More Than Her
Page 42
My head was still pounding, so it took me a while to catch up to what she was asking.
"He fucking told you?" she repeated, louder this time.
I sat up and rubbed my face with my hands.
"Dim," Ethan soothed. He stood up and walked over to her. "What's going on?"
She kept ignoring him. "Answer me!" she yelled.
I stood up and faced her, and nodded—just once.
"He had no fucking right!"
"Dimmy." Ethan put his hand on her arm, trying again to calm her down.
"No!" She jerked away, and then faced him. "No," she said again, her body overtaken by a sob. "He had no right, E. He shouldn't have fucking said a word—not to anyone!" Then she turned to me, "So that's why? You didn't want to be with me because you didn't want anyone to find out? Are you embarrassed?"
"What?" I shook my head. Where the fuck did she get that idea. "That's not-"
She cut in, "You fucked some other girl because you were ashamed of me?"
"What the fuck?" Ethan said, glaring at me.
I didn't know what the fuck to say. So I did the worst thing I could possible do right now—I stayed silent.
"You're a fucking asshole!" she shouted, her voice cracking. Then she turned in her spot and walked away.
Her door slammed shut a moment later.
Then it was just Ethan and I. I saw his fists clench at his sides. The muscles in his jaw tightened.
I still didn't know what the fuck to say.
He cleared his throat.
I looked up at him.
"I told you when you moved in she was off limits. I told you she wasn't ready. I told you to be careful. And you didn't listen to me then. So I'm telling you now, leave her the fuck alone."
Amanda
It's not like I was harvesting some major secret. It was my choice not to tell Logan, because honestly, I was at the point where I was over it. It happened—I moved on.
When he drove me home after our date, I didn't speak, because my mind was consumed with what I was going to do about Ty.
Ty—my boyfriend—who was miles away. 506 miles, to be exact.
When he left for college, the beginning of my junior year, I was torn. He wanted to stay together, and do the long distance thing. I felt like I'd be holding him back if he did. So I made that stupid rule. At the time, I thought it was best for both of us. If he was there, and found someone else, then he could leave, and I would be fine with it. The first time he called and told me he'd kissed a girl, he was so upset. He'd felt so guilty for what he did, and later on he said that he did it just to see if I'd care. Of course I cared, but what could I do? It was my stupid rule.
The second and third time, he did it, he was drunk, which in normal circumstances is no excuse, but I'm not naive. I know what it would have been like for him in college, surrounded by beautiful girls, all interested in the same thing. Add to that the pressure from his friends that didn't understand why he'd tie himself up with some high school girl back in his hometown—and I got it. I really did. He felt horrible about it and called me as soon as he could to confess.
So it happened the first few months he was gone, and never again. But, with the distance and his busy schedule, we barely got time to speak, let alone see each other. Whenever he was back home, we were inseparable. It was perfect. Ty was perfect.
I never even thought about other guys while Ty was gone. Not really. Everyone in school knew that I was his girl and he was kind of a legend, so no one tried anything. Which was a good thing, I guess.
I worked and studied my ass off and got accepted to NYU. Making that phone call to Ty was one of the happiest moments of my life. He didn't even know that I was trying to get in. I didn't want to get his hopes up if I didn't get accepted, so you can imagine his reaction. He wanted to go out and look for an apartment right away. I told him to hold off until I flew there to visit after graduation. I thought it would be a good idea to look together, so we could find something that suited both of us. He agreed. I don't think he really cared. He was just happy that we were going to be together again. And so was I.
Then shit hit the fan. Mom caught Dad with another woman in her own bed. In their own house. He was screwing someone half his age, with pictures of his kids hanging from the walls in their room. And the worst part? He wasn't sorry. Not even a little. Because while Mom was standing there yelling at him—shattered and heartbroken—he went to the closet, pulled out his suitcase and started packing while his mistress stood in their bedroom and quietly watched it all go down, half naked, with Mom's husbands shirt on. And you know how I know all this? Because she told me. She'd repeat the story over and over on the nights she'd get drunk and ramble incoherently—which was every single night for months after he walked out.
It gets worse.
The day after he was caught, he cleared out all the bank accounts, including my and Ethan's college funds.
He never said goodbye to us.
Devastated doesn't even come close to how we felt.
Mom had to call my grandma for a loan, but there was only enough money for one of us to go to college. Grandma, being old school, was adamant that Ethan be the one to go, considering he would one day have a wife and kids to take care of. So really, I was out of options. Which really didn't make things any easier when I had to make that phone call to Ty.
At first he was pissed off for me. And then he was just pissed.
We'd both been so excited to start our lives together, and just like that, it was all over.
***
I don't know exactly what happened, but after that news, it felt like something in him switched. Almost like he'd given up on us. He became so tied up with school, and work, and had even taken up an internship over the summer. He barely had time to answer my calls. Occasionally, when he did call, it was in the middle of the night and he'd just be getting home. The night before graduation, when he hadn't called all day, I decided to try at two in the morning. Only it wasn't him that answered. I don't know who it was, honestly. Just some girl, in a loud room full of people, who was more than happy to let me know that she had no idea Ty had a girlfriend.
He didn't call me for three days after that.
When he did call, he was completely closed off. He complained that he was exhausted and rushed to get off the phone.
And to me, it felt like the beginning of the end.
That was the last I'd heard from him by the time Logan Matthews walked into the diner. I'd been ignoring his calls, and his texts hoping that he would just go away. Because for the first time since I'd started dating Ty, I was physically attracted to someone else. But that's all it was. Just physical.
Even if you asked me now, I couldn't tell you why I agreed to the date. I even gave us a one-week cooling off period. It didn't help. He called or texted every day. And when my own boyfriend didn't call me once during that week, the attention from Logan made me feel something. It made me feel wanted. And after the shit that my dad pulled, it was exactly what I needed to feel.
"He fucking told you?" she repeated, louder this time.
I sat up and rubbed my face with my hands.
"Dim," Ethan soothed. He stood up and walked over to her. "What's going on?"
She kept ignoring him. "Answer me!" she yelled.
I stood up and faced her, and nodded—just once.
"He had no fucking right!"
"Dimmy." Ethan put his hand on her arm, trying again to calm her down.
"No!" She jerked away, and then faced him. "No," she said again, her body overtaken by a sob. "He had no right, E. He shouldn't have fucking said a word—not to anyone!" Then she turned to me, "So that's why? You didn't want to be with me because you didn't want anyone to find out? Are you embarrassed?"
"What?" I shook my head. Where the fuck did she get that idea. "That's not-"
She cut in, "You fucked some other girl because you were ashamed of me?"
"What the fuck?" Ethan said, glaring at me.
I didn't know what the fuck to say. So I did the worst thing I could possible do right now—I stayed silent.
"You're a fucking asshole!" she shouted, her voice cracking. Then she turned in her spot and walked away.
Her door slammed shut a moment later.
Then it was just Ethan and I. I saw his fists clench at his sides. The muscles in his jaw tightened.
I still didn't know what the fuck to say.
He cleared his throat.
I looked up at him.
"I told you when you moved in she was off limits. I told you she wasn't ready. I told you to be careful. And you didn't listen to me then. So I'm telling you now, leave her the fuck alone."
Amanda
It's not like I was harvesting some major secret. It was my choice not to tell Logan, because honestly, I was at the point where I was over it. It happened—I moved on.
When he drove me home after our date, I didn't speak, because my mind was consumed with what I was going to do about Ty.
Ty—my boyfriend—who was miles away. 506 miles, to be exact.
When he left for college, the beginning of my junior year, I was torn. He wanted to stay together, and do the long distance thing. I felt like I'd be holding him back if he did. So I made that stupid rule. At the time, I thought it was best for both of us. If he was there, and found someone else, then he could leave, and I would be fine with it. The first time he called and told me he'd kissed a girl, he was so upset. He'd felt so guilty for what he did, and later on he said that he did it just to see if I'd care. Of course I cared, but what could I do? It was my stupid rule.
The second and third time, he did it, he was drunk, which in normal circumstances is no excuse, but I'm not naive. I know what it would have been like for him in college, surrounded by beautiful girls, all interested in the same thing. Add to that the pressure from his friends that didn't understand why he'd tie himself up with some high school girl back in his hometown—and I got it. I really did. He felt horrible about it and called me as soon as he could to confess.
So it happened the first few months he was gone, and never again. But, with the distance and his busy schedule, we barely got time to speak, let alone see each other. Whenever he was back home, we were inseparable. It was perfect. Ty was perfect.
I never even thought about other guys while Ty was gone. Not really. Everyone in school knew that I was his girl and he was kind of a legend, so no one tried anything. Which was a good thing, I guess.
I worked and studied my ass off and got accepted to NYU. Making that phone call to Ty was one of the happiest moments of my life. He didn't even know that I was trying to get in. I didn't want to get his hopes up if I didn't get accepted, so you can imagine his reaction. He wanted to go out and look for an apartment right away. I told him to hold off until I flew there to visit after graduation. I thought it would be a good idea to look together, so we could find something that suited both of us. He agreed. I don't think he really cared. He was just happy that we were going to be together again. And so was I.
Then shit hit the fan. Mom caught Dad with another woman in her own bed. In their own house. He was screwing someone half his age, with pictures of his kids hanging from the walls in their room. And the worst part? He wasn't sorry. Not even a little. Because while Mom was standing there yelling at him—shattered and heartbroken—he went to the closet, pulled out his suitcase and started packing while his mistress stood in their bedroom and quietly watched it all go down, half naked, with Mom's husbands shirt on. And you know how I know all this? Because she told me. She'd repeat the story over and over on the nights she'd get drunk and ramble incoherently—which was every single night for months after he walked out.
It gets worse.
The day after he was caught, he cleared out all the bank accounts, including my and Ethan's college funds.
He never said goodbye to us.
Devastated doesn't even come close to how we felt.
Mom had to call my grandma for a loan, but there was only enough money for one of us to go to college. Grandma, being old school, was adamant that Ethan be the one to go, considering he would one day have a wife and kids to take care of. So really, I was out of options. Which really didn't make things any easier when I had to make that phone call to Ty.
At first he was pissed off for me. And then he was just pissed.
We'd both been so excited to start our lives together, and just like that, it was all over.
***
I don't know exactly what happened, but after that news, it felt like something in him switched. Almost like he'd given up on us. He became so tied up with school, and work, and had even taken up an internship over the summer. He barely had time to answer my calls. Occasionally, when he did call, it was in the middle of the night and he'd just be getting home. The night before graduation, when he hadn't called all day, I decided to try at two in the morning. Only it wasn't him that answered. I don't know who it was, honestly. Just some girl, in a loud room full of people, who was more than happy to let me know that she had no idea Ty had a girlfriend.
He didn't call me for three days after that.
When he did call, he was completely closed off. He complained that he was exhausted and rushed to get off the phone.
And to me, it felt like the beginning of the end.
That was the last I'd heard from him by the time Logan Matthews walked into the diner. I'd been ignoring his calls, and his texts hoping that he would just go away. Because for the first time since I'd started dating Ty, I was physically attracted to someone else. But that's all it was. Just physical.
Even if you asked me now, I couldn't tell you why I agreed to the date. I even gave us a one-week cooling off period. It didn't help. He called or texted every day. And when my own boyfriend didn't call me once during that week, the attention from Logan made me feel something. It made me feel wanted. And after the shit that my dad pulled, it was exactly what I needed to feel.
