No Humans Involved
Page 35
"Is that it?"
He looked down at me, his crooked grin almost boyish. "Yes, that's it."
He stayed there, head angled, lips slightly parted. My heart started thumping. But he turned away.
"That's one problem of being Alpha. You have to act with complete confidence. It's the wolf in us. Uncertainty makes us nervous. Smacks of weakness. An Alpha must be resolute in all things. He should have no misgivings, no second thoughts, no doubts."
"But sometimes you do," I said softly.
He met my gaze. "Most times I do." He turned to look out at the lake. "I've always been happy being Alpha. It's a lot of responsibility, but I love that-not the power, but the ability to affect change. Sometimes though lately" He took his hand off mine and brushed back his hair. "Under certain circumstances, the restrictions can be not what I'd choose, if I had the choice. Like coming here. For most people, a simple matter. Make travel arrangements and go."
"But you have responsibilities."
"Not just that. To come here alone, without backup, without a bodyguard" He shook his head. "To explain to you how much work it took would make the whole thing sound ridiculous. But I am the Alpha. I cannot do as I like, go where I like. Even an outside werewolf who has no particular grudge against me would consider attacking me if I crossed his path. To kill the Pack Alpha would solidify his status in our world. For the rest of his life, every werewolf he met would clear out of his way. The Alpha before me-Antonio's father- was inarguably the best fighter of his time, but he never left Pack territory without a guard. To do otherwise is to threaten the stability of the Pack for something as petty as privacy."
My cheeks got hot. "I'm sorry. I never thought-"
He squeezed my leg. "No one expected you to. I didn't come to L.A. to be polite, Jaime. I came because I wanted to spend time with you. Alone."
His gaze met mine and held, making sure the words sunk in. "The area is as safe as we could make it. I even managed to convince them that I didn't need Antonio lurking in San Diego, awaiting an emergency call, though I suspect Karl isn't in Arizona this week by accident. Elena probably sent him there, hoping-being Karl-it wouldn't seem suspicious."
I nodded.
"I won't be Alpha forever," he said. "But I will be for longer than I planned."
"Because of the babies."
He nodded.
I said, "Elena needs to concentrate on them, on being a mom, not an Alpha."
"Which doesn't mean I can't continue to train her. Antonio and I will keep nudging her into leadership, getting her accustomed to the idea, but we can't push."
"And you shouldn't." I paused. "Does she know yet?"
He shook his head. "I don't plan to tell her for some time. If I did, she'd suspect I want out, and she'd do everythingshe could to help me achieve that. And, as you said, her priority should be her family, not her Pack. At least for a few more years."
I wanted to say, "That's okay. I'll wait," but I knew that wasn't what he was asking.
"That's best," I said. "It'll give Clay more time to recover too. How's his arm?"
"As good as it will get. He knows that. Whatever that zombie did to him, it's beyond what medicine can fix. The trick now is to learn to compensate. And to regain his confidence, get him back to a place where he feels he can defend his family, his Pack, his Alpha. If that Alpha is Elena, he's going to need to be in top fighting condition."
"Because other werewolves, outside the Pack, will see a female Alpha as a sign of weakness."
"Or, at least, of change and, as I said, we don't respond well to change. Elena's used to being in danger. It comes with being Clay's mate. His enemies might not dare take on Clay himself, but there are other ways to hurt him."
"Through Elena."
"Most werewolves will not believe that a woman, even a were-wolf, poses a threat, and therefore Elena is seen as an easy target." He smiled at me. "Fortunately, she isn't." His smile faded. "But she's always been in danger, just by being his lover."
Another message for me.
"Having a female Alpha will be an adjustment for all. It took a long time for me to accept Elena as a werewolf. Logically, I was fine with it, but deep down?" He shook his head. "It wasn't easy. To Clay, having a mate was the most natural thing. The wolf in him is so strong it rules out everything else. But for me? Being raised as a werewolf means being raised to keep your distance from romantic entanglements. Pack werewolves weren't allowed to form long-term relationships, let alone marry. Open yourself up to someone and you might be tempted to tell her everything. Now that the werewolves are back in the supernatural fold, there are women who can safely know my secret. I still have trouble accepting that."
We sat there for a while, staring at the water.
I knew now that Jeremy hadn't come to L.A. to declare himself- or to let me down easy-but to give us both a chance to explore the possibilities and weigh them against the consequences. We could spend time together, away from being "werewolf Alpha and necromancer delegate." Time to decide whether it was better to stay friends or risk becoming lovers.
Becoming lovers would come with risks. He was letting me know what I'd be in for. A lover who couldn't fly to meet me for romantic getaways. A lover whose priority would always be his family and his Pack. A lover who would put my life in danger just by being with me, making me a target for anyone who wanted to get at the Alpha. Even if I was fine with all this, after a lifetime of one-night stands, avoiding emotional attachments, Jeremy might never be comfortable in a relationship.
He looked down at me, his crooked grin almost boyish. "Yes, that's it."
He stayed there, head angled, lips slightly parted. My heart started thumping. But he turned away.
"That's one problem of being Alpha. You have to act with complete confidence. It's the wolf in us. Uncertainty makes us nervous. Smacks of weakness. An Alpha must be resolute in all things. He should have no misgivings, no second thoughts, no doubts."
"But sometimes you do," I said softly.
He met my gaze. "Most times I do." He turned to look out at the lake. "I've always been happy being Alpha. It's a lot of responsibility, but I love that-not the power, but the ability to affect change. Sometimes though lately" He took his hand off mine and brushed back his hair. "Under certain circumstances, the restrictions can be not what I'd choose, if I had the choice. Like coming here. For most people, a simple matter. Make travel arrangements and go."
"But you have responsibilities."
"Not just that. To come here alone, without backup, without a bodyguard" He shook his head. "To explain to you how much work it took would make the whole thing sound ridiculous. But I am the Alpha. I cannot do as I like, go where I like. Even an outside werewolf who has no particular grudge against me would consider attacking me if I crossed his path. To kill the Pack Alpha would solidify his status in our world. For the rest of his life, every werewolf he met would clear out of his way. The Alpha before me-Antonio's father- was inarguably the best fighter of his time, but he never left Pack territory without a guard. To do otherwise is to threaten the stability of the Pack for something as petty as privacy."
My cheeks got hot. "I'm sorry. I never thought-"
He squeezed my leg. "No one expected you to. I didn't come to L.A. to be polite, Jaime. I came because I wanted to spend time with you. Alone."
His gaze met mine and held, making sure the words sunk in. "The area is as safe as we could make it. I even managed to convince them that I didn't need Antonio lurking in San Diego, awaiting an emergency call, though I suspect Karl isn't in Arizona this week by accident. Elena probably sent him there, hoping-being Karl-it wouldn't seem suspicious."
I nodded.
"I won't be Alpha forever," he said. "But I will be for longer than I planned."
"Because of the babies."
He nodded.
I said, "Elena needs to concentrate on them, on being a mom, not an Alpha."
"Which doesn't mean I can't continue to train her. Antonio and I will keep nudging her into leadership, getting her accustomed to the idea, but we can't push."
"And you shouldn't." I paused. "Does she know yet?"
He shook his head. "I don't plan to tell her for some time. If I did, she'd suspect I want out, and she'd do everythingshe could to help me achieve that. And, as you said, her priority should be her family, not her Pack. At least for a few more years."
I wanted to say, "That's okay. I'll wait," but I knew that wasn't what he was asking.
"That's best," I said. "It'll give Clay more time to recover too. How's his arm?"
"As good as it will get. He knows that. Whatever that zombie did to him, it's beyond what medicine can fix. The trick now is to learn to compensate. And to regain his confidence, get him back to a place where he feels he can defend his family, his Pack, his Alpha. If that Alpha is Elena, he's going to need to be in top fighting condition."
"Because other werewolves, outside the Pack, will see a female Alpha as a sign of weakness."
"Or, at least, of change and, as I said, we don't respond well to change. Elena's used to being in danger. It comes with being Clay's mate. His enemies might not dare take on Clay himself, but there are other ways to hurt him."
"Through Elena."
"Most werewolves will not believe that a woman, even a were-wolf, poses a threat, and therefore Elena is seen as an easy target." He smiled at me. "Fortunately, she isn't." His smile faded. "But she's always been in danger, just by being his lover."
Another message for me.
"Having a female Alpha will be an adjustment for all. It took a long time for me to accept Elena as a werewolf. Logically, I was fine with it, but deep down?" He shook his head. "It wasn't easy. To Clay, having a mate was the most natural thing. The wolf in him is so strong it rules out everything else. But for me? Being raised as a werewolf means being raised to keep your distance from romantic entanglements. Pack werewolves weren't allowed to form long-term relationships, let alone marry. Open yourself up to someone and you might be tempted to tell her everything. Now that the werewolves are back in the supernatural fold, there are women who can safely know my secret. I still have trouble accepting that."
We sat there for a while, staring at the water.
I knew now that Jeremy hadn't come to L.A. to declare himself- or to let me down easy-but to give us both a chance to explore the possibilities and weigh them against the consequences. We could spend time together, away from being "werewolf Alpha and necromancer delegate." Time to decide whether it was better to stay friends or risk becoming lovers.
Becoming lovers would come with risks. He was letting me know what I'd be in for. A lover who couldn't fly to meet me for romantic getaways. A lover whose priority would always be his family and his Pack. A lover who would put my life in danger just by being with me, making me a target for anyone who wanted to get at the Alpha. Even if I was fine with all this, after a lifetime of one-night stands, avoiding emotional attachments, Jeremy might never be comfortable in a relationship.
