Narcissus in Chains
Chapter 46~47
Chapter 46
THE MACNAIRS, PLUS bodyguard, promised to drive straight to RPIT's headquarters and give statements. Janet Talbot went with them. Christine didn't really know anything about the werelion's disappearance, so she just went home, promising to be careful. I offered to let her stay at my place until the bad guy, or guys, was caught, but she turned me down flat.
Donovan Reece said, "She is an independent creature."
I could admire that. "I hope her independence doesn't get her hurt."
He shrugged, getting to his feet. I noticed a lump under the front of his pink shirt. "You're armed," I said.
He glanced down at the place where his gun was trying and failing to hide. "I won't let my girls be taken again."
"People, call them people," I said.
He gave me a smile. "They are all girls."
"Humor me," I said.
He gave a small bow of his head. "My people, fine, but I won't let them be taken again."
"Or you either, Donovan. Remember everyone that's vanished has been a leader, not a follower. They chained Nathaniel up because they thought he was you; your people being taken was just incidental."
He met my eyes, suddenly very serious. "You're right. How did you know I was armed?"
"If you're going to tuck a gun into the front of your pants, wear a darker-colored shirt, and maybe one that's a size bigger."
He nodded. "I've never carried a gun before."
"Do you know how to use it?"
"I know how to shoot. I just don't usually carry concealed."
"Do you have a license to carry?"
He blinked at me.
"I take that as a no."
"No," he said.
"Then if you use it and kill someone, it's going to be a headache in court. Carrying concealed without a license will make it an illegal weapon. Depending on the judge, you might see jail time."
"How long does it take to get a license?"
"Longer than you'll want to wait. But check your county and start the process. Or don't start the process, and when you get arrested you can try and claim ignorance of the law. It's not a legal excuse, but it might sway a judge. I don't know. I'd apply for a license and hope it goes through."
"What do I have to do to apply?"
"It differs from county to county. Check with your local police. They'll know who you have to see."
He nodded again. "I'll do that." He looked at me, gray eyes so serious. "Thank you, Anita."
I shrugged. "Just doing my job."
He shook his head. "This isn't your job. You're no one's alpha here. You could have just refused to help us."
"And what good would that have done?" I asked.
"Most of the wereanimals won't help each other."
"You know of all the furry--and feathered--politics, that's the one I understand the least. Just like now, what happens to one group can affect the others. If you guys had been talking to each other, then you'd have known that Henry MacNair went missing, violently missing. It might have put all of you on guard."
"You think it would have prevented the other disappearances?"
"I don't know, but it might have helped. People would have been more cautious, maybe not gone out alone. We might have at least had witnesses."
"It was after my girls--people--got taken and you helped us that Christine came to me. She knew about the bears' Ursa having gone missing. It was Ethan MacNair, not his mother, that told us about his father."
"I bet he paid for going outside his mother's orders," I said.
"Probably," Donovan said, "but you're right, if we'd just bloody talk to each other, we could help each other more."
"Not just in emergencies either," I said.
His eyes narrowed. "You mean a coalition of wereanimals?"
I shrugged. "I hadn't thought that far ahead, but why not? Something where we share information. We've got a lion working with a bunch of snakes. Why should the bad guys get along better than we do?"
"Every time one of the animals talks about joining forces they always mean that they'll be top ... dog. You want to be everybody's Nimir-Ra, Anita?"
"I'm not talking sharing authority. That'll never work without a war. I'm just saying share information, help each other more. When one of the leopards or wolves gets hurt, he, or she, has a place to stay until they're well. That kind of thing."
"Someone would need to be in charge of it."
I felt like grabbing him by the front of the shirt and shaking him. "Why, Donovan, why does anyone have to be in charge? Something happens to one of your swans, you pick up the phone and call me, or Ethan, or Christine. We call someone else. We try to help each other. We don't need a hierarchy, just a willingness to cooperate."
He looked unhappy, almost suspicious. "You don't want to be in charge."
I shook my head. "Donovan, I don't even want to be in charge of what I'm in charge of now. I sure as hell don't want to add to it."
It was Micah, who had been leaning against the wall, so still, so calm that: you forgot he was there, who said, "She's offering you friendship, Donovan "
"Friendship?" He made it sound like a foreign concept.
Micah nodded, pushing away from the wall to stand beside me. "If something goes wrong and you need help, you call your friends."
Donovan frowned hard enough that he formed lines in that flawless skin. "Wereanimals aren't even friends with each other, let alone across species lines."
"That's not true," I said. "Richard," I paused after I'd said his name, as if it hurt, or I was waiting for it to hurt. Micah touched my shoulder, and I put my hand over his, held on. I tried again. "Richard's best friend is one of Rafael's rats. My leopard Vivian is living with, and in love with, Stephen, one of Richard's wolves."
"That's different."
"Why?"
"Because the wolves and rats have a treaty, and through you the leopards and the wolves are joined."
I shook my head. "You're quibbling, Donovan, or deliberately missing the point. Let's just agree to try and help each other, that's all. I don't have any ulterior motives. I'm just trying to keep the damage to a minimum."
"It's true you didn't have to save my girls. It nearly cost you your life."
"And you didn't have to go to the lupanar with me. But you did. That's how it works, cooperation."
He thought for a moment, then nodded. "Agreed. I'll try to get the others to agree also. You're right, you are right. If we'd just talk to each other, we could prevent a lot of bad things from happening."
"Great," I said, and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I wanted this. I wanted them to talk to each other, to help each other.
Someone cleared their throat, softly. It made us all look at Gil. He was still huddled beside the couch, where he'd been the entire time. "You have something to say?" Donovan asked.
"How far does this new spirit of cooperation go?" he asked. His uptilted green eyes were almost round with anxiety. He gripped his knees so hard his hands were mottled. He was scared; you could smell it on him, that and a neck-ruffling scent that I didn't recognize.
"What do you mean?" Donovan asked.
"I'm actually talking to Anita," Gil said.
I glanced at Micah then back to the man huddled on the floor. "What do you want to know?" I asked.
"I'm the only werefox in town. I don't have an alpha, or any family." He stopped there and licked his lips nervously.
"And?" I said.
"How much help are you willing to give?"
"How much do you need?"
"Can I stay with you until this thing, or whatever, is caught?"
I felt my eyes go wide. I opened my mouth, closed it, exchanged a look with Micah. He shrugged. "It has to be your call. It's your house."
Point. I turned back to Gil. "I don't know you at all. If you are a bad person, and you do bad things to my people, I will kill you, but if you really just want someplace to hide for a few days, you can stay."
He seemed to get smaller, more huddled. "I won't hurt anybody. I just want to feel safe again, that's all."
I looked at Donovan. "Do you know anything about him?"
"He's scared of his own shadow. I wouldn't trust him to help in an emergency. I think he'd save himself first."
Gil didn't argue with Donovan's estimation of him, he just huddled, trembling. "If we only help the strong ones, then we're not helping ourselves," I said.
"You'll take him in, knowing he can't help you in a fight, and would probably run to save his own skin?" Donovan asked.
I looked at those wide, terror-filled eyes and saw something besides fear, a pleading. They said, "Please, please help me."
"You can stay, and we'll protect you, but if there is an emergency I expect you to do your best. You don't have to fight, but don't be a hindrance."
"What's that mean?" he asked.
"It means if the guns come out, hide under something, get low to the ground. Don't make yourself a target. If my people get hurt and you have a chance to drag them to safety but leave them to die instead, you'll be next."
"I'm not brave, Anita, I'm not even a little bit brave."
"Don't be brave, Gil, just do what you're told, do your best whatever that is, but understand the rules. Keep yourself out of the line of fire because we won't have time to worry about you when the fighting starts. Help if you can, stay out of the way if you can't. Simple."
He nodded, rubbing his chin between his knees, over and over. "Simple," he whispered, "I wish life were simple."
"Life isn't simple, Gil, but a fight is." I knelt in front of him, and I hated the weakness that radiated from him. Dear God, the last thing I needed was another emotional cripple following me around. But I couldn't kick him out. Anita the bleeding heart, who'd have thought it? I stared at him, until his frightened eyes met mine. "A fight is simple, Gil. You protect yourself, your people, and you kill the bad guys. You do whatever it takes to get yourself and your people out alive."
"How do you know who the bad guys are?" he asked, voice almost a whisper.
"Anyone in the room that isn't us," I said.
"And you kill them, just like that?"
I nodded. "Exactly," I said.
"I don't think I could kill anyone."
"Then hide."
He did that chin-rubbing nod thing again, like he was scent marking his own knees. "I can hide, I know how to do that."
I touched his face very gently. He flinched, then relaxed a little. All the animals liked to be touched. "I'm not very good at hiding, maybe you can teach me."
"Why would you need to know how to hide?" he asked.
"Because there's always someone, or something, bigger and badder than you are."
"I can teach you how to hide, but I don't know if I can learn how to kill."
Where had I heard that before? Oh, I knew--Richard. But even he had learned how, in the end. "You'd be surprised what you can learn, Gil, if you have to."
He hugged himself again. "I don't think I want to learn how to kill people."
"Now that," I said, "is a different problem altogether."
"I don't want to," he said.
I stared down at him. "Then don't, but don't let your squeamishness get any of my people killed."
"It's more likely to kill me."
"True, but that's your choice--get yourself killed if you want, but don't bring harm to me or mine because of some moral high ground."
"Would you really kill me for it?"
I knelt back in front of him. "You can stay with me and I'll keep you safe, or die trying, but if you fuck up and cause the death of one of my leopards, or my friends, I will kill you. I don't want you to be crying later and saying you didn't understand. Because if you've earned it, I will shoot you while you beg me not to."
"But who decides whether I deserve it?" he asked.
"I do."
He stared up at me as if he weren't sure if he was safer with me or without me. I watched him think it through and felt nothing, no pity. Because Gil the werefox was a liability. In a combat situation he was a fucking casualty waiting to happen. I was civilized enough to give him protection when he asked, but not civilized enough to pay in the blood of those I held dear. In that moment I knew I wasn't a sociopath, because if I had been, I'd have kicked his ass out the door. Oh, hell, I'd have shot him and put him out of everyone's misery. Instead I offered him a hand, and pulled him to his feet.
"Do you understand the rules?" I asked.
"I understand," he whispered.
"You willing to live by them?"
He gave one small nod.
"You willing to die by them?"
He took a shaky breath, then gave another nod.
I smiled and knew it never reached my eyes. "Then welcome to the club, and keep your head down. There's some business we have to take care of tonight. You can come along." Even I wasn't sure if that was an invitation or a threat.
Chapter 47
THERE WAS STILL a thread of light in the sky, like a slender golden ribbon, glowing against the push of dark, dark clouds when we parked in the back of the Circus of the Damned. The back parking lot was for employees. It was dark, bare, not the least bit entertaining, unlike the front, which was like a carnival. I'd driven past the bright lights and dramatic posters without a second glance.
"Did the clowns up front have fangs?" Caleb asked.
It wasn't until he asked that that I realized that none of them had ever been to the Circus. I undid my seat belt and leaned around so I could see him in the middle section of seats. He was sitting pressed against the door with Merle's broad shoulders crowding him. Nathaniel was on the other side of Merle. Cherry and Zane were in the back seats with Gil. Micah was sitting up front with me. Until we knew my house wasn't a free-fire zone we'd keep everybody together. Rafael had sent two new bodyguards over, but they'd arrived just as we were leaving, and I wouldn't make anyone in the Jeep move. They followed us, not happy, but taking orders, which was good.
I answered Caleb's question. "Yeah, the big spinning clowns on top of the sign have fangs."
"I saw a poster for zombie raisings. Do you do that?" Merle asked.
I shook my head. "I don't believe in using God-given gifts for entertainment purposes."
"I didn't mean to insult you," he said.
I shrugged. "Sorry, I'm a little touchy about shit like that. I don't approve of a lot of things some of my fellow animators do for money."
"You raise the dead for money," Caleb said.
I nodded. "Yeah, but I've turned down more money than I've taken."
"Turned down, why?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Local money who wanted to have his Halloween party in a cemetery so I could raise zombies at midnight. Or the guy that had offered a million if I could raise Marilyn Monroe and guarantee that she'd do anything he asked for a night." I shuddered. "I told that one if I even heard a rumor that he'd gotten someone to do the job, I'd see his ass in prison."
Caleb's eyes were a little wide. I think I'd shocked him. Good to know that I could. "You're deeply moral," Merle said, a tone in his voice like he was surprised.
"My own version of it, yeah."
"You hold to your own rules no matter what?" Merle made it a question.
I nodded. "Most of the time."
"What will make you break your own moral code?"
"Harm to my people, survival, the usual."
Merle's eyes flicked to Micah, sitting beside me. It was a small movement. If I hadn't been looking directly at him, I'd have missed it.
"What?" I asked, glancing from one to the other.
Merle answered, "You sound like Micah."
"You make that sound like a bad thing," I said.
He shook his head. "Not a bad thing, Anita, not a bad thing at all, just unexpected."
"You still don't sound entirely happy about it," I said.
"Merle worries too much," Micah said.
I glanced at him, but he was watching the big man. Micah had tied his hair back while it was still wet, so that it lay flat to his head, utterly straight until it spilled out into the long ponytail, where the curls spilled like froth along his spine. His hair lay like brown velvet against the charcoal gray of his shirt.
"What does Merle worry about?" I asked.
"Taking care of me, mostly, and now, I think, you."
I looked at the big man. "Is that what you're worrying about?"
"Something like that," Merle said. He'd put a clean white T-shirt underneath his jean jacket, but other than that, he was wearing an identical outfit to the first one I'd ever seen him in. If he'd been wearing more leather, he'd have looked like an aging biker.
Micah turned towards me. His shirt made that rich, slithery sound that silk makes against leather seats. The dark gray shirt was short-sleeved, button-up, dressy. The color brought out the gold-green of his eyes, made his skin look even darker. He'd matched the shirt with black jeans, black belt, silver buckle, soft black tie-up shoes. It occurred to me for the first time that he looked like he'd dressed for a date. Had he dressed to impress me or Jean-Claude? It was a semiformal occasion for any alpha to meet the Master of the City. But especially one that was fucking the Master's human servant. I just wasn't sure how to handle the whole situation. Jean-Claude had taken Micah in stride in theory, but how would he react to seeing him in the flesh? How would Micah react to seeing Jean-Claude?
Damn it, I had enough to worry about without having to juggle male egos.
"You're frowning again," Micah said.
I shook my head. "It's nothing. Let's get this over with."
"Why do you sound less than thrilled?"
I had my door open and turned back around to say, "We're here to rescue Damian. I don't know what shape he's going to be in. Why would I be thrilled?"
"I know you're worried about your friend, but are you sure that that's really what's bothering you?"
I frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm nervous about meeting the Master of the City, too."
It was almost like he'd read my mind. We didn't know each other well enough for him to really read me, but ... he was either telepathic, which I didn't believe, or he could read me that well. I wasn't sure which thought bothered me more.
I let out a breath and half slumped in the seat. "Yeah, I'm a little nervous about introducing you to Jean-Claude. He was cool about you in the abstract, even knowing that we've been together, but seeing you in the flesh ..." I tried to think how to word it. "I don't know how he'll feel about that."
"Will it make you feel any better if I promise to behave myself."
"Maybe, if you can pull it off."
"I can pull it off," he said, giving me very serious eye contact. He certainly vibrated sincerity.
"Don't take this wrong, Micah, but I've been disappointed pretty badly recently by the men in my life. It's a little hard to trust that anyone can pull it off."
He reached out to touch me, then let his hand fall back, as if something in my face hadn't been friendly. "I'll do my best tonight, Anita, that I can promise."
I sighed. "I believe you."
"But," he said.
I had to smile. "Your intentions are good, my intentions are good, Jean-Claude's intentions are probably good." I shrugged. "You know what they say about good intentions."
"My best is all I can offer," he said.
"And it's all I can ask, but let's say I'm not exactly sure how to handle this. I'd barely gotten to where I could deal with Richard and Jean-Claude at the same time, and now here you are. I just don't know."
"I can go back to your house," he said.
"No, Jean-Claude asked to meet you."
Micah looked at me. "And that makes you nervous."
I half-laughed. "Oh, yeah."
"Why?"
"If Jean-Claude were having sex with someone else, I wouldn't want to meet them."
Micah shrugged. "Do you think he means me harm?"
"No," I said, "no, nothing like that." I tried to put it into words and couldn't. Maybe it was just my lack of sophistication. How do you introduce boyfriend C to boyfriend A, after boyfriend A has been such a good sport, of late, about boyfriend B, who is no longer in the picture? Or maybe it was the way Jean-Claude had asked for him. "Bring your Nimir-Raj, ma petite, I would like to meet him."
"Why?" I'd asked.
"Am I not entitled to meet the other man in your bed?"
It had made me blush. But here Micah was, and here we were outside the Circus. Jean-Claude was inside, waiting. I was actually more scared about introducing the two of them than I was worried about Damian. If Jean-Claude didn't try and kill Micah, then I'd worry about Damian. I was ninety-nine per-cent sure that Jean-Claude wouldn't start a fight. It was the last one percent that clenched my gut into a tight knot as we moved out into the darkness.
The two new bodyguards came up to flank me as I walked towards the back door. They were both over six feet, male, and radiated bodyguard badass. Other than that they were almost opposites. Cris (no h, it's short for Cristiano) was mid-twenty-something, skin tanned a soft gold, eyes a pale shade of gray blue. His hair was that shade of pale brown that some people call blond. Bobby Lee was over forty, very short hair, gone white gray, eyebrows still black above startling blue eyes, like bits of water-blue sapphires. He had a neatly trimmed mustache and beard that were also black, with the first streaks of white and gray running through them.
Cris had no accent whatsoever, but Bobby Lee's voice was thick as hominy, and twice as Southern.
Nathaniel tried to stand next to me, and Cris moved to keep him away. "He's with me," I said.
"We were ordered to keep you safe. I don't know him."
"Look, both of you, we don't have time for major introductions here. He's one of my wereleopards, so are the two blonds. Micah's the one with the ponytail, the two men with him his leopards."
"Who's the redhead?" Bobby Lee asked.
"Gil, he's a werefox, and he's under my protection, too."
"They're like walking cannon fodder," Cris said.
I frowned up at him. "Most of this cannon fodder are friends, or more, to me. If the shit hits the fan and you save me at the expense of their lives, you will follow them."
"Our orders are to keep you safe, ma'am, no one else," Bobby Lee said.
I shook my head and drew Nathaniel into the crook of my arm. "What would Rafael do if you protected him but got his people slaughtered?"
They glanced at each other. Bobby Lee finally spoke. "It would depend on the situation."
"Yeah, maybe, but I'm armed, and can take care of myself most of the time. I need backup, not interference."
"We weren't told to be backup," Bobby Lee said.
"I know, but tonight there may be a certain amount of grandstanding. Jean-Claude won't let me get hurt, but he might play with some of the others, even me. Don't overreact, okay."
"You're making it so we can't do our job," Cris said.
I shrugged, hugging Nathaniel to me. "I appreciate you being here. I appreciate the help. I might be dead right now if Igor and Claudia hadn't been with me. But there are people who I would risk my life to keep safe, and some of them are with me tonight. All I'm saying is keep cool, don't overreact, don't jump the gun."
Again they looked at each other. I sighed. Bobby Lee was wearing a sleeveless jean jacket over his T-shirt. Cris wore a short-sleeved dress shirt and oversized black tank top untucked, sloppy over his khaki pants. It was too hot to wear a coat. But I was wearing a black silk shirt, open over a black tank top myself. I had my shirt tucked in, and the Firestar 9mm in a front draw across the front of all that black. Most people wouldn't see it, black on black. But the long-sleeved shirt was hiding guns and knives. I was betting that Bobby Lee had at least one gun under his jacket, probably at the small of his back, because there was no bulge, no matter how slight, under either arm. It was hard to see the bulge under Cris's left arm. He'd chosen a shirt with a lot of print on it, bright patterns to distract the eye, but a hot wind blew his shirt back, and I caught a glimpse of his shoulder holster. I couldn't be sure what was under the untucked tank top, but I was betting at least one more gun, in front for a cross-draw, just like mine.
"You cannot shoot anyone tonight unless I say so, how's that for clear?"
"We have our orders," Bobby Lee said, "and they aren't from you."
"Then you can go back to Rafael and tell him I refused your help."
Cris's eyes widened a touch. Bobby Lee's expression never changed. Those pretty blue eyes were as empty as glass, no one home. "Why are you so afraid of taking us inside?" he asked.
I sighed again and tried to put it into words they'd understand and I was willing to share. I couldn't come up with anything, so I tried the truth. "I am about to introduce my Nimir-Raj to the Master of the City for the first time."
"You fucking both of them?" Bobby Lee asked, and the phrase seemed wrong with that Scarlett O'Hara accent.
I started to protest, or bitch, but let it go. "Yeah, I am, and I'm a little worried about how the introduction's going to go."
"You think the Master will try and kill your Nimir-Raj?" Cris asked.
"No, but he may want to play with him, and a vampire's idea of fun and games can get a little odd."
Bobby Lee laughed. "Odd, she says, odd." He laughed again, and it sounded warm and deep and rumbly. The laughter filled his eyes, made them more real. "What she is trying to say, Cris, is that we are about to be entertained just like when the rats meet the hyenas. A show of force with no danger, but maybe a little discomfort."
"Yeah, what he just said."
Cris nodded. "So tonight isn't real."
"It's real," I said, "but it's just not dangerous in any way you can protect me from."
"We're supposed to protect you, period," Cris said.
Bobby Lee clamped him on the shoulder. "We can't protect her from her own love life, Cris. We're supposed to keep her body intact, not her heart."
"Oh," Cris said, and he looked suddenly much younger--early twenties, at best.
Bobby Lee turned to me. "We'll hang back tonight, unless you're in real physical danger."
"I'm glad we understand each other."
His eyes went empty again, the smile still curving his lips. "Oh, we don't understand each other at all, ma'am, I can almost guarantee that, but we'll do what we're told, until we decide not to."
I didn't exactly like the sound of that, but, looking into his empty blue eyes, I knew it was the best I was going to get.
THE MACNAIRS, PLUS bodyguard, promised to drive straight to RPIT's headquarters and give statements. Janet Talbot went with them. Christine didn't really know anything about the werelion's disappearance, so she just went home, promising to be careful. I offered to let her stay at my place until the bad guy, or guys, was caught, but she turned me down flat.
Donovan Reece said, "She is an independent creature."
I could admire that. "I hope her independence doesn't get her hurt."
He shrugged, getting to his feet. I noticed a lump under the front of his pink shirt. "You're armed," I said.
He glanced down at the place where his gun was trying and failing to hide. "I won't let my girls be taken again."
"People, call them people," I said.
He gave me a smile. "They are all girls."
"Humor me," I said.
He gave a small bow of his head. "My people, fine, but I won't let them be taken again."
"Or you either, Donovan. Remember everyone that's vanished has been a leader, not a follower. They chained Nathaniel up because they thought he was you; your people being taken was just incidental."
He met my eyes, suddenly very serious. "You're right. How did you know I was armed?"
"If you're going to tuck a gun into the front of your pants, wear a darker-colored shirt, and maybe one that's a size bigger."
He nodded. "I've never carried a gun before."
"Do you know how to use it?"
"I know how to shoot. I just don't usually carry concealed."
"Do you have a license to carry?"
He blinked at me.
"I take that as a no."
"No," he said.
"Then if you use it and kill someone, it's going to be a headache in court. Carrying concealed without a license will make it an illegal weapon. Depending on the judge, you might see jail time."
"How long does it take to get a license?"
"Longer than you'll want to wait. But check your county and start the process. Or don't start the process, and when you get arrested you can try and claim ignorance of the law. It's not a legal excuse, but it might sway a judge. I don't know. I'd apply for a license and hope it goes through."
"What do I have to do to apply?"
"It differs from county to county. Check with your local police. They'll know who you have to see."
He nodded again. "I'll do that." He looked at me, gray eyes so serious. "Thank you, Anita."
I shrugged. "Just doing my job."
He shook his head. "This isn't your job. You're no one's alpha here. You could have just refused to help us."
"And what good would that have done?" I asked.
"Most of the wereanimals won't help each other."
"You know of all the furry--and feathered--politics, that's the one I understand the least. Just like now, what happens to one group can affect the others. If you guys had been talking to each other, then you'd have known that Henry MacNair went missing, violently missing. It might have put all of you on guard."
"You think it would have prevented the other disappearances?"
"I don't know, but it might have helped. People would have been more cautious, maybe not gone out alone. We might have at least had witnesses."
"It was after my girls--people--got taken and you helped us that Christine came to me. She knew about the bears' Ursa having gone missing. It was Ethan MacNair, not his mother, that told us about his father."
"I bet he paid for going outside his mother's orders," I said.
"Probably," Donovan said, "but you're right, if we'd just bloody talk to each other, we could help each other more."
"Not just in emergencies either," I said.
His eyes narrowed. "You mean a coalition of wereanimals?"
I shrugged. "I hadn't thought that far ahead, but why not? Something where we share information. We've got a lion working with a bunch of snakes. Why should the bad guys get along better than we do?"
"Every time one of the animals talks about joining forces they always mean that they'll be top ... dog. You want to be everybody's Nimir-Ra, Anita?"
"I'm not talking sharing authority. That'll never work without a war. I'm just saying share information, help each other more. When one of the leopards or wolves gets hurt, he, or she, has a place to stay until they're well. That kind of thing."
"Someone would need to be in charge of it."
I felt like grabbing him by the front of the shirt and shaking him. "Why, Donovan, why does anyone have to be in charge? Something happens to one of your swans, you pick up the phone and call me, or Ethan, or Christine. We call someone else. We try to help each other. We don't need a hierarchy, just a willingness to cooperate."
He looked unhappy, almost suspicious. "You don't want to be in charge."
I shook my head. "Donovan, I don't even want to be in charge of what I'm in charge of now. I sure as hell don't want to add to it."
It was Micah, who had been leaning against the wall, so still, so calm that: you forgot he was there, who said, "She's offering you friendship, Donovan "
"Friendship?" He made it sound like a foreign concept.
Micah nodded, pushing away from the wall to stand beside me. "If something goes wrong and you need help, you call your friends."
Donovan frowned hard enough that he formed lines in that flawless skin. "Wereanimals aren't even friends with each other, let alone across species lines."
"That's not true," I said. "Richard," I paused after I'd said his name, as if it hurt, or I was waiting for it to hurt. Micah touched my shoulder, and I put my hand over his, held on. I tried again. "Richard's best friend is one of Rafael's rats. My leopard Vivian is living with, and in love with, Stephen, one of Richard's wolves."
"That's different."
"Why?"
"Because the wolves and rats have a treaty, and through you the leopards and the wolves are joined."
I shook my head. "You're quibbling, Donovan, or deliberately missing the point. Let's just agree to try and help each other, that's all. I don't have any ulterior motives. I'm just trying to keep the damage to a minimum."
"It's true you didn't have to save my girls. It nearly cost you your life."
"And you didn't have to go to the lupanar with me. But you did. That's how it works, cooperation."
He thought for a moment, then nodded. "Agreed. I'll try to get the others to agree also. You're right, you are right. If we'd just talk to each other, we could prevent a lot of bad things from happening."
"Great," I said, and let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I wanted this. I wanted them to talk to each other, to help each other.
Someone cleared their throat, softly. It made us all look at Gil. He was still huddled beside the couch, where he'd been the entire time. "You have something to say?" Donovan asked.
"How far does this new spirit of cooperation go?" he asked. His uptilted green eyes were almost round with anxiety. He gripped his knees so hard his hands were mottled. He was scared; you could smell it on him, that and a neck-ruffling scent that I didn't recognize.
"What do you mean?" Donovan asked.
"I'm actually talking to Anita," Gil said.
I glanced at Micah then back to the man huddled on the floor. "What do you want to know?" I asked.
"I'm the only werefox in town. I don't have an alpha, or any family." He stopped there and licked his lips nervously.
"And?" I said.
"How much help are you willing to give?"
"How much do you need?"
"Can I stay with you until this thing, or whatever, is caught?"
I felt my eyes go wide. I opened my mouth, closed it, exchanged a look with Micah. He shrugged. "It has to be your call. It's your house."
Point. I turned back to Gil. "I don't know you at all. If you are a bad person, and you do bad things to my people, I will kill you, but if you really just want someplace to hide for a few days, you can stay."
He seemed to get smaller, more huddled. "I won't hurt anybody. I just want to feel safe again, that's all."
I looked at Donovan. "Do you know anything about him?"
"He's scared of his own shadow. I wouldn't trust him to help in an emergency. I think he'd save himself first."
Gil didn't argue with Donovan's estimation of him, he just huddled, trembling. "If we only help the strong ones, then we're not helping ourselves," I said.
"You'll take him in, knowing he can't help you in a fight, and would probably run to save his own skin?" Donovan asked.
I looked at those wide, terror-filled eyes and saw something besides fear, a pleading. They said, "Please, please help me."
"You can stay, and we'll protect you, but if there is an emergency I expect you to do your best. You don't have to fight, but don't be a hindrance."
"What's that mean?" he asked.
"It means if the guns come out, hide under something, get low to the ground. Don't make yourself a target. If my people get hurt and you have a chance to drag them to safety but leave them to die instead, you'll be next."
"I'm not brave, Anita, I'm not even a little bit brave."
"Don't be brave, Gil, just do what you're told, do your best whatever that is, but understand the rules. Keep yourself out of the line of fire because we won't have time to worry about you when the fighting starts. Help if you can, stay out of the way if you can't. Simple."
He nodded, rubbing his chin between his knees, over and over. "Simple," he whispered, "I wish life were simple."
"Life isn't simple, Gil, but a fight is." I knelt in front of him, and I hated the weakness that radiated from him. Dear God, the last thing I needed was another emotional cripple following me around. But I couldn't kick him out. Anita the bleeding heart, who'd have thought it? I stared at him, until his frightened eyes met mine. "A fight is simple, Gil. You protect yourself, your people, and you kill the bad guys. You do whatever it takes to get yourself and your people out alive."
"How do you know who the bad guys are?" he asked, voice almost a whisper.
"Anyone in the room that isn't us," I said.
"And you kill them, just like that?"
I nodded. "Exactly," I said.
"I don't think I could kill anyone."
"Then hide."
He did that chin-rubbing nod thing again, like he was scent marking his own knees. "I can hide, I know how to do that."
I touched his face very gently. He flinched, then relaxed a little. All the animals liked to be touched. "I'm not very good at hiding, maybe you can teach me."
"Why would you need to know how to hide?" he asked.
"Because there's always someone, or something, bigger and badder than you are."
"I can teach you how to hide, but I don't know if I can learn how to kill."
Where had I heard that before? Oh, I knew--Richard. But even he had learned how, in the end. "You'd be surprised what you can learn, Gil, if you have to."
He hugged himself again. "I don't think I want to learn how to kill people."
"Now that," I said, "is a different problem altogether."
"I don't want to," he said.
I stared down at him. "Then don't, but don't let your squeamishness get any of my people killed."
"It's more likely to kill me."
"True, but that's your choice--get yourself killed if you want, but don't bring harm to me or mine because of some moral high ground."
"Would you really kill me for it?"
I knelt back in front of him. "You can stay with me and I'll keep you safe, or die trying, but if you fuck up and cause the death of one of my leopards, or my friends, I will kill you. I don't want you to be crying later and saying you didn't understand. Because if you've earned it, I will shoot you while you beg me not to."
"But who decides whether I deserve it?" he asked.
"I do."
He stared up at me as if he weren't sure if he was safer with me or without me. I watched him think it through and felt nothing, no pity. Because Gil the werefox was a liability. In a combat situation he was a fucking casualty waiting to happen. I was civilized enough to give him protection when he asked, but not civilized enough to pay in the blood of those I held dear. In that moment I knew I wasn't a sociopath, because if I had been, I'd have kicked his ass out the door. Oh, hell, I'd have shot him and put him out of everyone's misery. Instead I offered him a hand, and pulled him to his feet.
"Do you understand the rules?" I asked.
"I understand," he whispered.
"You willing to live by them?"
He gave one small nod.
"You willing to die by them?"
He took a shaky breath, then gave another nod.
I smiled and knew it never reached my eyes. "Then welcome to the club, and keep your head down. There's some business we have to take care of tonight. You can come along." Even I wasn't sure if that was an invitation or a threat.
Chapter 47
THERE WAS STILL a thread of light in the sky, like a slender golden ribbon, glowing against the push of dark, dark clouds when we parked in the back of the Circus of the Damned. The back parking lot was for employees. It was dark, bare, not the least bit entertaining, unlike the front, which was like a carnival. I'd driven past the bright lights and dramatic posters without a second glance.
"Did the clowns up front have fangs?" Caleb asked.
It wasn't until he asked that that I realized that none of them had ever been to the Circus. I undid my seat belt and leaned around so I could see him in the middle section of seats. He was sitting pressed against the door with Merle's broad shoulders crowding him. Nathaniel was on the other side of Merle. Cherry and Zane were in the back seats with Gil. Micah was sitting up front with me. Until we knew my house wasn't a free-fire zone we'd keep everybody together. Rafael had sent two new bodyguards over, but they'd arrived just as we were leaving, and I wouldn't make anyone in the Jeep move. They followed us, not happy, but taking orders, which was good.
I answered Caleb's question. "Yeah, the big spinning clowns on top of the sign have fangs."
"I saw a poster for zombie raisings. Do you do that?" Merle asked.
I shook my head. "I don't believe in using God-given gifts for entertainment purposes."
"I didn't mean to insult you," he said.
I shrugged. "Sorry, I'm a little touchy about shit like that. I don't approve of a lot of things some of my fellow animators do for money."
"You raise the dead for money," Caleb said.
I nodded. "Yeah, but I've turned down more money than I've taken."
"Turned down, why?" he asked.
I shrugged. "Local money who wanted to have his Halloween party in a cemetery so I could raise zombies at midnight. Or the guy that had offered a million if I could raise Marilyn Monroe and guarantee that she'd do anything he asked for a night." I shuddered. "I told that one if I even heard a rumor that he'd gotten someone to do the job, I'd see his ass in prison."
Caleb's eyes were a little wide. I think I'd shocked him. Good to know that I could. "You're deeply moral," Merle said, a tone in his voice like he was surprised.
"My own version of it, yeah."
"You hold to your own rules no matter what?" Merle made it a question.
I nodded. "Most of the time."
"What will make you break your own moral code?"
"Harm to my people, survival, the usual."
Merle's eyes flicked to Micah, sitting beside me. It was a small movement. If I hadn't been looking directly at him, I'd have missed it.
"What?" I asked, glancing from one to the other.
Merle answered, "You sound like Micah."
"You make that sound like a bad thing," I said.
He shook his head. "Not a bad thing, Anita, not a bad thing at all, just unexpected."
"You still don't sound entirely happy about it," I said.
"Merle worries too much," Micah said.
I glanced at him, but he was watching the big man. Micah had tied his hair back while it was still wet, so that it lay flat to his head, utterly straight until it spilled out into the long ponytail, where the curls spilled like froth along his spine. His hair lay like brown velvet against the charcoal gray of his shirt.
"What does Merle worry about?" I asked.
"Taking care of me, mostly, and now, I think, you."
I looked at the big man. "Is that what you're worrying about?"
"Something like that," Merle said. He'd put a clean white T-shirt underneath his jean jacket, but other than that, he was wearing an identical outfit to the first one I'd ever seen him in. If he'd been wearing more leather, he'd have looked like an aging biker.
Micah turned towards me. His shirt made that rich, slithery sound that silk makes against leather seats. The dark gray shirt was short-sleeved, button-up, dressy. The color brought out the gold-green of his eyes, made his skin look even darker. He'd matched the shirt with black jeans, black belt, silver buckle, soft black tie-up shoes. It occurred to me for the first time that he looked like he'd dressed for a date. Had he dressed to impress me or Jean-Claude? It was a semiformal occasion for any alpha to meet the Master of the City. But especially one that was fucking the Master's human servant. I just wasn't sure how to handle the whole situation. Jean-Claude had taken Micah in stride in theory, but how would he react to seeing him in the flesh? How would Micah react to seeing Jean-Claude?
Damn it, I had enough to worry about without having to juggle male egos.
"You're frowning again," Micah said.
I shook my head. "It's nothing. Let's get this over with."
"Why do you sound less than thrilled?"
I had my door open and turned back around to say, "We're here to rescue Damian. I don't know what shape he's going to be in. Why would I be thrilled?"
"I know you're worried about your friend, but are you sure that that's really what's bothering you?"
I frowned at him. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm nervous about meeting the Master of the City, too."
It was almost like he'd read my mind. We didn't know each other well enough for him to really read me, but ... he was either telepathic, which I didn't believe, or he could read me that well. I wasn't sure which thought bothered me more.
I let out a breath and half slumped in the seat. "Yeah, I'm a little nervous about introducing you to Jean-Claude. He was cool about you in the abstract, even knowing that we've been together, but seeing you in the flesh ..." I tried to think how to word it. "I don't know how he'll feel about that."
"Will it make you feel any better if I promise to behave myself."
"Maybe, if you can pull it off."
"I can pull it off," he said, giving me very serious eye contact. He certainly vibrated sincerity.
"Don't take this wrong, Micah, but I've been disappointed pretty badly recently by the men in my life. It's a little hard to trust that anyone can pull it off."
He reached out to touch me, then let his hand fall back, as if something in my face hadn't been friendly. "I'll do my best tonight, Anita, that I can promise."
I sighed. "I believe you."
"But," he said.
I had to smile. "Your intentions are good, my intentions are good, Jean-Claude's intentions are probably good." I shrugged. "You know what they say about good intentions."
"My best is all I can offer," he said.
"And it's all I can ask, but let's say I'm not exactly sure how to handle this. I'd barely gotten to where I could deal with Richard and Jean-Claude at the same time, and now here you are. I just don't know."
"I can go back to your house," he said.
"No, Jean-Claude asked to meet you."
Micah looked at me. "And that makes you nervous."
I half-laughed. "Oh, yeah."
"Why?"
"If Jean-Claude were having sex with someone else, I wouldn't want to meet them."
Micah shrugged. "Do you think he means me harm?"
"No," I said, "no, nothing like that." I tried to put it into words and couldn't. Maybe it was just my lack of sophistication. How do you introduce boyfriend C to boyfriend A, after boyfriend A has been such a good sport, of late, about boyfriend B, who is no longer in the picture? Or maybe it was the way Jean-Claude had asked for him. "Bring your Nimir-Raj, ma petite, I would like to meet him."
"Why?" I'd asked.
"Am I not entitled to meet the other man in your bed?"
It had made me blush. But here Micah was, and here we were outside the Circus. Jean-Claude was inside, waiting. I was actually more scared about introducing the two of them than I was worried about Damian. If Jean-Claude didn't try and kill Micah, then I'd worry about Damian. I was ninety-nine per-cent sure that Jean-Claude wouldn't start a fight. It was the last one percent that clenched my gut into a tight knot as we moved out into the darkness.
The two new bodyguards came up to flank me as I walked towards the back door. They were both over six feet, male, and radiated bodyguard badass. Other than that they were almost opposites. Cris (no h, it's short for Cristiano) was mid-twenty-something, skin tanned a soft gold, eyes a pale shade of gray blue. His hair was that shade of pale brown that some people call blond. Bobby Lee was over forty, very short hair, gone white gray, eyebrows still black above startling blue eyes, like bits of water-blue sapphires. He had a neatly trimmed mustache and beard that were also black, with the first streaks of white and gray running through them.
Cris had no accent whatsoever, but Bobby Lee's voice was thick as hominy, and twice as Southern.
Nathaniel tried to stand next to me, and Cris moved to keep him away. "He's with me," I said.
"We were ordered to keep you safe. I don't know him."
"Look, both of you, we don't have time for major introductions here. He's one of my wereleopards, so are the two blonds. Micah's the one with the ponytail, the two men with him his leopards."
"Who's the redhead?" Bobby Lee asked.
"Gil, he's a werefox, and he's under my protection, too."
"They're like walking cannon fodder," Cris said.
I frowned up at him. "Most of this cannon fodder are friends, or more, to me. If the shit hits the fan and you save me at the expense of their lives, you will follow them."
"Our orders are to keep you safe, ma'am, no one else," Bobby Lee said.
I shook my head and drew Nathaniel into the crook of my arm. "What would Rafael do if you protected him but got his people slaughtered?"
They glanced at each other. Bobby Lee finally spoke. "It would depend on the situation."
"Yeah, maybe, but I'm armed, and can take care of myself most of the time. I need backup, not interference."
"We weren't told to be backup," Bobby Lee said.
"I know, but tonight there may be a certain amount of grandstanding. Jean-Claude won't let me get hurt, but he might play with some of the others, even me. Don't overreact, okay."
"You're making it so we can't do our job," Cris said.
I shrugged, hugging Nathaniel to me. "I appreciate you being here. I appreciate the help. I might be dead right now if Igor and Claudia hadn't been with me. But there are people who I would risk my life to keep safe, and some of them are with me tonight. All I'm saying is keep cool, don't overreact, don't jump the gun."
Again they looked at each other. I sighed. Bobby Lee was wearing a sleeveless jean jacket over his T-shirt. Cris wore a short-sleeved dress shirt and oversized black tank top untucked, sloppy over his khaki pants. It was too hot to wear a coat. But I was wearing a black silk shirt, open over a black tank top myself. I had my shirt tucked in, and the Firestar 9mm in a front draw across the front of all that black. Most people wouldn't see it, black on black. But the long-sleeved shirt was hiding guns and knives. I was betting that Bobby Lee had at least one gun under his jacket, probably at the small of his back, because there was no bulge, no matter how slight, under either arm. It was hard to see the bulge under Cris's left arm. He'd chosen a shirt with a lot of print on it, bright patterns to distract the eye, but a hot wind blew his shirt back, and I caught a glimpse of his shoulder holster. I couldn't be sure what was under the untucked tank top, but I was betting at least one more gun, in front for a cross-draw, just like mine.
"You cannot shoot anyone tonight unless I say so, how's that for clear?"
"We have our orders," Bobby Lee said, "and they aren't from you."
"Then you can go back to Rafael and tell him I refused your help."
Cris's eyes widened a touch. Bobby Lee's expression never changed. Those pretty blue eyes were as empty as glass, no one home. "Why are you so afraid of taking us inside?" he asked.
I sighed again and tried to put it into words they'd understand and I was willing to share. I couldn't come up with anything, so I tried the truth. "I am about to introduce my Nimir-Raj to the Master of the City for the first time."
"You fucking both of them?" Bobby Lee asked, and the phrase seemed wrong with that Scarlett O'Hara accent.
I started to protest, or bitch, but let it go. "Yeah, I am, and I'm a little worried about how the introduction's going to go."
"You think the Master will try and kill your Nimir-Raj?" Cris asked.
"No, but he may want to play with him, and a vampire's idea of fun and games can get a little odd."
Bobby Lee laughed. "Odd, she says, odd." He laughed again, and it sounded warm and deep and rumbly. The laughter filled his eyes, made them more real. "What she is trying to say, Cris, is that we are about to be entertained just like when the rats meet the hyenas. A show of force with no danger, but maybe a little discomfort."
"Yeah, what he just said."
Cris nodded. "So tonight isn't real."
"It's real," I said, "but it's just not dangerous in any way you can protect me from."
"We're supposed to protect you, period," Cris said.
Bobby Lee clamped him on the shoulder. "We can't protect her from her own love life, Cris. We're supposed to keep her body intact, not her heart."
"Oh," Cris said, and he looked suddenly much younger--early twenties, at best.
Bobby Lee turned to me. "We'll hang back tonight, unless you're in real physical danger."
"I'm glad we understand each other."
His eyes went empty again, the smile still curving his lips. "Oh, we don't understand each other at all, ma'am, I can almost guarantee that, but we'll do what we're told, until we decide not to."
I didn't exactly like the sound of that, but, looking into his empty blue eyes, I knew it was the best I was going to get.
