
Annie, please be okay. I'll figure this out and I'll save Annie and Adam can be safe, too, because now that I remember I didn't kill him, I also remember that I'm glad I didn't kill him. It was the right choice. I'm not sure how it'll end up being the right choice, just like north getting me shot was the right choice, but I know it's the right choice.
I giggle. I can't help it. My arm hurts so bad and I got shot and I'm riding toward James in a car with the boy I was supposed to kill but didn't and my entire world is shot and I'm going to have to figure it out really fast or we'll all be dead.
"You're awake," Adam, says, looking over at me with surprise in his soft gray eyes.
"You have pretty eyes. I'm glad you're not dead."
"Uh, yeah, me too."
"I feel fuzzy."
He shifts uncomfortably, eyes on the road. "I might have overdosed you. Just a little. I needed to think."
Hmm. He drugged me. That's interesting. I felt like I was safe with him. I still do. My instincts are totally cracked from years of misuse. Maybe I'm trying to kill myself? I'm not brave enough to try again in real life, but maybe my subconscious is braver than I am and it's trying to do me in.
Oh! Adam has long eyelashes. Long arms. Long legs. Long fingers. Everything about him is long. Eden would make a dirty joke. I giggle imagining it.
Focus, focus, focus. "You drugged me."
"I almost pulled over at three different hospitals. You're bleeding through the bandaging."
I look down at the black sleeve of his shirt; it's wet. "Ruined your shirt. Sorry." I giggle again. I haven't giggled in years. Maybe I should let Adam overdose me more often. It's nice.
"I'll get a new one."
"Why didn't you pull over? Or call the cops?"
He's quiet for a while, knuckles tight on the steering wheel. "Because I've been trying to figure it out. I believe you-about the hit-I probably wouldn't if those other guys hadn't showed up, but it's all too weird to be fake. Plus I, uh, looked through your purse. Another knife in the lining, along with a few thousand dollars. Four different IDs. Is that picture of you and Annie?"
