More Than Him
Page 56
She leaned closer and placed her lips over my heart. "No."
"Amanda," I choked out. Clearing my throat, I moved her hair away from her eyes and lifted her chin to face me. "I'm so sorry. For all of it. For not thinking about you, and the way you'd react to what happened. I'm sorry I made you feel the way you did. The last thing I ever, ever want to do is make you feel—"
"Sshh," she cut in. "I'm sorry, too. I think I overreacted—"
"No you didn't. Not at all. You had every right to be upset with me. You were right, and I just didn't think. That's all. I didn't think. I'm stupid—"
"Stop. Don't call yourself that." She paused, waiting for her words to come together. "Maybe it's just another burst in our bubble, you know? Maybe something like this just needed to happen. But I don't like it, Logan. I hate being upset, and I hate that we hurt each other. I don't want us to do that. We can't be destructive, and you're right, after everything we've been through, it is petty. I let it form into something bigger than it should've been—"
"No you didn't. It is a big deal. I should have spoken up for you. I won't ever see her again."
"Quit it." She kissed me once, slowly, letting her lips linger on mine. "That's not what I want."
"What do you want then?" I kissed her back, just as softly. I let my tongue slide along her lips, asking for entrance. She opened her mouth slightly, darting her tongue out to brush against mine.
"I just want you."
"You already have me."
"And I want sleep." She struggled to keep her eyes open. "And I want to wake up and be in your arms, and forget this shitty night ever existed."
"That sounds perfect."
33
Logan
"Amanda." I shook her shoulders. "Babe, wake up."
She nudged my hands off of her. "No," she whined.
"You gotta get up."
She slowly turned over, her hair smeared all over the place. I chuckled as I moved it out of her face. She opened one eye slowly. Then a slow smile formed. "How are you this hot in the morning?" She reached up and pulled my head down to her neck, tilting it for better access.
I ran my tongue up her neck to her jaw. "I could ask you the same thing."
"Mm," she moaned. "Morning sexy times." She curled her fingers into my hair and pushed my head down her body, lifting her shirt at the same time.
"Holy shit." I covered her nipple with my mouth, feeling my dick get harder and harder. "Babe, we gotta be quick, and you gotta be quiet."
"I can do that," she said, still half asleep. She pulled on my hair to shift my mouth to her other breast. "I'm already wet."
"Shit." I started kissing her lower, licking down her stomach. She writhed beneath me, spreading her legs wider. I moved her panties to the side so I could feel her. I could already smell how turned on she was before I felt it. I looked up at her, chewing her lip, her eyes still closed. I questioned for a second if she was actually aware of what was happening. "Babe?"
"Shut up, Logan. Just get inside me."
She didn't have to tell me twice.
"Oh my God . . ." She breathed out, her fingernails finally relaxing against my skin. "Why were you covering my mouth telling me to shut up?"
Why did I?
Waiting for the post-come buzz to fade, I kissed along her collarbone while one of her hands combed through my hair. And then it hit me. I pulled back suddenly, startling her. And then I laughed. I couldn't help it. "You gotta clean up and get in the shower. Heidi's here to see you."
Amanda
"Hey," she greeted me. She looked about as good as I had at five this morning, when I'd finally decided my pride didn't matter as much as my relationship with Logan did. Hence why I’d showed up here fifteen minutes later.
"Hi." I raised my hand in a small wave.
"Um. I went to your house, but your brother told me you were here. I was hoping to talk to you, if that's okay with you—and Logan—of course."
He walked out of the bedroom with his hair still wet from the shower and his laptop in his hand. "I'll be up on the rooftop, just call me when you're done." Then he kissed my cheek quickly, over and over again.
"Stop." I giggled out, pushing him away. "Go!"
He laughed. "Lock the door behind me." And then he was gone. I did what he said, then turned to Heidi.
Awkward.
"So." I shifted on my feet. "What's up?"
"Can we sit?"
I led her to the sofa and took a seat.
She smiled, but it was well practiced and clearly fake. Then she sighed, letting her shoulders drop and her features even out. "Obviously I'm here to apologize." She paused, waiting for my reaction. If she expected me to tell her that it was fine, and that she didn't need to, she was wrong. "I was horrible to you—not just last night—but that first night at Lucy's bonfire . . ." She trailed off, away in her own thoughts. "Look, I know that you may not understand—" She cut herself off and blew out a breath. "Can I just be honest with you?"
I nodded.
And waited.
"I'm just bitter. And jealous. And drunk. A lot."
My eyebrows bunched together. "You're jealous? Of me? Why? Because I have Logan?"
"No," she said quickly. "Well, I mean yes, and no. I don't know how to explain it."
"Just try."
"Okay." She nodded once, sucked in a breath, and let her words out all at once. "I was pregnant."
I gasped.
She nodded in confirmation, her eyes instantly welling with tears. "When Dylan told me that he'd enlisted. I was seven weeks pregnant. I didn't know. He came over to the house and I wanted to tell him, but he said he had some news, so I let him go first. He told me he was leaving. He'd enlisted, and he didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other. Not when his future was unclear."
"Heidi," I consoled. "Did you tell him?"
She laughed sadly. "What was I supposed to do?" Her voice was strained as she wiped her eyes. "It's not like he was going and wanted us to work out. He told me he wanted to leave me. I mean— yeah—I could've told him. He could've stayed—but it wouldn't have been for me, it would have been for our baby." She cried now, her body folding over itself. "Our baby," she repeated.
I sniffed, trying to hold it together. "So you . . ."
"I had to, Amanda. I had no choice. I couldn't do it alone—and it wouldn't have been fair to ask him to stay."
I rubbed my own eyes. It made sense now—why she was the way she was, and how she chose to cope with it. "I'm so sorry, Heidi. I had no idea."
She shook her head, frantically wiping at her cheeks. "No one knows. You can't tell anyone."
"I won't. Swear it."
She inhaled deeply, and let it out in a whoosh. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, but that's why . . . I just wanted someone to blame. And you—you were there. I mean, he told you when he was thinking about joining . . . he never even mentioned it to me. I get that we had issues, but nothing worth breaking up over. But he told you. And I don't know. It just felt like you could've been the one to talk him out of it. I know it's stupid, and there's no way you could have known . . ."
"Amanda," I choked out. Clearing my throat, I moved her hair away from her eyes and lifted her chin to face me. "I'm so sorry. For all of it. For not thinking about you, and the way you'd react to what happened. I'm sorry I made you feel the way you did. The last thing I ever, ever want to do is make you feel—"
"Sshh," she cut in. "I'm sorry, too. I think I overreacted—"
"No you didn't. Not at all. You had every right to be upset with me. You were right, and I just didn't think. That's all. I didn't think. I'm stupid—"
"Stop. Don't call yourself that." She paused, waiting for her words to come together. "Maybe it's just another burst in our bubble, you know? Maybe something like this just needed to happen. But I don't like it, Logan. I hate being upset, and I hate that we hurt each other. I don't want us to do that. We can't be destructive, and you're right, after everything we've been through, it is petty. I let it form into something bigger than it should've been—"
"No you didn't. It is a big deal. I should have spoken up for you. I won't ever see her again."
"Quit it." She kissed me once, slowly, letting her lips linger on mine. "That's not what I want."
"What do you want then?" I kissed her back, just as softly. I let my tongue slide along her lips, asking for entrance. She opened her mouth slightly, darting her tongue out to brush against mine.
"I just want you."
"You already have me."
"And I want sleep." She struggled to keep her eyes open. "And I want to wake up and be in your arms, and forget this shitty night ever existed."
"That sounds perfect."
33
Logan
"Amanda." I shook her shoulders. "Babe, wake up."
She nudged my hands off of her. "No," she whined.
"You gotta get up."
She slowly turned over, her hair smeared all over the place. I chuckled as I moved it out of her face. She opened one eye slowly. Then a slow smile formed. "How are you this hot in the morning?" She reached up and pulled my head down to her neck, tilting it for better access.
I ran my tongue up her neck to her jaw. "I could ask you the same thing."
"Mm," she moaned. "Morning sexy times." She curled her fingers into my hair and pushed my head down her body, lifting her shirt at the same time.
"Holy shit." I covered her nipple with my mouth, feeling my dick get harder and harder. "Babe, we gotta be quick, and you gotta be quiet."
"I can do that," she said, still half asleep. She pulled on my hair to shift my mouth to her other breast. "I'm already wet."
"Shit." I started kissing her lower, licking down her stomach. She writhed beneath me, spreading her legs wider. I moved her panties to the side so I could feel her. I could already smell how turned on she was before I felt it. I looked up at her, chewing her lip, her eyes still closed. I questioned for a second if she was actually aware of what was happening. "Babe?"
"Shut up, Logan. Just get inside me."
She didn't have to tell me twice.
"Oh my God . . ." She breathed out, her fingernails finally relaxing against my skin. "Why were you covering my mouth telling me to shut up?"
Why did I?
Waiting for the post-come buzz to fade, I kissed along her collarbone while one of her hands combed through my hair. And then it hit me. I pulled back suddenly, startling her. And then I laughed. I couldn't help it. "You gotta clean up and get in the shower. Heidi's here to see you."
Amanda
"Hey," she greeted me. She looked about as good as I had at five this morning, when I'd finally decided my pride didn't matter as much as my relationship with Logan did. Hence why I’d showed up here fifteen minutes later.
"Hi." I raised my hand in a small wave.
"Um. I went to your house, but your brother told me you were here. I was hoping to talk to you, if that's okay with you—and Logan—of course."
He walked out of the bedroom with his hair still wet from the shower and his laptop in his hand. "I'll be up on the rooftop, just call me when you're done." Then he kissed my cheek quickly, over and over again.
"Stop." I giggled out, pushing him away. "Go!"
He laughed. "Lock the door behind me." And then he was gone. I did what he said, then turned to Heidi.
Awkward.
"So." I shifted on my feet. "What's up?"
"Can we sit?"
I led her to the sofa and took a seat.
She smiled, but it was well practiced and clearly fake. Then she sighed, letting her shoulders drop and her features even out. "Obviously I'm here to apologize." She paused, waiting for my reaction. If she expected me to tell her that it was fine, and that she didn't need to, she was wrong. "I was horrible to you—not just last night—but that first night at Lucy's bonfire . . ." She trailed off, away in her own thoughts. "Look, I know that you may not understand—" She cut herself off and blew out a breath. "Can I just be honest with you?"
I nodded.
And waited.
"I'm just bitter. And jealous. And drunk. A lot."
My eyebrows bunched together. "You're jealous? Of me? Why? Because I have Logan?"
"No," she said quickly. "Well, I mean yes, and no. I don't know how to explain it."
"Just try."
"Okay." She nodded once, sucked in a breath, and let her words out all at once. "I was pregnant."
I gasped.
She nodded in confirmation, her eyes instantly welling with tears. "When Dylan told me that he'd enlisted. I was seven weeks pregnant. I didn't know. He came over to the house and I wanted to tell him, but he said he had some news, so I let him go first. He told me he was leaving. He'd enlisted, and he didn't think it was a good idea for us to keep seeing each other. Not when his future was unclear."
"Heidi," I consoled. "Did you tell him?"
She laughed sadly. "What was I supposed to do?" Her voice was strained as she wiped her eyes. "It's not like he was going and wanted us to work out. He told me he wanted to leave me. I mean— yeah—I could've told him. He could've stayed—but it wouldn't have been for me, it would have been for our baby." She cried now, her body folding over itself. "Our baby," she repeated.
I sniffed, trying to hold it together. "So you . . ."
"I had to, Amanda. I had no choice. I couldn't do it alone—and it wouldn't have been fair to ask him to stay."
I rubbed my own eyes. It made sense now—why she was the way she was, and how she chose to cope with it. "I'm so sorry, Heidi. I had no idea."
She shook her head, frantically wiping at her cheeks. "No one knows. You can't tell anyone."
"I won't. Swear it."
She inhaled deeply, and let it out in a whoosh. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, but that's why . . . I just wanted someone to blame. And you—you were there. I mean, he told you when he was thinking about joining . . . he never even mentioned it to me. I get that we had issues, but nothing worth breaking up over. But he told you. And I don't know. It just felt like you could've been the one to talk him out of it. I know it's stupid, and there's no way you could have known . . ."
