Next to Never
Page 21
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I asked.
He released a nervous laugh, and I stood frozen, my eyes on Jared but my head consumed with Jase.
“I’m a man who gets paid a lot of money to talk a good talk,” he explained. “But you’re my kryptonite. I feel like a sixteen-year-old kid who can’t form a fucking sentence.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, loving that I had any power over him. “I like the house.”
“Just ‘like’?”
I ran my hand over the bannister as I walked down the hall to the kitchen. “I love the house. Jared loves the yard. I . . .”
I stopped, unable to get over the lump in my throat. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I should do, and they were complete opposites. The war in my head was in deciding if the consequences were worth it.
He was silent as well, and I didn’t know if he was trying not to push me, if he’d reconsidered, or if he honestly didn’t know what to say. I had no idea if I’d been his only affair, but I gathered this was new territory for him. He bought me a house and car. I had to be important to him, right?
But then again, he wasn’t asking me to divorce Thomas. And he hadn’t offered to do the same.
I looked down at the floor, so nervous my stomach was as tight as a knot. “What do you want with me?” I asked again.
“Whatever you want to give me,” he answered. “I want a woman who can’t get enough of me, Kat. If you can’t give me that, then keep the house and the car, and don’t call me again.”
I closed my eyes as tears pooled. It was too much.
I could enjoy a man and sever the emotions when it was just sex, but . . . I was old enough to know, if you crave someone bad enough, sex turns into something else.
And “something else” can get very complicated and very painful.
“Jared goes to sleep at seven,” I nearly whispered, gripping the phone as anticipation swirled in my stomach. “Do you have a key?”
His voice was raspy. “No.”
“I’ll leave the door open for you then,” I told him. “Please hurry.”
• • •
Thomas would find out where I was. I hadn’t seen him in four days, but he’d pop up. I’d heard he was fooling around with someone else, something that I didn’t doubt. Let him get her pregnant and hopefully that would be the last I’d see of him.
Of course, I wouldn’t wish him on any woman, but whoever she was she would learn her lessons as quickly as I’d learned mine, no doubt.
After feeding and bathing Jared, I settled him into his new crib, brought the radio up, and turned on some faint music and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. I discovered early on he didn’t care for my singing, but if I played the radio, the kid fell to sleep pretty quickly. He liked noise.
I’d picked the room that faced the tree between our house and the neighbor’s for him, knowing that he would probably like it as he grew up. I’m sure he’d be trying to climb the tree in a few years, but I’d worry about that later. Moving in to my own home was enough of an adjustment for right now.
Traipsing back downstairs, I finished putting away everything I’d managed to salvage in the rush to leave my former place and set up the lamps and pictures on the mantel.
A mantel. I put my hand over my mouth, hiding my smile. I had a mantel.
I walked to the door, making sure it was unlocked, and flipped on the porch light. I should probably go clean myself up. He would be here soon.
I was still wearing the same clothes from earlier today, the baggy blue jeans that fell off my hips and an old Shelburne Falls High Pirates T-shirt with the bottom cut off, exposing my stomach. A souvenir from my cheerleading days.
I unwound the rubber band from my hair, letting it spill down my back, and headed into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before I went to the shower.
“If I knew your ass was worth this much,” a deep voice drawled behind me, “I would’ve pimped you out a long time ago.”
I spun around, my breath catching in my throat as the water in my glass spilled on my shirt and stomach.
No.
Thomas stood in the entryway to the kitchen, filling the space and cutting out the light, as he held Jared in his arms. His blond hair was slicked back into a ponytail, and I could smell the cigarette smoke on his jeans and jacket from here. A cry escaped as I darted forward.
“Thomas, give him to me!”
But he reared back, shaking his head at me. “What? I can’t see my son now?” He wrapped his fist around Jared’s arm and squeezed until the baby started crying. “I bet if I tell the courts you’re a high-priced whore, they’ll consider me a better parent for him.”
“Give him to me!” I screamed, tears welling as I leapt for him. “You’re going to hurt him!”
“No, I don’t think so.” He knocked me back and then released Jared, looking down at him and speaking in a light, childlike tone. “Someone has gotten a little big for her britches and thinks she runs the show now. Mommy’s been bad.”
And then he looked to me, rocking Jared back and forth on his hip. “But you know the drill, right?” he said. “You want to keep me happy, you know what to do.”
I balled up my fists, glaring at him. Storming over to my purse on the counter, I grabbed the wad of bills in my wallet. Forty-two dollars.
I walked over and shoved it in his hand. “That’s everything I have. Now get out!”
He released a nervous laugh, and I stood frozen, my eyes on Jared but my head consumed with Jase.
“I’m a man who gets paid a lot of money to talk a good talk,” he explained. “But you’re my kryptonite. I feel like a sixteen-year-old kid who can’t form a fucking sentence.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, loving that I had any power over him. “I like the house.”
“Just ‘like’?”
I ran my hand over the bannister as I walked down the hall to the kitchen. “I love the house. Jared loves the yard. I . . .”
I stopped, unable to get over the lump in my throat. I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I should do, and they were complete opposites. The war in my head was in deciding if the consequences were worth it.
He was silent as well, and I didn’t know if he was trying not to push me, if he’d reconsidered, or if he honestly didn’t know what to say. I had no idea if I’d been his only affair, but I gathered this was new territory for him. He bought me a house and car. I had to be important to him, right?
But then again, he wasn’t asking me to divorce Thomas. And he hadn’t offered to do the same.
I looked down at the floor, so nervous my stomach was as tight as a knot. “What do you want with me?” I asked again.
“Whatever you want to give me,” he answered. “I want a woman who can’t get enough of me, Kat. If you can’t give me that, then keep the house and the car, and don’t call me again.”
I closed my eyes as tears pooled. It was too much.
I could enjoy a man and sever the emotions when it was just sex, but . . . I was old enough to know, if you crave someone bad enough, sex turns into something else.
And “something else” can get very complicated and very painful.
“Jared goes to sleep at seven,” I nearly whispered, gripping the phone as anticipation swirled in my stomach. “Do you have a key?”
His voice was raspy. “No.”
“I’ll leave the door open for you then,” I told him. “Please hurry.”
• • •
Thomas would find out where I was. I hadn’t seen him in four days, but he’d pop up. I’d heard he was fooling around with someone else, something that I didn’t doubt. Let him get her pregnant and hopefully that would be the last I’d see of him.
Of course, I wouldn’t wish him on any woman, but whoever she was she would learn her lessons as quickly as I’d learned mine, no doubt.
After feeding and bathing Jared, I settled him into his new crib, brought the radio up, and turned on some faint music and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. I discovered early on he didn’t care for my singing, but if I played the radio, the kid fell to sleep pretty quickly. He liked noise.
I’d picked the room that faced the tree between our house and the neighbor’s for him, knowing that he would probably like it as he grew up. I’m sure he’d be trying to climb the tree in a few years, but I’d worry about that later. Moving in to my own home was enough of an adjustment for right now.
Traipsing back downstairs, I finished putting away everything I’d managed to salvage in the rush to leave my former place and set up the lamps and pictures on the mantel.
A mantel. I put my hand over my mouth, hiding my smile. I had a mantel.
I walked to the door, making sure it was unlocked, and flipped on the porch light. I should probably go clean myself up. He would be here soon.
I was still wearing the same clothes from earlier today, the baggy blue jeans that fell off my hips and an old Shelburne Falls High Pirates T-shirt with the bottom cut off, exposing my stomach. A souvenir from my cheerleading days.
I unwound the rubber band from my hair, letting it spill down my back, and headed into the kitchen to grab a glass of water before I went to the shower.
“If I knew your ass was worth this much,” a deep voice drawled behind me, “I would’ve pimped you out a long time ago.”
I spun around, my breath catching in my throat as the water in my glass spilled on my shirt and stomach.
No.
Thomas stood in the entryway to the kitchen, filling the space and cutting out the light, as he held Jared in his arms. His blond hair was slicked back into a ponytail, and I could smell the cigarette smoke on his jeans and jacket from here. A cry escaped as I darted forward.
“Thomas, give him to me!”
But he reared back, shaking his head at me. “What? I can’t see my son now?” He wrapped his fist around Jared’s arm and squeezed until the baby started crying. “I bet if I tell the courts you’re a high-priced whore, they’ll consider me a better parent for him.”
“Give him to me!” I screamed, tears welling as I leapt for him. “You’re going to hurt him!”
“No, I don’t think so.” He knocked me back and then released Jared, looking down at him and speaking in a light, childlike tone. “Someone has gotten a little big for her britches and thinks she runs the show now. Mommy’s been bad.”
And then he looked to me, rocking Jared back and forth on his hip. “But you know the drill, right?” he said. “You want to keep me happy, you know what to do.”
I balled up my fists, glaring at him. Storming over to my purse on the counter, I grabbed the wad of bills in my wallet. Forty-two dollars.
I walked over and shoved it in his hand. “That’s everything I have. Now get out!”
