My Clarity
Page 68
Elijah touched me everywhere. He engulfed me with his kisses, his tenderness, and suddenly it hit me…I never knew what love was or making love was until tonight.
After who-knew-how-long, he entered me again, but he was very gentle. As our bodies rocked together as one, he held me as if I was the most precious thing in his world.
When I felt his body shudder and heard that unmistakable groaning of pleasure, I knew his will had been spent. After he examined me, he went to the bathroom and came back with a small wet towel. He gently wiped between my legs, cleaning me and tending to my needs. “You’re bleeding a little, but you’ll be fine.” He kissed the area he wiped, then cuddled next to me and placed my arm across his chest.
“How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”
“No, I’m okay. Better than okay.” I released a soft sigh, feeling the warmth of him. How I loved to be here, right next to him.
“Did I ever tell you that this is my favorite time of the day?” he commented.
“What do you mean?”
“Lying in bed, having you next to me, I look forward to this moment every night.” He kissed my forehead.
“Me too,” I agreed and kissed him back.
Chapter 37
Elijah
Whiteboard:
Please don’t race!
-Alex
Alex and I purposely avoided the topic of the race for the past few days. I assumed she was thinking that I wouldn’t go ahead with it, but I knew what I had to do. There was no way I was going to back out. My mind was made up.
“Where are you going?” I asked, stepping into the kitchen. Alex was washing the dishes. “You don’t have classes on Saturdays.” I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and nibbled the side of her neck.
“I told you I had to work this afternoon, remember?” She finished rinsing the last cup, then turned to face me and placed her hands on my arms. “I have to work until almost closing, so I’ll be home about nine.”
“I’m going to win that race so you don’t have to work anymore. I’ll take care of you.”
Alex’s smile disappeared. “What if I don’t want to quit my job? You never asked.”
I glanced to the side and looked up at her once again. “You’re right, I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to quit, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be home late tonight.”
“So you’re going to go through with it, even knowing how I feel.” Her tone had changed, becoming more authoritative. “Please, Elijah. I’m begging you.” She caressed her hands down my arms. “I don’t feel right about this. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s not just dangerous, the cops, and even your friends are against it. What if you get hurt or even kill someone?” she rambled. Her eyes pleaded.
“If we worry about all the things that could happen, then we might as well worry all the time. Anything could happen to either of us at any time. I could have a heart attack or get hit by a car. But that doesn’t mean we stop living. That’s just life. When it’s your turn, it’s your turn, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“Can you promise me that?”
When I couldn’t, she pushed me away and walked out of the kitchen. “I don’t understand,” she started to say. “Why would you want to risk your life like that? Let me guess…is Nolan going to be in the race, too?”
“Yes, but that’s not the reason.” I followed her to the living room.
“Really?” she challenged, gazing at me as if she couldn’t tell if I was telling the truth, and then she continued, “You say you love me and want a future with me, but that’s all talk, isn’t it?”
I wanted to go to her, but knowing how upset she was, she would only push me away. “That’s not fair. I told you that I do and I meant it. Like I told you before, I signed up for this before I even met you. Speaking of which, you’re not considering what I want. What I need to do for you, for us, as a man. You don’t understand.”
Alex crossed her arms. “That’s different. You’re putting your life on the line. And we don’t need the money.”
“That’s easy for you to say when your parents provided for you. I had to do it all by myself.” The words came out of my mouth so fast; I immediately regretted saying them. I couldn’t even take it back. Shit! “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….”
Alex grabbed her purse and opened the front door. “You’re right. Maybe we just don’t understand each other. Maybe we are two opposites that don’t complete each other. I have to go to work. Do whatever you want because obviously what you’re really doing is thinking about your ego and your greed. You might as well sell your soul to the devil.”
The door slammed behind her. I didn’t know what to do.
It was close to dinnertime, and neither Alex nor I had texted or called each other. We were both being stubborn. Alex’s words replayed in my mind like a broken record, but there was no turning back. I knew she would get over it once I brought home the prize money. After all, we wouldn’t need to fight about me racing ever again since I promised her I wouldn’t race after this. Looking at my watch, I grabbed my keys and headed to Seth’s dad’s garage.
“Sorry, I just got your text,” I said, seeing the back of Seth’s head. He was bent down, wiping the wheels on my bike. I made eye contact with the other employees, greeting them all with a little smile. The smell of grease and being surrounded by cars in various stages of repair always excited me, but I could never be a mechanic. I’d rather drive them, not fix them.
After who-knew-how-long, he entered me again, but he was very gentle. As our bodies rocked together as one, he held me as if I was the most precious thing in his world.
When I felt his body shudder and heard that unmistakable groaning of pleasure, I knew his will had been spent. After he examined me, he went to the bathroom and came back with a small wet towel. He gently wiped between my legs, cleaning me and tending to my needs. “You’re bleeding a little, but you’ll be fine.” He kissed the area he wiped, then cuddled next to me and placed my arm across his chest.
“How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?”
“No, I’m okay. Better than okay.” I released a soft sigh, feeling the warmth of him. How I loved to be here, right next to him.
“Did I ever tell you that this is my favorite time of the day?” he commented.
“What do you mean?”
“Lying in bed, having you next to me, I look forward to this moment every night.” He kissed my forehead.
“Me too,” I agreed and kissed him back.
Chapter 37
Elijah
Whiteboard:
Please don’t race!
-Alex
Alex and I purposely avoided the topic of the race for the past few days. I assumed she was thinking that I wouldn’t go ahead with it, but I knew what I had to do. There was no way I was going to back out. My mind was made up.
“Where are you going?” I asked, stepping into the kitchen. Alex was washing the dishes. “You don’t have classes on Saturdays.” I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind and nibbled the side of her neck.
“I told you I had to work this afternoon, remember?” She finished rinsing the last cup, then turned to face me and placed her hands on my arms. “I have to work until almost closing, so I’ll be home about nine.”
“I’m going to win that race so you don’t have to work anymore. I’ll take care of you.”
Alex’s smile disappeared. “What if I don’t want to quit my job? You never asked.”
I glanced to the side and looked up at her once again. “You’re right, I didn’t. I’m sorry. You don’t have to quit, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be home late tonight.”
“So you’re going to go through with it, even knowing how I feel.” Her tone had changed, becoming more authoritative. “Please, Elijah. I’m begging you.” She caressed her hands down my arms. “I don’t feel right about this. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s not just dangerous, the cops, and even your friends are against it. What if you get hurt or even kill someone?” she rambled. Her eyes pleaded.
“If we worry about all the things that could happen, then we might as well worry all the time. Anything could happen to either of us at any time. I could have a heart attack or get hit by a car. But that doesn’t mean we stop living. That’s just life. When it’s your turn, it’s your turn, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“Can you promise me that?”
When I couldn’t, she pushed me away and walked out of the kitchen. “I don’t understand,” she started to say. “Why would you want to risk your life like that? Let me guess…is Nolan going to be in the race, too?”
“Yes, but that’s not the reason.” I followed her to the living room.
“Really?” she challenged, gazing at me as if she couldn’t tell if I was telling the truth, and then she continued, “You say you love me and want a future with me, but that’s all talk, isn’t it?”
I wanted to go to her, but knowing how upset she was, she would only push me away. “That’s not fair. I told you that I do and I meant it. Like I told you before, I signed up for this before I even met you. Speaking of which, you’re not considering what I want. What I need to do for you, for us, as a man. You don’t understand.”
Alex crossed her arms. “That’s different. You’re putting your life on the line. And we don’t need the money.”
“That’s easy for you to say when your parents provided for you. I had to do it all by myself.” The words came out of my mouth so fast; I immediately regretted saying them. I couldn’t even take it back. Shit! “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean….”
Alex grabbed her purse and opened the front door. “You’re right. Maybe we just don’t understand each other. Maybe we are two opposites that don’t complete each other. I have to go to work. Do whatever you want because obviously what you’re really doing is thinking about your ego and your greed. You might as well sell your soul to the devil.”
The door slammed behind her. I didn’t know what to do.
It was close to dinnertime, and neither Alex nor I had texted or called each other. We were both being stubborn. Alex’s words replayed in my mind like a broken record, but there was no turning back. I knew she would get over it once I brought home the prize money. After all, we wouldn’t need to fight about me racing ever again since I promised her I wouldn’t race after this. Looking at my watch, I grabbed my keys and headed to Seth’s dad’s garage.
“Sorry, I just got your text,” I said, seeing the back of Seth’s head. He was bent down, wiping the wheels on my bike. I made eye contact with the other employees, greeting them all with a little smile. The smell of grease and being surrounded by cars in various stages of repair always excited me, but I could never be a mechanic. I’d rather drive them, not fix them.
