Mine to Hold

Page 18

So, all alone, Del had gone through, what? Morning sickness, her body changing. He’d been around Kimber and Alyssa through their pregnancies. They’d complained about peeing all the time, backaches, swelling ankles, food cravings and aversions. Deke and Luc had catered to their every whim, taken over responsibilities so they could rest. Who’d taken care of Del through all of that? When she’d gone into labor? When she’d come home with a newborn?
“I’m going to beat the fucking hell out of him.”
Tyler realized that he hadn’t been much better, hanging out in Lafayette, up to his eyeballs in Jack Daniel’s and pussy. Guilt serrated him.
What else had he expected? He could hear his mother’s voice, Like father, like son . . .
“Don’t.” Del sounded tired. “It won’t solve anything. If it helps, I didn’t go through everything alone. Eric and I were together, signing the papers so he could buy my half of the house, when I went into labor. He took me to the hospital. He actually stayed through the delivery. He’s not a terrible person, just insecure. At times, he took it out on me. You know the shooting totally changed him.”
Eric had seen his son brought into the world. Tyler wondered what he’d been doing that night. Cracking skulls and fucking some stripper?
“I’m so sorry. I knew that you could be pregnant and—”
“What? You didn’t really have a way to reach me. I didn’t expect you to be psychic.”
No yearning, no anger. Nothing. Goddamn it, he’d rather have her blame. “Didn’t you wish, at least once, that the father of your son was there to help you or hold your hand?”
“It’s over and done, Tyler. I’m okay, so don’t waste your time feeling guilty. Let’s move forward and end this shit with Carlson. Then you can go back to you life, and I can go back to mine.”
“And then what? I’m supposed to pretend that I don’t have a son who needs a father?” Or that his beautiful mother seems determined to raise him without me?
“Right now, it’s the middle of the night. You’re just supposed to go to sleep.”
Without another word, she crawled back in bed. Tyler did the same, but sleep wouldn’t come.
Damn it, he didn’t want to let this go. But even if she was willing to make a life with him tomorrow, what did he know about being a good husband and father? How could he convince her that he’d figure it out and be ten times the man Eric had ever been when he wasn’t completely sure himself?
Chapter Eight
BY six that morning, they pulled back onto I-10. In Phoenix, they stopped for lunch and another car exchange, again courtesy of Xander, via some gorgeous blonde who looked ready for a stripper pole. This time, Del didn’t say a word as Tyler transferred her duffel into the back of a nondescript white SUV and thanked the woman. Then he climbed into the vehicle, and they took off again.
Del sank back against the plush leather seats, listening to the heavy alternative rock banging through the speakers. She peered at Tyler from beneath her lashes, trying to make heads or tails of him.
“You can let me do something, you know. I’m not helpless.”
He stopped at a light and turned his heavy gaze her way. “You brought my son into the world and raised him alone for fifteen months. You drove the two of you safely across the country with a madman on your tail. Helpless is the last thing I’d call you.”
His words made her glow. “Then why are you taking responsibility for everything? The Tyler I knew would have brought the beer, but . . .”
“I would never have thrown the party.” He surged ahead in the traffic, merging on the freeway. “I know. You’ve handled everything up until yesterday. I’m going to take care of you now.”
Del stared. Something had changed about him. She liked it—more than she wanted to. And she was incredibly relieved. Of course, she needed to stand on her own two feet and be strong for Seth . . . but for this brief moment, it was so nice to lean on Tyler’s broad shoulders. He’d fed her, kept her safe, even taken care of her sexually. She was almost ashamed to admit how much she’d needed that orgasm—and how badly she’d wanted it from him. For those blissful minutes, she’d felt close to him again.
Afterward, she’d directed all her guilt at him. Regret now weighed her down. Del knew that if the blame belonged to someone, it was her for being unable to resist Tyler. She knew who and what he was. He never turned down a willing female. They had so much unresolved between them. It was natural that he’d come on to her.
She could never make the mistake of thinking it meant anything important to him.
Still, once the orgasmic high had faded, Del realized that her life would become horrifically empty once Tyler was gone again. Yes, he made noise about sharing something in the future, but the Tyler she’d known wasn’t cut out for marriage and kids. Despite his changes, he might never be. Alyssa’s strippers called him Cockzilla with good reason. As much as she cared for Tyler, she’d never want him to put himself in the uncomfortable position of being a husband simply because he felt obligated. She’d only end up hurt when he left her or strayed. Best to solve her problems, then keep her distance. Let Tyler be the eternal bachelor he was meant to be.
“Thanks. I’ll be able to take care of things again once we’ve dealt with Carlson.”
“First, we have to convince Eric to let you back in to retrieve your flash drive.”
Del sighed. How could she explain this? “He doesn’t hate me. He was really angry for a while. Once he started rehabbing in earnest and his ability to walk returned, he seemed better. I think that if I explain why I snuck in, it’ll be okay. He might not love me anymore, but he wouldn’t want me dead.”
But there was a possibility he’d be pissed. Or he might not care at all. Del really didn’t know. It was a gamble. Everything right now was.
“The motherfucker better help you, or I’m going to open his skull with my fists.”
She reared back. In the hotel room this morning she’d sensed hostility from Tyler toward Eric, but this was obvious. As tight as they’d been, like brothers, it stunned her a little. If he’d been in Eric’s situation and felt like he’d been cuckolded—
No. She realized. Tyler would have never used Eric as a sexual crutch and asked his pal to fuck her. Tyler had always been more pigheaded and had more gumption. He would have used his words, his hands, even toys to get her off and give himself something to look forward to. Hell, even his tongue, as he’d suggested this morning. The thought gave her a guilty tingle. But Tyler would have never folded and given his woman away to another man.
That’s one thing that had helped Del accept her divorce from Eric. She’d lost respect for her ex-husband that day. She’d wanted to help him in his recovery, take an active part in saving her marriage. But after it was over and the blame started, she realized that she didn’t feel the same about Eric anymore. His petulant anger diving into depression and vicious outlashes made her see a part of him that she’d never seen—and couldn’t live with.
Things always happened for a reason. That night had happened to show her Eric’s true colors and to allow her to have the most precious person in her life, Seth.
As Tyler flowed with the traffic on the freeway heading west, Del stared out at the road, which gradually thinned back into empty desert.
“Tell me about your friends in Lafayette,” she asked into the silence. “You seem close.”
“It snuck up on me, but yeah. I went to Lafayette for a case, and I went to work for Alyssa as part of my cover. Through her husband, Luc, I met his cousin Deke, Deke’s brothers-in-law, Hunter and Logan, and Deke’s business partner, Jack. They’re all great, stand-up guys. We’ve been through a lot together, protecting some of their wives from stalkers and assholes determined to hurt them.”
She frowned. “That sounds dangerous.”
“They have dangerous jobs. They’ve always had dangerous lives. We’ve got the adrenaline-junkie thing in common.”
Del knew that about Tyler. He’d never played anything safe. “Your friends also have some . . . interesting sexual preferences.”
“Caught that, did you?” He smiled. “Deke and Luc are total cavemen. The rest are into BDSM.”
“BDSM?”
“Bondage, dominance, sadomasochism.”
Del sat back in her seat, shock and confusion pinging through her—along with unexpected heat. “Like restraints, whips, and chains? They hurt their wives?”
“Just a little pain to enhance the pleasure. As Jack is fond of saying, it’s more about the mind fuck.” Brow cocked, he shot her a speculative glance. “What do you know about that stuff?”
“I’ve heard of it.” Not for anything would she tell him that the thought of Tyler tying her up and having his wicked way with her made her ache. “You into that now?”
“I’ve picked up a thing or two listening to them. Interested?”
“No,” she lied.
“Then why are your cheeks flushed?” He grinned.
“You’re hallucinating.”
Tyler’s hand slid across her cheek before she could pull away. “Definitely flushed. Interesting . . .”
“Shut up and drive.”
He laughed, but Del had no doubt he was filing away the observation. “I will . . . for now.”
Damn, his playful side had always gotten to her. Her own nature tended to be far more serious, and Tyler had always done a good job of reminding her to laugh and enjoy life a little. It had been so long since she had anything to laugh about.
The sound of the phone ringing suddenly filled the SUV. Tyler grabbed it and glanced at the number, all business again. “Jack, what’ve you got?”
After a long pause, Tyler spoke a series of monosyllables, and Del lost total track of the conversation. Instead, she stared out into the desert, the late afternoon sun beating down relentlessly. A few minutes later, Tyler hung up with a ripe curse and turned to her.
“Tara dug around. Your credit card purchases are definitely being tracked by the DA’s office, through the pretense that you have an outstanding warrant. What is that about?”
The gravity in his tone hit her with anxiety. “I don’t know. I have an unpaid speeding ticket. That’s it.”
“Carlson is trumping it up to reckless driving. The warrant says you’re a danger to others.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“I think there’s more than you’re telling me. Jack has the same theory I do. When a bad guy wants to off someone, they don’t usually start with something as flashy as a car bomb. Because then it’s obvious someone is trying to kill you and the police tend to look at that crime a lot more seriously. That wasn’t Carlson’s first attempt, was it?”
“No.”
Tyler raked a hand through his hair, clearly exasperated. “Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”
“I wanted you to watch Seth, not get involved with the case. I knew if I said more, you’d jump into the middle of this mess, exactly like you have.”
“I was always going to get involved, Del. You were kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.”
“I didn’t need you to be responsible for me, just Seth. Just for a little while.”
“I’m taking care of Seth by taking care of you. He needs his mother.”
She wasn’t going to win this argument.
Delaney sighed. “The first incident, though I can’t prove it, was nearly being run over while crossing the street one evening. I literally dived onto another car parked on the street. If that car hadn’t been there, I think he would have followed me onto the sidewalk to run me over. Then a few days later, I went to the bank. When I came out, a thug with a gun tried to hold me up. But he didn’t seem interested in the three hundred bucks in cash I had in my purse, just in shooting me. I kneed him in the balls and clocked him in the jaw as hard as I could. Then I ran. He shot at me. When I close my eyes, sometimes I can still hear the bullet whizzing right past my left ear. The next day, someone broke into my house. Thankfully, Seth and I weren’t there. They didn’t take anything, but they trashed the place.”
“Fuck, Del . . . You should have told me sooner.”
“I thought I could get the story written, expose Carlson, and get him put away before he got me. The morning the car bomb exploded, Seth and I were packing up to stay at a motel. I turned on the car with my fob to get the air conditioner going, then I’d planned to strap Seth in and load up the car.” Tears hit the back of her eyes when she thought about all the danger she’d unwittingly put her son in. “I keep thinking . . . what if I’d strapped Seth in first?”
“Hey.” Tyler reached for her hand. “You didn’t. Don’t cry. It’s okay. You did the right thing, coming to me. We’re going to fix this. If you think for one second that Jack, Deke, and I are going to let this fucker get away with terrorizing you and threatening my son, you don’t know me.”