Night Study
Page 24
“I’m concerned about Leif.”
“He’s quite capable of taking care of himself. And Devlen is with him.”
“I know. It’s just...” I fisted my hands.
“Just what?”
“It’s been forty days since I woke up without my magic. And just when I think I’ve come to terms with it, or just when I’ve mustered enough gumption to learn how to live without it, some comment or some incident sets me back, and I realize just how much I lost and it feels like day one again—all raw and new.”
Valek embraced me. Winded from my outburst, I rested my head against his chest and breathed in his spicy musk.
“You’re frustrated, love, and that’s understandable. We’ll figure it out one way or another. We always do.”
“But—”
“Tell me one mystery we haven’t solved.”
I searched my memory. About to concede the point, I thought of one. “Onora. Is she friend or foe?” And another I wouldn’t voice—Am I pregnant?—because I suspected I already knew the answer.
“Too recent. I’m still working on it, but I’m confident I’ll know in time. Just like your problem. The solution may be revealed tomorrow, or not for seasons, but it will be. No doubts.”
Wrapped tight in Valek’s arms, I believed him. But I expected that my doubts would creep back in. For now, though, I allowed hope and his warmth to sink into my bones.
Far too soon, he released me. Valek tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “I’ll be back soon.” He kissed me, then mounted Kiki.
She butted my cheek with her muzzle before heading out. I wiped horse slobber from my face. The shelter door creaked again. Two men, wearing cloaks marked with tan-colored diamond shapes, exited. They glanced at the horses with worried expressions before heading for the road at a fast pace. I wondered if they’d recognized Valek.
When I entered the shelter, Onora was crouched next to the hearth, poking the ashy remains for a sign of life. A small flame erupted and she added logs until flames danced brightly. Pouring water into a pot, she set it near the fire. A cup with a tea bag rested nearby.
“Have I turned you into a tea drinker?” I asked in a low voice as I joined her. Janco remained asleep.
“It’s for you.”
“Oh?”
“I noticed you drink that ginger tea every morning, so...”
“That’s nice. Thank you.” Or was it nice? Was she waiting for confirmation that her little stunt had worked? That I needed the tea to soothe my uneasy stomach? I vowed she’d be the last to know.
Onora sliced cheese and bread, assembling breakfast for us. I regretted my harsh thoughts a little. While Valek and Janco searched for the tunnel, she’d taken care of me, letting me sleep and recover my strength. Perhaps she felt guilty? With her it was hard to tell. She said little and we hardly talked, which seemed to suit her just fine. No wonder Janco bugged her so much. I grinned, just thinking about it.
“What’s so funny?” Onora poured steaming water into my cup.
“Janco. He’s determined to annoy you.”
“He’s succeeded. Many times.” She handed me the tea.
“He’s looking for a reaction and for attention. You’re like The Madam, unflappable, and that irks him, so he tries hard to...er...flap you.”
Onora smiled. The first genuine one I’d seen. It reached her gray eyes and transformed her. The carefree expression was a glimpse of the young girl she used to be before her life soured and turned tragic.
“And ignoring him is the ultimate affront,” she said.
Ah. She’d figured him out. “Which is why you do it.”
“Exactly.” She sobered. “And I am an assassin. Being quiet and still for hours is all part of the job.”
“True.” I sensed there was more, so I took a risk. “Why did you decide to become an assassin?”
Onora met my gaze. All animation left her face, but uncertainty lurked behind her eyes. I guessed she contemplated what to tell me. The truth or some offhand comment.
She lowered her voice. “I didn’t want to be afraid anymore.”
That I understood. “And did it work?”
“No one can touch me.”
Not quite an answer. I remembered what Valek had said about her past and how she hadn’t killed her demons yet.
“Have you faced your fear?”
She scoffed, “Don’t you mean, have I assassinated the bastard I was afraid of?”
“No. I know murdering a tormentor doesn’t mean the problem is solved.”
“Sorry, but I don’t agree. Death is the final solution.”
“Then you are luckier than me.”
“Luckier?” Her voice rose in anger.
“Yes. When I killed Reyad, my problems didn’t disappear with his death. He continued to haunt me.”
“That’s because you’re the Soulfinder.”
“I wasn’t then. Then I was a terrified nineteen-year-old, fearing I’d lost my soul and would always be a victim. Those doubts clung to me until I faced it. And I’m still learning that running away from my fears is never a solution.”
“That’s you. Not me.” She stood up. “I better do a perimeter check.” Onora left the shelter.
I’d struck a nerve. Interesting.
Janco crept from a shadow. “She’s a tough clam to pry open. I’ve a feeling, though, once we do, we’ll find a pearl.”
“He’s quite capable of taking care of himself. And Devlen is with him.”
“I know. It’s just...” I fisted my hands.
“Just what?”
“It’s been forty days since I woke up without my magic. And just when I think I’ve come to terms with it, or just when I’ve mustered enough gumption to learn how to live without it, some comment or some incident sets me back, and I realize just how much I lost and it feels like day one again—all raw and new.”
Valek embraced me. Winded from my outburst, I rested my head against his chest and breathed in his spicy musk.
“You’re frustrated, love, and that’s understandable. We’ll figure it out one way or another. We always do.”
“But—”
“Tell me one mystery we haven’t solved.”
I searched my memory. About to concede the point, I thought of one. “Onora. Is she friend or foe?” And another I wouldn’t voice—Am I pregnant?—because I suspected I already knew the answer.
“Too recent. I’m still working on it, but I’m confident I’ll know in time. Just like your problem. The solution may be revealed tomorrow, or not for seasons, but it will be. No doubts.”
Wrapped tight in Valek’s arms, I believed him. But I expected that my doubts would creep back in. For now, though, I allowed hope and his warmth to sink into my bones.
Far too soon, he released me. Valek tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “I’ll be back soon.” He kissed me, then mounted Kiki.
She butted my cheek with her muzzle before heading out. I wiped horse slobber from my face. The shelter door creaked again. Two men, wearing cloaks marked with tan-colored diamond shapes, exited. They glanced at the horses with worried expressions before heading for the road at a fast pace. I wondered if they’d recognized Valek.
When I entered the shelter, Onora was crouched next to the hearth, poking the ashy remains for a sign of life. A small flame erupted and she added logs until flames danced brightly. Pouring water into a pot, she set it near the fire. A cup with a tea bag rested nearby.
“Have I turned you into a tea drinker?” I asked in a low voice as I joined her. Janco remained asleep.
“It’s for you.”
“Oh?”
“I noticed you drink that ginger tea every morning, so...”
“That’s nice. Thank you.” Or was it nice? Was she waiting for confirmation that her little stunt had worked? That I needed the tea to soothe my uneasy stomach? I vowed she’d be the last to know.
Onora sliced cheese and bread, assembling breakfast for us. I regretted my harsh thoughts a little. While Valek and Janco searched for the tunnel, she’d taken care of me, letting me sleep and recover my strength. Perhaps she felt guilty? With her it was hard to tell. She said little and we hardly talked, which seemed to suit her just fine. No wonder Janco bugged her so much. I grinned, just thinking about it.
“What’s so funny?” Onora poured steaming water into my cup.
“Janco. He’s determined to annoy you.”
“He’s succeeded. Many times.” She handed me the tea.
“He’s looking for a reaction and for attention. You’re like The Madam, unflappable, and that irks him, so he tries hard to...er...flap you.”
Onora smiled. The first genuine one I’d seen. It reached her gray eyes and transformed her. The carefree expression was a glimpse of the young girl she used to be before her life soured and turned tragic.
“And ignoring him is the ultimate affront,” she said.
Ah. She’d figured him out. “Which is why you do it.”
“Exactly.” She sobered. “And I am an assassin. Being quiet and still for hours is all part of the job.”
“True.” I sensed there was more, so I took a risk. “Why did you decide to become an assassin?”
Onora met my gaze. All animation left her face, but uncertainty lurked behind her eyes. I guessed she contemplated what to tell me. The truth or some offhand comment.
She lowered her voice. “I didn’t want to be afraid anymore.”
That I understood. “And did it work?”
“No one can touch me.”
Not quite an answer. I remembered what Valek had said about her past and how she hadn’t killed her demons yet.
“Have you faced your fear?”
She scoffed, “Don’t you mean, have I assassinated the bastard I was afraid of?”
“No. I know murdering a tormentor doesn’t mean the problem is solved.”
“Sorry, but I don’t agree. Death is the final solution.”
“Then you are luckier than me.”
“Luckier?” Her voice rose in anger.
“Yes. When I killed Reyad, my problems didn’t disappear with his death. He continued to haunt me.”
“That’s because you’re the Soulfinder.”
“I wasn’t then. Then I was a terrified nineteen-year-old, fearing I’d lost my soul and would always be a victim. Those doubts clung to me until I faced it. And I’m still learning that running away from my fears is never a solution.”
“That’s you. Not me.” She stood up. “I better do a perimeter check.” Onora left the shelter.
I’d struck a nerve. Interesting.
Janco crept from a shadow. “She’s a tough clam to pry open. I’ve a feeling, though, once we do, we’ll find a pearl.”
