My Clarity
Page 13
What was wrong with me? I had to keep reminding myself she wasn’t like Clara. My ex-girlfriend would manipulate me to get what she wanted. There should be rules against dating older women. I thought I was in love. I don’t know if it was our age difference or her being older than me, but she controlled me, like she had a whip in her hand. Of course I didn’t realize it at that time, but my friends saw it. They warned me many times, but I didn’t listen.
Their warnings didn’t even faze me because she had me wrapped around her finger. She told me what to wear, what to eat, and even threatened to break up with me if I didn’t stop smoking. I never quit for her, but she thought I did. When I finally realized how ridiculously possessive she was, we had been together for over a year.
Jimmy, Seth, and especially Lexy did not like her at all. I should have seen the reason, but I had been sucked in so deep that I couldn’t get out. I swore off relationships the day I broke it off with her. I had no problem just sleeping with a girl, as long as she knew I wasn’t going to date her afterward.
Speaking of being sucked in, I had dug myself into a hole and I didn’t know how I was going to get out. I was just about to knock on Alex’s door when I heard her leave a message to someone…Jimmy, I think. Maybe she was calling the guy she was dating to come pick her up. I also heard her blowing her nose. I hoped she wasn’t crying. I’m just guessing, but girls cry easily when they get upset or when they’re sad. I could imagine her doing it and that made me feel like crap.
Assuming she wouldn’t come out of her room unless I was gone, that is exactly what I decided to do. She would need to come out to eat, so I decided to head to Seth or Lexy’s place. I’d make up an excuse as to why I was over there, but they wouldn’t believe my lies. They knew me too well. Hell, I’ll just go to the school café instead. After I grabbed my wallet, I slammed the front door so she would know I had left.
Alexandria
I had just left a message for Jimmy to call me when I heard the front door slam. It indicated how pissed off he was. Must he slam the door that hard? That fueled my rage even more. Not knowing if Jimmy would call back, I texted him, too.
You didn’t tell me Ellie was a guy! Call me!!!
Instead of waiting for a response, I called Emma, and then I called my mom, since that was long overdue.
“Alexandria, you were supposed to call me as soon as you got there,” Mom scolded.
“Sorry, Mom,” I said, feeling awful for making her worry, but she could have called me, too.
“How are you? How’s your roommate?”
“Great,” I lied. “Ellie is really nice.” I had to tell a fib to cover up what Jimmy had done. Mom would have flipped out and called her sister right away.
“I’m so glad to hear that. William and I will try to come visit when he gets a chance to get away. He’s been very busy at his firm.”
I heard her words, but I didn’t believe them. I could say with certainty that William and Mom would never come to visit me.
“How are your classes?”
Yup, asking me about classes when I had told her I was going a week before school started was an indication she hadn’t listened, nor would she be coming anytime soon. I had gotten used to her not being all there after she remarried. I grew up quick and at times, it didn’t feel like I had a mother.
“They’re fine. It’s all great,” I tried to sound cheerful. “Anyway, I better go now. I need to get to class.” It was a little lie, but I felt bad for saying it when I could have reminded her about school starting next week.
“Call me soon, Sunshine.” Her words stung my heart. Was it intentional?
Mom had never called me by that nickname before, only Dad had. What possessed her to call me that? She opened a wound I was trying to close. Being upset already didn’t help the situation either, and tears started to pour down my cheeks.
“Talk to you later, Mom.” I shut the phone and didn’t wait for her response. I didn’t want her to know that I was crying. Missing my dad terribly, I hugged my pillow tightly and let the tears flow. I had already felt the loss of what “home” meant when my dad passed away, but I felt it even more so today. I didn’t want to pity myself, but I felt utterly alone. It had been a while since I heard the word “sunshine” and it had been a while since I cried so much.
Chapter 8
Alexandria
I woke up to the smell of eggs and ham. Assuming Elijah was cooking breakfast put a smile on my face, but when I thought about how he pissed me off last night, I frowned. Then my heart softened. Talking to Dad last night, as if he were here, helped me clear away the anger. It always did. After I showered, changed and looked presentable, I walked out of my room feeling a little edgy and uncertain.
“You’re up. Just in time,” Elijah said cheerfully. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought I’d cook us some breakfast.”
I almost dropped my jaw. What a turnaround from last night. If this was his way of apologizing, then I happily accept. Actions spoke louder than words anyway. “Thanks,” I said with a smile. Since he was pretending we were fine, I decided to do the same.
“I’m going to assume you like eggs and ham since you bought them. I also washed some blueberries,” he said, taking the plates to the table.
“Sure. I can eat anything since I didn’t have dinner last night.” After my words came out, I froze. “I mean…since I wasn’t hungry last night. I was so tired, I just slept.” Oh God! Here I go with my rambling again. I didn’t want him to think that I was so upset over our argument that I didn’t eat because of him. Losing my appetite was solely about me missing my dad.
Their warnings didn’t even faze me because she had me wrapped around her finger. She told me what to wear, what to eat, and even threatened to break up with me if I didn’t stop smoking. I never quit for her, but she thought I did. When I finally realized how ridiculously possessive she was, we had been together for over a year.
Jimmy, Seth, and especially Lexy did not like her at all. I should have seen the reason, but I had been sucked in so deep that I couldn’t get out. I swore off relationships the day I broke it off with her. I had no problem just sleeping with a girl, as long as she knew I wasn’t going to date her afterward.
Speaking of being sucked in, I had dug myself into a hole and I didn’t know how I was going to get out. I was just about to knock on Alex’s door when I heard her leave a message to someone…Jimmy, I think. Maybe she was calling the guy she was dating to come pick her up. I also heard her blowing her nose. I hoped she wasn’t crying. I’m just guessing, but girls cry easily when they get upset or when they’re sad. I could imagine her doing it and that made me feel like crap.
Assuming she wouldn’t come out of her room unless I was gone, that is exactly what I decided to do. She would need to come out to eat, so I decided to head to Seth or Lexy’s place. I’d make up an excuse as to why I was over there, but they wouldn’t believe my lies. They knew me too well. Hell, I’ll just go to the school café instead. After I grabbed my wallet, I slammed the front door so she would know I had left.
Alexandria
I had just left a message for Jimmy to call me when I heard the front door slam. It indicated how pissed off he was. Must he slam the door that hard? That fueled my rage even more. Not knowing if Jimmy would call back, I texted him, too.
You didn’t tell me Ellie was a guy! Call me!!!
Instead of waiting for a response, I called Emma, and then I called my mom, since that was long overdue.
“Alexandria, you were supposed to call me as soon as you got there,” Mom scolded.
“Sorry, Mom,” I said, feeling awful for making her worry, but she could have called me, too.
“How are you? How’s your roommate?”
“Great,” I lied. “Ellie is really nice.” I had to tell a fib to cover up what Jimmy had done. Mom would have flipped out and called her sister right away.
“I’m so glad to hear that. William and I will try to come visit when he gets a chance to get away. He’s been very busy at his firm.”
I heard her words, but I didn’t believe them. I could say with certainty that William and Mom would never come to visit me.
“How are your classes?”
Yup, asking me about classes when I had told her I was going a week before school started was an indication she hadn’t listened, nor would she be coming anytime soon. I had gotten used to her not being all there after she remarried. I grew up quick and at times, it didn’t feel like I had a mother.
“They’re fine. It’s all great,” I tried to sound cheerful. “Anyway, I better go now. I need to get to class.” It was a little lie, but I felt bad for saying it when I could have reminded her about school starting next week.
“Call me soon, Sunshine.” Her words stung my heart. Was it intentional?
Mom had never called me by that nickname before, only Dad had. What possessed her to call me that? She opened a wound I was trying to close. Being upset already didn’t help the situation either, and tears started to pour down my cheeks.
“Talk to you later, Mom.” I shut the phone and didn’t wait for her response. I didn’t want her to know that I was crying. Missing my dad terribly, I hugged my pillow tightly and let the tears flow. I had already felt the loss of what “home” meant when my dad passed away, but I felt it even more so today. I didn’t want to pity myself, but I felt utterly alone. It had been a while since I heard the word “sunshine” and it had been a while since I cried so much.
Chapter 8
Alexandria
I woke up to the smell of eggs and ham. Assuming Elijah was cooking breakfast put a smile on my face, but when I thought about how he pissed me off last night, I frowned. Then my heart softened. Talking to Dad last night, as if he were here, helped me clear away the anger. It always did. After I showered, changed and looked presentable, I walked out of my room feeling a little edgy and uncertain.
“You’re up. Just in time,” Elijah said cheerfully. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought I’d cook us some breakfast.”
I almost dropped my jaw. What a turnaround from last night. If this was his way of apologizing, then I happily accept. Actions spoke louder than words anyway. “Thanks,” I said with a smile. Since he was pretending we were fine, I decided to do the same.
“I’m going to assume you like eggs and ham since you bought them. I also washed some blueberries,” he said, taking the plates to the table.
“Sure. I can eat anything since I didn’t have dinner last night.” After my words came out, I froze. “I mean…since I wasn’t hungry last night. I was so tired, I just slept.” Oh God! Here I go with my rambling again. I didn’t want him to think that I was so upset over our argument that I didn’t eat because of him. Losing my appetite was solely about me missing my dad.
