My Soul to Take
Page 4
Then Emmas face disappeared and I was staring at her knees. Nash said something I couldnt make out. Something about a drink
Music swelled back to life, then Emma was gone. Shed left me alone with the hottest guy Id ever danced withthe last person in the world I wanted to witness my total break with reality.
Nash dropped onto his knees and looked into my eyes, the greens and browns in his still churning frantically somehow, though there were no lights overhead now.
I was imagining it. I had to be. Id seen them dance with the light earlier, and now my traumatized mind had seized upon Nashs eyes as a focal point of my delusion. Just like the strawberry blonde. Right?
But there was no time to think through my theory. I was losing control. Successive waves of grief threatened to flatten me, crushing me into the wall with an invisible pressure, as if Nash werent even there. I couldnt suck in a deep breath, yet a high-pitched keening leaked from my throat now, even with my lips sealed shut. My vision began to go even darker than the alleythough I wouldnt have thought that possiblelike the whole world had been overlaid with an odd gray filter.
Nash frowned, still watching me, then twisted to sit beside me, his back against the wall too. On the edges of my graying vision, something scuttled past soundlessly. A rat, or some other scavenger attracted by the clubs garbage bin? No. Whatever Id glimpsed was too big to be a rodentunless wed stepped into Buttercups fire swampand too indistinct for my shattered focus to settle on.
Nash took my free hand in his, and I forgot whatever Id seen. He pushed my hair back from my right ear. I couldnt understand most of what he whispered to me, but I gradually came to realize that his actual words werent important. What mattered was his proximity. His breath on my neck. His warmth melting into mine. His scent surrounding me. His voice swirling in my head, insulating me from the scream still ricocheting against my skull.
He was calming me with nothing more than his presence, his patience and whispered words of what sounded like a childs rhyme, based on what little I caught.
And it was working. My anxiety gradually faded, and dim, gritty color leaked back into the world. My fingers relaxed around his hand. My lungs expanded fully, and I sucked in a sharp, frigid breath, suddenly freezing as sweat from the club dried on my skin.
The panic was still there, in the shadowed corners of my mind, in the dark spots on the edge of my vision. But I could handle it now. Thanks to Nash.
You okay? he asked when I turned my head to face him, the bricks cold and rough against my cheek.
I nodded. And thats when a new horror descended: utter, consuming, inescapable mortification, most awful in its longevity. The panic attack was all but over, but humiliation would last a lifetime.
Id completely lost it in front of Nash Hudson. My life was over; even my friendship withEmma wouldnt be enough to repair the damage from such a nasty wound.
Nash stretched his legs out. Wanna talk about it?
No. I wanted to go hide in a hole, or stick my head in a bag, or change my name and move to Peru.
But then suddenly, I did want to talk about it. With Nashs voice still echoing softly in my head, his words whispering faintly over my skin, I wanted to tell him what had happened. It made no sense. After knowing me for eight years and helping me through at least half a dozen previous panic attacks, Emma still had no idea what caused them. I couldnt tell her. It would scare her. Or worse, finally convince her I really was crazy.
So why did I want to tell Nash? I had no answer for that, but the urge was undeniable.
the strawberry blonde. There, Id said it out loud, and committed myself to some sort of explanation.
Nashs brow furrowed in confusion. You know her?
No. Fortunately. Merely sharing oxygen with her had nearly driven me out of my mind. But somethings wrong with her, Nash. Shesdark.
Kaylee, shut up! If he wasnt already convinced I was certifiable, he would be soon.
What? His frown deepened, but rather than bewildered or skeptical, he looked surprised. Then came vague comprehension. Comprehension, anddread. He might not know exactly what I meant, but he didnt look completely clueless either. What do you mean, dark?
I closed my eyes, hesitating at the last second. What if Id misread him? What if he did think I was crazy?
Worse yet, what if he was right?
But in the end, I opened my eyes and met his gaze frankly, because I had to tell him something, and surely I couldnt damage his opinion of me much more than I already had. Right?
Okay, this is going to sound weird, I began, but somethings wrong with that girl at the bar. When I looked at her, she wasshadowed. I hesitated, scrounging up the courage to finish what Id started. Shes going to die, Nash. That girl is going to die very, very soon.
2
WHAT? NASHS eyebrows rose, but he didnt roll his eyes, or laugh, or pat my head and call for the men in white coats. In fact, he looked like he almost believed me. How do you know shes gonna die?
I rubbed both temples, trying to wipe away a familiar frustration rearing inside me. He might not be laughing on the outside, but surely he was cracking up on the inside. How could he not be? What the hell was I thinking?
I dont know how I know. I dont even know that Im right. But when I look at her, shesdarker than everyone around her. Like shes standing in the shadow of something I cant see. And I know shes going to die.
Music swelled back to life, then Emma was gone. Shed left me alone with the hottest guy Id ever danced withthe last person in the world I wanted to witness my total break with reality.
Nash dropped onto his knees and looked into my eyes, the greens and browns in his still churning frantically somehow, though there were no lights overhead now.
I was imagining it. I had to be. Id seen them dance with the light earlier, and now my traumatized mind had seized upon Nashs eyes as a focal point of my delusion. Just like the strawberry blonde. Right?
But there was no time to think through my theory. I was losing control. Successive waves of grief threatened to flatten me, crushing me into the wall with an invisible pressure, as if Nash werent even there. I couldnt suck in a deep breath, yet a high-pitched keening leaked from my throat now, even with my lips sealed shut. My vision began to go even darker than the alleythough I wouldnt have thought that possiblelike the whole world had been overlaid with an odd gray filter.
Nash frowned, still watching me, then twisted to sit beside me, his back against the wall too. On the edges of my graying vision, something scuttled past soundlessly. A rat, or some other scavenger attracted by the clubs garbage bin? No. Whatever Id glimpsed was too big to be a rodentunless wed stepped into Buttercups fire swampand too indistinct for my shattered focus to settle on.
Nash took my free hand in his, and I forgot whatever Id seen. He pushed my hair back from my right ear. I couldnt understand most of what he whispered to me, but I gradually came to realize that his actual words werent important. What mattered was his proximity. His breath on my neck. His warmth melting into mine. His scent surrounding me. His voice swirling in my head, insulating me from the scream still ricocheting against my skull.
He was calming me with nothing more than his presence, his patience and whispered words of what sounded like a childs rhyme, based on what little I caught.
And it was working. My anxiety gradually faded, and dim, gritty color leaked back into the world. My fingers relaxed around his hand. My lungs expanded fully, and I sucked in a sharp, frigid breath, suddenly freezing as sweat from the club dried on my skin.
The panic was still there, in the shadowed corners of my mind, in the dark spots on the edge of my vision. But I could handle it now. Thanks to Nash.
You okay? he asked when I turned my head to face him, the bricks cold and rough against my cheek.
I nodded. And thats when a new horror descended: utter, consuming, inescapable mortification, most awful in its longevity. The panic attack was all but over, but humiliation would last a lifetime.
Id completely lost it in front of Nash Hudson. My life was over; even my friendship withEmma wouldnt be enough to repair the damage from such a nasty wound.
Nash stretched his legs out. Wanna talk about it?
No. I wanted to go hide in a hole, or stick my head in a bag, or change my name and move to Peru.
But then suddenly, I did want to talk about it. With Nashs voice still echoing softly in my head, his words whispering faintly over my skin, I wanted to tell him what had happened. It made no sense. After knowing me for eight years and helping me through at least half a dozen previous panic attacks, Emma still had no idea what caused them. I couldnt tell her. It would scare her. Or worse, finally convince her I really was crazy.
So why did I want to tell Nash? I had no answer for that, but the urge was undeniable.
the strawberry blonde. There, Id said it out loud, and committed myself to some sort of explanation.
Nashs brow furrowed in confusion. You know her?
No. Fortunately. Merely sharing oxygen with her had nearly driven me out of my mind. But somethings wrong with her, Nash. Shesdark.
Kaylee, shut up! If he wasnt already convinced I was certifiable, he would be soon.
What? His frown deepened, but rather than bewildered or skeptical, he looked surprised. Then came vague comprehension. Comprehension, anddread. He might not know exactly what I meant, but he didnt look completely clueless either. What do you mean, dark?
I closed my eyes, hesitating at the last second. What if Id misread him? What if he did think I was crazy?
Worse yet, what if he was right?
But in the end, I opened my eyes and met his gaze frankly, because I had to tell him something, and surely I couldnt damage his opinion of me much more than I already had. Right?
Okay, this is going to sound weird, I began, but somethings wrong with that girl at the bar. When I looked at her, she wasshadowed. I hesitated, scrounging up the courage to finish what Id started. Shes going to die, Nash. That girl is going to die very, very soon.
2
WHAT? NASHS eyebrows rose, but he didnt roll his eyes, or laugh, or pat my head and call for the men in white coats. In fact, he looked like he almost believed me. How do you know shes gonna die?
I rubbed both temples, trying to wipe away a familiar frustration rearing inside me. He might not be laughing on the outside, but surely he was cracking up on the inside. How could he not be? What the hell was I thinking?
I dont know how I know. I dont even know that Im right. But when I look at her, shesdarker than everyone around her. Like shes standing in the shadow of something I cant see. And I know shes going to die.
