More Than Forever
Page 83
"Why? Doubts? Second thoughts?"
I shake my head. "Not for a second."
"Then what is it?"
"You know that feeling you get? That sense of calm, right before something bad happens? I feel like that. I feel calm. Almost too calm, and that's what's making me nervous."
He rubs my shoulders. "Maybe you're calm because you're just that sure."
"Maybe."
"Or maybe you need a shot of whiskey to get you through the calm."
***
We didn't want a big wedding. Just something with our closest friends near the dock by her lake. She wanted it in the afternoon so we could say our vows and then party as the sun sets. I told her it was perfect, because it was. It was everything I didn't know I wanted.
"You're making us all look bad," I whisper loudly to Dylan as I stand at the altar that I designed and Tom built. Everyone else is wearing matching tuxedos, but Dylan's wearing his Marine dress blues. He said he didn't have much of a choice considering he had a day to prep.
"Hey, you think I can borrow it later?" Little Logan asks him. "I think the girls would love it, you know?"
Dylan ignores him.
I look down the line to where my groomsmen stand next to me. All of Lucy's brothers, Dylan, Jake, Logan, and by my side, my dad. "You good?" Mark asks.
I nod.
"Still calm?"
I nod again, wiping my hands down my pants.
He smiles, but stays quiet.
Turning around, I eye the bridesmaids one by one. Claudia, Micky, Amanda, and Heidi.
Amanda lets out a sob as she wipes her cheeks. The girls console her, but she tells them she's fine. She's just so happy for us.
"Keep it together, Marquez," Logan whisper yells. He shakes his head, but he's smiling. "I can't take you anywhere."
She sobs again. "Shut up, asshole. I love you."
That gets laughs, even from the pastor standing between us—the same one that helped us with our Hope.
The guests gasp and I know it means they can see Lucy.
I stand there, and I wait.
Wait for my forever.
"Breathe," Marks says. I turn to him now, my eyes stinging with tears. And there's that same feeling I had from when I was in the hospital waiting to see her. All my senses are off. As if I'm under water, unable to hear, unable to breathe. The pounding in my chest gets faster, harder.
The music starts.
Mom lets out a cry.
And then I see her.
I see everything—clearer than I've ever seen before. It's the opposite of the calm I always thought. It's the calm after the storm. Like after the rain suddenly stops, and the sun shines through. It's perfect.
She's perfect.
She walks toward me, her hand on the crook of her father's elbow. She smiles, and I know that it's just for me.
I sniff once, pushing back the tears.
The music plays on, and it finally hits me—why Mom cried when she heard it. It's not the song we all expected. It's my mom's favorite song, the one from Aladdin. The one right after the boy asks the girl if she trusts him, and she says yes. And off they went, on an epic adventure. On a magic carpet ride, where he promises to show her the world, shining, shimmering, splendid...
***
Our vows don't take long. We wanted it that way. We didn't want to have to wait to become man and wife. We worked on something together, something small and personal for the pastor to read right before we say I do.
'There is a love so fierce it cannot be measured.
A heart so strong it will never slow.
There is a promise so sure it can never lie.
And we promise that love forever.
Forever and always.'
We write our own notes, neither reading each other's, and we release them in paper lanterns. We hold hands and watch the sun set as they rise to the sky. In those notes we write a message for her mother, so she knows she wasn't forgotten.
I didn't say much in mine, only that I'm sad I never got to know her and that I'm thankful to her for making Lucy the strong, witty, and beautiful girl that she is. I promise to take care of her, and to love her, through good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part—just like her and her husband.
We cut the cake, and all sit down.
We opted for no speeches; Luce said she always thought it was strange that people talk about the love of others. She said that no one could ever say anything true enough, especially when it was so personal. And the day itself—the vow of marriage—should say it all.
So when Lucas stands up on the makeshift stage and taps the mic twice to get attention, we start to worry.
"I know that the lovely couple didn't want speeches, but I have something I want to say, and I'll fight anyone that tries to stop me."
"Oh no," Lucy says, the same time I laugh.
We glance at each other quickly before turning back to him.
He continues, "A lot of you know about my mom... about her passing and leaving behind seven children. You know about the life she lived and the person she was, so I'm not going to harp on about that. The only thing I will say is that when she left, someone in my life replaced her presence. Not just my life, but my brothers, and definitely Lucy Goosey's. Now, I'm not saying that Cameron's a girl, or that he’s feminine in any way, regardless of the stories you may have heard." He pauses to let the guests’ laughter fill his ears. "I remember when I was twelve, before I grew into this manly, flawless body—" More laughs. "I was out in the yard, where Cameron had helped us boys make a baseball diamond... we were playing, and Lucy was out there reading, holding Lachlan in her arms... and I kept seeing him look over at her. It wasn't like he was staring or being creepy in any way; he was just watching her. Anyway, months passed and those two finally got their sh—stuff together and started dating. One day I wanted to go for a swim out on the lake, but I stopped when I saw them sitting on the dock. They were opposite each other, legs crossed, schoolbooks in front of them. And then I saw it, him—glancing up and looking at her. He didn't do it for long, maybe he thought she would catch him and think he was a creeper or something. But as soon as his head was down, I'd see her do the same thing. And I sat there watching them, for over an hour... he'd look up, watch her for a bit, then look back down at his books. Then she'd do it... then he'd do it... and I just wanted to yell at them, 'Just look at each other already!' Months later, I'd still see him doing it. Whenever she wasn't looking, he'd watch her. So one day, I got the balls to actually ask him why. He laughed at first and said that I wouldn't understand. Honestly, I got a little pissed, because the thing is—Cameron always treated me like a friend, like his equal. Even though I was three years younger, he never spoke down to me. He never treated me like a kid. Which in a way was odd now that I look back on it—because even though he thought of me as an equal, I kind of always thought of him as a hero." Lucy sniffs and holds my hand tighter. I clear the lump in my throat. So does Lucas. "Anyway, I asked him why he did it..."
He looks right at me and laughs once. "You said that you were reading her. You said that you liked to know what it was that made her smile, or made her laugh, or got under her skin. I asked you why you didn't just ask her—that it would be so much easier. Do you remember what you said?"
I shake my head. "Not for a second."
"Then what is it?"
"You know that feeling you get? That sense of calm, right before something bad happens? I feel like that. I feel calm. Almost too calm, and that's what's making me nervous."
He rubs my shoulders. "Maybe you're calm because you're just that sure."
"Maybe."
"Or maybe you need a shot of whiskey to get you through the calm."
***
We didn't want a big wedding. Just something with our closest friends near the dock by her lake. She wanted it in the afternoon so we could say our vows and then party as the sun sets. I told her it was perfect, because it was. It was everything I didn't know I wanted.
"You're making us all look bad," I whisper loudly to Dylan as I stand at the altar that I designed and Tom built. Everyone else is wearing matching tuxedos, but Dylan's wearing his Marine dress blues. He said he didn't have much of a choice considering he had a day to prep.
"Hey, you think I can borrow it later?" Little Logan asks him. "I think the girls would love it, you know?"
Dylan ignores him.
I look down the line to where my groomsmen stand next to me. All of Lucy's brothers, Dylan, Jake, Logan, and by my side, my dad. "You good?" Mark asks.
I nod.
"Still calm?"
I nod again, wiping my hands down my pants.
He smiles, but stays quiet.
Turning around, I eye the bridesmaids one by one. Claudia, Micky, Amanda, and Heidi.
Amanda lets out a sob as she wipes her cheeks. The girls console her, but she tells them she's fine. She's just so happy for us.
"Keep it together, Marquez," Logan whisper yells. He shakes his head, but he's smiling. "I can't take you anywhere."
She sobs again. "Shut up, asshole. I love you."
That gets laughs, even from the pastor standing between us—the same one that helped us with our Hope.
The guests gasp and I know it means they can see Lucy.
I stand there, and I wait.
Wait for my forever.
"Breathe," Marks says. I turn to him now, my eyes stinging with tears. And there's that same feeling I had from when I was in the hospital waiting to see her. All my senses are off. As if I'm under water, unable to hear, unable to breathe. The pounding in my chest gets faster, harder.
The music starts.
Mom lets out a cry.
And then I see her.
I see everything—clearer than I've ever seen before. It's the opposite of the calm I always thought. It's the calm after the storm. Like after the rain suddenly stops, and the sun shines through. It's perfect.
She's perfect.
She walks toward me, her hand on the crook of her father's elbow. She smiles, and I know that it's just for me.
I sniff once, pushing back the tears.
The music plays on, and it finally hits me—why Mom cried when she heard it. It's not the song we all expected. It's my mom's favorite song, the one from Aladdin. The one right after the boy asks the girl if she trusts him, and she says yes. And off they went, on an epic adventure. On a magic carpet ride, where he promises to show her the world, shining, shimmering, splendid...
***
Our vows don't take long. We wanted it that way. We didn't want to have to wait to become man and wife. We worked on something together, something small and personal for the pastor to read right before we say I do.
'There is a love so fierce it cannot be measured.
A heart so strong it will never slow.
There is a promise so sure it can never lie.
And we promise that love forever.
Forever and always.'
We write our own notes, neither reading each other's, and we release them in paper lanterns. We hold hands and watch the sun set as they rise to the sky. In those notes we write a message for her mother, so she knows she wasn't forgotten.
I didn't say much in mine, only that I'm sad I never got to know her and that I'm thankful to her for making Lucy the strong, witty, and beautiful girl that she is. I promise to take care of her, and to love her, through good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part—just like her and her husband.
We cut the cake, and all sit down.
We opted for no speeches; Luce said she always thought it was strange that people talk about the love of others. She said that no one could ever say anything true enough, especially when it was so personal. And the day itself—the vow of marriage—should say it all.
So when Lucas stands up on the makeshift stage and taps the mic twice to get attention, we start to worry.
"I know that the lovely couple didn't want speeches, but I have something I want to say, and I'll fight anyone that tries to stop me."
"Oh no," Lucy says, the same time I laugh.
We glance at each other quickly before turning back to him.
He continues, "A lot of you know about my mom... about her passing and leaving behind seven children. You know about the life she lived and the person she was, so I'm not going to harp on about that. The only thing I will say is that when she left, someone in my life replaced her presence. Not just my life, but my brothers, and definitely Lucy Goosey's. Now, I'm not saying that Cameron's a girl, or that he’s feminine in any way, regardless of the stories you may have heard." He pauses to let the guests’ laughter fill his ears. "I remember when I was twelve, before I grew into this manly, flawless body—" More laughs. "I was out in the yard, where Cameron had helped us boys make a baseball diamond... we were playing, and Lucy was out there reading, holding Lachlan in her arms... and I kept seeing him look over at her. It wasn't like he was staring or being creepy in any way; he was just watching her. Anyway, months passed and those two finally got their sh—stuff together and started dating. One day I wanted to go for a swim out on the lake, but I stopped when I saw them sitting on the dock. They were opposite each other, legs crossed, schoolbooks in front of them. And then I saw it, him—glancing up and looking at her. He didn't do it for long, maybe he thought she would catch him and think he was a creeper or something. But as soon as his head was down, I'd see her do the same thing. And I sat there watching them, for over an hour... he'd look up, watch her for a bit, then look back down at his books. Then she'd do it... then he'd do it... and I just wanted to yell at them, 'Just look at each other already!' Months later, I'd still see him doing it. Whenever she wasn't looking, he'd watch her. So one day, I got the balls to actually ask him why. He laughed at first and said that I wouldn't understand. Honestly, I got a little pissed, because the thing is—Cameron always treated me like a friend, like his equal. Even though I was three years younger, he never spoke down to me. He never treated me like a kid. Which in a way was odd now that I look back on it—because even though he thought of me as an equal, I kind of always thought of him as a hero." Lucy sniffs and holds my hand tighter. I clear the lump in my throat. So does Lucas. "Anyway, I asked him why he did it..."
He looks right at me and laughs once. "You said that you were reading her. You said that you liked to know what it was that made her smile, or made her laugh, or got under her skin. I asked you why you didn't just ask her—that it would be so much easier. Do you remember what you said?"
