More Than Forever
Page 65
Lucas: Princeton Hospital. I'm scared. Please hurry!
I drop my head between my shoulders, dial a number, hold the phone to my ear, and I wait.
He answers first ring.
"Cameron? What's up?"
"Mark." My voice breaks. "I need your help."
That's all it takes.
An hour later, Mom and Mark arrive. He pre-purchased tickets on the way and an hour after that, I was in the air. We all were.
"Do they know anything?" Mom asks.
I shake my head, trying to keep everything together. And I do—until she pulls me in her arms and whispers, "It's okay, baby. You'll be with her soon."
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
-CAMERON- Lucy doesn't talk about her mom's death often, but when she does, she tells me that the wait was the worst part. The not knowing. I always thought it was strange—but now, after sitting in the waiting room of the hospital for twelve hours—I get it. I completely get it.
The nurses at the desk said that it was family only beyond that point. I begged, I pleaded, I even tried to bribe them with Mark's money. Nothing worked. And then I got angry, beyond angry, and was asked to leave and cool off.
"I am her family!" I shouted at Mark while I paced back and forth outside the entrance.
"I know."
"We've been together longer than some married people and apparently that's not good enough!"
"I know," he said again.
After five minutes and me kicking the shit out of a trashcan, I was finally calm enough to go back in. Mom tried to be strong, but she was struggling just as much as I was.
I sit on the floor with my head between my knees and I wait. And wait. And wait.
Then I feel someone sit down next to me. I think it's Mark so I don't bother looking up. "Cameron." Tom's deep voice echoes in my ears.
My head lifts and my eyes snap to his. "Is she okay?"
His eyes are red and tired, like the time we sat on his porch and talked for hours. It seems like forever ago. "You can all come back now, but she only wants to see you."
My feet feel like lead as I follow behind him, my mom holding my hand the entire time. But all my senses are off. Like I'm under water, unable to hear, unable to breathe. I want to scream, like I do in the river behind my old house. But people can hear me now. People will know.
I place my palm flat against her door. And I try to breathe. A warm hand grasps my shoulder. I turn to Lucas, so much like his Dad. "Be strong," he says. "She needs your strength."
She cries when she sees me, but she won't look at me.
"Baby." I sit on the chair next to her bed and take her hand. "What happened?"
She looks up at the ceiling, her eyes filled with tears. She doesn't speak. She doesn't move. She doesn't grasp my hand. She just cries.
I stand up just so I can look down at her, and I run my hand across her forehead and into her hair. "Babe."
She cries harder when she hears my voice—when she sees my tears.
"I'm sorry, Cameron." Then she pulls her hand out of my hold and slowly flips to her side, away from me. I want to climb into the bed. I want to hold her. I want to know what the hell is happening. There are too many machines, too many wires. There's too much pressure on my chest from the weight of everything.
The door opens and a doctor walks in. She smiles at me, but it's sad. And I'm starting to get pissed again. There's too much sadness and nobody's told me why.
"You must be Cameron," she says. It's not a question, but I nod anyway.
Lucy tries to move, but she moans like she's in pain. "What happened?" I ask the doctor.
She looks up from the charts at the end of the bed, first to me, then to Lucy.
"I'm sorry," Lucy says again.
I kick off my shoes, make sure I'm not disturbing any equipment, and lie next to her.
"Can you turn to me?" I whisper.
I watch as she grimaces, but she slowly moves, the wires and cables connected shift with her.
Her eyes keep drifting closed, as if she's fighting a losing battle with sleep. "Tell him," she says, moving her head to my chest. I hold her there, like we've done so many times before.
"Are you sure, Lucy? You're still a little out of it. Maybe we should wait."
"He needs to know."
My heart picks up. "I need to know what?" I say to Lucy, but my words are meant for the doctor.
"I'm Dr. Scott, Cameron." I nod, because I can't speak. "Lucy asked that I speak to you about her condition. Is that okay?"
I nod again.
"Lucy was brought in this afternoon with severe vaginal hemorrhaging."
Lucy lets out a sob into my chest.
Dr. Scott continues, "We were able to stop the bleeding after we found the source." She sits on the end of the bed, as if getting comfortable.
I'm so fucking afraid to ask, but I do it anyway. "And?"
Dr. Scott's eyes move from Lucy to me. "Lucy was six weeks pregnant."
I gasp and hold Lucy closer.
"But she has the IUD..." I dip my head so my mouth is to her ear. "You're pregnant?"
She pulls back and looks up at me. Then shakes her head slowly.
"The IUD moved from its position, Cameron. It became ineffective. And Lucy was pregnant," Dr. Scott answers for her. "She had a miscarriage, Cameron. I'm sorry."
"What?"
"There's more," Lucy whispers into my chest.
I try to swallow, but the lump in my throat prevents it.
"By the time the ambulance got her here, Lucy had lost a lot of blood. We had to take her to surgery and find the cause so we could stop it. It's not normal to lose the amount of blood she did, not in a standard miscarriage, especially so early on."
"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I beg. I can't take it. The waiting. The not knowing. "Just tell me."
"Okay," she nods slowly.
Lucy cries harder.
"What's going on?" I say to no one in particular.
Dr. Scott clears her throat. "Lucy had what's called an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that is?"
I shake my head. "No."
"It's when the egg gets implanted into the fallopian tube instead of the uterus."
I try to think back to all the sex-ed classes, but nothing makes sense. "I don't understand. I'm sorry," I tell her. "Please just get to the point. Is Lucy going to be okay?"
She smiles, that sad same smile. "Lucy, herself, will be okay. What happens when the fetus attaches to the fallopian tube is that there's no room in there for it to grow. It can cause further damage to an already damaged tube. Lucy's tube ruptured, that's what caused the heavy bleeding. Normally, we'd be able to do a non intrusive keyhole surgery, but because of the amount of blood loss, we had to perform an open abdominal surgery."
Lucy weeps and I do my best to do what Lucas asked, to be her strength. But I'm not sure that I can.
Dr. Scott continues, "We had to remove the fetus, and one of her fallopian tubes. They also found scar tissue due to endometriosis on her other one... it's not in good shape either."
I drop my head between my shoulders, dial a number, hold the phone to my ear, and I wait.
He answers first ring.
"Cameron? What's up?"
"Mark." My voice breaks. "I need your help."
That's all it takes.
An hour later, Mom and Mark arrive. He pre-purchased tickets on the way and an hour after that, I was in the air. We all were.
"Do they know anything?" Mom asks.
I shake my head, trying to keep everything together. And I do—until she pulls me in her arms and whispers, "It's okay, baby. You'll be with her soon."
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
-CAMERON- Lucy doesn't talk about her mom's death often, but when she does, she tells me that the wait was the worst part. The not knowing. I always thought it was strange—but now, after sitting in the waiting room of the hospital for twelve hours—I get it. I completely get it.
The nurses at the desk said that it was family only beyond that point. I begged, I pleaded, I even tried to bribe them with Mark's money. Nothing worked. And then I got angry, beyond angry, and was asked to leave and cool off.
"I am her family!" I shouted at Mark while I paced back and forth outside the entrance.
"I know."
"We've been together longer than some married people and apparently that's not good enough!"
"I know," he said again.
After five minutes and me kicking the shit out of a trashcan, I was finally calm enough to go back in. Mom tried to be strong, but she was struggling just as much as I was.
I sit on the floor with my head between my knees and I wait. And wait. And wait.
Then I feel someone sit down next to me. I think it's Mark so I don't bother looking up. "Cameron." Tom's deep voice echoes in my ears.
My head lifts and my eyes snap to his. "Is she okay?"
His eyes are red and tired, like the time we sat on his porch and talked for hours. It seems like forever ago. "You can all come back now, but she only wants to see you."
My feet feel like lead as I follow behind him, my mom holding my hand the entire time. But all my senses are off. Like I'm under water, unable to hear, unable to breathe. I want to scream, like I do in the river behind my old house. But people can hear me now. People will know.
I place my palm flat against her door. And I try to breathe. A warm hand grasps my shoulder. I turn to Lucas, so much like his Dad. "Be strong," he says. "She needs your strength."
She cries when she sees me, but she won't look at me.
"Baby." I sit on the chair next to her bed and take her hand. "What happened?"
She looks up at the ceiling, her eyes filled with tears. She doesn't speak. She doesn't move. She doesn't grasp my hand. She just cries.
I stand up just so I can look down at her, and I run my hand across her forehead and into her hair. "Babe."
She cries harder when she hears my voice—when she sees my tears.
"I'm sorry, Cameron." Then she pulls her hand out of my hold and slowly flips to her side, away from me. I want to climb into the bed. I want to hold her. I want to know what the hell is happening. There are too many machines, too many wires. There's too much pressure on my chest from the weight of everything.
The door opens and a doctor walks in. She smiles at me, but it's sad. And I'm starting to get pissed again. There's too much sadness and nobody's told me why.
"You must be Cameron," she says. It's not a question, but I nod anyway.
Lucy tries to move, but she moans like she's in pain. "What happened?" I ask the doctor.
She looks up from the charts at the end of the bed, first to me, then to Lucy.
"I'm sorry," Lucy says again.
I kick off my shoes, make sure I'm not disturbing any equipment, and lie next to her.
"Can you turn to me?" I whisper.
I watch as she grimaces, but she slowly moves, the wires and cables connected shift with her.
Her eyes keep drifting closed, as if she's fighting a losing battle with sleep. "Tell him," she says, moving her head to my chest. I hold her there, like we've done so many times before.
"Are you sure, Lucy? You're still a little out of it. Maybe we should wait."
"He needs to know."
My heart picks up. "I need to know what?" I say to Lucy, but my words are meant for the doctor.
"I'm Dr. Scott, Cameron." I nod, because I can't speak. "Lucy asked that I speak to you about her condition. Is that okay?"
I nod again.
"Lucy was brought in this afternoon with severe vaginal hemorrhaging."
Lucy lets out a sob into my chest.
Dr. Scott continues, "We were able to stop the bleeding after we found the source." She sits on the end of the bed, as if getting comfortable.
I'm so fucking afraid to ask, but I do it anyway. "And?"
Dr. Scott's eyes move from Lucy to me. "Lucy was six weeks pregnant."
I gasp and hold Lucy closer.
"But she has the IUD..." I dip my head so my mouth is to her ear. "You're pregnant?"
She pulls back and looks up at me. Then shakes her head slowly.
"The IUD moved from its position, Cameron. It became ineffective. And Lucy was pregnant," Dr. Scott answers for her. "She had a miscarriage, Cameron. I'm sorry."
"What?"
"There's more," Lucy whispers into my chest.
I try to swallow, but the lump in my throat prevents it.
"By the time the ambulance got her here, Lucy had lost a lot of blood. We had to take her to surgery and find the cause so we could stop it. It's not normal to lose the amount of blood she did, not in a standard miscarriage, especially so early on."
"Can you please just tell me what happened?" I beg. I can't take it. The waiting. The not knowing. "Just tell me."
"Okay," she nods slowly.
Lucy cries harder.
"What's going on?" I say to no one in particular.
Dr. Scott clears her throat. "Lucy had what's called an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that is?"
I shake my head. "No."
"It's when the egg gets implanted into the fallopian tube instead of the uterus."
I try to think back to all the sex-ed classes, but nothing makes sense. "I don't understand. I'm sorry," I tell her. "Please just get to the point. Is Lucy going to be okay?"
She smiles, that sad same smile. "Lucy, herself, will be okay. What happens when the fetus attaches to the fallopian tube is that there's no room in there for it to grow. It can cause further damage to an already damaged tube. Lucy's tube ruptured, that's what caused the heavy bleeding. Normally, we'd be able to do a non intrusive keyhole surgery, but because of the amount of blood loss, we had to perform an open abdominal surgery."
Lucy weeps and I do my best to do what Lucas asked, to be her strength. But I'm not sure that I can.
Dr. Scott continues, "We had to remove the fetus, and one of her fallopian tubes. They also found scar tissue due to endometriosis on her other one... it's not in good shape either."
