Morrigan's Cross
Page 41
She moved closer, and the wolves rose to stalk.
Glenna felt the pull, mesmerizing, glorious and dark, a drawing up in the belly that was elemental. It seemed the beat of her blood answered that call. Eternity and power, beauty, youth. All for one moment.
She had only to reach for it.
Triumph lit Lilith’s eyes, burned them to red. Fangs flashed as she smiled.
Tears slid down Glenna’s cheeks as she turned, as she leaped toward the sea and the rocks. As she chose death.
There was a scream ripping through her head when she shot up in bed. But it wasn’t her own, she knew it wasn’t her own. It was Lilith’s, a scream of fury.
With her breath sobbing, Glenna scrambled out of bed, dragging the blanket with her. She ran, trembling from terror and cold, her teeth chattering with them. She fled down the hallway as if the demons were still after her. Instinct took her to the one place, the only place, she felt safe.
Hoyt sprang out of a sound sleep to find his arms full of naked, weeping woman. He could barely see her in the dim, predawn light, but he knew her scent, her shape.
“What? What’s happened?” He started to shove her aside, to reach for the sword beside his bed. But she clung to him like ivy on an oak.
“Don’t. Don’t go. Hold on. Please, please, hold on.”
“You’re like ice.” He dragged up the blanket, trying to find warmth for her, trying to find his wits. “Have you been outside? Bloody hell. Have you done some spell?”
“No, no, no.” She burrowed into him. “She came. She came. Into my head, into my dream. Not a dream. It was real. It had to be real.”
“Stop. Stop this.” He took a firm grip on her shoulders. “Glenna!”
Her head jerked back, her breath came shuddering out. “Please. I’m so cold.”
“Then hush now, hush.” His tone and his touch gentled while he brushed tears from her cheeks. He wrapped her more fully in the blanket, then pulled her close. “It was a dream, a nightmare. Nothing more.”
“It wasn’t. Look at me.” She tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. “It wasn’t just a dream.”
No, he realized. He could see it hadn’t been only a dream. “Then tell me.”
“She was inside my head. Or... she pulled some part of me outside myself. The way it was when you were in the woods, hurt, with wolves outside your circle. Just as real as that. You know that was real.”
“Aye, it was real.”
“I was running,” she began, and told him all of it.
“She tried to lure you. Now think. Why would she do so unless she knew you were strong, unless she knew you could hurt her?”
“I died.”
“You didn’t, no, you didn’t. You’re here. Cold.” He rubbed her arms, her back. Would he ever be able to warm her again? “But alive, and here. Safe.”
“She was beautiful. Alluring. I don’t go for women, if you understand, but I was drawn to her. And part of it was sexual. Even in fear, I wanted her. The idea of her touching me, taking me, was compelling.”
“It’s a kind of trance, nothing more. And you didn’t allow it. You didn’t listen, you didn’t believe.”
“But I did listen, Hoyt. And some part of me did believe. Some part of me wanted what she offered. So much wanted. To live forever, with all that power. I thought, inside me, I thought, yes, oh yes, why shouldn’t I have it? And turning away from it—I nearly didn’t—because turning away from it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Yet you did.”
“This time.”
“Every time.”
“They were your cliffs. I felt you there. I felt you there, but I couldn’t reach you. I was alone, more alone than I’ve ever been. Then I was falling, and I was even more alone.”
“You’re not alone. Here.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “You’re not alone, are you?”
“I’m not a coward, but I’m afraid. And the dark... ” She shuddered, looked around the room. “I’m afraid of the dark.”
He cast his mind toward the bedside candle, toward the logs in the hearth, set them all burning. “Dawn’s coming. Here, see.” He gathered her into his arms, got out of bed with her to carry her to the window. “There now, look east. The sun’s rising.”
She saw the light of it, a gilding low in the sky. The cold ball inside her began to ease. “Morning,” she murmured. “It’s nearly morning.”
“You won the night, and she lost it. Come, you need more sleep.”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“You won’t be.”
He took her back to bed, drew her against him. Because she still trembled, because he could, he passed his hand over her head. And sent her gently into slumber.
Chapter 10
She woke with sunlight sliding over her face, and she woke alone.
He’d snuffed the candles out, but left the fire burning low. Kind of him, she thought as she sat up, drawing the blanket over her shoulders. He’d been very kind and very gentle, and had given her exactly the comfort and security she’d needed.
Still, the wave of embarrassment came first. She’d run to him like a hysterical child fleeing from the monster in the closet. Sobbing, shaking and incoherent. She hadn’t been able to handle it, and had looked for someone—for him—to save her. She prided herself on her courage and her wits, and she hadn’t been able to stand up to her first showdown with Lilith.
No spine, she thought in disgust, and no real magic. Fear and temptation had smothered them. No, worse, she thought, fear and temptation had frozen them inside her, deep, where she hadn’t been able to reach. Now, in the light of day, she could see how foolish she’d been, how stupid, how easy. She’d done nothing to protect herself before, during or after. She’d run through the caves, through the woods, on the cliffs because they’d wanted her to run, and she’d let terror block out everything but the desperate need to escape.
It wasn’t a mistake she’d make again.
She wasn’t going to sit here wallowing either, not over something that was done.
She got up, wrapped herself in the blanket, then peeked out into the corridor. She saw no one, heard nothing, and was grateful. She didn’t want to talk to anyone until she’d put herself back together.
Glenna felt the pull, mesmerizing, glorious and dark, a drawing up in the belly that was elemental. It seemed the beat of her blood answered that call. Eternity and power, beauty, youth. All for one moment.
She had only to reach for it.
Triumph lit Lilith’s eyes, burned them to red. Fangs flashed as she smiled.
Tears slid down Glenna’s cheeks as she turned, as she leaped toward the sea and the rocks. As she chose death.
There was a scream ripping through her head when she shot up in bed. But it wasn’t her own, she knew it wasn’t her own. It was Lilith’s, a scream of fury.
With her breath sobbing, Glenna scrambled out of bed, dragging the blanket with her. She ran, trembling from terror and cold, her teeth chattering with them. She fled down the hallway as if the demons were still after her. Instinct took her to the one place, the only place, she felt safe.
Hoyt sprang out of a sound sleep to find his arms full of naked, weeping woman. He could barely see her in the dim, predawn light, but he knew her scent, her shape.
“What? What’s happened?” He started to shove her aside, to reach for the sword beside his bed. But she clung to him like ivy on an oak.
“Don’t. Don’t go. Hold on. Please, please, hold on.”
“You’re like ice.” He dragged up the blanket, trying to find warmth for her, trying to find his wits. “Have you been outside? Bloody hell. Have you done some spell?”
“No, no, no.” She burrowed into him. “She came. She came. Into my head, into my dream. Not a dream. It was real. It had to be real.”
“Stop. Stop this.” He took a firm grip on her shoulders. “Glenna!”
Her head jerked back, her breath came shuddering out. “Please. I’m so cold.”
“Then hush now, hush.” His tone and his touch gentled while he brushed tears from her cheeks. He wrapped her more fully in the blanket, then pulled her close. “It was a dream, a nightmare. Nothing more.”
“It wasn’t. Look at me.” She tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. “It wasn’t just a dream.”
No, he realized. He could see it hadn’t been only a dream. “Then tell me.”
“She was inside my head. Or... she pulled some part of me outside myself. The way it was when you were in the woods, hurt, with wolves outside your circle. Just as real as that. You know that was real.”
“Aye, it was real.”
“I was running,” she began, and told him all of it.
“She tried to lure you. Now think. Why would she do so unless she knew you were strong, unless she knew you could hurt her?”
“I died.”
“You didn’t, no, you didn’t. You’re here. Cold.” He rubbed her arms, her back. Would he ever be able to warm her again? “But alive, and here. Safe.”
“She was beautiful. Alluring. I don’t go for women, if you understand, but I was drawn to her. And part of it was sexual. Even in fear, I wanted her. The idea of her touching me, taking me, was compelling.”
“It’s a kind of trance, nothing more. And you didn’t allow it. You didn’t listen, you didn’t believe.”
“But I did listen, Hoyt. And some part of me did believe. Some part of me wanted what she offered. So much wanted. To live forever, with all that power. I thought, inside me, I thought, yes, oh yes, why shouldn’t I have it? And turning away from it—I nearly didn’t—because turning away from it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Yet you did.”
“This time.”
“Every time.”
“They were your cliffs. I felt you there. I felt you there, but I couldn’t reach you. I was alone, more alone than I’ve ever been. Then I was falling, and I was even more alone.”
“You’re not alone. Here.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “You’re not alone, are you?”
“I’m not a coward, but I’m afraid. And the dark... ” She shuddered, looked around the room. “I’m afraid of the dark.”
He cast his mind toward the bedside candle, toward the logs in the hearth, set them all burning. “Dawn’s coming. Here, see.” He gathered her into his arms, got out of bed with her to carry her to the window. “There now, look east. The sun’s rising.”
She saw the light of it, a gilding low in the sky. The cold ball inside her began to ease. “Morning,” she murmured. “It’s nearly morning.”
“You won the night, and she lost it. Come, you need more sleep.”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“You won’t be.”
He took her back to bed, drew her against him. Because she still trembled, because he could, he passed his hand over her head. And sent her gently into slumber.
Chapter 10
She woke with sunlight sliding over her face, and she woke alone.
He’d snuffed the candles out, but left the fire burning low. Kind of him, she thought as she sat up, drawing the blanket over her shoulders. He’d been very kind and very gentle, and had given her exactly the comfort and security she’d needed.
Still, the wave of embarrassment came first. She’d run to him like a hysterical child fleeing from the monster in the closet. Sobbing, shaking and incoherent. She hadn’t been able to handle it, and had looked for someone—for him—to save her. She prided herself on her courage and her wits, and she hadn’t been able to stand up to her first showdown with Lilith.
No spine, she thought in disgust, and no real magic. Fear and temptation had smothered them. No, worse, she thought, fear and temptation had frozen them inside her, deep, where she hadn’t been able to reach. Now, in the light of day, she could see how foolish she’d been, how stupid, how easy. She’d done nothing to protect herself before, during or after. She’d run through the caves, through the woods, on the cliffs because they’d wanted her to run, and she’d let terror block out everything but the desperate need to escape.
It wasn’t a mistake she’d make again.
She wasn’t going to sit here wallowing either, not over something that was done.
She got up, wrapped herself in the blanket, then peeked out into the corridor. She saw no one, heard nothing, and was grateful. She didn’t want to talk to anyone until she’d put herself back together.
