My Clarity
Page 52
“Lexy is coming over to help. You don’t have to. Emma and I have done this many times before with my dad. We haven’t burnt the turkey yet,” I snorted.
Elijah nodded in understanding and he even gave me a sympathetic look when I mentioned my dad.
“Want to know a little secret?” Elijah took a step forward and I tried to take a step back. With nowhere to go, I was backed against the sink. His muscles flexed and his hands rested on either side of the sink, making me his prisoner. I couldn’t breathe and he gave me no space when he leaned in. His lips brushed against the tip of my ear as if to reveal a top secret. “I can make one hell of an order of mashed potatoes.”
“You can?” I asked, feeling dizzy by his proximity. His lips were way too close. I could almost touch them with my own. Recalling our first kiss, how they tasted and felt, I think I was gravitating toward them.
“And you know what else?” he continued.
I nodded because speaking was out of the question. A minute ago, I was extremely mad at him. Now, I was totally melting into him. How does he do that to me? It’s unnerving. I had to snap out of it.
“I make really good beans, too.”
I bet he could make anything taste good.
“That’s what my little brother always told me anyway.” His flirty eyes became soft.
I felt his pain when he mentioned his brother, and my eyes shifted to his dragon tattoo. Without thinking clearly, I reached for his cheek and gently stroked it in a circular motion. Surprisingly, Elijah closed his eyes, pressed his cheek into the palm of my hand, and let me comfort him.
We both jerked and flashed our eyes to the door when there was a knock. I didn’t realize Elijah had shut the door behind us.
“Are you guys okay in there?” Emma asked. How long were we in here? I had no clue. Time always seemed to stand still when Elijah and I were alone.
“We’re fine. We’ll be right out,” I managed to say, feeling my pulse escalate.
“We’re done making out…I mean….” Elijah shook his head and snapped his eyes at me. I think he blushed. “making up…I meant…cleaning up.” He let out a quick snort.
Emma said nothing. She was most likely back in the kitchen already.
“We should get going,” I said, still held captive. My eyes shifted to where he had Clara’s name tattooed by his heart. I assumed he loved her enough to have her name imprinted on his body like that. Knowing he could never love me like that, I needed to guard my heart.
Elijah looked down to his shoes for some time, and then gazed into my eyes sternly. “Alex.” He let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did that night. I was buzzed and we were in that position and….”
“Please, stop.” I didn’t know why he felt the need to apologize. I wished he hadn’t. He made me feel cheap and worthless, as if I was just a snack he wanted to have before bedtime, and all because he wasn’t himself. Elijah looked at me like he wanted more of an explanation, so I lied. “That’s okay. I had already forgotten about it.” I tried to play it cool, but he had no idea how much I was hurting and I couldn’t believe it got this far.
“Cool,” he said with a nod. “We’re fine then.”
He might have been, but I wasn’t. “Yup, we’re fine,” I nodded, trying not to tear up, but I knew I had an excuse if I wanted to just cry. My eyes were still burning from the onions.
“Alex…,” he added, dragging out the word. “I didn’t have a chance to thank you for my birthday gift. You really didn’t need to do that, but I thank you. My pictures thank you.”
“It was nothing,” I said, trying to give him a smile, but I could only give him half of it.
“Alex.” There was something different about his tone this time, like he was about to confess. I didn’t say a word. I waited for him to continue. “That night when I brought home that girl….”
Why did he have to bring it up? My heart was breaking all over. I didn’t know if I could hold myself together. I wanted to drop to the floor and cry. Swallowing down a hard lump in my throat, I listened, but every single nerve in my body was alert. I was jealous and in pain. I wanted to hate him, but I had no right.
“I should have stuck to our agreement and told you I was bringing someone home. I mean…she didn’t mean anything to me. Whatever you thought or heard….” he sighed somberly. Whatever he was trying to tell me took much effort. Surprisingly, he looked down and nestled his head lightly on my shoulder. He couldn’t look at me. “Nothing happened. I swear nothing happened. I sent her home. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
Tears poured down my face. He might be telling me the truth, but why was he telling me this? What was the point? He had hurt me to the point of no return anyway, though a part of me was happy that he didn’t sleep with her. Regardless, I knew he did it to prove a point, to prove to me that he didn’t care about me that way. Before he looked up, I quickly wiped my tears. “This is your place. You don’t need my permission. Don’t be silly.” I tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but it was difficult when my lips were trembling and my heart wouldn’t let go of the ache.
“Okay.” Elijah finally looked up, matching his eyes to mine, searching, wanting to read my expression. Whatever he saw, he looked satisfied. “Great.” He paused. “We’re okay?” He paused once more for my answer, giving me a crooked grin.
Elijah nodded in understanding and he even gave me a sympathetic look when I mentioned my dad.
“Want to know a little secret?” Elijah took a step forward and I tried to take a step back. With nowhere to go, I was backed against the sink. His muscles flexed and his hands rested on either side of the sink, making me his prisoner. I couldn’t breathe and he gave me no space when he leaned in. His lips brushed against the tip of my ear as if to reveal a top secret. “I can make one hell of an order of mashed potatoes.”
“You can?” I asked, feeling dizzy by his proximity. His lips were way too close. I could almost touch them with my own. Recalling our first kiss, how they tasted and felt, I think I was gravitating toward them.
“And you know what else?” he continued.
I nodded because speaking was out of the question. A minute ago, I was extremely mad at him. Now, I was totally melting into him. How does he do that to me? It’s unnerving. I had to snap out of it.
“I make really good beans, too.”
I bet he could make anything taste good.
“That’s what my little brother always told me anyway.” His flirty eyes became soft.
I felt his pain when he mentioned his brother, and my eyes shifted to his dragon tattoo. Without thinking clearly, I reached for his cheek and gently stroked it in a circular motion. Surprisingly, Elijah closed his eyes, pressed his cheek into the palm of my hand, and let me comfort him.
We both jerked and flashed our eyes to the door when there was a knock. I didn’t realize Elijah had shut the door behind us.
“Are you guys okay in there?” Emma asked. How long were we in here? I had no clue. Time always seemed to stand still when Elijah and I were alone.
“We’re fine. We’ll be right out,” I managed to say, feeling my pulse escalate.
“We’re done making out…I mean….” Elijah shook his head and snapped his eyes at me. I think he blushed. “making up…I meant…cleaning up.” He let out a quick snort.
Emma said nothing. She was most likely back in the kitchen already.
“We should get going,” I said, still held captive. My eyes shifted to where he had Clara’s name tattooed by his heart. I assumed he loved her enough to have her name imprinted on his body like that. Knowing he could never love me like that, I needed to guard my heart.
Elijah looked down to his shoes for some time, and then gazed into my eyes sternly. “Alex.” He let out a soft sigh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did that night. I was buzzed and we were in that position and….”
“Please, stop.” I didn’t know why he felt the need to apologize. I wished he hadn’t. He made me feel cheap and worthless, as if I was just a snack he wanted to have before bedtime, and all because he wasn’t himself. Elijah looked at me like he wanted more of an explanation, so I lied. “That’s okay. I had already forgotten about it.” I tried to play it cool, but he had no idea how much I was hurting and I couldn’t believe it got this far.
“Cool,” he said with a nod. “We’re fine then.”
He might have been, but I wasn’t. “Yup, we’re fine,” I nodded, trying not to tear up, but I knew I had an excuse if I wanted to just cry. My eyes were still burning from the onions.
“Alex…,” he added, dragging out the word. “I didn’t have a chance to thank you for my birthday gift. You really didn’t need to do that, but I thank you. My pictures thank you.”
“It was nothing,” I said, trying to give him a smile, but I could only give him half of it.
“Alex.” There was something different about his tone this time, like he was about to confess. I didn’t say a word. I waited for him to continue. “That night when I brought home that girl….”
Why did he have to bring it up? My heart was breaking all over. I didn’t know if I could hold myself together. I wanted to drop to the floor and cry. Swallowing down a hard lump in my throat, I listened, but every single nerve in my body was alert. I was jealous and in pain. I wanted to hate him, but I had no right.
“I should have stuck to our agreement and told you I was bringing someone home. I mean…she didn’t mean anything to me. Whatever you thought or heard….” he sighed somberly. Whatever he was trying to tell me took much effort. Surprisingly, he looked down and nestled his head lightly on my shoulder. He couldn’t look at me. “Nothing happened. I swear nothing happened. I sent her home. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
Tears poured down my face. He might be telling me the truth, but why was he telling me this? What was the point? He had hurt me to the point of no return anyway, though a part of me was happy that he didn’t sleep with her. Regardless, I knew he did it to prove a point, to prove to me that he didn’t care about me that way. Before he looked up, I quickly wiped my tears. “This is your place. You don’t need my permission. Don’t be silly.” I tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but it was difficult when my lips were trembling and my heart wouldn’t let go of the ache.
“Okay.” Elijah finally looked up, matching his eyes to mine, searching, wanting to read my expression. Whatever he saw, he looked satisfied. “Great.” He paused. “We’re okay?” He paused once more for my answer, giving me a crooked grin.
