My Soul to Take
Page 26
Im not even sure that saying something would have helped, I said, feeling my courage flounder. But I swear I tried.
Aunt Val rubbed her forehead, then picked up her mug and started to take a drinkuntil she realized she hadnt poured one. Kaylee, surely you know how all this sounds.
I nodded and dropped my gaze. I sound crazy. I knew that better than anyone.
She shook her head and leaned across the bar for my hand. Not crazy, hon. Delusional. Theres a difference. Youre probably just really upset about what happened to Meredith, and your brain is dealing with that by making up stories to distract you from the truth. I understand. Its scary to think that anyone anywhere can just drop dead with no warning. If it could happen to her, it could happen to any of us, right?
I pulled my hand from hers, gaping at my aunt in disbelief. What would it take to make her believe me? Proof was pretty hard to come by when the premonitions only came a few minutes in advance.
I slid off the stool and backed up a step, eager to put a little space between us. I barely knew Meredith. Im not scared because I think it can happen to me. Im scared because I knew it was going to happen to her, and I couldnt stop it. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to breathe beyond the guilt and grief threatening to suffocate me. I almost wish I were going crazy. At least then I wouldnt feel so guilty about letting someone die. But Im not crazy. This is real.
For several seconds, my aunt just stared at me, her expression a mixture of confusion, relief, and pity, like she wasnt sure what she should feel.
I sighed, my shoulders fell. You still dont believe me.
My aunts expression softened, and her posture wilted almost imperceptibly. Oh, hon, I believe that you believe what youre saying. She hesitated, then shrugged, but the gesture looked more calculated than casual. Maybe you should take a sedative too. It will help you sleep. Im sure everything will make more sense when you wake up.
Sleep wont help me. I sounded acerbic, even to my own ears. Neither will those stupid pills. I grabbed the bottle from the bar where shed left it and hurled it at the refrigerator as hard as I could. The plastic cracked and the lid fell off, scattering small white pills all over the floor.
Aunt Val jumped, then stared at me like Id just broken her heart. When she knelt to clean up the mess, I jogged down the hall and into my room, then slammed the door and leaned against it. Id done the best I could with my aunt; Id try again with Uncle Brendon when he came home.
Or maybe not.
Maybe Nash knew what he was talking about when he said not to tell anyone.
7
FOR SEVERAL MINUTES, I stood still in my room, so angry, andscared, and confused, I didnt know whether to scream, or cry, or hit something. I tried to read the novel on my nightstand to distract myself from the disaster my life had become, and when that didnt work, I turned on the TV. But nothing on television held my attention and all the songs on my iPod only seemed to magnify my anger and frustration.
My mind was so full of chaos, my thoughts coming much too fast for me to grasp, that no matter what I did or where I stood, I couldnt escape the miserable roar of half-formed thoughts my head spun with. I was starting to seriously recon sider that sedativedesperate to just be nowhere for a little whilewhen my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Another text message from Nash. U OK?
Fine. I lied. U? I almost told him hed been right. That I shouldnt have told my aunt. But that was a lot of information to fit into a text.
Yeah. With Carter, he replied. Call U soon.
I thought about texting Emma, but she was still grounded. And knowing her mother, she stood no chance of a commuted sentence, even after practically seeing a classmate drop dead.
Frustrated and mentally exhausted, I finally fell asleep in the middle of the movie I wasnt really watching in the first place. Less than an hour later, according to my alarm clock, I woke up and turned the TV off. And thats when I realized Id almost slept through something important.
Or at least something interesting.
In the sudden silence, I heard my aunt and uncle arguing fiercely, but too softly to understand from my room at the back of the house. I eased my bedroom door open several inches, holding my breath until I was sure the hinges wouldnt squeal. Then I stuck my head through the gap and peered down the hall.
They were in the kitchen; my aunts slim shadow paced back and forth across the only visible wall. Then I heard her whisper my nameeven lower in pitch than the rest of the argumentand I swallowed thickly. She was probably trying to convince Uncle Brendon to take me back to the hospital.
That was not going to happen.
Angry now, I eased the door open farther and slipped into the hall. If my uncle gave in, Id simply step up and tell them I wasnt going. Or maybe Id just jump in my car and leave until they came to their senses. I could go to Emmas. No, wait. She was grounded. So Id go to Nashs.
Where I wound up didnt matter, so long as it wasnt the mental-health ward.
I inched down the hall, grateful for my silent socks and the tile floor, which didnt creak. But I froze several feet from the kitchen doorway when my uncle spoke, his words still low but now perfectly audible.
Youre overreacting, Valerie. She got through it last time, and shell get through it this time. I see no reason to bother him while hes working.
Aunt Val rubbed her forehead, then picked up her mug and started to take a drinkuntil she realized she hadnt poured one. Kaylee, surely you know how all this sounds.
I nodded and dropped my gaze. I sound crazy. I knew that better than anyone.
She shook her head and leaned across the bar for my hand. Not crazy, hon. Delusional. Theres a difference. Youre probably just really upset about what happened to Meredith, and your brain is dealing with that by making up stories to distract you from the truth. I understand. Its scary to think that anyone anywhere can just drop dead with no warning. If it could happen to her, it could happen to any of us, right?
I pulled my hand from hers, gaping at my aunt in disbelief. What would it take to make her believe me? Proof was pretty hard to come by when the premonitions only came a few minutes in advance.
I slid off the stool and backed up a step, eager to put a little space between us. I barely knew Meredith. Im not scared because I think it can happen to me. Im scared because I knew it was going to happen to her, and I couldnt stop it. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to breathe beyond the guilt and grief threatening to suffocate me. I almost wish I were going crazy. At least then I wouldnt feel so guilty about letting someone die. But Im not crazy. This is real.
For several seconds, my aunt just stared at me, her expression a mixture of confusion, relief, and pity, like she wasnt sure what she should feel.
I sighed, my shoulders fell. You still dont believe me.
My aunts expression softened, and her posture wilted almost imperceptibly. Oh, hon, I believe that you believe what youre saying. She hesitated, then shrugged, but the gesture looked more calculated than casual. Maybe you should take a sedative too. It will help you sleep. Im sure everything will make more sense when you wake up.
Sleep wont help me. I sounded acerbic, even to my own ears. Neither will those stupid pills. I grabbed the bottle from the bar where shed left it and hurled it at the refrigerator as hard as I could. The plastic cracked and the lid fell off, scattering small white pills all over the floor.
Aunt Val jumped, then stared at me like Id just broken her heart. When she knelt to clean up the mess, I jogged down the hall and into my room, then slammed the door and leaned against it. Id done the best I could with my aunt; Id try again with Uncle Brendon when he came home.
Or maybe not.
Maybe Nash knew what he was talking about when he said not to tell anyone.
7
FOR SEVERAL MINUTES, I stood still in my room, so angry, andscared, and confused, I didnt know whether to scream, or cry, or hit something. I tried to read the novel on my nightstand to distract myself from the disaster my life had become, and when that didnt work, I turned on the TV. But nothing on television held my attention and all the songs on my iPod only seemed to magnify my anger and frustration.
My mind was so full of chaos, my thoughts coming much too fast for me to grasp, that no matter what I did or where I stood, I couldnt escape the miserable roar of half-formed thoughts my head spun with. I was starting to seriously recon sider that sedativedesperate to just be nowhere for a little whilewhen my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Another text message from Nash. U OK?
Fine. I lied. U? I almost told him hed been right. That I shouldnt have told my aunt. But that was a lot of information to fit into a text.
Yeah. With Carter, he replied. Call U soon.
I thought about texting Emma, but she was still grounded. And knowing her mother, she stood no chance of a commuted sentence, even after practically seeing a classmate drop dead.
Frustrated and mentally exhausted, I finally fell asleep in the middle of the movie I wasnt really watching in the first place. Less than an hour later, according to my alarm clock, I woke up and turned the TV off. And thats when I realized Id almost slept through something important.
Or at least something interesting.
In the sudden silence, I heard my aunt and uncle arguing fiercely, but too softly to understand from my room at the back of the house. I eased my bedroom door open several inches, holding my breath until I was sure the hinges wouldnt squeal. Then I stuck my head through the gap and peered down the hall.
They were in the kitchen; my aunts slim shadow paced back and forth across the only visible wall. Then I heard her whisper my nameeven lower in pitch than the rest of the argumentand I swallowed thickly. She was probably trying to convince Uncle Brendon to take me back to the hospital.
That was not going to happen.
Angry now, I eased the door open farther and slipped into the hall. If my uncle gave in, Id simply step up and tell them I wasnt going. Or maybe Id just jump in my car and leave until they came to their senses. I could go to Emmas. No, wait. She was grounded. So Id go to Nashs.
Where I wound up didnt matter, so long as it wasnt the mental-health ward.
I inched down the hall, grateful for my silent socks and the tile floor, which didnt creak. But I froze several feet from the kitchen doorway when my uncle spoke, his words still low but now perfectly audible.
Youre overreacting, Valerie. She got through it last time, and shell get through it this time. I see no reason to bother him while hes working.
