Needing Her
Page 36
I sat there staring at the floor and chewing on the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself from saying what I so badly wanted to. But, in the end, it still came out. “When we were adopted, you were terrified of new men. Anytime you saw a man that was older, you would start shaking. It took you years of being asked out by guys at school before you finally said yes, and then you came home crying because you were afraid he would turn out just. Like. Him. Until Kevin came along, the only man you ever trusted was Dad. I have nightmares of me being the one to beat my future family. I never once judged you or said a word; I was just there for you. So don’t start judging me because of this.”
“I just want you to be happy. Cassidy may have understood better than most, but you have to know that you wouldn’t have done anything to her or your future family with her if it had ever even gone that route. But all you can see, or think about, with her is that she would understand. You’re not letting yourself realize that even you understood that you wouldn’t hurt her. You won’t hurt anyone, Connor.”
I looked up and instantly felt like shit when I saw her crying. “Fuck, Amy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that, though.”
“I’ve seen how much Maci has changed you, and I saw how happy you were last week. I know you won’t turn into him. But if you won’t let yourself have that, then don’t lead Maci on with the pretense that something will happen between you two. I can see it, you may not realize it yet—maybe because you just don’t want to—but you love her. She’s going to see it too, so don’t do this to her. Don’t break her heart when you know that you can’t give her what she’s going to want.”
I knew what she was saying, and knew I needed to listen to her. My head started to nod, but shook instead. “I can’t stay away from her. I tried, but Cassidy didn’t even consume me the way Maci does. It’s like, now that I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass, I’m trying to make up for all the time I’ve already lost with her. I can’t get enough of her, and I hate when I’m not near her. I hate that she’s mad at me right now, and it’s killing me because I know I still won’t tell her when I go home.”
“You have to tell her.”
“Amy, I just told you—”
“Tell her, or stop wasting her time. I know you’ve tried to protect me since Mom and Dad adopted us, and I appreciate what you did. But, I love you too much to let you ruin yourself and Maci like this.”
I just sat there, not knowing what to say after that. If only it was as simple as she made it seem.
Maci
TURNING AROUND TO face Amber, I blew out a deep breath and asked, “Okay, I look hot, right?”
“For the tenth time, yes, you do! I still don’t know why you’re trying to make him drool over you when you left his bed just this morning, but whatever.”
Amber wouldn’t understand what had happened between Connor and me this morning. It would seem stupid on my part, but she hadn’t seen the way Connor had hidden and protected his sister for as long as I’d known him. She was a huge part of his life, and I didn’t know what it was, but whatever it was he was keeping from everyone had everything to do with her.
Turning back toward the bar that I knew my brothers were at with Connor, I squared my shoulders and said, “Just want to make sure I drive him crazy tonight.”
“Mission accomplished. I’m betting he won’t last the entire time we’re here before he makes a move toward you.”
I smiled to myself. I was betting the same damn thing. I was wearing my dark skinny jeans with ridiculously high heels I’d borrowed from Amber, but the shirt . . . well, we’d gone on a hunt for it today. What little fabric there was, was a bright green color that connected in a knot low on the small of my back, and with a gold chain around my neck. The front was cut so low that I couldn’t wear a bra—not like I needed one anyway. It’d cost a stupid amount of money since all it covered was my boobs and stomach, but I was hoping it’d be worth it.
I’d spotted them sitting at a table with a pitcher of beer among them as soon as we walked in, and like he could sense I was there, he turned and his eyes went wide when he saw me. I watched as he took me in, and loved when his blue eyes met mine again. They were dark with want. Good.
Walking past their table, I paused when Dakota called my name, and tried not to smile. “Amber, please remember to stay away from my brothers tonight.”
“But they’re so—”
“You’re dating Aaron!” I hissed before turning around to walk toward their table. “Can I help you?” I asked lazily and eyed Dakota before punching Dylan’s arm when I caught him checking out Amber.
“The f**k are you wearing?” Dakota asked.
“Um . . . clothes?”
“You need to put more on,” Dylan added, and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.
“I’m not putting your jacket on, I look fine. Was there something else you needed?”
Dakota pinched my arm, and I smacked his hand as I jumped away from him. “We’ll be watching you, Maci.”
“That’s nice.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I turned without looking at Connor. Everything in me wanted to rebel against the action, but I had this planned out.
Twenty minutes after we’d walked away from the table, I walked toward the restrooms and waited in the hall, hoping like hell I would be right about this. And not two minutes later, Connor was storming down the hall toward me, a determined look on his handsome face.
“I just want you to be happy. Cassidy may have understood better than most, but you have to know that you wouldn’t have done anything to her or your future family with her if it had ever even gone that route. But all you can see, or think about, with her is that she would understand. You’re not letting yourself realize that even you understood that you wouldn’t hurt her. You won’t hurt anyone, Connor.”
I looked up and instantly felt like shit when I saw her crying. “Fuck, Amy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I don’t know. I shouldn’t have said that, though.”
“I’ve seen how much Maci has changed you, and I saw how happy you were last week. I know you won’t turn into him. But if you won’t let yourself have that, then don’t lead Maci on with the pretense that something will happen between you two. I can see it, you may not realize it yet—maybe because you just don’t want to—but you love her. She’s going to see it too, so don’t do this to her. Don’t break her heart when you know that you can’t give her what she’s going to want.”
I knew what she was saying, and knew I needed to listen to her. My head started to nod, but shook instead. “I can’t stay away from her. I tried, but Cassidy didn’t even consume me the way Maci does. It’s like, now that I’ve finally pulled my head out of my ass, I’m trying to make up for all the time I’ve already lost with her. I can’t get enough of her, and I hate when I’m not near her. I hate that she’s mad at me right now, and it’s killing me because I know I still won’t tell her when I go home.”
“You have to tell her.”
“Amy, I just told you—”
“Tell her, or stop wasting her time. I know you’ve tried to protect me since Mom and Dad adopted us, and I appreciate what you did. But, I love you too much to let you ruin yourself and Maci like this.”
I just sat there, not knowing what to say after that. If only it was as simple as she made it seem.
Maci
TURNING AROUND TO face Amber, I blew out a deep breath and asked, “Okay, I look hot, right?”
“For the tenth time, yes, you do! I still don’t know why you’re trying to make him drool over you when you left his bed just this morning, but whatever.”
Amber wouldn’t understand what had happened between Connor and me this morning. It would seem stupid on my part, but she hadn’t seen the way Connor had hidden and protected his sister for as long as I’d known him. She was a huge part of his life, and I didn’t know what it was, but whatever it was he was keeping from everyone had everything to do with her.
Turning back toward the bar that I knew my brothers were at with Connor, I squared my shoulders and said, “Just want to make sure I drive him crazy tonight.”
“Mission accomplished. I’m betting he won’t last the entire time we’re here before he makes a move toward you.”
I smiled to myself. I was betting the same damn thing. I was wearing my dark skinny jeans with ridiculously high heels I’d borrowed from Amber, but the shirt . . . well, we’d gone on a hunt for it today. What little fabric there was, was a bright green color that connected in a knot low on the small of my back, and with a gold chain around my neck. The front was cut so low that I couldn’t wear a bra—not like I needed one anyway. It’d cost a stupid amount of money since all it covered was my boobs and stomach, but I was hoping it’d be worth it.
I’d spotted them sitting at a table with a pitcher of beer among them as soon as we walked in, and like he could sense I was there, he turned and his eyes went wide when he saw me. I watched as he took me in, and loved when his blue eyes met mine again. They were dark with want. Good.
Walking past their table, I paused when Dakota called my name, and tried not to smile. “Amber, please remember to stay away from my brothers tonight.”
“But they’re so—”
“You’re dating Aaron!” I hissed before turning around to walk toward their table. “Can I help you?” I asked lazily and eyed Dakota before punching Dylan’s arm when I caught him checking out Amber.
“The f**k are you wearing?” Dakota asked.
“Um . . . clothes?”
“You need to put more on,” Dylan added, and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair.
“I’m not putting your jacket on, I look fine. Was there something else you needed?”
Dakota pinched my arm, and I smacked his hand as I jumped away from him. “We’ll be watching you, Maci.”
“That’s nice.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I turned without looking at Connor. Everything in me wanted to rebel against the action, but I had this planned out.
Twenty minutes after we’d walked away from the table, I walked toward the restrooms and waited in the hall, hoping like hell I would be right about this. And not two minutes later, Connor was storming down the hall toward me, a determined look on his handsome face.
