Never Enough
Page 55
Incorrigible.
“I don’t go out on a lot of dates. I don’t have a lot of love affairs and I don’t f**k people on my couch in the middle of the day.” She closed her eyes. He’d given her insight into his heart, into his head and she owed him that sort of intimacy in return. “It’s a very personal thing, what I like. What makes me hot and melty.” She smiled as he made a humming sound deep in his gut. “I like sex. I like it—raw, hot, hard, dirty. It’s not easy to trust someone else enough to let go and be that.”
Needing a little time, she leaned forward to grab her mug. It was cold in the house so she reached for her blouse and instead, he handed her his T-shirt.
When she smiled her thanks, she caught his gaze. He watched her, she saw, understanding what she’d just said.
“So when I say it’s just you, I mean that. I can be who I am with you. That’s—well, it’s hard to put into words what it means.”
“You don’t have to because I get it. Every single day when I leave my house, or leave the places I feel safe in, I have to deal with people thinking they know me and they don’t.
“There are very few people I can truly be who I am with. You and Miles are two of them.” He blushed, adding quickly, “For different reasons obviously.”
She laughed. “I figured that.”
“I’d like to talk with you about Miles staying with me on some weekends here and there. Obviously you too. As the holidays approach there’ll be a lot of family events and we want him to take part.”
She knew to expect this, but it was still hard to let go. “As long as his schedule is accommodating, I’m fine if he is. I don’t know if he’s ready for solo time yet. He might be. I can talk with him about it.”
“I want you to be there too.” He put his tea down and faced her fully, which only distracted her because his upper body was still naked and he looked yummy. “I like being with you. You’re Miles’s mom and my . . . god . . . my girlfriend. Adult words for this stuff are weird.”
She was? Stunned and wildly flattered, she sought words. “Just give me the dates and we can work it out.”
“And I want to give him some money.”
He put his hands up defensively when she glared at him.
“Like an allowance. Or a bank account. I’d—I’d like to set up a bank account for him so he has walking-around money. He needs new strings, for instance.”
“I bought him new strings yesterday.”
“You have no idea what it feels like to grow up with nothing.”
“Okay, first of all, are you insinuating that Miles has nothing? And that I have no idea? Fuck off!” She pushed from the couch, pissed off all over again. “Can you possibly imagine I don’t know what it means to be poor?”
“No. Damn it, Gillian, stop trying to pick a fight. The words came out wrong. Okay? Obviously you’ve provided him with a great life. But if a guy can’t get new strings, what possible harm can it do to be able to go to the ATM and grab some cash? Or if he wants to order something online? And as far as what I imagine, that’s pretty much what I have to do since today is the first time you’ve really told me anything about yourself that had nothing to do with Miles.”
Even in his T-shirt, she looked murderous as she glared his way. He exhaled hard, not meaning to have said things that way. “I appreciate that you shared with me. It means something to me that you did. I’m altogether new at this relationship thing. I don’t do them, really. But this isn’t just a romantic relationship. We’re parents too, and I’m new at that and you’re not, and I just want to do something and you keep stopping me. I missed thirteen years of his life.”
“I am not angry at you for doing for Miles.” She paused a moment, thinking better of it. “All right, so I was angry about the bike for a little while. Silly and petty, I know. I’d been saving to give him a bike myself. But I don’t think you did it deliberately to mess with my Christmas plans. It’s a nicer bike than he’d have gotten from me anyway. You wanted to make him feel at home in your house. To have the things his cousins have. I appreciate that.”
“I always get all prepared to be mad and stay on my high horse and then you go and disarm me with your honesty. We can do this, you know.”
“Adrian, you and I are going to fight. You know that, right? Oh, I made a rhyme.” She snorted and he couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not staff. I’m not a fan. I’m a real person in your life because of the man, not because of the star.”
Nothing else she could have said would have disarmed him the same way. “C’mere.”
She eyed him warily. “Why?”
“I want to grope you and it’s much easier to do here on the couch than with you across the room scowling at me.”
She sighed theatrically and moved back to him, allowing him to pull her into his lap.
“That’s better.”
“You can set up an account for him. I give him twenty dollars a week for his chores and keeping his grades up. I’d ask you not to go wild. I use that to be sure he doesn’t muck about and gets his work turned in.”
He nuzzled her neck, where he liked it best, and by the way she hummed softly, she liked it too.
“You’re pretty fierce when you’re protecting our son. That makes me hot.”
“Everything makes you hot.”
“I don’t go out on a lot of dates. I don’t have a lot of love affairs and I don’t f**k people on my couch in the middle of the day.” She closed her eyes. He’d given her insight into his heart, into his head and she owed him that sort of intimacy in return. “It’s a very personal thing, what I like. What makes me hot and melty.” She smiled as he made a humming sound deep in his gut. “I like sex. I like it—raw, hot, hard, dirty. It’s not easy to trust someone else enough to let go and be that.”
Needing a little time, she leaned forward to grab her mug. It was cold in the house so she reached for her blouse and instead, he handed her his T-shirt.
When she smiled her thanks, she caught his gaze. He watched her, she saw, understanding what she’d just said.
“So when I say it’s just you, I mean that. I can be who I am with you. That’s—well, it’s hard to put into words what it means.”
“You don’t have to because I get it. Every single day when I leave my house, or leave the places I feel safe in, I have to deal with people thinking they know me and they don’t.
“There are very few people I can truly be who I am with. You and Miles are two of them.” He blushed, adding quickly, “For different reasons obviously.”
She laughed. “I figured that.”
“I’d like to talk with you about Miles staying with me on some weekends here and there. Obviously you too. As the holidays approach there’ll be a lot of family events and we want him to take part.”
She knew to expect this, but it was still hard to let go. “As long as his schedule is accommodating, I’m fine if he is. I don’t know if he’s ready for solo time yet. He might be. I can talk with him about it.”
“I want you to be there too.” He put his tea down and faced her fully, which only distracted her because his upper body was still naked and he looked yummy. “I like being with you. You’re Miles’s mom and my . . . god . . . my girlfriend. Adult words for this stuff are weird.”
She was? Stunned and wildly flattered, she sought words. “Just give me the dates and we can work it out.”
“And I want to give him some money.”
He put his hands up defensively when she glared at him.
“Like an allowance. Or a bank account. I’d—I’d like to set up a bank account for him so he has walking-around money. He needs new strings, for instance.”
“I bought him new strings yesterday.”
“You have no idea what it feels like to grow up with nothing.”
“Okay, first of all, are you insinuating that Miles has nothing? And that I have no idea? Fuck off!” She pushed from the couch, pissed off all over again. “Can you possibly imagine I don’t know what it means to be poor?”
“No. Damn it, Gillian, stop trying to pick a fight. The words came out wrong. Okay? Obviously you’ve provided him with a great life. But if a guy can’t get new strings, what possible harm can it do to be able to go to the ATM and grab some cash? Or if he wants to order something online? And as far as what I imagine, that’s pretty much what I have to do since today is the first time you’ve really told me anything about yourself that had nothing to do with Miles.”
Even in his T-shirt, she looked murderous as she glared his way. He exhaled hard, not meaning to have said things that way. “I appreciate that you shared with me. It means something to me that you did. I’m altogether new at this relationship thing. I don’t do them, really. But this isn’t just a romantic relationship. We’re parents too, and I’m new at that and you’re not, and I just want to do something and you keep stopping me. I missed thirteen years of his life.”
“I am not angry at you for doing for Miles.” She paused a moment, thinking better of it. “All right, so I was angry about the bike for a little while. Silly and petty, I know. I’d been saving to give him a bike myself. But I don’t think you did it deliberately to mess with my Christmas plans. It’s a nicer bike than he’d have gotten from me anyway. You wanted to make him feel at home in your house. To have the things his cousins have. I appreciate that.”
“I always get all prepared to be mad and stay on my high horse and then you go and disarm me with your honesty. We can do this, you know.”
“Adrian, you and I are going to fight. You know that, right? Oh, I made a rhyme.” She snorted and he couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not staff. I’m not a fan. I’m a real person in your life because of the man, not because of the star.”
Nothing else she could have said would have disarmed him the same way. “C’mere.”
She eyed him warily. “Why?”
“I want to grope you and it’s much easier to do here on the couch than with you across the room scowling at me.”
She sighed theatrically and moved back to him, allowing him to pull her into his lap.
“That’s better.”
“You can set up an account for him. I give him twenty dollars a week for his chores and keeping his grades up. I’d ask you not to go wild. I use that to be sure he doesn’t muck about and gets his work turned in.”
He nuzzled her neck, where he liked it best, and by the way she hummed softly, she liked it too.
“You’re pretty fierce when you’re protecting our son. That makes me hot.”
“Everything makes you hot.”
