Mine to Have
Page 52
He wrapped his hands around her. Dammit, mistake. Because touching her flooded him with a dark need. “What I want,” Ryan managed to choke out, “is to sink my teeth into your throat.”
“Because I’m your cure?”
“Because I want to taste you.”
She blinked at him.
Control. Control. Control. “But for once in my life, I’m trying to do the right thing.” He moved her out of his way. Then he forced his fingers to stop touching her. To just let her go. “I’m not going to destroy you.”
“The witch didn’t say that you’d destroy me. Just my beast.” Her laugh was brittle. “The beast in me hasn’t ever been anything to brag about.” Her hands lifted. Claws sprouted from her fingertips. “This is about all I’ve got. Claws and some enhanced strength. The others never wanted me here. They didn’t think I belonged in the pack.”
He ignored the pain. Just like always. Strange but, when he’d touched her, the pain had seemed to lessen. It was sure back full force now. “Alerac wants you here.”
“Alerac is still trying to atone for the sins he committed against your sister. He tries to save everyone now. Finn…” Sadness flickered across her face. “Finn was my friend. The others here only tolerate me because Alerac tells them to do it. I’m not one of them, and they know it.”
He backed away from her. His heart seemed to be squeezing, held tight in a fist of fire. “And what is it that you want from me?”
Her lashes lowered, concealing her gaze. “I’ve heard the stories. When your sister bit Alerac, he changed. Became even more powerful. I’ve seen that power with my own eyes.”
Her scent had wrapped around him. Lush. Woman.
“If you bite me, I might lose my beast.”
Um, might? Based on what the witch had said, that was more of a definite.
“But maybe I can become something else. Something even more powerful.”
Hell. She needed to get away from him. “Do you want to turn out like Liam?”
Zoe flinched.
“Because that could happen. Vamp blood isn’t exactly the safest drug out there.” For many, that was exactly what it was—a drug. An addiction.
An addiction to power and darkness.
Do the right thing. Dammit, he was. For once. “Go back to your pack. Protect the alpha. And just forget you ever met me.”
Ryan spun turned away from her. Hesitated. “Please tell Jane I said good-bye.” He hadn’t used their link to touch her mind again. Because he hadn’t wanted her to see his certainty of death.
So he’d kept a wall between them, even though he’d felt her reach out to him several times. If he’d let her in, she might have felt his pain. He didn’t want her suffering as he did.
He hadn’t protected her before. He was trying to, now.
Ryan swiped away the blood that dripped from his lips. Then, just as Zoe said, he crawled away to die.
***
Jane opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Darkness had fallen, she could feel it. An instinctive awareness.
Alerac was beside her, his body a warm and solid weight against her. He’d wrapped his arm around her stomach, pulling her close.
She had more of his memories. So many more.
I’ll take his punishment. She’d had visions of that terrible night again.
But Jane still didn’t remember the actual punishment that she’d endured. And she sure didn’t remember any last minute deal that she’d made with Lorcan, agreeing to bind their lives.
But I know how to remember that deal.
Her memories were gone. Lost. Lorcan’s weren’t. She could retrieve his memories just as she’d retrieved Alerac’s. All she needed was some blood.
Lorcan’s blood.
Her head turned. She stared at Alerac. In sleep, he didn’t look quite so fierce. The hard lines of his face were smoothed some, his hair tousled.
Her fingers lifted and brushed lightly through his hair. Then she bent and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.
Alerac’s eyes opened. The brightness didn’t shock her anymore. She’d seen his memories of the attack.
He’d blocked most of the pain. And instead of seeing darkness, he’d chosen to see her.
As long as Lorcan lived, he would be a threat to Alerac. Lorcan had wanted Alerac’s destruction two centuries ago.
He wanted it now.
“He’s not going to stop,” Jane whispered.
A faint furrow appeared between Alerac’s brows.
“Lorcan will keep coming,” she continued. Just like the monsters in all the movies she’d watched on Saturday nights. “We have to stop him.”
Alerac sat up, and the sheets fell into a tangle near his waist. “We can’t. If he dies, then you die.”
Her fingers rose and stroked over his tattoo. “Tell me why you got this.” She knew—she’d seen it in his memories. Yet it seemed important for him to tell her on his own.
His heart raced beneath her fingers. “It’s my symbol—forever. Eternity.
An endless knot.
“It’s…for you,” he continued, voice roughening. “A design to show that I am bound to you, forever, that I would search until I found you.”
“You found me,” she whispered.
“And I won’t let you go. But I won’t kill Lorcan because I can’t hurt you.”
She’d been afraid he would say that. “What if Lorcan comes after your pack? What if hunts them?” As he’d done before.
When he killed Alerac’s family. She’d seen that memory. The terrible carnage that Alerac had found when he’d returned to his home and found death waiting, courtesy of Lorcan.
Alerac shook his head. “We can defend ourselves.”
No, they couldn’t. “Not if you aren’t willing to kill the one attacking you.”
His hand slid under her jaw. “No one hurts you. You will not suffer again for me or mine—”
She knew her smile was sad. “Oh, Alerac, are you still blaming yourself?”
Confusion flickered over his face.
Jane pulled away from him. She climbed from the bed. Dressed with fumbling fingers. Hurry, hurry.
“I am to blame.” His words were slow. “You suffered for me.”
Enough. She put her hands on her hips and faced him. “I suffered for me. I made the choice. Not you. It was all me.” Because she wasn’t some child to have others determine her life. Not then, and not now. It was still her choice. “I couldn’t stand by and watch you die.”
“Because I’m your cure?”
“Because I want to taste you.”
She blinked at him.
Control. Control. Control. “But for once in my life, I’m trying to do the right thing.” He moved her out of his way. Then he forced his fingers to stop touching her. To just let her go. “I’m not going to destroy you.”
“The witch didn’t say that you’d destroy me. Just my beast.” Her laugh was brittle. “The beast in me hasn’t ever been anything to brag about.” Her hands lifted. Claws sprouted from her fingertips. “This is about all I’ve got. Claws and some enhanced strength. The others never wanted me here. They didn’t think I belonged in the pack.”
He ignored the pain. Just like always. Strange but, when he’d touched her, the pain had seemed to lessen. It was sure back full force now. “Alerac wants you here.”
“Alerac is still trying to atone for the sins he committed against your sister. He tries to save everyone now. Finn…” Sadness flickered across her face. “Finn was my friend. The others here only tolerate me because Alerac tells them to do it. I’m not one of them, and they know it.”
He backed away from her. His heart seemed to be squeezing, held tight in a fist of fire. “And what is it that you want from me?”
Her lashes lowered, concealing her gaze. “I’ve heard the stories. When your sister bit Alerac, he changed. Became even more powerful. I’ve seen that power with my own eyes.”
Her scent had wrapped around him. Lush. Woman.
“If you bite me, I might lose my beast.”
Um, might? Based on what the witch had said, that was more of a definite.
“But maybe I can become something else. Something even more powerful.”
Hell. She needed to get away from him. “Do you want to turn out like Liam?”
Zoe flinched.
“Because that could happen. Vamp blood isn’t exactly the safest drug out there.” For many, that was exactly what it was—a drug. An addiction.
An addiction to power and darkness.
Do the right thing. Dammit, he was. For once. “Go back to your pack. Protect the alpha. And just forget you ever met me.”
Ryan spun turned away from her. Hesitated. “Please tell Jane I said good-bye.” He hadn’t used their link to touch her mind again. Because he hadn’t wanted her to see his certainty of death.
So he’d kept a wall between them, even though he’d felt her reach out to him several times. If he’d let her in, she might have felt his pain. He didn’t want her suffering as he did.
He hadn’t protected her before. He was trying to, now.
Ryan swiped away the blood that dripped from his lips. Then, just as Zoe said, he crawled away to die.
***
Jane opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Darkness had fallen, she could feel it. An instinctive awareness.
Alerac was beside her, his body a warm and solid weight against her. He’d wrapped his arm around her stomach, pulling her close.
She had more of his memories. So many more.
I’ll take his punishment. She’d had visions of that terrible night again.
But Jane still didn’t remember the actual punishment that she’d endured. And she sure didn’t remember any last minute deal that she’d made with Lorcan, agreeing to bind their lives.
But I know how to remember that deal.
Her memories were gone. Lost. Lorcan’s weren’t. She could retrieve his memories just as she’d retrieved Alerac’s. All she needed was some blood.
Lorcan’s blood.
Her head turned. She stared at Alerac. In sleep, he didn’t look quite so fierce. The hard lines of his face were smoothed some, his hair tousled.
Her fingers lifted and brushed lightly through his hair. Then she bent and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.
Alerac’s eyes opened. The brightness didn’t shock her anymore. She’d seen his memories of the attack.
He’d blocked most of the pain. And instead of seeing darkness, he’d chosen to see her.
As long as Lorcan lived, he would be a threat to Alerac. Lorcan had wanted Alerac’s destruction two centuries ago.
He wanted it now.
“He’s not going to stop,” Jane whispered.
A faint furrow appeared between Alerac’s brows.
“Lorcan will keep coming,” she continued. Just like the monsters in all the movies she’d watched on Saturday nights. “We have to stop him.”
Alerac sat up, and the sheets fell into a tangle near his waist. “We can’t. If he dies, then you die.”
Her fingers rose and stroked over his tattoo. “Tell me why you got this.” She knew—she’d seen it in his memories. Yet it seemed important for him to tell her on his own.
His heart raced beneath her fingers. “It’s my symbol—forever. Eternity.
An endless knot.
“It’s…for you,” he continued, voice roughening. “A design to show that I am bound to you, forever, that I would search until I found you.”
“You found me,” she whispered.
“And I won’t let you go. But I won’t kill Lorcan because I can’t hurt you.”
She’d been afraid he would say that. “What if Lorcan comes after your pack? What if hunts them?” As he’d done before.
When he killed Alerac’s family. She’d seen that memory. The terrible carnage that Alerac had found when he’d returned to his home and found death waiting, courtesy of Lorcan.
Alerac shook his head. “We can defend ourselves.”
No, they couldn’t. “Not if you aren’t willing to kill the one attacking you.”
His hand slid under her jaw. “No one hurts you. You will not suffer again for me or mine—”
She knew her smile was sad. “Oh, Alerac, are you still blaming yourself?”
Confusion flickered over his face.
Jane pulled away from him. She climbed from the bed. Dressed with fumbling fingers. Hurry, hurry.
“I am to blame.” His words were slow. “You suffered for me.”
Enough. She put her hands on her hips and faced him. “I suffered for me. I made the choice. Not you. It was all me.” Because she wasn’t some child to have others determine her life. Not then, and not now. It was still her choice. “I couldn’t stand by and watch you die.”
