More Than Want You
Page 66
I’m not going to lie. That’s a knife in the heart. But I’ve earned it. “I’m sorry.”
She shrugs. “Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough.”
Britta is right. Unfortunately, I don’t know what will be enough to right the stupid-ass wrong I’ve done.
I need to hear from Keeley.
“Are you going to quit?”
She looks past me, out the window. “I don’t know. I have to give it serious consideration.”
If she marries Makaio, she’ll have the luxury of leaving her job. He can more than support them all.
We fall silent for a long minute. I can’t help it. I check my phone again. Twenty minutes after nine. Nothing.
On the one hand, imagining that Keeley can exchange small talk and have dinner, then unravel all Griff’s focus about the deal of a lifetime in under three hours is crazy. On the other hand, I’ve seen my brother get a woman from hello to horizontal in under ten minutes.
“Are you so jumpy because you’re worried Keeley will fail?” Britta asks.
My business brain tells me that should be my main concern. If she doesn’t find a way to make sure that Griff’s presentation goes poorly on Thursday, I’m probably screwed. But that’s not what’s on my mind at all. “I’m worried because she wasn’t acting like herself after we agreed she would have dinner with Griff.”
“Was she mad?”
I shake my head. “She just seemed off. She said she was ‘fine.’”
Britta winces. “You know that’s bad, right?”
“Yeah, but I think I heard that in a comedy routine, so I wondered…”
“It’s terrible. Fine really means ‘you’ve pissed me off and I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of explaining—because you should know—or let you defend yourself because I’m both too angry and I don’t want to hear your lousy excuses.’”
That’s been my fear. “Bitchin’. So what do I do now?”
Because there’s no way Keeley can not talk to me. That can’t happen.
Britta shrugs. “I don’t know. All I can say for sure is that you telling her to even go flirt with another man really told her that you value your career and your ego more than you value her.”
Those words shoot a cannonball of dread into the pit of my stomach. She says what’s been dancing around the edge of my consciousness, that thing I suspected but didn’t want to acknowledge. It was an inconvenient truth.
I’m worried I’m going to pay the ultimate price for ignoring it in favor of my own version.
“I swear, that’s not how I feel,” I argue. “Nowhere near, actually.”
“Uh-huh,” she drawls cynically. “I’m telling you, your words might be saying that, but your actions are giving her an entirely different message.”
I plop my head into my hands. “Fuck.”
“If she’s still speaking to you and you actually do love her, I suggest you find some way to let her know that, from now on, she’s first and always will be. That you value the relationship you two have more than business or money or this insane need you have to be better than your brother. By the way, it’s the same problem he has.”
She’s right, one hundred percent. From grade school on, Dad made us compete against each other. For too long, we didn’t stop to question why or whether we should. When we began the business together, I thought we were solid and determined to throw off the old man’s yoke. But in a blink, childhood programming overwrote our goodwill. Maybe…Griff acted before he thought. Maybe I wasn’t much better. Not to excuse what either of us did. But isn’t the first step to solving a problem admitting it?
The real question is, how do I fix it from here?
“Do you want Griff back?” I ask Britta.
“What?” She says the word as if I’m speaking a foreign language she doesn’t understand.
I know she heard me perfectly well.
“If we’re both going to get the truth out and be totally honest, then let’s cut the shit entirely. Do you want him back?”
Britta purses her lips together and glances down at her bare ring finger. “I think Makaio has already picked out a ring. It’s really just…too late.”
And as she utters the words, she looks as if she’s going to cry.
She wants Griff back; she’s too afraid to admit it.
I reach across the space between us and take her hand. “Help me out of this mess and I’ll get him back for you.”
Tears are swimming in her eyes as she looks up at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “You can’t make that promise.”
Actually, I think I can. Griff loved her once. Until her, he’d never loved anyone in his life. Not his parents. Maybe not even me. He hasn’t loved anyone since her, from everything I’ve heard. I think there’s a damn good chance I can succeed. “Then I’ll sure as hell try. Just help me figure out how to tell Keeley that I’m sorry and I’ll be putting her first for the rest of our lives.”
Britta pauses a long time. Sadness, agony, and regret haunt her face. It’s so naked I almost flinch. “Don’t do anything to bring Griff back into my life. I’ve moved on. Jamie will have a new stepfather. It’s basically done. But if you want Keeley back, do the one thing your brother never did for me: find out what she values most and do your damnedest to give it to her. Not monetary things.” She shakes her head. “Meaningful things. What does she want out of life?”
“I asked her that the night we met.” More to make small talk and figure out how to coax her into bed. “Her answer was so simple yet so surprising I didn’t know how to interpret it at the time. She wants to be happy.”
“What do you think would make her happy?”
Suddenly, I know. In fact, I know everything I need to do. It’s obvious. I just didn’t want to see it because it’s going to be hard. I’ll have to sacrifice—something I’ve admittedly never been good at.
But finally, I think I’m ready. No, I know I am.
Keeley comes first. Somehow, I’m going to convince that woman to admit she loves me. Then, if she’ll let me, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making her happy.
I glance at my phone. I just need her to call me and tell me she’s coming home.
She shrugs. “Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough.”
Britta is right. Unfortunately, I don’t know what will be enough to right the stupid-ass wrong I’ve done.
I need to hear from Keeley.
“Are you going to quit?”
She looks past me, out the window. “I don’t know. I have to give it serious consideration.”
If she marries Makaio, she’ll have the luxury of leaving her job. He can more than support them all.
We fall silent for a long minute. I can’t help it. I check my phone again. Twenty minutes after nine. Nothing.
On the one hand, imagining that Keeley can exchange small talk and have dinner, then unravel all Griff’s focus about the deal of a lifetime in under three hours is crazy. On the other hand, I’ve seen my brother get a woman from hello to horizontal in under ten minutes.
“Are you so jumpy because you’re worried Keeley will fail?” Britta asks.
My business brain tells me that should be my main concern. If she doesn’t find a way to make sure that Griff’s presentation goes poorly on Thursday, I’m probably screwed. But that’s not what’s on my mind at all. “I’m worried because she wasn’t acting like herself after we agreed she would have dinner with Griff.”
“Was she mad?”
I shake my head. “She just seemed off. She said she was ‘fine.’”
Britta winces. “You know that’s bad, right?”
“Yeah, but I think I heard that in a comedy routine, so I wondered…”
“It’s terrible. Fine really means ‘you’ve pissed me off and I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of explaining—because you should know—or let you defend yourself because I’m both too angry and I don’t want to hear your lousy excuses.’”
That’s been my fear. “Bitchin’. So what do I do now?”
Because there’s no way Keeley can not talk to me. That can’t happen.
Britta shrugs. “I don’t know. All I can say for sure is that you telling her to even go flirt with another man really told her that you value your career and your ego more than you value her.”
Those words shoot a cannonball of dread into the pit of my stomach. She says what’s been dancing around the edge of my consciousness, that thing I suspected but didn’t want to acknowledge. It was an inconvenient truth.
I’m worried I’m going to pay the ultimate price for ignoring it in favor of my own version.
“I swear, that’s not how I feel,” I argue. “Nowhere near, actually.”
“Uh-huh,” she drawls cynically. “I’m telling you, your words might be saying that, but your actions are giving her an entirely different message.”
I plop my head into my hands. “Fuck.”
“If she’s still speaking to you and you actually do love her, I suggest you find some way to let her know that, from now on, she’s first and always will be. That you value the relationship you two have more than business or money or this insane need you have to be better than your brother. By the way, it’s the same problem he has.”
She’s right, one hundred percent. From grade school on, Dad made us compete against each other. For too long, we didn’t stop to question why or whether we should. When we began the business together, I thought we were solid and determined to throw off the old man’s yoke. But in a blink, childhood programming overwrote our goodwill. Maybe…Griff acted before he thought. Maybe I wasn’t much better. Not to excuse what either of us did. But isn’t the first step to solving a problem admitting it?
The real question is, how do I fix it from here?
“Do you want Griff back?” I ask Britta.
“What?” She says the word as if I’m speaking a foreign language she doesn’t understand.
I know she heard me perfectly well.
“If we’re both going to get the truth out and be totally honest, then let’s cut the shit entirely. Do you want him back?”
Britta purses her lips together and glances down at her bare ring finger. “I think Makaio has already picked out a ring. It’s really just…too late.”
And as she utters the words, she looks as if she’s going to cry.
She wants Griff back; she’s too afraid to admit it.
I reach across the space between us and take her hand. “Help me out of this mess and I’ll get him back for you.”
Tears are swimming in her eyes as she looks up at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “You can’t make that promise.”
Actually, I think I can. Griff loved her once. Until her, he’d never loved anyone in his life. Not his parents. Maybe not even me. He hasn’t loved anyone since her, from everything I’ve heard. I think there’s a damn good chance I can succeed. “Then I’ll sure as hell try. Just help me figure out how to tell Keeley that I’m sorry and I’ll be putting her first for the rest of our lives.”
Britta pauses a long time. Sadness, agony, and regret haunt her face. It’s so naked I almost flinch. “Don’t do anything to bring Griff back into my life. I’ve moved on. Jamie will have a new stepfather. It’s basically done. But if you want Keeley back, do the one thing your brother never did for me: find out what she values most and do your damnedest to give it to her. Not monetary things.” She shakes her head. “Meaningful things. What does she want out of life?”
“I asked her that the night we met.” More to make small talk and figure out how to coax her into bed. “Her answer was so simple yet so surprising I didn’t know how to interpret it at the time. She wants to be happy.”
“What do you think would make her happy?”
Suddenly, I know. In fact, I know everything I need to do. It’s obvious. I just didn’t want to see it because it’s going to be hard. I’ll have to sacrifice—something I’ve admittedly never been good at.
But finally, I think I’m ready. No, I know I am.
Keeley comes first. Somehow, I’m going to convince that woman to admit she loves me. Then, if she’ll let me, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making her happy.
I glance at my phone. I just need her to call me and tell me she’s coming home.
