Missing You
Page 55
“Little Willy Cozone,” Tessie said, with a shake of her head when Kat finished. “You know he’s from the neighborhood, right? Grew up on Farrington Street near the car wash.”
Kat nodded.
“My older brother, Terry, graduated from Bishop Reilly with him. Cozone was a scrawny kid. Threw up in first grade at St. Mary’s. Vomited all over the nun, right in the middle of class. Stunk up the whole room. The kids started picking on him after that. Called him Stinky or Smelly or something. Real original.” She shook her head. “You know how he stopped it?”
“Stopped what?”
“Being picked on.”
“No. How?”
“Cozone beat a kid to death when he was in fifth grade. Took a hammer to school and bashed his head in. Pried open the back of the skull with the claw part.”
Kat tried not to make a face. “I didn’t see that in the files.”
“The records were sealed, or maybe they never convicted him, I don’t know. It was kept pretty hush-hush.”
Kat just shook her head.
“When Cozone was around, well, pets used to disappear from this neighborhood, if you know what I’m saying. They’d find like a paw or something in the trash. That would be it. You know he lost his whole family to violence.”
“Yes,” Kat said. “And all this, I mean, that’s why I don’t believe my dad worked for him.”
“I don’t know one way or the other,” Tessie said.
Tessie started busying herself with the garden, retying the plants to the stakes.
“What do you know, Tessie?”
She inspected a tomato, still on the vine. It was both too small and too green. She let it go.
“You were around,” Kat said. “You knew about my father’s vanishing acts.”
“I did, yes. Your mother used to pretend it was all okay. Even to Flo and me, she’d lie.”
“Do you know where he went?”
“Not specifically, no.”
“But you had some idea.”
Tessie stopped fiddling with the tomatoes and stood up straight. “I’m of two minds on this.”
“That being?”
“The obvious. It’s none of my business. It’s none of your business. And it all happened a long time ago. We should respect your mother’s wishes.”
Kat nodded. “Understandable.”
“Thank you.”
“What’s the other mind?”
Tessie sat down next to her. “When you’re young, you think you have all the answers. You’re right wing or you’re left wing and the other side is a bunch of idiots. You know. When you get a little older, though, you start to more and more see the grays. Now I understand that true idiots are the ones who are certain they have the answers. It is never that simple. Do you know what I mean?”
“I do.”
“I’m not saying there’s no such thing as right or wrong. But I’m saying what may work for some doesn’t work for others. You talked before about your mother confusing memories with illusion. But that’s okay. That’s how she survives. Some people need illusions. And some people, like you, need answers.”
Kat waited.
“You also need to weigh the hurts,” Tessie said.
“What do you mean?”
“If I tell you what I know, it is going to hurt you. A lot, probably. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Kat knew that Tessie, unlike Flo or even Mom, did not lean toward the melodramatic. It was not a warning to take lightly. “I can take it,” Kat said.
“I’m sure you can. Plus, I have to weigh that hurt against the dull ache you feel from always wondering, from never knowing. There’s a pain in that too.”
“A greater pain, I’d argue,” Kat said.
“And I don’t disagree.” Tessie let loose a long breath. “There is one more problem.”
“I’m listening.”
“My information. It is all based on rumors. A friend of Gary’s—you remember Gary?”
“Flo’s husband.”
“Right. So a friend of Gary’s told Gary and Gary told Flo and Flo told me. So for all I know, it’s a load of garbage.”
“But you don’t think it is,” Kat said.
“Right, I don’t think it is. I think it’s the truth.”
Tessie seemed to be bracing herself.
“It’s okay,” Kat said in the gentlest voice she could muster. “Tell me.”
“Your father had a girlfriend.”
Kat blinked twice. Tessie had warned that this revelation would hurt. It would, Kat supposed, but right now, it was as though the words were skimming the surface, not yet penetrating the skin.
Tessie kept her eyes on Kat. “I would say it’s no big deal—hell, I’d bet more than half the married men in this town had girls—but there were a few things that made this case different.”
Kat swallowed, trying to sort her thoughts. “Like what?”
“You sure you don’t want a drink?”
“No, Aunt Tessie, I’m fine.” Kat straightened her back and fought through it. “What made my father’s case different?”
“For one thing, it seemed to be ongoing. Your father spent quite a bit of time with her. Most guys, it’s one night, one hour, a strip club, maybe a short fling with a girl at work. This wasn’t like that. This was more serious. That’s what the rumors were, anyway. That’s why he’d disappear. They traveled together, I guess, I don’t know.”
“Mom knew?”
“I don’t know, honey.” Then: “Yes, I think so.”
“Why didn’t she leave him?”
Tessie smiled. “And go where, sweetheart? Your mother was raising three children. He was the provider and the husband. We didn’t have options back then. Plus, well, your mother loved him. And he loved her.”
Kat snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”
Tessie shook her head. “See, you’re young. You think things are simple. My Ed had girlfriends too. You want to know the truth? I didn’t care. Better her than me, that’s what I thought. I had all these kids and was always pregnant—I was happy he was leaving me alone, if you want to know the truth. You don’t imagine feeling that way when you’re young, but you do.”
So that was it, Kat thought. Dad had a girlfriend. A whole bunch of emotions ricocheted through her. Per her yoga training, she saw the emotions, but for right now, because she needed to stay focused, she simply let them go.
Kat nodded.
“My older brother, Terry, graduated from Bishop Reilly with him. Cozone was a scrawny kid. Threw up in first grade at St. Mary’s. Vomited all over the nun, right in the middle of class. Stunk up the whole room. The kids started picking on him after that. Called him Stinky or Smelly or something. Real original.” She shook her head. “You know how he stopped it?”
“Stopped what?”
“Being picked on.”
“No. How?”
“Cozone beat a kid to death when he was in fifth grade. Took a hammer to school and bashed his head in. Pried open the back of the skull with the claw part.”
Kat tried not to make a face. “I didn’t see that in the files.”
“The records were sealed, or maybe they never convicted him, I don’t know. It was kept pretty hush-hush.”
Kat just shook her head.
“When Cozone was around, well, pets used to disappear from this neighborhood, if you know what I’m saying. They’d find like a paw or something in the trash. That would be it. You know he lost his whole family to violence.”
“Yes,” Kat said. “And all this, I mean, that’s why I don’t believe my dad worked for him.”
“I don’t know one way or the other,” Tessie said.
Tessie started busying herself with the garden, retying the plants to the stakes.
“What do you know, Tessie?”
She inspected a tomato, still on the vine. It was both too small and too green. She let it go.
“You were around,” Kat said. “You knew about my father’s vanishing acts.”
“I did, yes. Your mother used to pretend it was all okay. Even to Flo and me, she’d lie.”
“Do you know where he went?”
“Not specifically, no.”
“But you had some idea.”
Tessie stopped fiddling with the tomatoes and stood up straight. “I’m of two minds on this.”
“That being?”
“The obvious. It’s none of my business. It’s none of your business. And it all happened a long time ago. We should respect your mother’s wishes.”
Kat nodded. “Understandable.”
“Thank you.”
“What’s the other mind?”
Tessie sat down next to her. “When you’re young, you think you have all the answers. You’re right wing or you’re left wing and the other side is a bunch of idiots. You know. When you get a little older, though, you start to more and more see the grays. Now I understand that true idiots are the ones who are certain they have the answers. It is never that simple. Do you know what I mean?”
“I do.”
“I’m not saying there’s no such thing as right or wrong. But I’m saying what may work for some doesn’t work for others. You talked before about your mother confusing memories with illusion. But that’s okay. That’s how she survives. Some people need illusions. And some people, like you, need answers.”
Kat waited.
“You also need to weigh the hurts,” Tessie said.
“What do you mean?”
“If I tell you what I know, it is going to hurt you. A lot, probably. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Kat knew that Tessie, unlike Flo or even Mom, did not lean toward the melodramatic. It was not a warning to take lightly. “I can take it,” Kat said.
“I’m sure you can. Plus, I have to weigh that hurt against the dull ache you feel from always wondering, from never knowing. There’s a pain in that too.”
“A greater pain, I’d argue,” Kat said.
“And I don’t disagree.” Tessie let loose a long breath. “There is one more problem.”
“I’m listening.”
“My information. It is all based on rumors. A friend of Gary’s—you remember Gary?”
“Flo’s husband.”
“Right. So a friend of Gary’s told Gary and Gary told Flo and Flo told me. So for all I know, it’s a load of garbage.”
“But you don’t think it is,” Kat said.
“Right, I don’t think it is. I think it’s the truth.”
Tessie seemed to be bracing herself.
“It’s okay,” Kat said in the gentlest voice she could muster. “Tell me.”
“Your father had a girlfriend.”
Kat blinked twice. Tessie had warned that this revelation would hurt. It would, Kat supposed, but right now, it was as though the words were skimming the surface, not yet penetrating the skin.
Tessie kept her eyes on Kat. “I would say it’s no big deal—hell, I’d bet more than half the married men in this town had girls—but there were a few things that made this case different.”
Kat swallowed, trying to sort her thoughts. “Like what?”
“You sure you don’t want a drink?”
“No, Aunt Tessie, I’m fine.” Kat straightened her back and fought through it. “What made my father’s case different?”
“For one thing, it seemed to be ongoing. Your father spent quite a bit of time with her. Most guys, it’s one night, one hour, a strip club, maybe a short fling with a girl at work. This wasn’t like that. This was more serious. That’s what the rumors were, anyway. That’s why he’d disappear. They traveled together, I guess, I don’t know.”
“Mom knew?”
“I don’t know, honey.” Then: “Yes, I think so.”
“Why didn’t she leave him?”
Tessie smiled. “And go where, sweetheart? Your mother was raising three children. He was the provider and the husband. We didn’t have options back then. Plus, well, your mother loved him. And he loved her.”
Kat snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”
Tessie shook her head. “See, you’re young. You think things are simple. My Ed had girlfriends too. You want to know the truth? I didn’t care. Better her than me, that’s what I thought. I had all these kids and was always pregnant—I was happy he was leaving me alone, if you want to know the truth. You don’t imagine feeling that way when you’re young, but you do.”
So that was it, Kat thought. Dad had a girlfriend. A whole bunch of emotions ricocheted through her. Per her yoga training, she saw the emotions, but for right now, because she needed to stay focused, she simply let them go.
